When I arrive home, I close the door and lean my forehead against it, heaving a heavy sigh. I drop my computer bag on the couch before realizing Ashley's card is still in my hand. After looking at it again, I reach for my cell phone and dial the number, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy. She answers after two rings.
"Hello?" she asks on the other end of the line.
"Is this Ashley?" I ask for clarification.
"Yeah, this is her," she replies, her voice raspy.
"Hey, it's Spencer," I tell her lamely.
"Hi!" she says enthusiastically after a brief pause. "I, uh, I didn't think you'd call."
"Me neither," I admit with a chuckle.
She laughs lightly before saying, "well, I'm glad you did."
I hear the smile in her voice and it immediately brings one to my face.
"I wanted to apologize," I begin slowly. "I mean, you know… for… I shouldn't have just pushed you away like that, and –"
"It's okay, Spencer," she interrupts me gently. "No worries. It was just really good to see you, you know?"
"Yeah," I agree, nodding even though she can't see my head moving. "Yeah, it was."
A silence falls between us, and I blurt out the first thought in my head without really thinking it through.
"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" I ask suddenly.
When I don't hear an immediate answer, I regret that the invitation slipped out of my mouth and I think about how to take it back before she finally answers.
"I'd love to," she says, that smile still in her voice.
"Okay," I answer slowly. "Um, do you know that new Thai place on Wilshire?"
"Yeah, I hear it's really great," she offers. "I can meet you there at seven, if you want."
"Okay," I repeat. "Seven. I'll see you then."
I hang up without another word so I don't lose my nerve completely. I look down at my cell phone and notice my hand shaking. 'Get a grip, Spencer,' I tell myself, taking a deep breath. When I look at the clock on the wall, I notice that I only have four and a half hours to panic over my impending dinner date with Ashley Davies. I open up my cell phone again and push the first speed dial entry.
"Hey, sis, what's up?" Chelsea's familiar voice answers.
"I ran into Ashley today and we're having dinner tonight," I blurt out quickly without taking a breath.
"I'll be right over," she promises after a brief pause.
My sister-in-law arrives a half-hour later and tears me away from the tread I've been wearing in the carpet due to excessive and panicked pacing.
"You need a drink," she tells me with a smile before disappearing into the kitchen.
She returns a moment later with two glasses of clear liquid and I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Relax," she says, rolling her eyes and placing a hand on her swollen belly. "I won't start getting the baby drunk this early. We'll wait until he's born, at least."
I laugh and ease into the couch with her at my side, sipping on the vodka tonic and allowing it to burn as it makes its way down my throat. She sighs and props her feet up on my coffee table.
"How are you feeling, mama?" I ask, placing a hand gently on her belly.
"My ankles are swollen, my back hurts, I'm exhausted, and haven't seen my toes in months," she answers with a weak smile. "But, other than that…"
"Is my brother rubbing your feet like he promised?" I ask threateningly.
"Glen's been great," she assures me. "He's really excited, especially since he knows we're having a boy."
I smile and take another sip of my drink. I sigh, wondering where to begin my story.
"Was it completely, terribly awful?" she asks me, concern in her voice.
"No," I admit honestly. "It was… nice, actually. She looks great, and I could tell she was trying really hard, you know…"
"Okay, tell me everything and don't leave one single detail out," she says, a smile on her face. "I've been dying for a good piece of gossip for awhile."
"This is hardly gossip, Chels," I remind her, rolling my eyes. "This is… I don't know what this is, but I'm sure it's gonna be a complete and total disaster."
"How do you know that?" she challenges me.
"The last conversation we ever had was full of yelling and things being thrown and I just don't want to relive that again," I finally answer her.
"You were different people then," she reminds me gently. "You were both hurt, you were angry, you said things you shouldn't, but it's in the past, right? I mean, Spence, that was five years ago. Think of where you've been in the past five years."
I allow my mind to quickly gloss over the last few years of my life and know Chelsea has a point. I graduated from UCLA, got a great job at the Times, started writing my own column, dated a beautiful woman for almost two years with whom I shared an apartment and a cat and an amazingly amicable break-up… I had a lot to be proud of. I had moved on after Ashley, even when I thought it couldn't be done.
"I know," I admit, hanging my head. "But it's still so… fresh, you know? I mean, I know it's been a long time, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday."
"It's hard to get over your first love," she says knowingly.
"Especially when she shows up out of nowhere after five years and throws your entire life off balance," I say.
"Yep, that would make it pretty hard," Chelsea jokes with me. "Look, here's what you're going to do, Spencer. You're gonna mope and whine and relive the pain and anger of your break-up for exactly thirty more seconds, and then you're gonna leave it in the past where it belongs, get over yourself, and go have dinner with Ashley."
"Thirty seconds?" I ask, a whine in my voice. "All you'll give me is thirty seconds? I haven't even gotten to the really good stuff, like the cheating and the lying and the yelling and –"
"You're down to ten seconds, sister," Chelsea warns, raising an eyebrow.
I close my mouth and pretend to sulk.
"No more sulking, either," she says, nudging me with her elbow.
"You are no fun," I grumble in protest. "But you're going to make an amazing mother."
"We'll find out here in a month," she says, putting her hands on her belly.
"You know, you're the best sister a girl could ask for," I tell her genuinely, leaving out the 'in-law' part.
"You too, Spence," she says with a wink.