A/N: Hey there! This is Aces back from the hospital and I have one thing to say:
The following quotes are dedicated to the most important little girls and boys in my life: Baby Mac, Sadie (my oldest sister's baby girl born three days ago), Emily (my best friend's baby that hasn't been born yet), and you too, Nathaniel Oliver and Naomi Rose-Mary.
But a special thanks to azngirlchibi, who helped me fix this chapter and will take my secret to the grave.
"A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot."
"Boys are found everywhere -- on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket."
-Alan Marshall Beck
The first time Naomi saw The Star, she was dreaming after a fainting spell.
She had been floating inside her own mind like a thought too resistant to be forgotten, and watched her brain unfold like two halves of a walnut that were marked with its edges. How small she felt then, staring at the one thing that kept her alive, that enabled her to speak and play. It was like staring at the sky, at the stars, and realizing just how big the universe really was and in turn discovering how miniature you were. She had traced the lines of it, marveled at the newfound knowledge that her brother was not the only one who was marked for life.
The Star was always growing; she began to see it more frequently as the years passed, until she saw it every time she closed her eyes. The Star would generate thunder, so when she closed her eyes too tight, she could see the bolts extending and forming shapes. Mama said it was bad for her eyes to do that, but she didn't understand that it wasn't her eyes at all, it was her brain. It was the reason why she couldn't run as fast as everyone else, or why her legs always felt like jelly. When she could not breathe and her skin was on fire with fever, it was always The Star.
She quietly followed her brother and his new playmate, trying to keep up with them without making her chest hurt like it often did. She couldn't bear to complain, for the look on her brother's face was enough to make them both happy. He had a crazy grin etched on his face to accompany the glow that made him look radiant, the girl with the wings playfully tickling him. Curls bouncing, she diligently ran after them with persistence, her little shoes soundless as they hit the ground. Her bow rustled like her baby blue dress, reminding her of the times Mama took them both to the ocean.
She wished she had brought her seashell, the one that was all spirally and was the color of her mother's quills. She always liked the way it sounded when she put her ear up to it, that hollow feeling, the utter loss of sound. It didn't remind her of the noisy ocean, with its crashing waves, but it was nice all the same. When it was just them at the beach, it didn't matter that she couldn't hardly run without losing her breath, or staying out too long would make her sick the next day. Because her brother and her mother were always there, holding her hand, making her forget about The Star.
She tripped, landing hard on the floor with a quick yelp. She lay there for only a second before she felt familiar hands helping her up. She didn't have to look to know it was her brother, and she couldn't help it when tears came to her eyes. She began to cry, pulling her brother closer. "I want Mama," she cried so urgently that it took her by surprise. Nathaniel flinched, and sorrow immediately took over his features. She felt bad, she knew Nathaniel loved his mother just as much as she did, but the desire to have her mother hold her was almost too much.
Suddenly Miss Rouge was at their sides, trying to pull her away. She felt Nathaniel's anger spike, and cried harder. The rabbit lady gave them a look, her hand coming out to stroke the sides of Naomi's head. "Now, now," she talked to them like they were incapable of understanding. "Amy will be right back. She has to go find your daddy." Miss Rouge, the one who had brought on all this mess by showing up and making them come on this journey, tried to hold her. "That's right hon, she'll be right back. She had to go find Sonic. You know, your father."
At this, Ruby stared at Nathaniel. "I thought you said," she tried. "That you didn't have a father."
Naomi wondered what they were talking about. Were they talking about that blue hedgehog? The one who had kissed their Mama and then run off? He wasn't their father! Naomi knew he was Amy's friend, and that she loved him, but he was not their father. If so, why wasn't he there all those times she got horribly sick? And the times that Nathaniel's magic hurt him so bad that their Mama had to stay with him all night, rubbing his raw hands and singing lullabies to soothe his sobbing? Naomi knew they'd met him somewhere, she knew that that blue hedgehog used to be with them. But what did that matter now?
If he took her away, it was obvious he was nothing more than an enemy. Naomi knew that their mother would never leave them without a fight. Had she been taken right before their eyes? She hated this, hated Miss Rouge and Ruby and The Star for making her head hurt. Why couldn't things just be the way they were? With the three of them, always together, making adventures, saving each other. She crumbled as Nathaniel hugged her tighter, sharing the same thoughts.
Finally, she heard her brother reply, his words vibrating from his skin onto her own. Like The Star, a pain to share. "We don't."
