Author's Note: Well, I actually began to feel pretty guilty about not updating this for about two years. Basically, I've been meaning to get around to it, but the computer that this story is on does not have internet access. Therefore, getting it here required that I stop being lazy and actually transfer it on a memory stick. After several months, I finally did just that!

Anyway, this and the next chapter and a…half, I believe, were written in 2006 when I first began this story. I never finished, though I might just do that. Until then, I'll try to upload the next few chapters for those of you who are still interested.

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Mario, Daisy, Peach, or any weapons of bondage. And no, I am not getting any payment from this story whatsoever. I'm just a poor, sixteen-year-old boy with too much time on my hands, I guess.

Getting into the castle was easy, but trying to avoid being murdered while inside was the difficult part. Nobody told me that he had Whomps attempting to kill us in every corner. So, to avoid them, we didn't go in the corners, which I'm not sure why we did in the first place.

Mario obviously knew his way around as he expertly guided us through the corridors, which were very maze-like. I suppose he had been in here multiple times while trying to rescue Peach after she banged Bowser a few times. To keep myself occupied, the thoughts of how I would murder Peach filled my brain, and I had a perpetual smile the whole way up to Bowser's bedroom door. Mario kicked open the door and ran inside; Luigi and I followed.

"Peach!" Mario shouted, rushing over to the little bimbo who was in a cage hanging from the ceiling. Peach smiled down at him, and then said, "Oh! Save me, Mario! Yadayadayada, Bowser's going to torture me and make me his wife, and…you know the drill by now, right, sweetie?"

Mario nodded, and Peach smiled again.

"Then get your ass over there and kill him please. I don't know why you don't kill him every other time, I mean, it'd make things a lot easier or…something. He doesn't even have much many anymore anyway!"

I gave Peach a death glare but followed Luigi and Mario into Bowser's chambers. He was sleeping in his mammoth bed with candles lit all around the room and Frank Sinatra playing in the background. I think all of us but Mario knew what had been going on. Next to me, a condom was lying on the floor, and I shrieked and jumped onto Mario's back.

"Oh, Daisy!"

"Shut up, Mario!" I growled, climbing off of his back. "Look at the size of that condom, my God!"

"Bowser! Wake up!"

Bowser opened one eyelid. "Oh. 'Sup, Mario?"

"You and I have unfinished business!"

"We always have unfinished business, dumbass."

"Yeah!? Well…you had sex with my girlfriend, didn't you!? Answer me!"

Bowser smirked and leaned back. Suddenly, two Toadettes appeared underneath his arms, and he smiled larger than before. "It's hard out here for a pimp."

"Bitch, you're so dead."

Mario charged right for Bowser, who thrust one of the Toadettes at Mario, who screamed as she hit Mario in the face. He was thrown into the wall behind us and collapsed to the ground for a moment. Luigi went after him next where Bowser pinched him on the arm, and he ran for the corner and began sobbing.

"What about you, bitch? You want a piece of Bowser?"

"Actually, no. I have business to attend to with Peach."

I left the room slowly and lowered Peach's cage to the ground and bent the bars enough to let her get out. Peach slowly climbed out of the cage and smiled at me.

"Why, thank you, Daisy!"

I slapped her across the face and tackled her to the floor. Peach looked shocked, and we were rolling around the floor for a moment until I saw Bowser in the doorway with a very noticeable bulge.

"It's not supposed to be erotic, asshole!" I shrieked, strangling Peach. "I'm killing her!"

"It's still pretty hot."

Peach finally flipped me off of her and stood up quickly.

"You wanna go, bitch!?"

"Bring it on. I've been waiting all day for this!" I shouted, gaining my composure and ready to spring to attack her. Peach charged for me and grabbed my face and dug in with her disgusting fingernails. I started screaming and running around the room when blood began to fall out before I grabbed her hair and pulled so hard that a good chunk of it came out. Peach's eyes filled with fire and we continued fighting. She grabbed me and threw me into the wall, which shattered, and I was thrown out onto the staircase. Peach climbed through the hole in the wall, and I quickly ran and grabbed a sword that was hanging up near the staircase. Peach looked around and then pulled a piece of the railing off of the staircase. We both began to battle, and I finally kicked Peach into the wall and held the sword to her throat.

"You're going to die, and I'm going to have your kingdom, bitch," I muttered, pushing hard. Peach smirked and jabbed me in the stomach with her rail. I doubled over, and she slapped me across the face with it, knocking me down the steps. I stood up slowly and then ran back up the stairs, pushing her with full force, causing her to flip over and fall over the railing to the first floor. She coughed a few times, and I suddenly saw a mushroom floating across the screen. I suddenly screamed no and attempted to run down the stairs to grab it before she did, but Peach just smiled and grabbed it from the floor, suddenly growing huge. My eyes widened and I hurried across the corridor from the staircase trying to outrun her, but she grabbed me around the waist and brought me down to the first floor with her.

"Let me go!" I shouted. "This isn't even a fair fight!"

"You didn't want a fair fight anyway, Daisy!" she screamed, squeezing me. It felt like my stomach would just pop, and I would be a mess of intestines on the floor. I looked up slowly and saw a Whomp just above Peach's head.

"Head's up!" I shouted, and the Whomp came down on Peach's crown. She shrieked and stumbled back into the front door, which broke away, and she fell down onto the bridge connecting the castle to the grounds. Peach went back to her normal size, and I was sure that she was dead. I grabbed my sword and rushed out to meet her only to find Peach floating above my head. She came down on me with a few kicks, and I sliced her across the face. She screamed and fell down again only to hit me in the stomach a few times with her umbrella and float back down to the ground.

I grabbed Peach's left arm and spun her around a few times before tossing her, hopefully into the lava moat. Peach grabbed onto the railing, however, and pulled herself back up before punching me and throwing me back into the castle. We could see Mario, Luigi, and Bowser watching us from the second floor, and I threw Peach onto the stairs again, and I began to push her while she was at the wall. She tried to push me back, but I could hear the stone behind her begin to crumble, and I whispered, "It's mine."