I sit back against the couch and smile, reveling in the compliment Ashley has given me. Though the mood has changed and something between us feels heavy and strained, I allow myself to simply be with her and enjoy it, however messy and complicated it is. I know we've moved past the awkward reunion, the mundane small talk to catch each other up on the past five years, but now we're stuck in the in between and can't seem to move past it. When I glance over at her, I can tell she's struggling, too. I watch as she tries to hide a yawn. I glance at the clock and realize it's almost midnight.

"No pressure or anything," I begin slowly, "but if you want to stay, we can go lie down and talk where it's more comfortable."

"Are you trying to get me into bed with you, Spencer Carlin?" she says with mock surprise.

"Of course," I reply, smiling. "But, seriously, I mean… we don't have to do anything, I promise, I just… I don't want this to end yet."

"Me neither," she agrees. "Okay, you win. Take me to bed."

I laugh and stand up, reaching my hand out for her to grab. She takes it without hesitation and I flip off the lights in the apartment as we make our way to the bedroom. When I switch on a soft bedside lamp, she takes a look around the room.

"Did you… uh…" she begins to ask.

"What, Ash?" I coax her gently.

"Did you live here together?" she asks softly.

"No," I answer, shaking my head. "This place I got all on my own after we broke up."

"Oh," she says.

We're quiet for a moment and I can't quite figure out how to ease her nerves.

"We don't have to do this," I tell her after a moment. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Ashley. I promise, no hard feelings at all if you want to leave."

"But that's the thing," she counters, "I don't want to go home. I don't want to be anywhere in the entire world except here with you."

"Okay," I say slowly. "So, what's wrong?"

"I want you," she admits. "But I don't want to hurt you."

"This sounds oddly familiar," I say with a smile, bringing a hand to her cheek.

"It's still true," she whispers. "I can't help but think that I'm bad for you, and that I'm gonna hurt you somehow. I can't do it again."

"Come here," I whisper, more of a hope than a command.

She falls into my arms and we hold each other for what feels like an eternity. I feel her body melt into mine with such ease that it almost takes my breath away. After all these years, after all of this hurt, it's still so easy to get lost in her.

"I don't want to hurt you, either," I admit softly. "It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to be confused, but please trust me. I need you to trust me here."

"I do," she tells me quickly. "I've never trusted anyone more in my entire life."

I pull away from her hesitantly and notice her wet cheeks. I wipe away her tears and feel my own springing to my eyes.

"Why is this so hard?" I ask, my voice quivering.

"I don't know," she replies with a gentle smile.

I clear my throat and force down my emotions. Turning to my closet, I pull out two pairs of sweatpants and two tee-shirts, throwing one pair of clothes at her. She grabs them but continues to hold my stare, and I know I can't hold myself back for much longer. I need to feel her again, I need to touch her and kiss her and know that she's real, even if only for one night. Dropping my pajamas, I run over to her and press my lips against hers, hard and rough. She pushes back, moaning into my mouth as she wraps her arms around me tightly.

We fall to the bed but don't break our embrace. My lips move to her neck, and she throws her head back to allow me better access. I lick and suck at her pulse point, a spot I'm glad to remember that used to drive her crazy.

"Spencer," she moans, rising her hips up into mine.

"God, Ashley…" I groan in response.

We look at each other for a moment to assess the situation before we hit the point of no return. I see the desire in her eyes and I know she wants me as badly as I want her.

"Are you sure?" I ask her, panting.

"Yes," she says, nodding frantically. "Please… I need you, Spence."

I can't wait any longer, and I slide my hand past the waist of her jeans and inside her panties, feeling her for the first time in five years. My breath hitches in my throat when she moans and rolls her hips into me. I quickly unzip her jeans and tug them off to give myself better access. Her hands move to the hem of my shirt and play with the sensitive skin of my stomach, teasing me. I pull at her shirt, too, as she slides her fingers down to the zipper of my jeans. Before I know it, we've thrown our clothing into a messy pile on the ground and lay together skin-to-skin.

We move together in sync as if no time has passed at all, our bodies remembering an internal rhythm that only we know. Our hands explore and our hips roll together, begging for more. As she moves her fingers inside me, I feel the rush of excitement and adrenaline surging in my stomach, my orgasm growing faster and stronger with each stroke. I can tell she's close, too, but I try to hold off as long as possible, wanting it to happen together. Her moans grow louder, and I know it'll only be another second. My fingers find that once-familiar spot and she tumbles over the edge, her fingers digging deeper into me as her back arches off the bed. I come just a second later, and we ride it out together until we can't take it any longer and collapse against the bed. Our naked bodies fall in a heap together, arms and legs tangled up as we try desperately to catch our breath.

"Wow," I finally whisper to her.

"That was…" she struggles to say, her chest heaving as she gasps for air. "That was amazing."

I smile as I nuzzle into her neck, placing a gentle kiss on her collarbone. I sigh and push my sweaty hair away from my face. When I look up at her, she smiles down at me and I feel my heart melt.

"I missed you," I whisper to her, running my fingers through her hair.

"I missed you, too," she whispers back.