Got Religion? Or Got Alcohol? Pt. 2


Sihnon, 2503

Inara and Nandi practiced their latest sheet music for their biwas.

"I need to grow my nails longer," Nandi sighed. "The strings are still hitting the flesh on my fingers."

"Are you sure you're curving your fingers enough?"

Nandi laughed. "Probably not. It's not my forte."

The beads to their quarters rattled, indicating someone was entering.

"Hello?" Inara called out.

"Hello sisters."

"Jasmyne!" Inara said gleefully, setting aside her instrument in order to embrace her guest. Nandi did the same.

"Do you two enjoy our new song?" she asked as she positioned herself on the pillows in the circle the other two occupied.

"I find it soothing," Inara answered. "Though I am not quite sure our sister here is enjoying it."

They laughed.

"I have to admit to something, my dearest sisters." Jasmyne took a small vial from her kimono's pocket. "I discovered something that will change our lives."

"What is it?" Nandi asked, concern upon her brow.

"An elixir of youth."

"An age drug?"

"Quite sister!" Jasmyne pleaded to Nandi. "It's against the rules."

"I am very aware of that. But that's not what concerns me," Nandi replied, taking the vial from Jasmyne. "Who supplied you this?"

"There's a man… a Sikh. He swears by it."

"I'm sure it works Jasmyne. But this stuff is very dangerous. It's killed those who have taken it. Either the mix isn't precisely right and it makes them sick, or even a perfect batch takes away your longevity. You'll look young… but you'll die young too."

Jasmyne shook her head. "But to stay young forever…"

"Only your outward appearance will be young. Your inside… your soul… will wither away. That's why the Guild banned it." She turned to Inara. "Surely you agree Sister?"

Inara nodded. "Of course."

Nandi stood, dropping the vial into a waste basket. "Come Jasmyne, if you wish for beauty I will show you how to make a great face scrub from all natural herbs." She led Jasmyne toward the beaded door. "Do you wish to come Inara?"

"I will join you soon, sisters. I wish to finish my practice first."

"Of course." They left.

Inara stroked her biwa for a few seconds, her eyes constantly darting to the waste basket with the vial. "Oh it couldn't really be that bad." She pulled the vial out and hid it amongst her personal effects.

Inara ran her finger over the plastic bottle hidden away in her delicates as a soft knock came upon her door. She closed the drawer and knelt at her tea table. "Please enter."

Her shuttle door opened to Philip LeBeau, the leader of the Luneterre town the crew of Serenity was stationed at. "I'm honored that you accepted my request, Lady Serra."

She swallowed the blush from the compliment, which sounded much more sincere when spoken with a Creole accent. "It is I who am honored, Master LeBeau."

"Ma chère, please, call me Philip." He knelt across from her at the tea table. "As I previously stated, I've never had an appointment with a Companion because the ritual is beyond me. However, I saw your dancing tonight, and I was… enraptured."

Inara poured him tea. "You are too kind, Philip."

"No, no. You are. What could have possessed a gal… er, lady like yourself to choose a nobody like me is beyond my reckoning."

She suddenly envisioned Mal standing over her as they danced, felt his breath on her upper chest. "I chose you because you are a gentleman, Philip. And if you wish, I can teach you the ritual of the Companion."

"I would be honored, ma chère."

Book walked into the saloon, carrying a sleeping River in his arms. Mal still sat a table, a gathering of empty whiskey bottles before him.

"Well at least everyone's accounted for," Mal slurred.

The Shepherd placed River on a bench so that she might sleep. "Captain, I believe you've had enough for one night."

"You don't know what you're talkin' 'bout Shepherd." Mal rummaged around the bottles, looking for one that had a drop left.

"It wasn't too long ago that you were content with a shot or two. Then it was a row of shots. Then a bottle. Then two. Now you have seven bottles in front of you."

"They weren't all full when I got 'em."

Book sat down in front of Mal, the seven bottles between them. "Bad things happen to men. It's a fact of life. But they either go two ways. To the drink, or to the faith."

"My faith is in the drink." Mal knocked over one of the bottles accidentally. "Now I told you to not start that conversion stuff…"

"I am not trying to convert you Captain. I am merely concerned for you. Alcohol, especially at these epic proportions can kill a man."

"My job can kill a man. But I'm still alive." Mal found the last drop in one of the bottles. "How did you get to be a Shepherd anyway… Shepherd?"

