Sam woke slowly, the room was in semi darkness it took him a moment to realise that he wasn't in any room he recognised, he began to panic as he remembered what had happened to him
" Jess, Jess!! " he yelled
" Calm down, you're safe " a calloused hand soothed through his hair, Sam raised a confused face to the voice
" Dad ? What……..is that you ? " Johns tired but smiling face came into view as he turned on the bedside lamp
" Yeah son its me, I was at Jims when the hospital called looking for someone for you. Do you remember anything ? " Sam frowned and eyed his father with suspicion
" Christo " he said under his breath, John gave him an amused grin. Sam relaxed into his fathers touch when he didn't react to the Latin word
" I'm not possessed son, you're safe. I……….I'm sorry but your girlfriend was killed in the fire " Sam swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, he felt the sting of tears in his eyes and closed them tightly, but the offending tears slipped from his eyelids like small streams, he nodded,
" I know, she……she………. it……….it was a demon dad " John stopped stroking his sons hair
" You're sure ? " he asked
" Yeah, I'm sure. Dad he, she had yellow eyes " John froze, it couldn't be, not now, why now ?
" Sam this is important, are you sure it had yellow eyes ? " Sam locked eyes with his father and nodded
" Oh yeah. I'm sure he got real close to me, said it wasn't my time yet, that he had plans for me and Dean"
" Did he say what ? " Sam shook his head, then looked around the room
" Where's Dean ? "
" He's safe, he's training he doesn't know you where hurt yet "
" Why ? "
" He's not exactly here. Look I'll explain but not here, I'm going to go get the doctor get him to check you over " John turned to leave the room but was stopped by Sam's small voice,
" Dad ? "
" Yeah ? "
" How did I get out ? From the fire I mean ? " Sam began to play with the blanket not meeting his dads eyes, he felt a hand on his shoulder
" I was in the area, just checking up on you, saw the fire "
" You pulled me out ? Wait , what ? I thought you said they called you at Pastor Jims " John sighed and pulled a chair close to his sons bed. He sat down heavily in it and met his sons eyes
" I…. " he cleared his throat, why was it so hard to tell his son that he'd check up on him from time to time, make sure his boy was safe " Look Sam the last time we saw each other I said some really bad things, things I didn't mean. I was proud of you Sam, but I was scared as well. You were leaving and I couldn't protect you anymore, couldn't keep you safe. My temper got the best of me " John looked at his hands, tears misting his vision " But I NEVER wanted you gone son, I'm sorry about that I really am, I just wish…………never mind. So anyway I was in the area checking up on you, saw the flickering lights and then the flames, when I got in there you were unconscious on the floor so I got you out then called 911. I just wish I'd got there sooner, should have recognised the signs or something "
" Don't blame yourself dad, its not your fault I……………….I just……" John sat on the bed Sam's tears were flowing freely down his face now, John couldn't stand to see his son in this much pain. He knew how this felt, how it felt to have your heart ripped out, to see the woman you loved murdered before your useless eyes. He pulled Sam into a hug, cradled him to his chest.
" Its not your fault either Sam, don't blame yourself for this. We'll find the bastard and make him pay for screwing with this family ". The young hunter held tighter to his father taking comfort in the smell of leather and his dads musky aftershave, John ran a comforting hand up and down his sons back, when he heard Sam's breathing calm he pulled back
" I'm going to go get the doc "
" Okay ".
John left the room and Sam sat back in the bed letting his head rest on the pillow he let out a sigh, he felt suddenly cold and alone. He'd promised Jess he would protect her and failed her, just like he'd failed Dean. He was useless, what could a demon possibly want with him ? He felt his eyes sting again, he was going to have to tell his father everything, about how Jess was involved, she said she loved him, but had she ? Was he just a mission to her ? Had she really killed her own mother ? If he'd told her about his life before he met her would it have made any difference ? Would she have confessed sooner ? He put a trembling hand to his dizzy head and pinched the bridge of his nose, his mind was reeling from a dozen questions he had no answers to, nor did he think he could get them.
