(A/N: So….uh…..Hi?? Um, yeah. Getting this chapter out was seriously a pain in the ass. Sorry 'bout that. At first progress was at a crawl thanks to stupid writer's block, and then inspiration finally struck me in the middle of the night. And about the chapter title . . . I couldn't think of anything else -_-' Remember to thank my subconscious y'all! Anyways, go ahead and read now!)
The Light In The Darkness
Contentment
Rin just stared.
Her mouth was open partially in gape, her small arm still extended, reaching out to someone who was long gone. She couldn't believe it. Sesshomaru was gone . . . and she had this horrible sinking feeling that he wasn't going to ever come back. Something inside her seemed to crack, but it wasn't what most would think. This shell she had constructed for herself, it was cracking, but that was a good thing. Her mental shield was put up against the Pain . . . so that she wouldn't break and loose all her will to live. She realized now that she had been going on a little speck of hope of being saved, and now . . . and now, Sesshomaru only helped fuel that tiny spark. She closed her mouth and set her arm back down on her stomach. She stared at the ceiling, truly realizing what Sesshomaru had done for her.
It wasn't that she wanted him to leave, that she was glad; she was happy because he had done more for her than anyone else ever could. She knew that he had more than she could ever hope to repay. She had always felt strangely empty inside, like she had a gaping hole in her chest, one that had been there her whole life and was filled with pain and loneliness, but this right now was a different kind than what she was used to feeling. It wasn't physical hurt, more like the sensation that she was falling into an abyss. She had felt loneliness before, back at the house, but now it was much worse now that she had something to compare it to. But now that she was out of there – it felt like that hole had been hollowed out once more. No more did she have that horrible, crushing feeling that threatened to implode; now it was filled with even more anguish. She wasn't complete – and she knew that she never would be, not without Sesshomaru.
She supposed that she was happy, though, happy that she was alive. And that was what he wanted, right? For her to live? If it wasn't, then why would he have gone through so much trouble in getting her here? No, she wouldn't – couldn't – let him down. Rin was determined to live her new life to the fullest, to never let anything get her down, nor would she dwell on the bad things. She would be happy.
Just like Sesshomaru wanted.
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She did not know just how long exactly she had been at what she now knew as the hospital, but it had certainly been a while. Many things changed; like how she was getting used to her surroundings. She was able to recognize each one of the nurses or doctors footsteps, and she learned all their faces. Rin also was taught what a television was, and was almost used to having two small meals a day.
Some things hadn't changed, however. Rin still didn't talk, and she was still an incredibly light sleeper, who could not get herself to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. Also, she couldn't help but get extremely frightened when one of the doctors or nurses frowned at her, or told her that she had done something bad. That didn't happen often, however, most of the doctors knew of what occurred, so her panic attacks were easily dealt with.
She was now sitting on the ground in some room, what the nurses called it the 'play room'. Its walls were a bright turquoise, with beige carpeting. Rin was currently sitting awkwardly on the floor, her leg casts making it hard to get comfortable, but that didn't matter now. The small girl was being entranced, images forming in her mind, filling it with wonderment. It was story time in this room, the other children, like Rin, were sitting quietly and listening intently to the speaker.
The speaker was a middle-aged woman, with dark brown hair that was pulled back into a pony-tail. She had small, rectangular glasses that looked good on her long, oval shaped face. She had small, squinty chocolate eyes that wrinkled up whenever she smiled. Rin, despite her young age, could quite accurately judge one's character. She liked this woman, could tell that her grins' warmth was real, and noticed that when she smiled, so did her eyes. She couldn't tell that there was any bad inside this woman's heart, only good intentions and good ambitions. What she loved most of all, however, was her voice. She spoke with great clarity, and let the whole group that she was entertaining become under her trance when she read. Her voice was smooth and melodious, not nasally or raged like others' voices she had come to know.
She ended the story, and it took a moment before the daze lifted off of the children. Rin was beside herself. She had never before believed that something so wonderful could have existed. It was magical, this story of the princess that came from the moon and was born from a stick of bamboo. Even though Rin did not know what most of these things were, she still imagined them in her mind in what she believed to be like.
"Read us another one, Kaito-san!"
One of the children had come back to their senses and asked their speaker – now known as Kaito-san – and a chorus of voices erupted afterward, further encouraging their beloved reader. She gave a small chuckle, a very pleasant sound to Rin's ears, and picked up another book. The small girl, still not completely out of the first spell, instantly perked up and was determined to pay the fullest attention, trying to commit every word to memory.
After the story was done, the little girl tried to desperately keep hold of the wonderful feeling of bliss Kaito-san's voice left her in. It did not last, to Rin's disappointment. The speaker did not read another story to the children, and promised that she would continue on a new book that she would bring the next time she visited. She was met by another chorus of disappointed whines, but she politely dismissed them all.