Book began to gather the bottles to dispose off, despite a silent protest from Mal. "When you live as long as I have, you see many bad things. Especially bad things to innocent people. Like I said, when bad things happen one can go two ways. I chose to go to the faith." He dumped the bottles. "And I would suggest you go to the bed, if you want to complete the job you've been hired for."

"You know what I want to complete? I want to complete my conversation with Inara. She walked away… and now she's whoring it up…"

Book helped Mal stand to his feet. "Might I also suggest that you stop calling her a whore. If you are trying to win her affection…"

"Psh!" he yelled. "I don't want her affection. She's a Companion. If I want her affection, I could buy it… oh…" Mal doubled over, spilling the contents of his stomach on the floor, and on the Shepherd's pants.

River woke up at the sound. "You spit up soup," she observed.

Mal turned to her with lazy eyes. "Thanks for the observation."

Book sighed. "River, could you help me get the Captain up the stairs? I have a feeling it will take two of us."

She nodded and grabbed Mal's arm. "Up we go. Watch out for the soup."

"You smell that?" Jayne asked as he slipped his guns in their holsters.

Liz strapped her knives to her legs. "Smells like cheap but decent wine, dirty sex, and morning breath."

"Smells like a killin' day… morning breath?"

She laughed and walked out into the saloon hall. "Captain, my Captain. Where are you?" She instead found River sitting outside of the door to Simon and Kaylee's room. "Good morning River."

"You're right."

"About what?"

She pointed her thumb at the door behind her. "It smells like cheap wine, dirty sex, and morning breath. Can't go in. Too scary. Brother with a doll. Shouldn't play like that."

Liz nodded, only understanding that River didn't want to see her brother in bed with her friend. "Come on with me. We can get some breakfast."

"No soup. Captain had bad soup last night."

"He should know not to eat before bed."

River followed her down the stairway. "He spit the soup up anyway."

It dawned on Liz what River was talking about. "Oh gross."

"Well good morning ladies!" Wash shouted from his seat next to Zoe, a large grin plastered on his face. "Did a night of tango dancing do everyone good? Let me say it did me good."

Zoe sighed. "You brag too much."

"Well, look at you. I have to brag. Got to tell the whole world." Wash stood up, motioning to those in the saloon around them. "Everyone! This beautiful, drop dead gorgeous woman who can kill you with her pinky… sitting right here… is my wife. My wife! Not yours. I get this, everyday!"

The men glared at him, half asleep, half upset that their morning drinks had been interrupted by a boastful man.

"Shut up Wash," Mal grumbled, a gun pointed at the pilot's head. "Don't make do it for you."

"Oh, the old hangover-homicide. You really don't want to end your career with such a bang. No pun intended."

"What do you want for food Captain?" Liz asked.

"And remember, no soup," River added.

"Don't remind me." He slumped into a chair. "Bread."

"What's the plan for today?"

Mal put the gun on the table and buried his head in his hands. "Can't think right. But we got some ex-Alliance, vigilante cop guy to kill. He's about to head out this way to settle with LeBeau, and he'll bring some fire. Take the whole town if he doesn't get what he wants."

"What does he want?" Wash asked.

"Outlaws."

"Oh, so he wants all of us," Wash rephrased. "It's nice to feel wanted."

Jayne lumbered down the stairs of the saloon, armed to the teeth. "Let's go do some killing."

"You don't want to eat first?" Zoe asked.

"Ate last night," Jayne replied with a grin, hefting Vera over his shoulders.

"Why do I have a feeling he's not talking about bao?" Wash asked.

"I'm talking about p…"

Liz put her hand over her mouth. "We know."

"You made her face become a tomato," River told Jayne.

Zoe nearly spewed her drink from laughter.

Mal moaned from all the talking.

Book sat upon the wall he had been stationed on during the evening's festivities. He meditated as the morning sun beat down upon him, warming his heart and soul. His eyes opened as he felt the presence of another individual. "Come to finish last night's conversation?"

"I was thinking about it," Liz replied. "But now that the sun is up, I am not sure I want to confess."

"Confession usually comes only when things look bleak."

She glanced up at the bright blue sky. "Things definitely do not look bleak today. I supposed that it's better to confess in the bright sunlight though. So when you say what's burdening you, you at least have something beautiful to turn to." She ran her finger along the wall next to her. "Have you ever killed someone Shepherd?"

