8/17/04

Tara

AN: This is the second Buffy fanfic I ever wrote. Ah… Those were the days.

She knew someone was watching. They always were. Huddling deep into her large brown sweater, letting her long blonde hair obscure her face, she just wanted those eyes to go away. Finally, a second later, the eyes slid over her and she was dismissed. Again. Even when people looked at her, she knew they would look away pretty quickly. Whatever it was that drew the stares, she knew that she didn't have the capacity to hold them.

But she'd rather have it that way. It was easier. Then the evil demon that lived inside of her wouldn't stir, wouldn't make itself known. She could go on pretending that it wasn't there, the threat of her 20th birthday looming over her just a little bit less. She could go on living her life between people, not get involved with anyone. Because she knew if she did… The demon would take over her body.

She sometimes wished she didn't know so much.

***

Willow approached UC Sunnydale's library with something akin to breathlessness. Her palms, almost sweating with excitement, clutched her binder to her chest, the edges digging into her clothing. Here she was, setting foot on the college's campus for the first time, getting ready to go into a real library. Well, not that Giles' library at the High school wasn't impressive, but this was a college library! It had real books about schooling and learning – not just books on the occult that Giles always had handy.

People milled around her, all looking so old and assured with themselves as they hurried to class. So much so that Willow almost felt more out of place than she usually did when faced with huge crowds. However, before she could be put off by that feeling, the library loomed in front of her. Her eyes grew wider, her mouth opened of its own accord, and she stepped reverently in, stopping on the threshold.

…Only to be jostled from behind as someone ran into her. "Hey, watch it, lady! You wanna be knocked over?" The sandy-blond haired guy glared at her, and Willow apologized profusely, a deep blush settling embarrassedly onto her cheeks. She scuttled over to the wall, breathing deeply. Of course! What did she expect, stopping in the middle of the doorway? Shaking her head, she smoothed down her fuzzy pink sweater and looked at what the college had to offer her.

***

"I'm telling you, Buffy, that library is so awesome! I mean, it had real books!"

Buffy glanced around the high school library where both she and the redhead were eating their lunch. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "And this doesn't? I thought for sure that was what those things made out of paper and ink were on those bookshelves over there. Could have fooled me."

Willow sighed at her friend's jab, taking a bite of her sandwich before speaking. "You know what I mean. Real, educational, books. Books on any subject I could think of! Just there, waiting for me to come upon its spot in the bookcase, offering up its knowledge – for free! Like it's all there for me! I can grab any book I want, crack it open, and there! There's the meaning of life I've been looking for! Okay, well maybe not really, but you know what I mean. It's so big! All those books!"

Buffy started to edge away. Her friend was beginning to get that hungry look on her face, and the blonde could swear that her green eyes were beginning to glow. The redhead was waving her sandwich around as she went on and on, and Buffy didn't really want to get splattered by any of its ingredients. "Hey, Wills', I get the point. Big. Library. Books. Right. Good. Just, keep that sandwich down, kay? I'm wearing white."

Looking slightly abashed, Willow blushed, lowered her sandwich, "Sorry."

"S'okay. I know how you get when you find a new information headquarters." Buffy reached out and squeezed Willow's hand supportively, smiling, "Like a kid in a candy store. Just keep it down for the educational lacking, kay?"

Willow nodded, smiling back.

"Hey, you talking about me?" The library door slammed closed, and Xander strode in, proudly holding his catch of a package of twinkies and a soda up. "I heard education lackage. Who's lacking?" He drew out a chair from the table with his foot and sat down confidently. He turned twinkling eyes onto his oldest friend, "Willow. Has the educational system finally caught up with you? I told you not to take all of those extra credit options. Bad Willster. You're failing, aren't you?"

Buffy snorted. "You wish. Maybe then you'd look good."

"Hey!" Xander preened, wiping his fingernails on his shirt, "I happen to try to not do my homework. It's a sacred art."