With a small exile of her breath, Rin started the difficult task of moving to another spot. Those . . . books she read, she found that there were many more than she could possibly count on shelves to her right. The other children dispersed throughout the room, doing various things that Rin could not name, and left the books untouched. She thought what a waste, these magical things, books, just left there on the shelves. Then she mused that maybe it was because that Kaito-san was not reading that they did not want to ruin the beautiful magic that the speaker wove with her voice. That must be it.
Knowing that she wouldn't forget the sound of the woman's voice even if she tried, Rin decided that she would bravely go over there and get another one of those books. Then another thought came to mind. How would she understand anything? She was definitely not as well in tuned with this world in the Light as the others, but she just decided that she would study, to find what told the speaker where the story came from. She braced herself with her right arm, the one with the cast all the way up to her shoulder, and tried to curl her right knee under her so she could get into a position to stand. Before she could get into a good enough position, however, Kaito-san came over to her.
"Oh, you poor dear! Whatever happened to you?" she spoke in a soft voice. Rin, not knowing how to respond, and not really sure if she could make a sound if she tried, just looked up at the woman with her big, coffee-brown eyes. Since it had been a little while since she came here, her bruises were already starting to heal. She glanced around the other children, not understanding why the reader was giving her attention. When she looked back up at the woman, however, she found that her lips had twisted down into a frown. Instantly, an image of the Pain's face flashed into her eyes and she jumped, her muscles' spasm so big that she managed to flip over that she facing the woman on her backside. She started to cry, an uncontrollable action that always seemed to happen whenever that curving of the lips was aimed at her.
"Oh! Honey! What's wrong? Did I scare you?" Kaito-san tried again.
Rin cringed away at the sound of her voice, and was too hysterical at the moment to tell that the woman's voice was concerned for her, not angry. Not knowing what to do, mind going blank from anxiety, she simply sat there and shook.
"Kaito-san!"—Rin looked up at this new voice—"Don't worry about her, she always does that."
The reader turned to look at the child that addressed her. The girl was older that Rin, about Sesshomaru's age, she thought. She did not know this girl personally, not even her name, but she knew her character. One glance into her eyes and she could tell. She was vain and selfish, but in reality, she was afraid of adults, yet always wanted to be the center of attention. Rin did not hold her personality against her; it was not something she could help. The girl then glared at her, causing her panic to arise anew, sending her into further hysterics. Kaito-san gave the other girl a hard look, and Rin freaked.
"Now, now, Arisa-chan, that is no way to treat others," she said firmly, her voice lightly scolding. "Say you're sor—"
The woman was cut off by Rin as the young girl grabbed a hold of her sleeve. The reader looked down at her in surprise, which only grew as Rin frantically shook her head. She did not want punishment to go to the other girl, it was all Rin's fault, whatever it was that she did wrong. Maybe the woman was angry at her because she did not answer? It did not matter, because all thoughts had all but vanished, for she was blinded by the sheer panic gripping its way through her chest and constricting her lungs, making it hard to breathe. She barely heard the other girl, Arisa, scoff over her own heartbeat pounding in her ears.
"Look at Rin, being the little drama queen. All she wants is the attention of everyone," she said angrily as she crossed her arms, continuing her glare at her 'competition'.
Rin blinked. What's a . . . 'Drama Queen'? She asked herself, though the thought did not stay in her mind long enough for much consideration. She sort of understood what 'attention' meant, but she did not want what she was suggesting.
"Arisa-chan," Kaito-san said again, looking at her, and both girls knew what her unspoken demand was.
Rin jumped, and hurriedly tugged on the reader's sleeve, not wanting any hurt that was meant for Rin to go to this new girl, Arisa. She somehow knew that she had never experienced any pain like she had – and she wanted to keep it that way. She took fleeting glances between Kaito-san and Arisa, and barely registered through her panic that the woman's face turned thoughtful.
"Little girl, or should I say Rin?" she said, making Rin looked over at her, only to find that she was smiling. What was she doing? Wasn't she mad at Rin because Rin did something wrong? She tried to figure out what made Kaito-san's mood switch so suddenly. The woman turned to Arisa.
"Arisa-chan, I heard that the new doll that you wanted to play with came,"—the girl's head abruptly turned to her—"why don't you go and see if you can have a turn?"
The girl's eyes turned to Rin for a moment and gave one last considerably weaker glare, then nodded and turned to walk over to some other girls. The reader turned to Rin again.
"There," she said, her smile growing warmer. "Now, could you tell me why you're crying so?"
The little girl just stared at her with her dark, coffee-brown eyes, her panic starting to evaporate because of the woman's gentleness. She – with some concentration – unclenched her hands from her elder's shirt, the strain on her broken fingers causing them to throb, and the casts on them bite painfully into her skin, but she ignored it. She'd been through worse.