The door to his room opened and John walked in with the doctor following him, Sam was lay back against his pillows his usual tan skin pale, he had dark smudges under his eyes, which he opened now and looked to his dad. Brown eyes filled with a pain that John knew he had no possible antidote or vocabulary for , and how he wished he could spare his son this kind of pain. The same pain that he felt about Mary, that seemed to consume your very soul, making it feel heavy in your skin, weighing you down. It was like being on a downward spiral with no way to stop or move back upwards. It was just taking you further down into the darkness, and John wanted his son to feel the light.
John was just glad that he'd gone to check on him whilst Dean was away doing his training with Michael, something in his gut told him to go and John obeyed it, he'd always listened to his gut it had never failed him. When he was in the marines his nickname had been 'Sniffer', they said he was like a hunting dog always being able to sniff out any trouble before it happened. It had saved his and their lives countless times and John had never ignored the feeling he got from it. Missouri said it was a latent ability and he was probably a sensitive, not a full psychic but had the tendencies.
" How are you feeling Sam ? " the doctor asked as he ran practised hands over Sam and checking his vitals
" Fine I guess " Sam said , he kept his eyes on his father who was stood behind the doctor " When can I get out of here ? "
" I want to keep you in for at least a couple of days. Make sure there no damage to your lungs from the smoke "
" I can check myself out though right ? " the doctor stopped what he was doing and looked at Sam
" I'd strongly advise against that Mr Winchester. You've just been pulled from a fire and although your lungs show no damage at the moment I'd prefer you stay here so if any problems should present themselves you'd get treatment straight away " Sam sighed heavily
" Look I appreciate what you're saying, but I feel fine and if I should start to feel bad my dad will take me to the nearest medical facility. Trust me nothing gets past him " he said with a small smile. John raised a brow at his son then gave a smirk, he was right there was no way that John would let his son suffer and he'd be under his eagle eye, until he returned back to school that was but that wouldn't be for a few months yet.
" I'll watch him doc, I've got some field medic training I know what to look out for "
" I can see I'm not going to win this argument " the doctor sighed " I'll go get the papers for you to sign, but I want it documented that I 'strongly' advise against this "
" I'll take it into consideration " Sam said with a grin, the doctor shook his head and left the room muttering under his breath. John gave his son a smile,
" I'll go get you something to wear unless you want to wear that " he said gesturing to the hospital robe, Sam shook his head
" Clothes would be good. Err dad ? "
" Yeah ? "
" We going to the farm? "
" Is that okay ? That's what I planned on us doing "
" No, I mean yeah that's fine. Its just………..there are things I need to tell you, about what happened, about Jess "
" Its okay Sammy we got plenty of time for all that " he placed a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
" Dad, does……does Dean hate me ? " he asked in a smile almost childlike voice, John looked his son in the eye
" He could never hate you Sam, he's angry and hurt that you ignored him but he's never hated you "
" But I didn't ignore him, I didn't even know he'd written to me. Jess hid his letters I found them the night she was killed, I confronted her about it……….It…she….oh God I should have wrote to him but I was so scared that you….that you'd not let him have the letters I was an idiot " Sam put his face in his hands hot tears once again tracing over his pale cheeks.
" Sam, lets sort this out when we're out of here okay. We'll be at Jims soon and you can talk to your brother. Look Sammy we all made mistakes with this mess but we're together again now, and when you go back to school we'll keep in touch. Maybe Dean and I can even move near school to be near you " Sam looked at his father in shock , John gave a brief smile and left a shocked Sam still staring at the door he'd left through. His dad was talking about maybe settling down so they could all be together, but Sam didn't want to go back to school, he didn't think he could after what had happened. But he'd give it time he had a lot of making up to do with his brother, he just hoped his father was right and that Dean didn't hate him. He'd have to explain himself, explain why he hadn't wrote to him, why he hadn't called, he just hoped that Dean could forgive him.