Giles walked up, carrying five heavy looking books in his arms. Dropping them onto the table with a thump, he wiped his forehead, and turned to the three teens sitting in front of him. "I do wish you three would actually concentrate on your schoolwork. It is, after all, your senior year. And," the British man raised a hand as Buffy opened her mouth to speak, "although I know it is hard with all of your extracurricular activities – which I certainly don't help stopping them, I admit – you do really need to think about your future." He looked pointedly at Buffy.

She looked away, her eyes lowering. She knew as well as everyone else in the room that a Slayer's life span wasn't the longest in the world. "Well," she squared her shoulders, turning to look at Willow and Xander next to her, "I guess that means study night at my house tonight after patrol, then. There is a History test coming up that I need to pass." She winced at her words. When had her goal in school turned from getting good grades to just passing?

Willow looked at Xander, and as he shrugged, she turned back. "Great. I can show you the great book on Metaphysical Studies that I got from the college!"

"Really?" Giles looked interested, and he asked, "Do you think I could see it after you're done? That's actually a hobby of mine."

"Really?" Willow almost jumped onto the Watcher, her eyes brightening, "How could I not have known?"

Buffy looked over at Xander. They both rolled their eyes. Here they go again.

As the Watcher and the Wiccan compared notes, Xander slid over his package of Twinkies. Buffy took one, took a deep bite, chewed, and swallowed guiltily. "These are too good to be synthetic."

Xander shook his head, biting off his own twinkie, "What are you talking about? That's what makes them good!"

***

It was her second day being at the UC library for research on her extra credit assignment for her Biology class, and she still hadn't come up with the perfect topic. Frowning at the paper spread out on the table in front of her, her pens sorted by rainbow color off to her left, a stack of still unopened textbooks on her right, Willow reached up and smoothed a red bang away, worrying her lower lip. She had all these resources right at her fingertips, but she couldn't think up a good enough idea that would score with her teacher.

Why? If Oz was here, he could have helped me, she thought tiredly, thinking of the werewolf, who, unfortunately, had had a band practice to go to. Even Xander could have helped me! On second thought, she wrinkled her nose, probably not. He'd be too busy checking out the college girls.

Willow buried her head into the crook of her arms, scooting back in her chair so she could prop herself inelegantly onto the table – she was so tired from last night's studying session at Buffy's. However, she didn't notice that her shifting had moved the back of her chair just enough to trip the person passing behind her.

The girl let out a short gasp and tumbled to the floor, the books she had been carrying scattering all around her.

Instantly starting up, a dismayed expression on her face, Willow bent over to retrieve the books that had fallen, not daring to look up to see just how many people were watching. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to – I know I should have looked to see if anyone was behind me when I pushed back, but you don't really think to do that when you do it – I mean, I don't, which doesn't mean to say that you don't think about it, cuz' you could, I wouldn't know, but--!" Picking up three books without looking at the titles, she turned to the girl, holding them up like a peace offering, her head down. She mumbled a sorry again.

Her gaze snapped up when, as a hand reached forward to accept the books back, a soft voice stuttering a "N-no. It's o-okay. Th-thank you," Willow felt the girl's hand slightly brush against hers, and her whole body erupted with the most incredible feeling of being filled with magic.

Willow's eyes met the bluest color she had ever seen, darkening with surprise. The girl pulled back her hand, her chin dropping to her chest as a wild blush bloomed on her fair skin, her long blonde hair falling in the motion to hang in front of her, framing the elegant planes of her face, not hiding it as Willow would have assumed was the usual.

As her hand stopped touching Willow's, the magic emptied from her body. However, as she sat there, dropping to her knees, the magic still seemed to hum around both of them.

Giving her something to do as her mind raced, she looked down at the books she held. Seeing their titles, her eyebrows jumped up her forehead, and she turned to the girl, blurting out excitedly, "You're a witch!"

The girl looked up slowly, smiling tentatively, her hands playing with the hem of her jean skirt. "W-Wiccan, actually."