"You poor child, are you mute?" Kaito-san asked another question. Rin tentatively nodded her head, only knowing what that meant because she had heard some of the nurses call her that. The reader then outreached one of her hands, making Rin's inevitable red flags go up and she started to panic again. She tried to make her body calm down, tried to tell herself that Kaito-san wasn't going to hurt her, but she could not help herself. When the woman's fingers gently brushed against her swollen cheek to wipe her tears away, she jumped then shuddered away from the contact. When she unclosed her eyes to look at the woman's, she could see the subtle hurt and sadness in their gaze. She desperately wanted for her to understand that she was not scared of her, that it was an uncontrollable reaction, but she could not speak, not even when she wanted to.
She could tell that the woman was forcing to keep her smile, her eyebrows furrowing and her eyes growing moist. Rin did not know what to do, her mind growing blank, and she searched in vain for something to ease this woman's pain. Kaito-san then closed her eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. She unclosed her eyes, and her smile became less forced.
"Listen, Rin-chan. I have to leave now, but I will come again, and the next time I do, I promise that I'll . . . help you. In any way possible."
Kaito-san the reached out again, ever so cautiously, to pat the little girl's still bandaged head. Rin tried her best to keep her face clean, but could not help a small wince. The reader then nodded once, then stood, and turned and headed for the door, taking one last look at the girl. She then promptly left. Rin sat there, now more confused than ever.
Why would she want to help Rin?
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More time had passed, and Rin spent all the time that she could at the play room. Most of the time, to her disappointment, Kaito-san was not there, but the times she was, that was Rin's greatest treat. She discovered that even after many visits, her voice did not lose that ability to cast all around her under her enchantment. Kaito-san stayed true to her promise, that she would help Rin. Since the woman decided to start out small, she simply did what Rin wanted to do, which was to learn how to read. Now, starting from scratch with absolutely no knowledge of what most things were, this was a big bite to chew, but Rin was determined. It helped both of them that she was ready and willing, and that she was a fast learner. She soaked up every word that came out of Kaito-sensei's (now sensei because she knew what honorifics were) mouth like a sponge.
Days came and went, and Rin was currently being wheeled in her chair, coming back from her time in the play area. The nurse that was currently in charge of her, had to stop at the reference desk to fill out some forms, leaving the girl to study her surroundings more carefully. All was calm, really, and besides the usual hustle of the hospital employees, nothing else was out of the ordinary.
Rin, however, was not disappointed. Still she observed, taking in the slightest bit of detail. Kaito-sensei had taught her that one never stops learning, no matter where, who, or how old one is. She was not stupid, just uneducated. Being dumb means that one does not have the capacity to learn something to new, to be ignorant of things. Rin was not dumb, she can and will learn . . . she just needed a teacher. She was by no means unintelligent, and she knew that. She was often on the receiving end of many cruel jokes. She didn't even blink; she knew that most of the ferocity behind their words was mere jealousy because Kaito-sensei was spending more time with her than any of the other children. The reader wasn't that mean that she'd deny the children her stories, but with little kids, everything had to be fair. Kaito-sensei stopped them when she was there, but that didn't stop them when Rin was alone.
The normalcy was then disrupted. The emergency doors then flew open, and a horde of doctors rushed in, with them another one of those beds on wheels. People made way for the medical professionals, as they hurriedly tried to save the person on the bed.
Rin felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She did not know why this horrible feeling of dread suddenly washed over her, but her palms began to sweat and she just knew that something bad was about to happen, and it would be because of whoever was just brought inside. The doctors were blocking Rin's view of the person, but she heard her quite well.
"What the hell do you think you're doin'?!" she cried out as she thrashed around. "Don't touch me!"
Wind gusted through the room, sending tornadoes made of paper and anything light enough that wasn't tied down. People yelled and ducked as the wind gusts blew harsher. Some of the human doctors who weren't as strong as the youkai fell to the ground, and gave Rin a clear view of the struggling woman. A shot of pure terror went through her body and froze all actions around her. She knew that face.
I-it's the . . . the Loneliness!
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(A/N: Welp, this chapter was very boring, don't you say? *Sigh* Sorry 'bout that, being gone so long then coming back with this crummy update. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers, no? Oh, btw, Rin's fear of people frowning at her would actually happen. For her, frowns meant that she was going to get hurt. She obviously knows that that isn't true now, but irrational fears are the worst one could deal with. Even with Kaito (that's her sir-name, I still to get her a first name), she knows that she is a wonderful woman, but her fears get in the way. Oh, another btw, if you would like to know about Japanese honorifics, I have a thing about them in my profile that tells you what they mean. Leave a review or not, I don't think I really deserve one, but if you do I promise to answer/thank you in the next chapter, AND I won't take so long to update! Two for the price of ONE measly two-word review. You can't find these deals anywhere else, folks. XD)