The ride back to the farm was filled with much talking from Sam he told his dad all about how Jess had been involved with the demon, his father had stayed silent throughout Sam's tale and when Sam finally finished Sam was surprised when John said quietly,
" She loved you Sam, I'm sure of that. She made a bad choice, I'm sure she didn't even know that she'd made a deal with the demon, but don't think she didn't love you "
" But how do you know dad ? I mean how do you know for sure ? " he asked quietly, he wanted to believe his father but his own demons were whispering in his ear
" I talked to her once, she didn't shut up about you " he smiled, and gave a brief look to his son, Sam's mouth was hanging open at his fathers admission.
" You….you talked to her ? When ? How did you get on the subject of me ? " he asked raising his eyebrows in surprise. John gave a full smile his dimples deepening at the look on his sons face it was one of those Kodak moments,
" Well I had to make sure she wasn't a demon or anything, I said I was a reporter for a local paper interviewing random students about their time at the university and what they were enjoying and what they weren't. It was her that brought you up. Started to say the best thing about being here was meeting her boyfriend he was the best thing in her life and she wouldn't change it "
" Thanks dad " Sam smiled gently then a sowl crossed his features " you thought my girlfriend was a demon ? "
" Well……..no…..but I had to make sure you were safe. You're my son and I wanted the best for you and if that meant interviewing your girlfriend I was going to do it " John saw Sam stiffen and waited for the argument he could see brewing in his sons eyes, he hadn't really wanted to admit that he'd interviewed Jess in fact he didn't want his son to know anything about it. But he had to make sure that she was good enough for his son and after meeting her he realised just what his son saw in the blonde girl.
" So you're the sexy reporter she went on about for two weeks, she made me get a damn paper everyday looking for that dang article " John chuckled
" She thought I was sexy huh? " he grinned when Sam scowled " Just shows she had good taste " he laughed when Sam choked
" DAD !! That's just wrong "
" What's wrong ? " John asked with raised brows his eyes twinkling in amusement,
" You're….well…you're old enough to be her father " John shrugged then smirked
" Okay so I'm older than she is, doesn't mean I can't admire the view " Sam made a choking noise as if the comment had made him gag,
" Please no more, its just too weird that my girlfriend thinks………thought that my dad was sexy " he said the last part quietly a dark mist descending on his mind. John cleared his throat and turned the radio on a cassette was sticking out and John pushed it in 'Metallica' came blaring out John winced and turned the music off Sam was grinning at him again
" Take it Deans been playing his music again "
" I don't know where he gets his taste from " John said shaking his head wearily.
The rest of the journey was done in companionable silence stopping for food, gas and bathroom breaks along the way. It took them a few days to reach the farm and Sam was nervous about seeing his brother, his father still hadn't mentioned what he had meant by Dean was training and that he wasn't really here, Sam had asked a few times to be told that all would be revealed when they got back to Jims farm.
It was early evening when they pulled in at the farm the lights where on in the kitchen and living room giving the house an inviting air. Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly,
" Hey it'll be okay " John said " Come on lets go, I want to check on your brother "
" I thought you said he wasn't exactly here " Sam said confused, John sighed and led Sam into the house where he was greeted heartily by the Pastor,
" Samuel my boy, I'm so glad you're well. My condolences about your girlfriend son, I wish we could be seeing each other again under different circumstances "
" So do I " Sam breathed out as he returned the Pastors warm embrace. It felt like coming home, the farm had always been a special place for the Winchester boys, having spent most of their lives there with the Pastor who had become some what of a surrogate grandfather.
