"I-I'm sorry..."
"Bella, no," he growled, placing his hands against the wall and leaning into it. "No, no, no..."
"What??"
"You can't love me. It isn't right, I won't let you do that to yourself."
"I-I can't really help it... I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry!"
"Well then tell me what I should be feeling, because you're really starting to confuse me!"
He sped over and grabbed me by the shoulders, glaring deep into my eyes.
"You. Don't. Love. Me."
"But... I do?"
"NO!"
I flinched.
He released me and flew to the other side of the room.
"I-I don't understand what this whole big deal is! I know you have some self confidence issues, but - "
"No. That isn't it."
"Then what???"
"You can't love me because you don't know who I am. What I've done."
"I don't care. I love the you that I know."
"Fine. That's... fine. But you don't love the real me."
"You can't know that..."
"But I do. It's you who doesn't know anything."
"Then tell me!! Tell me what this whole big deal is, so we can just get it the hell out of the way!!!"
"It was me!" He roared punching a huge hole into the wall. "I did it, it's my fault! You can't love me!"
"What... What's your fault?!" I shrieked, not really sure what any of this had to do anything.
What could he have possibly done that would make me not love him?
He isn't making any sense.
He walked over to me at a human pace, and glared down at me, his nostrils flaring from the unnecessarily deep breaths he was taking.
"You really don't remember, do you? Hm?"
"Remember what!?"
"That day. In the woods. What I did to you."
"I... I don't understand..."
"It was me, Bella. I'm the reason you are what you are at this moment. It's my fault."
And with that, he tore up the stairs without a single glance back.
I stood in place for a few minutes, the gist of what he said slowly registering in my brain.
I slowly walked up the stairs after him, with a look of sheer confusion plastered on my face, to find the front door wide open and the whole family - minus Edward - staring back at me.
"I'm so sorry," Alice whispered, looking close to tears.
Jasper had his arm wrapped around her, looking as though he was concentrating hard on something.
"Give it a rest," Emmett sighed towards him. "It won't work. Everyone's just too bummed out."
"I can at least try," Jasper hissed, shooting him a glare.
"Boys," Esme chastised.
"Is... is what Edward said true? I-I don't understand..."
"I'm sorry," Alice repeated. "It's true. It all happened so fast, I-I never got the chance to stop him..."
"Don't," Jasper whispered to her, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "You can't put any of the blame upon yourself. There's nothing anybody could have done."
"But you guys eat animals!" I shouted suddenly. "So... So why would he have... done that to me? Haven't you been all controlled for hundreds of years??? It-it couldn't have been him!"
"It was," Alice sighed, staring intently at me with her eyes all wide and apologetic. "I saw it myself. And, in a way, we all did."
"Huh?"
"His eyes," Carlisle chimed in.
"What about them?"
"The color changes for our kind, depending on our diet. Now, when we stick strictly to animals, our eyes stay a light brown. But when we feed on humans... They turn red. It's really quite noticeable. I could tell the moment he arrived home on that day, what he'd done..."
I never noticed that...
The way his eyes were different from everyone else when we first met.
It just didn't seem significant...
"I... I don't believe it. He couldn't have, he's not that sort of person - "
"Person?" Rosalie scoffed. "Get out of the fantasy world. None of us are people. Human. We're animals, this is what we do. Don't act so surprised."
"Rosie..." Emmett started, rubbing the back of his head anxiously.
She just shrugged.
"Somebody has to talk some sense into the girl. She has to learn sometime."
"Shut up!" I snarled. "Just shut up! You don't know anything, none of you do! He wouldn't have done this!"
Esme walked over to me very slowly, slower than a human pace, as if testing me.
"Bella, dear... As much as I truly wish there was a different explanation, I'm afraid there isn't. What's done is done, and Edward feels just horrible about the whole thing. It was just one moment of weakness, that's all it ever takes."
"No."
"Bella..."
"No," I whimpered, staring helplessly out the open door.
I couldn't look at them.
Not for one more second.
So I ran up the stairs to our bedroom and closed the door, flinging myself on to the couch and draping an arm over my eyes.
It's his fault.
EPOV
I'm coward.
A filthy, lowlife little coward.
Bella deserves more, so much more, more than I could ever possibly give her.
Someone who had enough self control to refrain from feeding off of her, and leaving her to die.
She can't love me.
So I ran.
Away from her, away from the house, away from everything.
Not caring if anyone saw me run past, my skin glittering in the sunlight...
I just didn't give a damn.
I couldn't let Bella see me, to grow more attached to me than she already is - if she is still willing to even look at me, that is.
My family will understand.
It isn't like this is the first time I've run away.
They know i'll return.
They know.
I ran until nightfall, deciding then that I should find a nice place to be alone with all my self loathing thoughts.
I settled upon a very Norman Bates-ish looking motel, renting out a room that could only be described as unsanitary.
This must be the one place that every sick porno in existence was filmed.
And nobody cleaned up after themselves.
I couldn't have possibly asked for better.
Three months.
That's how long I spent in that rat infested hell hole.
Three months alone to fester all of the hatred I felt towards myself.
Only once during that time did I bother to hunt.
Whatever town I'm in, I feel sorry for the little creatures.
Their blood was some of the worst I'd ever tasted.
And that's after having been starving myself for two weeks.
I don't even want to know the kind of filth they survive on.
Anyways, on the third week I was disrupted from my daily routine - laying on the ground, my face against the putrid carpeting, thinking over what I'd done like a good boy - by a phone call.
I answered, figuring it was just some of the staff getting worried about me or something, since I never let the cleaning ladies in.
"What," I mumbled into the phone.
"Edward," Alice responded eagerly. "Thank God, I finally found the right motel..."
"What do you want."
"Hey, don't take that tone with me!" She whined.
I could practically see her pouting face.
"Aren't you happy I called?"
"Do I sound happy?"
"Fine. Be sulky."
"State your purpose, please."
"I'm just calling to ask when you'll be coming home..."
"You've got the gift. Just see for yourself."
"I'm sick of looking at that pitiful picture!"
"I guess you'll just have to wait for it to change then."
"Edward.... We miss you. All of us."
"Not all of you," I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
"But we do - "
"No. Not Bella."
"Edward..."
"Just tell me she's not upset with me anymore. Tell me she wants me to come home."
Silence.
"That's what I thought."
So with that I hung up the phone, not allowing myself to feel the small amount of joy I got at having contact with my family again.
Back to my previous business.
But there was a knock on the door then.
Damn cleaning ladies.
Haven't they gotten it through their fat heads yet - I'm not letting them in!
Maybe I should just teach them a lesson.
Why not?
I've already done the worst thing imaginable.
What's one more body to the list.
So I moved the bed away from the door and flung it open.
"Edward..."
Dun dun dunnn! So, who is it that's paying our Eddie a visit? Find out in the next chapter of this now soap opera-ish story. xDD
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And to those who have been asking for the outtake chapter of Intern And The Vampire -- I'm SO sorry for the wait. I've just never had such an overabundance of responses before, it's insanity! But I'm doing my best to respond to each and every one of you.
Though I kind of have to ask... If you could post a review to IATV, if you want the chapter. I can't send it in a PM, this site just won't let me. It seems to only work in response to reviews... I'm sorry if that's caused any problems... :(