"I thought this was your confession, not mine."

She smiled. "From what I've gleamed, I'll take it as a yes. But you know, it's one thing to kill a man in war. Or in self-defense. At least when it's the kind of self-defense that implies they have a gun and you have a gun and the first one who fires survives. Sometimes, you can justify what is self-defense by saying if you didn't do it, you could have died. Even though it's not black and white you know? There were probably a thousand other options."

"You're stumbling over your words. You do not have to confess if it makes you nervous."

"I just. I killed my brother, Shepherd."

He stared straight ahead, not wishing to give a sign of disgust or anger at what she had said.

"And it's not the, 'I let him die through inaction', but the whole I shot him. I shot him." Tears trailed her face. "I can still see his face as he rocked back and forth, muttering for me to shoot him. What was I supposed to do? He would have taken his own life, and that's not… that's not good in the faith I follow."

"Might I ask why?"

Liz shrugged. "He was psychic too. But he couldn't control it. Worse than River actually. And someone found him. Found his waves. And I thought they would find me too."

"And he knew this? He knew if they found him, they would find you?"

"So he told me to shoot him."

A moment of silence passed save for the muffled crying from Liz.

"Sometimes we have to do things we wouldn't normally do. That we never dreamed we would do. But it doesn't make it wrong. You did what he asked of you. You can't hate yourself for it."

"Yes I can." She hopped off the wall and walked away, hoping to regain her stature before the fighting of the day.

"Some chose the drink. Some chose the faith. And some chose hatred, depression, and, in the end, death."

Mal, finally sobered, walked with the Jayne, Zoe, and Liz to the edge of the town. On the horizon, buildings could be seen. "That over there is this vigilante. His name is Roberts. Ex-Alliance, probably packing some heavy gear and ammo."

"So are we," Jayne replied, patting his gun.

"Maybe little psychic wonder here can knock out everyone again," Zoe commented, looking at Liz.

"Wouldn't count on it," she replied. "Comas aren't my favorite. Rather shoot them and be awake to drink afterwards."

"Got something on the horizon," Mal stated, seeing approaching figures on the horizon.

"They're coming for a battle. A battle against civilians."

"Rally the troops Zoe. Arm all the people, even if it's just a bunch of pointed sticks."

"Yes sir."

"Jayne, take a sniper position up there. Liz, over there. Cut off the head, the body should die."

"Giving me permission to cut them up Captain?" Liz asked.

"Don't get too messy. There might be children watching."

She saluted and ran off to her sniper position.

Simon, River, and Kaylee knelt next to Book behind a half-wall-turned-bunker as the town prepared for battle.

"Ever shot a gun Kaylee?" Book asked.

"She's not good. Best give it to me," River replied.

Book raised his eyebrows.

"If we're covering the others, best that I hold the gun."

"Hate to say it Shepherd, but she's not too bad with one of those."

Simon frowned. "I don't like the idea."

Roberts and his men approached and everyone crouched into a fighting position.

Kaylee and River were both given guns.

A voice boomed over the semi-arid plain between the town and the figures. "This is your last chance LeBeau! Release the outlaws, and your town won't burn to the ground."

Philip LeBeau shouted from his position next to Mal, "You're a fool of a man. We've told you countless times that there are no outlaws on Luneterre. We're just a bunch of good Frenchmen who like to dance and like to drink."

"Claiming to be Frenchmen rather than members of the Alliance make you traitors!" Roberts shouted back.

"If we cannot have our heritage, we would rather die!" LeBeau responded.

"So be it."

Before one of Roberts' men could take a shot, a crack of a rifle sounded from Liz's position. One soon followed from Jayne's. Two bodies fell out of one of the ATVs headed toward the town.

Gunshots rang through the air as both sides fired. The buildings of the town provided cover for most there, and Roberts' had ATVs with built in shields. With the shields turned on (initiated after the first two shots of the battle), it seemed impossible to penetrate the approaching vehicles.

"Man makes things," River said as she glanced over the wall. "Makes things so he can live. But where does he put the heart? His heart is in his chest. In his ribs. He puts it there because it's protected. You stab his heart. He dies. Hard to stab a heart from far away." She scurried away.

"River!" Simon shouted.

Book put a firm hand on Simon's shoulder. "Keep an eye on her from here. Best you can do is cover her."