This is what Nathaniel thinks a mother is supposed to do.
They are supposed to stay awake with you all night when you're sick, rubbing your back like they might be able to breathe for you. They're supposed to listen to what you have to say and give you attention when you need it the most, but then when you don't want to be touched, they're supposed to leave you alone. It is their duty to throw you into a freezing pool when you can't decide when to go; to let you imagine a better place when the one around you gets too bad. But most of all, they are supposed to have cool hands to check when your sister has a fever, they are supposed to smell like home and love you a little more each day.
He has witnessed Amy do all of these things, and more. He has watched her capture fireflies in a jar when Naomi was scared of the dark, so she would have a nightlight that didn't need electricity. He'd seen her turn into a fairy princess for his sister's stupid pretend games, and then become a scary monster when he needed someone to chase him. She was always at every doorframe, singing every lullaby, tightening every loose guitar string, easing every ache brought on from his magic.
And at night she told their story like she could see it playing out right in front of her eyes. "It was the coldest day I'd ever seen," she always started dramatically to get their attention. "And I was piling the snow out of my yard when I saw you two there." She illustrated this by cradling air, a smile painted on her face. "The moment I saw you guys, I knew you were mine. You were made for me, and I was born to love you." She always said that part so sternly, as if they would ever forget of her never failing adoration. "That's when I started believing in fate." And then, his favorite part. "The moment you guys stared at me I knew everything else didn't matter. All I had lived for was so I could be lead to you. I realized that I was a part of a plan, and my purpose in life was to be your mother."
But lately she had been fading away, after meeting Miss Rouge and The Man Who Wanted to Use His Magic; she kept trying to distance herself from them. And when that blue hedgehog that was always on television showed up, his mother became a crying, whiny teenager who had just run off without them. He didn't understand, what had happened to the woman who gave him a flurry of kisses daily and always seemed to be lost when he wasn't right beside her? Who devoted hours to making him smile and held him like he was a star in the palm of her hand. He wasn't stupid; he knew exactly what he was to Amy. A light, hope, salvation, things no one could live without.
He went cold from the inside out, making his sister tremble in his arms. What would happen to her without him and Naomi? He tried to see her just leaving them and saw her falling apart like she had hours before. They were her fire, her life; she couldn't get far without them. Paranoia burned through his mind until he couldn't close his eyes without a bad scenario reeling on in his thoughts, and he became raw with fret.
Naomi clutched onto him with the understanding of a true twin. "We have to go find her," she whispered. "Before something happens. I've got a bad feeling."
He felt Ruby's frown as she too held onto him, making the already buzzing bees in his belly go into frenzy. "Are you going to leave?" she asked, face pressed against his back. "I don't want you guys to leave." She admitted while Nathaniel glanced back at her. Ruby just didn't get it, didn't understand what it was like to love this way. To where you began to die in degrees when you were not together, to fight against everyone just to save her from her own self. "Your mama's coming back. Stay with me, it's my birthday."
Nathaniel swallowed past the lump in his throat. "We have to go find her," he decided. "Our mama needs us." But by then Miss Vanilla and Miss Rouge were blocking their way with no-nonsense looks on their faces. The green hedgehog gave a snort and held onto his sister tighter. He didn't care about them since his magic would fix them if they didn't move. Fury clouded his mind and turned the edges of his odd eyes white. Naomi bristled, angered and provoked.
Miss Rouge bent over them, hands on Naomi's shoulder, attacking the weaker sibling. "Your mother's fine. She went to go talk to your…I mean, the blue hedgehog." The bat phrased carefully as Naomi tore away from her touch and jumped behind her brother out of spite. Her colored eyelids lowered in seriousness. "You don't know the whole story. She needs to do this, to talk to that blue hedgehog and the bad man who wants to use your powers. She needs you to stay here and be safe, because right now she needs this."
Nathaniel hated the bat more with every word she spoke. "No," he contradicted with the conviction that only children possess. "Our mama needs us. Just us, only us." His hands formed fists while Ruby backed away out of confusion. "Because she was born to love us," he recited with all the pride in the world. "We're hers. We were made for her." As he stood his ground, Naomi slipped her hand into his own and gave it a squeeze. It was enough to make him smirk. "Mama doesn't love anyone more than us, not even that blue hedgehog." he kept repeating the things he knew were true. "So get outta my way."
