Soren
Shinon, you are SO immature! And as for the rest of you… sexual harassment is NOT funny!
Shinon said, "Uh, yeah, it is. Because I won."
You know I really expected better from you, Ike.
Ike didn't respond.
Now I'm going to recount a story from my leave with the other mercenary group. Listen up: if you ever run into a mercenary named Mikhael, he is not to be trusted.
When I was getting acquainted to the mercenary company, Mikhael was the only one who wanted to show me the ropes. He took me around; showing me the library, my quarters—where I spent many a lonely evening not being able to converse with Ike—and the kitchen, where the food almost always smelled like Rolf's feet and never looked any better than Shinon's face. It made me miss Oscar, and I don't even eat… very much.
But Mikhael did have a dark side, I found out when I caught him reading my diary. I was keeping some of my milder secrets in there just in case something like this happened, but I was still annoyed. He asked me, "Who is 'he'? The one you described as 'well-toned and impeccably rugged'?"
"You don't know him," I responded, as I snatched my diary away from him.
He asked me a very rude and intrusive question that I will not repeat for the sake of Rolf. I slapped him in the face, but… well you all know how I fare in hand-to-hand combat. He slapped me back and I fell to the ground. I bruised my flimsy body when it made impact. And he took my diary right out of my hands. I struggled to retrieve it but my efforts were in vain. I really didn't want him to read the last page. The one that confessed my undying love—and I know all of you can see through Ike's transparent closet!
"But I'm not… THAT transparent…" Ike protested, but it was futile. Soren had confessed and there was nothing now that could be done.
But, to my dismay, he had turned to that page. "Ooh…" he said, "My dear angelic hero, Ike, I cannot tell you how I feel. I know that I am not good enough for you. My only wish is to steal a kiss from your masculine lips, making me vulnerable to your desires…"
Shinon made an excessively loud gagging sound and said, "Sappy mush". Ike quickly pecked Soren on the mouth and then went back to what he was doing. Soren was nearly too flustered to resume his story.
Uhh…well, anyway, Mikhael started making embarrassing kissing noises and he took a piece of parchment and a quill from the library and started drawing. I noticed that he had drawn a sickly looking praying mantis with sharp claws. "This is your boyfriend," he said to me shoving it in my face.
Soren turned around to find Ike drawing a picture of an extremely buff praying mantis. Ike said, "More like, this is your boyfriend." Soren found it difficult to stifle his laughter.
Shinon said, "I didn't know Soren was dating Boyd now. What did you do?"
"No," Ike said, "That's me. Boyd is an extremely buff stag beetle. The praying mantis is reserved for me."
You guys are being really weird! Titania, perhaps I should cut my story short before these guys get any further.