"Wow, this looks amazing," I say, glancing down at my plate before back up at Ashley.
"Yeah, it does," she agrees softly, keeping her eyes on me.
I smile at her and, after she smiles back, turn my attention towards the food to give myself a moment of clarity. After the first bite, I look back up at her and watch her struggling with the chopsticks, despite the numerous lessons I gave her years ago.
"Still haven't figured those things out, have you?" I ask, laughing.
"Hey, shut up," she teases, throwing them on the table and reaching for a fork.
"I guess I'll have to teach you again," I say, sighing in mock frustration.
"If I didn't get it the first hundred times," she says with a smile, "I don't think I ever will."
We eat for a moment in silence, and I enjoy just sitting with her. At least, until she asks the question that I know has been on her mind since we first ran into each other earlier today.
"Are you seeing anyone?" she asks, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Not anymore," I tell her vaguely.
"What does that mean?" she asks curiously. "I mean, it's not my business, but…"
"Nosey," I tease her, smiling. "No, we, uh… we broke up. We were together for two years, but I guess in the end, we just wanted different things."
"Like what?" she pries gently.
"She wanted marriage and kids and a house in the suburbs," I offer, picking through my food. "And I wanted our life the way it was. We were living together and we had a cat, and we could pick up and go on vacation anytime we wanted, you know? I wasn't ready for responsibility, and she was."
"So, what happened?" she asks, begging me to continue.
"We both kinda realized it wasn't working," I say with a shrug, "and we've been able to stay in touch and have a pretty decent friendship ever since."
"Wait, that's it?" she asks incredulously. "You just broke up, and there wasn't any fighting or cheating or anything?"
I laugh and shake my head, shrugging again as if I were apologizing for the lack of drama.
"I had no idea that type of break-up actually existed," she says, dumbfounded.
"Me neither," I agree, smiling at her. "But, to be honest, it wasn't nearly as much fun. It was too boring, you know? Not nearly enough heat or passion. I think if you love someone… that's when you fight."
She stares back at me as if she's unsure of what to say, and I am having trouble finding the right words myself. I decide to take the easy way out by rolling my eyes and smiling at her before turning back to my food as if it were nothing.
"What about you?" I ask a moment later. "Seeing anyone?"
"No," she says, shaking her head. "I've been kinda working on myself for awhile, so there hasn't been much room for anyone else."
"That's good, Ash," I say, smiling at her. "I mean, you know, that you're working on yourself… not that… you know…"
"I know what you meant," she interrupts me, smiling back. "I dated a few girls that weren't complete train wrecks, but I guess I just haven't found that perfect person yet."
I nod and take another sip of wine.
"So, wait," I ask for clarification after a moment, "Aiden got married?"
"Yeah, I know," she says, rolling her eyes. "I couldn't believe it, either. He actually invited me to the wedding, too, which was a huge shocker."
"Did you two have a fight or something?" I ask.
"After you and I… after we broke up," she says, wincing as if the words hurt as much as the actual act she was describing, "Aiden and I lasted about another day and we both realized that all we were doing was hurting ourselves and each other and pretty much everyone around us, so we decided it was time to stop. I swear I never even kissed him again."
I hold my hands up as if it didn't matter to me, but I secretly rejoice in the fact that they'd kept their word and kept their hands off each other for five years now.
"So, anyway," she continues, "he met this girl named Jodi and they fell in love and I guess the rest is history."
"Do you still see each other?" I ask.
"Every now and then," she replies, shrugging. "Jodi's great, she really is. They're really happy together."
"That's good," I say, not knowing what else to say.
She nods and smiles. "You don't have to pretend to like him," she tells me.
"I know," I say, smiling back. "But I don't want bad things for him or anything. I'm glad he's happy and he's found someone."
"Me too," she agrees.
We fall into another silence and I allow it to wash over us. I feel relieved for some reason, as if Ashley and I really could get back on track to at least a decent friendship again.
"I'm really glad we did this, Spencer," she tells me after a moment.
"Me too," I say, smiling. "It's good to see you."
We continue our meal with small talk and laughter, and when we finally call it a night after two glasses of wine, I feel like my heart has finally started to mend. We step outside the restaurant and wait for a cab. When one finally comes around and we realize that we live on opposite ends of the city and couldn't feasible split it, she graciously offers it to me.
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"Yeah, no problem," she replies. "Another one will be by any minute."
"I can't believe you don't have a car," I say, smiling.
"This city's a pain to drive around in," she admits, smiling back. "It's easier to call a cab."
"I guess some things change," I comment.
"And some things stay the same," she tells me.
We stare at each other for a moment before the cab driver honks at me.
"Are you getting in or what, lady?" he asks gruffly.
I roll my eyes and open the back door, climbing in before allowing either Ashley or I an opportunity for an awkward goodbye.
"It was great to see you, Ashley," I tell her.
"You too," she agrees. "Let's do this again sometime soon."
"Definitely," I say, nodding.
For some reason, I can't seem to tear my eyes away from her, and the cabbie asks me yet again for my address. I look at him, then back at Ashley, then back at the driver again before stepping out of the cab and closing the door behind me. He speeds off graciously while I stand on the curb with a very confused-looking Ashley.
"Okay, here's the thing," I say quickly, not wanting to lose my nerve. "I know I'm totally pushing it here because it's been so long and everything has been really great tonight, and I don't want to screw anything up but I –"
"Spencer, breathe," she interrupts me with a smile, putting her arms on my shoulders.
I look into her eyes and take a deep breath, my body reacting to the once-familiar feeling of her touch.
"Talk to me," she whispers, our faces only inches apart.
"I don't know what to say," I whisper back.
"You had plenty to say a second ago," she says, smiling at me.
I laugh and look away, running my hands through my hair so I have something to do with all my nervous energy.
"I don't want it to end, either," she tells me.
"Do you want to have another drink?" I ask hopefully.
"Where?" she asks.
"My place?" I offer boldly.
She swallows hard and I notice her eyes go wide before she recovers.
"Are you sure?" she asks.
"I'm not sleeping with you," I blurt out.
"Okay," she says, nodding. "I'm not sleeping with you, either."
"Okay," I repeat.
Suddenly and without warning, our lips crash together and her fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me closer. A moan passes from my mouth to hers, and she smiles against my lips. I wrap my arms around her waist, remembering the feel of her body against mine. After a moment, we pull apart and look at each other, trying to assess the situation.
"Wow," she finally whispers, pressing her forehead against mine.
"No shit," I whisper back with a short laugh.
"What the hell do we do now?" she asks me.
"I have no idea," I answer honestly.
"Clearly, if we go back to your place, we'll end up sleeping together," she points out, trying to be logical.
"Clearly," I agree, nodding.
"So…" she draws out.
"So…" I mirror.
"How far away do you live, exactly?" she asks, an eyebrow raised mischievously.
"We can be there in a half-hour, tops," I reply, matching her playful tone.
We both turn towards the street and raise our arms to hail a cab, laughing at ourselves. She looks at me and smiles, and I feel my knees go weak.
"This is a totally terrible idea," I tell her playfully.
"Totally," she agrees, holding her smile. "Ooh, look, there's a cab!"
"For a totally terrible idea," I say, "you are way too excited."
"Just get in the car, Spence," she says, rolling her eyes at me.