" If you need to talk Sam I'm a good listener " Jim said as he cupped the side of Sam's face, Sam gave a small smile
" Thanks , I'll keep that in mind. Okay dad, what the heck is going on ? Where's Dean ? "
" You haven't told him yet ? " Jim asked
" I was about to, I wanted us to be on safe ground before I said anything. Okay Sam son take a seat " John gestured to the couch and sat across from him in the easy chair, Jim sat in his usual rocking chair, Sam couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of it all.
" Okay dad I'm listening, what's going on ? "
" Your brothers training with an angel, Michael to be exact. I had a dream a few years back your mom……your mom came to me told me to expect someone, well an angel that would come and train your brother. I have to say I completely forgot about it until he actually turned up at the motel we we're staying at. He'd tried talking to your brother first but you know your brother " Sam snorted, he did indeed know his brother and he could just imagine how Dean would have reacted. He just wished he could have seen it. Then the whole Dean's being trained by an angel actually hit Sam
" Hang on a minute, Deans being trained by an angel ? Am I the only one who thinks this is all kinds of weird ? And where the hell is Dean exactly ? "
" Well " John started and looked at his hands " Yeah, I do think this is weird but you know how strange our lives are Sam is this so hard to believe ? Deans body is here but his spirit is with Michael, I'm not sure how it works exactly but he's okay, its like he's sleeping "
" How long has he been gone ? "
" About a week, probably nearer two to be precise , You remember Jims friend the doctor ? " he waited for Sam to nod before he continued " Well he's been round everyday since it happened checking on Dean, I'll tell you one thing though your brothers going to be mad as hell when he does come back to us "
" Oh, why's that ? "
" Well, he's in a type of coma you could say, so he's had to be fitted with a catheter and an IV pumping fluids into him to keep him hydrated "
" A co…..a coma !! Dad this is serious what if he doesn't wake up ? ",
" We can't think like that Sam, I know your brothers going to wake up and I know it'll be sooner rather than later. You just have to trust me son. Deans safe I'd never put you or your brother at risk. You know that don't you ? " John gave his son a pleading look and Sam had to admit that while some of his fathers choices may have been questionable he'd never willingly put either of his boys at risk.
" Yeah I know. Can I see him ? "
" Of course he's in your old room, go on up I'm going to help Jim with dinner I'll call you when its ready" Sam stood and left his father with the Pastor.
" Well, that went better than expected " Jim said with a smile on his face, John turned to him and had to agree he'd expected Sam to raise hell but the young hunter had accepted the information as if John had told him that Dean was away at baseball camp. It was a surprise to say the least. But John was glad that it had gone smoothly, they could concentrate on getting Dean back and prepare themselves for the next battle.
Sam entered the room that he and his brother had shared on many occasions, to anyone who didn't know any better Dean looked like he was in a deep sleep, his freckles stood out on his fair skin making him look years younger, he looked like the ten year old that had turned up at the farm house six years ago. So much had happened since then, Sam just hoped that they'd be able to be brothers again, like they had been before he'd left for Stanford.
He sat by the side of the bed and took Deans warm hand into his, rubbing his thumb across the smooth skin softly,
" Hey Dean, dad tells me your training with an angel at the minute. Man would I have loved to see you giving him hell when you met him " he chuckled softly " Listen Dean about the letters you wrote me, I……..I didn't get them till a few nights ago or I swear I would have wrote you back I should have done, and when you wake up I'm going to say this to you all over again just so I know that you heard me. I got so much to tell you " he leant back in his chair and let out a deep sigh and ran a tired hand over his face,
" Man I'm beat, think I'm going to get some shut eye before dad calls me for dinner, and I got to say Dean you so aren't going to live down having to wear a catheter !! " he chuckled as he lay on the other bed in the room and pulled the blanket over him. He watched the rise and fall of his brothers chest, his even breathing calming. Sam's breathing matched his brothers, his eyelids beginning to droop at the comfort he was getting just from being in the same room as him. It wasn't long before he was in a dreamless welcomed sleep, with the thought that everything was going to be alright. It had to be.