Vanilla felt her heart clench. Her own daughter had never been like that, never so sure of the affection that was her right. And yet these toddlers were proof of an unearthly love that was past reason and sense and reality. It hurt Vanilla to know that Amy loved two children that weren't even hers more than she herself had loved her flesh and blood baby girl. She tried to calm them down, words coming out with thought and caution.
"Listen," she explained. "Back when you were babies, your mama did a lot of bad things to people. She thought you guys were in danger and she hurt the friends that she was in a fight with, you understand?" As they started walking, she began to cry for no apparent notion at all. "She has to say she's sorry. For doing all those bad things when she heard you guys were in trouble, okay? Okay, little ones?" But they ignored her, kept trudging on.
The two women kept their distance, aware of what the little boy would do to them if they interfered. Rouge tried to add on to Vanilla's words. "If you guys don't stop, she'll never be able to say she was sorry. And she'll lose her friends. Because everyone wants her to say she's sorry."
As her sentence ended, the two mystical prophecies turned to her and coasted to a stop. But their looks were not one of ease. Naomi spoke first, unnaturally bold. "She doesn't have to say she's sorry to anyone." she enforced with a fierce tone, knowing anywhere the sound of hope regained. "If she did those things, because she loved us," she took a moment before beginning to head towards her doom. "Then why is it bad at all?"
Here's what I want to say to you.
I didn't run away from the kiss because it showed your imperfection, back on the plane. No, that's not it at all. I ran because at the moment, covered in my own daughter's blood like a reminder of the curse laid upon us, I was the farthest thing from a perfect woman. Do you have any idea what it's like to have to convince someone to love you all the time? To have to worm yourself into someone's mind just so they'll think of you every now and then? To chase someone around for hours so you can rightfully say you were a part of their day? I will never on my life wish that kind of life on anyone, because it involves having your hopes shattered almost every day until they notice you for what you truly are. It takes endless tears just for them to realize what you could be involving their future.
I ran because I was scared, which I've already admitted to but for the wrong reasons. I was scared that you'd see me, pathetic in the face of danger, looking like hell, and discover that I was nothing special at all. I ran back home because I thought that my absence would turn your doubts into thoughts of love and yearning. That you would have a hard time with the twins and realize just how much we both did together. Not just me, but you too. I ran because in the face of my grandmother I found that history was not meant to repeat itself. That grief is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Even as you're holding me I won't say this out loud. You have your views on me and what's happened, and I have mine. Who's to say either of us is right or wrong? What if truth, like happiness, is all about perception? Then we'll go around this circle for years and only be killing ourselves. In order for us to heal, we have to make sacrifices. So for now I'll tell you you're right without a doubt, and demean my decision so you can feel some shred of justice. It's been so long since I've denied myself for you, and smothered my stubbornness for the sake of your own pride. There are things I will never admit, things I will never bring into the light. But you know that's really not such a bad thing. It's okay to have secrets when lying is the only way to truly make amends.
Speaking of secrets, I've been thinking about the secret you told me; about the decision you had to make. Giving my location away in return for my daughter's life, and in the short unconditional version, choosing Naomi over me. How you let me believe you had simply grown tired and betrayed us all, thinking you would repair all the damage later. Acting like you just didn't care so you could pull a surprise move and save us all. My whole life has been about my reaction to that now, the way I killed all the obstacles in my path to get to my son and my baby girl. I've thought about that every day of my life and I have to say I'm really not sorry for it.
What in the world am I supposed to be sorry for? For not letting that monster Tails use them as lab rats? For refusing to give them up to someone who was bound to hurt them? At the time, I still believed you were the one who had put them in danger.
Was I supposed to let you tag along? Was it wrong to naturally protect the only loved ones I thought I had left? You blame me for running away, but now I blame you for letting me. If you knew, why didn't you say something? When I saw those marks on their arms, I knew you couldn't be a part of my life anymore. But you want an apology, so I'll give you a fake one. I'll tell you I'm a bitch, let you have your moment. I guess you deserve it whether it's real or not.
I won't tell you that life was easier with you gone, that being the only one the twins adored was wonderful. I won't tell you the days I felt happy, but instead, the days I cried. Oh I missed you, I don't care what I have to lie about to stay by you. Because you're warm and you smell like pine and you still make me weak in the knees. Because your fur is more blue than any colored crayon in Naomi's coloring book and because your eyes are more green than Nathaniel's shiny rubber ball. Now that I know you're no enemy, I won't ever let you go. I may not be sorry for acting like a mother, but I am sorry I forgot the part of me that wasn't.
