Again, sorry for the year long update. I've just been kinda busy with science coursework etc etc ;)
K, this chapter isn't an episode. It was starting out to be, but I took ages talking about something off topic lol, so it's not anymore ;)
Disclaimer: Both shows are owned by a) Some rich ponce in a suit, and b) comic geniuses
"Eurgh, god I feel like I've drank a turban of tequila" Vince muttered blearily as he slid out of the bed, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to chase away sleep. As he dragged himself to the bathroom, hoping to have a nice relaxing bath, and wash his hair, he stopped as he noticed that what should usually be on the telly wasn't. Wasn't there a small girl clutching a clown doll on the screen, before the programmes came on? Vince rolled his eyes at this. What sort of station doesn't have things on all night?
"Hello Vince" Vince whirled around, heart leaping up and down as he realised it wasn't Howard's voice, but when he leant down, the voice wasn't coming from the telly,
"How do you feel?" That definitely came from behind him, he was sure. Turning around, he squealed in fright and almost fell over as the little girl from the T.V was staring at him, clown doll as well.
"Would you like to go home?" Vince's eyes bulged at this. Was it possible to go home, just by asking her?
"Er, yeah, yeah I want to… want to go home" The girl grinned at him,
"Well then, simply tap your heels together and say 'There's no place like home'" She giggled happily, causing Vince to almost burst into tears of frustration. He turned his back, staring at the blank telly screen. Ok, so she was probably a hallucination brought about by the fact that his hair hadn't been washed yet, but the strain of his hopes shattering was nearly too much,
"Listen you…" Vince wheeled back round and snapped… but she was gone, back in the telly, sat staring into his dingy little flat as he paced up and down angrily, wanting to throw something through the stupid machine, but it was his one way of contacting… well, half-contacting Howard. He turned to get his clothes ready, after his bath, sure that would relax him, but he jumped at every small noise, and when he turned back round, the girl was no longer in the telly. Stifling a squeal, he threw his clothes on and shoved his shoes on whilst running out of the flat, hopping every alternate step, terrified of what might be behind. As he was half way down the street, out of breath, he swore. He'd forgotten to brush his hair. This day couldn't get any worse.
--
"Y'alright Boss? Looks like you've had a few too many" Vince didn't bother responding to Chris as he stormed into the station, grinding his teeth in anger. Not only was he probably losing his mind, he was missing Howard so much it hurt and his hair was so bad he was surprised people hadn't screamed and ran away as he was walking up the road.
He was just about to walk through a door when Gene burst through it as well, tackling some big brute of a man to the ground. The force of both men falling through the door pushed Vince to the ground. He struck his head of the tiled floor and zoned out for a second. When he came back to reality he felt someone taking his hand and pulling him back up. Still dazed, he shook his head, which only made the dizziness worse.
It wasn't until the person who pulled him up had gotten him sat down that his eyes became less blurry, and he saw Gene stood before him, looking down with concern in his eyes. However, as soon as he saw Vince was back with him, he put on a scowl and snapped,
"You took your bloody time you girl!" Vince stuck his tongue out, taking out his emergency mirror to check his face, and was relieved to find just one small bruise, considering the speed he hit the floor with. His face was rather pale, but he put this down to it being his look.
"Who was that?" Vince asked, pointing with a shaky hand towards the door he had just been knocked down from. Gene raised an eyebrow,
"Who was what? There's no one there" Vince shook his head, glad that he wasn't as dizzy as before,
"No, before, when you kinda fell through them, fighting with someone" The guv nodded and said,
"That was Ernie Barker, idiot 'forgot' to mention something to us in his interview" Vince just nodded, pretending he was listening. He just wanted people to keep talking, to convince himself he wasn't mad. He'd do it himself, but he didn't really think that talking or singing to himself would back up his claim of sanity.
"Vince! Are you in?" Vince jumped, lost in his own thoughts. He looked up at Gene, who appeared to be ready to pull someone's head off. Crap, what was the question? Was he in what? Should he say yes?
"Yes" Vince answered, cursing as realised he had said that when he was thinking to say it. If he didn't take more care when it came to saying things out loud and keeping stuff in his head, he'd probably be put into a coma (Again).
However, the guv swelled happily as he answered, so the DI grinned back weakly and nervously, hoping he hadn't agreed to a wrestling match or something.
"Excellent. That'll be 10 bob" Vince raised an eyebrow. He'd agreed to pay for something?
"What for?" He asked, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, hoping he sounded more outraged at the price than confused at the product,
"Well, it's now his sixth year working here and he's going to be 31, so it'd be nice if you shelled out for it" Oh. Someone's birthday present,
"Who's... erm, how do you spell his name again?" Gene looked at him in disgust,
"Are you so stupid you can't even spell?" He spat, ignoring the hurt look on the younger man's face, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears, "Jesus, R-A-Y" He said slowly, using the phonetic letters as if explaining to a two year old.