River ran into a nearby building and climbed to the balcony Liz sat in. "We have to stab the heart," she told her earnestly.

"Where's the heart River?" Liz asked.

The young girl stared at the ATVs and noted a very small box that sit behind the steering handles and in front of the driver. "The heart is in the box. But it's too far. Protected by ribs."

"We need something to make things go boom," Liz replied. "If we can't hit the box to turn the shields off, we can at least shake the earth the vehicles ride on."

"Earthquake. Takes a man off guard, so he falls in battle." River ran into the building, and after a few seconds (the ATVs now very close) she returned with a few grenades. "Earthquake."

Liz took two of the grenades, and together the girls threw it at the ground in front of the ATVs. The vehicles shook and flipped, knocking the riders off. They now had to hide behind their vehicles.

"Back is a shell. Belly is soft."

Liz shot at the underside of the ATV. Mal, Jayne, and the others did the same. The battle quickly turned in favor of the crew and the Frenchmen.

Mal reloaded his gun and shot at who he believed to be Roberts. The man grabbed his right upper chest and fell over. With the leader down, the others quickly raised their hands in surrender. Book walked forward with the others to the downed Roberts, ready to read the man his last rights or whatever might be appropriate for the case.

What would have been appropriate was to turn in leave.

He noted the aged, yet familiar figure lying on the ground.

"You should have heeded us, Roberts," LeBeau said to the dying man. "You had your fancy weapons, but we have our pride."

Roberts coughed, blood spilling onto his tattered Alliance uniform.

"Sometimes, it's not the latest technology that wins the battles, but the skill and intensity behind the weapon, even if it's just a pointed stick," Book said, kneeling over the dying man.

He stared at Book, recognition creeping over his dying face. "Colonel?"

"Quite, my child," Book whispered, putting a hand on Roberts' arm. "It is time for you to choose faith."

LeBeau shook hands with Mal. "Thank you Captain Reynolds. Without the fire power you brought, it would have been the end of our town, despite what the good Shepherd profoundly said."

"It's all in a day's work."

He handed Mal a small bag of platinum. "It's not much, but we honestly do not make much in the way of actual money here. We do, however, have a lot of wine. We had some whiskey too, but it seems to be depleted."

"Yeah, sorry, about that…" Mal began.

"Do not worry Captain. All great men drink before a fight, yes? They either drink, or they make love. That is our way at least." LeBeau smiled at Inara; Mal noted it. "I'll have my mine load some wine onto your ship. And it's not the cheap stuff we have in our saloon. This is the best of the Luneterre wine. Many men come great distances for this drink." He snapped and motioned for some of his men to load crates of wine into Serenity's cargo bay. "And you, Captain, and your… lovely… crew are welcome back anytime." He walked to Inara, gently taking her hand. "And you ma chère, are always welcome as a most revered guest on Luneterre. Whenever you need a vacation, think of this as a getaway. Anything you want, you will have it."

"Thank you, Philip."

He kissed her hand with a smile, and the crew boarded Serenity.

"Philip? A vacation getaway?" Mal asked her as the cargo bay door closed.

"He's a nice man."

"A nice client?"

"So what if he was?"

"I spend all night drinking and planning to defend his planet while he was shacking up with you?"

"Shacking up with me? Mal you are the most pig-headed, uncultured, buffoon I have ever known!" she shouted as she stormed to her shuttle.

"And Shepherd Book," Mal continued. "Did you notice that our little dead guy out there called you Colonel?"

Book shrugged his shoulders. "Dying men have called me many things Captain. It's a role I must play as a Shepherd to the dying."

Mal shook his finger at Book. "Someday I'll have questions. Lots of questions. And I'm going to get answers to those questions."

"Stop by my quarters anytime Captain. I'm sure you know where they are. Perhaps, we can go over faith…"

"No! No! None of that conversion stuff! I've told you once…" he trailed off as he walked away from Book.

Kaylee nudged Liz on the shoulder. "Speaking of faith and stuff, you know how you told me the secret to you and Jayne being alcohol? Well, it was a good secret to share." She gave an exaggerated wink and followed Simon and River away.

"You givin' away our secrets now?" Jayne asked.

"Only the good ones," she answered. "You know, the ones about cheap but decent wine, dirty sex, and morning breath?"

"Oh those are the good ones."