But now you have my oath, Sonic the Hedgehog. I'll try not to ruin anything else; I'll try and keep us together this time. Because with your falsely lead anger and the secrets I'll always keep, all the power is evened out between us. For now, I'm just content with feeling your heart soften underneath my touch. I pull back to look at you and managed to move my face through the bars to meet your lips, laughing inside at the dimple that forms when you grin. I cover my mouth with that too, lost in the feeling of falling into your smile.
A/N: azngirlchibi here. Sorry 'bout the delay, but there were a few things that needed to be ironed out. And plus, it's exam week. You lucky bastards that already started summer vacation are so... well, lucky. You have no idea how much I envy you right now DX
Still love you all, of course XD
Oh, and happy belated anniversary of this story. We're know quite a few days passed (four, exactly), but what the hey, right?! And I was going to say a long, long speech about how wonderful it is to be writing this story, especially with The Queen of Aces, and how we couldn't have done it with all you readers, and the usual yadda yadda, but let's leave that to the last chapter, shall we?
READ THIS BEFORE YOU REVIEW!: Okay, about this chapter... Before we get any backlash for this, turn off the computer, walk away, come back, and read it again (or at least digest it some more). For some of you, this might be the "need to read twice" sort of chapters. We know that we will never completely have everyone's agreement on this, and some of you might not... exactly like this chapter. Take a deep breath and remember that the story is not over yet. Lots can happen (even with the end looming near). I would like to ask that you don't give your first opinion on this chapter. It's not that I think your opinion will necessarily change with some time to digest, but take it from me - this is definately a "need to read twice" sort of chapter (three times for me, actually), before you really get a sense of the brilliant ideas behind it (which Aces gets all the credit for... I hardly did any ironing XD). I'm not saying that it needs to be a nice review... but really think about this chapter before you say anything. Please.
Now I shall leave you with a delightfully random quote:
English teacher: "I don't believe in cards. Cards are Satan's work. Now shut up so we can watch this movie about the Devil!"
If you guys can't tell yet, studying for exams (FOUR EXAMS, DAMN IT!) has totally fried my brain. Now it's slowly leaking out. Excuse me while I go and study some more...
Anonymous Reviwers:
Atlantic-wolf: You're not anonymous, but you're here anyway :D You'll probably have to wait just a teensy bit longer for that. You can be sure that when Tails arrives, hell will break loose XD Thanks for reading, and sorry about not replying earlier (but you get to be in the anonymous reviews section! Yay you!)
kitsunepowaa: Yep, since Sonic Unleashed will run on the "Hedgehog engine" (which they were apparantly developing for... four years, I think?), we can only hope it'd be better. I mean, SEGA doesn't entirely suck... they just rush things too much (like a certain hedgehog we all know and love). Oh, and I'm not too worried about Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood (ugh, we really need an abbreviation for that). Bioware is a really good developing company - the only worry I have about the game is that it won't feel like a "Sonic game" but like an RPG that Sonic just happens to be in. They need to stop changing the way Sonic looks... first he was fat, then skinny, then he was brightly coloured, then his eyes were a different shape, THEN he looked like he was pissed off all the time in Sonic '06. Did you know that they change the way he looks slightly in EVERY SINGLE GAME?! ... Sorry, I'm ranting now. Thanks for reviewing!
kia hedgie: Hmm... well, if you could give me the site, I could take a look at it. Viruses are such a pain, though DX LOL, every time I talk, I sound like I'm promoting myself (though I don't mean to, honest!). Big words are good! It's so much fun to confuse people XD Thanks for reading!
Cake the Crab: (blushes) Thanks! You should've seen my face when I was reading your review XD In fact, there was a mirror beside me, so I can send you a mental picture! (concentrates really hard, but then sees science textbook and sends a picture of an otter instead). Finishing it in June? As much as I would like to say otherwise, not a chance in hell XD I know, blunt, but I have exams (I've been saying that word way to much lately...), and well... spending all summer locked up in the house typing fanfiction? No thanks, as much as I love writing. I'm not trying to be mean, of course, in case you think I am... Sorry about the grammar errors... no matter how much I read through it, I can never catch them all. And the computer never catches it (sigh). No one else in my house is fluent in English (except my brother, but the chances of him reading fanfiction equals the chances of this story finishing in June). I'm a SonAmy freak too! (shows off SonAmy shrine) Anyway, thanks for reading!
The Queen of Aces
azngirlchibi