"But he hates me!" Vince protested, "Why should I buy him a present? I don't even know him that well!" Gene prodded him in the chest with his index finger and snarled,
"I don't care if you like him or not, you can chip in for it!" Vince grumbled and reached into his pocket, hoping that the sudden dizziness he was experiencing would soon vanish. However, as soon as he stuck the money in Gene's hand, he almost fell over, and his face was pale,
"That's better," Gene grumbled at the money in his hand. Looking up, he saw how pasty and ill Vince looked and said begrudgingly, "Go home Noir, there's no point you staying here with con-bloody-cussion, you'd be even more useless than you are usually" Vince didn't really register any of this small rant, all he properly hear was 'home'. He nodded and slouched off,
"Oh and sorry Noir," the guv mumbled, "For hitting you with that door and all" Vince's eyes widened. Had Gene just apologized to him? Lingering for too long in the doorway, he was pushed out and told to 'get your arse back to your flat before I kick you there'.
Vince stumbled out of the station. His head felt a bit clearer, but he dreaded going back to the flat. What if the girl was still there? Maybe, he mused, maybe if I don't turn the telly on, she won't come. But then, He thought, heart sinking, Howard won't be able to talk to me.
He was stuck in his thoughts for a while, before deciding to go to the pub that the guv had brought him to on his first day in 1973. Opening the door and hearing a small tinkle of the bell, he saw it was mostly deserted, just the barman, Nelson, stood there, wiping glasses. He looked up at the sound of the bell and grinned,
"Ah, DI Noir, good to see you! What'll it be?" Vince opened his mouth, about to ask for his customary flirtini, but remembered Nelson had no idea what he was on about, so he said,
"Erm... whisky. Make it a big one, huge... massive" He needed to just get absolutely pissed, then when he went back to his flat, he could put it down to hallucinations, brought on by too much alcohol. He shuddered as the bitter drink slid down his throat, but continued to drink, ordering another after it. Nelson surveyed him with the kind of eye only a bartender has, where they can tell how long it will be before their customer gets too out of order.
"I think you've had enough mate" He said gently to the man, who was slumped over the bar moodily, appearing to be in deep contemplation. He looked up and opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment Gene busted in, followed by half the station,
"Usual Nelson!" He chirped happily to the barman, who nodded and moved away. However, his eyes narrowed as he saw Vince sat at the bar, "I told you to go home Noir" He growled as Vince still slumped over, haze of voices washing over him, the room spinning and going blurry. The guv went to sit down next to him and looked up in surprise as Vince mumbled,
"You know, I don't think I've ever been to Hyde" Gene snorted as Vince said this, and then promptly either passed out or fell asleep right there at the bar. The guv grumbled angrily,
"Nelson, keep my drink cool" and dragged his DI out of the pub, being followed by a sea of eyes, which promptly turned down again as Gene glowered at them.
--
Getting Vince into his apartment had been easy, it was keeping him inthat was the hard part. After a few seconds of slapping on the face, Vince awoke to find he had 1) A massive hangover and 2) Somehow appeared in his flat. The curtains were drawn and the telly was on low. In front of the telly was sat his DCI, snoring loudly. Vince rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom.
Looking in the mirror, he flinched as he saw how pasty he was, and there was a huge lump on his face that was definitely not there before. He jumped as he heard a voice, but relaxed as he recognized it as Gene's,
"Oh you're awake then" He muttered, in a gruff voice. Vince grinned to himself,
"Did you stay to make sure I was ok?" He asked. This caused the officer to turn purple and growled at Vince,
"No, the match was on, I needed somewhere to watch it. And since I was here anyway..." Vince nodded and there was a moment of awkward silence before the girl with the clown was back once more, leering over Gene's shoulder and smiling sadistically,
"Hi again Vince, we didn't get to talk much this morning. I heard you're engaged," She smiled even more widely, showing all her teeth, "How do you know he won't leave you at the altar? Or change his mind when you've just booked the place? Isn't it easier to stay here, where you'll never have to worry about that?" Vince had started shaking all the while, which the guv had thankfully picked up on this and tried to sit him down on his bed,
"No! Vince shouted, protesting at being so close to the girl, "Not there! Not there, can we go somewhere else?" He pleaded, ignoring the stabbing pains in his head and the weird looks Gene was giving him.
"Why? You want to sleep at mine? Is your place not grand enough for you? Little snob" Gene said, but when Vince clutched at his arm so hard it left finger marks, the guv just sighed and walked out, giving Vince a look which clearly said, 'Keep up and say nothing or I'll kill you'.
The DI scuttled after him gratefully, looking back to see the girl still stood where she had been before, smiling and holding her clown doll.
"Don't worry Vince, I can wait for you to come back from your sleep over. And I'll let you speak to Howard when you come back. You'll like that won't you?" Vince slammed the door and didn't bother locking it, a swirl of thoughts following him as he ran to keep up with his boss' long stride.
Tadaa ;) Sorry if it's a bit too short. Would you rather have chapters like this, that I just make up, or would you rather I changed some of the episodes, but it had the same basic storyline of the episode? Please review and tell me :) Oh yeah, and for those of you who don't know, the girl with the clown was called 'Test card F girl' in LoM. Look it up on Wikipedia and there's a whole page about her lol.