A/N: Sorry about the weird formatting last time. FFN was being weird and not cooperating, so here's the deal: There are a lot of similarities to a past episode, but there isn't meant to be unless stated.

I don't own NCIS or any of it's characters.

This may be slightly OOC, but I'm trying to keep it in line.

Lemme know what you think and how I can improve it.

I already have the next chapter and half of the 4th chapter written, but let me know if there's anything at all you'd like to see.

I love the feedback, and thanks for the previous reviews guys!

It had been a restless night for the entire team, especially Ziva. It was four in the morning when she finally gave up on getting any sleep. The hot shower and long hours spent trying to read had done nothing for her. All she could think about were her mistakes. How much she missed him. How much she loved him.

There had been physical attraction between them from that first moment they met each other. But over time, they became friends. They grew close. And then somewhere between the jokes and the frustrations, she fell in love. It had happened slowly yet still so quickly. Ziva laughed aloud to herself as she got into her car, thinking of the time they spent in Los Angeles, before Jenny died. The photos at the pool, the drive on the overcrowded freeway… And then Jenny died. And they changed. The summer they spent apart had only assured Ziva of her feelings for him. But he never called. Not once. He had always called. But when she finally saw him again, she felt certain she couldn't be happier. She forgave him in that first moment that she saw Tony standing there, grinning back at her.

Palmer was right. Tony was stupid too. What is it… what was it about him that could make me so weak?

The drive to NCIS HQ had never felt shorter. She walked to the elevator, expecting it to be empty. Much to her surprise, she met Gibbs there. She entered the elevator and he switched on the emergency off.

He relayed Ducky's findings to her. As he did so, Ziva's eyes wandered around the room, as if she was lost.

"So it really was him,"

He didn't look at her, didn't say anything. Silence filled the air for several minutes until Ziva finally spoke.

"I am sorry, Gibbs,"

"Sign of weakness,"

"Well I guess that I what I have become. Weak. I was too weak to tell Tony no. Had I done it, he would be alive now," she was growing frustrated.

"It wasn't your fault," He said simply. "Didn't you tell tony that when Jenny…" He didn't need to finish his sentence.

"It is not the same," she said coldly. "Jenny was my boss. She made her choice. We could do nothing. But I… I could have done something to stop this. He's gone. Tony is dead. Because of me," at that, Ziva began to cry. Gibbs lovingly pulled her into his arms. "I loved him," she said softly through her sobs which racked her body. "I never told him,"

"Shhh," Gibbs coaxed as he rocked her gently, back and forth, back and forth. He hated to see someone who was so very much like a daughter to him suffer so much. He hated it even more knowing that it was because she lost someone she loved. Gibbs wasn't one to let on about his emotions, but Tony had been like a son. "We're going to figure this out," He wiped her tears with his thumb. Ziva nodded as she took a deep breath.

A tear slipped down Abby's cheek. There had to be a way to find out if Tony really was dead. She was racking her mind for anything that could possibly help. The body was too damaged for facial reconstruction. After all, not much of it was left at all.

McGee walked into her lab and put his arm around her shoulders. A second tear slipped down her cheek and her dark makeup began to run.

"I don't know what we're gonna do if it really is him, Timmy,"

"I know," he said. "I know… You're here really early today,"

"Try really late. That paperwork took forever to finish, and then I couldn't bring myself to go home,"

"He can't be gone," Abby said after a few minutes. "He can't,"

Ziva sat in the familiar chair at the familiar desk of her co-worker. Her friend. The man she loved. It was empty, and wrongfully so. She pulled open a drawer and pawed through looking at various scraps of paper. Some had his writing, others were typed. Ziva pulled out a piece of white printer paper. As she read it, she began to understand. Just like he always did, Gibbs flew in at that moment.

"Got somethin'?" He asked without even questioning her why she was sitting at Tony's desk.

"I think so. Read this," Ziva handed him his glasses with a small smile, the first time since she had arrived at work yesterday morning.

"A threat letter," Gibbs said. "Get this to Abby," As she left the squadroom, he noticed her cell phone had been left on her desk. Remembering what she said in her statement about the text she received, he opened the phone. Though he wasn't one to have much patience with modern technology, this was important. He couldn't wait for McGee or Abby to connect the dots. He had to see for himself.

Ziva leaned against the elevator wall, feeling helpless and useless. This small "room" had been so important to the team. She thought back to the time when she nearly told tony how she felt. They had been arguing.

"I'm tired of pretending,"

"So am I,"

So close. I should have taken the chance while I had it, Ziva thought.