A/N: IMPORTANT

Ok so the reason I haven't updated in nearly a week is because I've been a bit upset and so I haven't wanted to write. This probably sounds selfish but I was getting at least 70 reviews a chapter for Sparkling Angel and for this one, I got the same amount on the first chapter. The second chapter however, only got 30 which has really upset me.

Reviews get me excited and make me want to write because I know people are enjoying my story and waiting for the next chapter. I'm not going to write if a lot of people don't review because I'm busy and I normally write at 3am (like now) because I just don't have time to do it earlier. Now I know that people like this story as much as Sparkling Angel because it has over 300 alerts and over 500 people read the last chapter.

So please review or I will not post.

(I'm not being a bitch really I'm just busy and I feel like I'm wasting my time)

Also people have been worried that Christopher has lost his sarcasm...he hasn't. It's still there he's just happier...just wait until the Cullen's come to visit-he'll be back on top form.lol

And...this story isn't going to be ALL about sex although it is an important part of the story. I want to talk about the problems that arise when sex is included in a relationship as well as the good aspects. This story will be about Bella and Christopher growing as a couple and Bella making the important decisions needed to be made.

There will be jealousy, there will be heartache, there will be fluff...there will be smut.lol

So onto a looooong 3rd chapter!

After Christopher left, I cleaned the broken shards of plate from the floor and emptied the uneaten but ruined food into our stainless steel bin. My hands were still shaking as I watched the mixture of chicken and porcelain slip from the plastic dustpan I held in my grip. I wasn't shaking with fear; it was raw need that I could feel clawing in the pit of my stomach.

I thought I had felt passion with Edward, I had felt wanting of a physical nature, but I was wrong. There was something primal about Christopher, a chemistry that drew me in and held me helplessly. It was new; it was exciting, it was terrifying.

Taking a shower, I went over the events in my mind; wishing I had handled the situation better. I had sprung my desire on him, giving him no chance to consider the implications of my needs or the positive effect a sexual relationship would have on us. He as always, had only focussed on the negatives.

I climbed into bed that night, thoughts of Christopher in my mind; wondering where he was and what he was doing. I knew he would be back, I just didn't know when.

"Bella, wake up." A cold hand shook my shoulder gently, awakening me from my slumber. I groggily stared at the clock beside me, the illuminated number's read 2.30am.

I buried myself further into the covers. "Leave me alone, I don't have to get up yet."

Christopher's voice sounded in a small laugh as he pulled me closer to him, my back pressing against his chest as he nuzzled my neck. "We need to talk Bella." He whispered in my ear and memories from the night flooded back to me.

Almost instantly, electricity flowed through my body as I felt his hard chest pressed against me, memories of his earlier hardness grinding into me.

"Are you over your strop yet?" I muttered sarcastically as I stretched my body against him, waking up slowly.

He sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around me tighter, his cheek resting against my own with his chin against my shoulder. "I'm sorry I walked out on you. I couldn't be in here anymore; things would have gotten out of control."

I could hear sadness in his voice. "That's what I wanted to happen." I whispered into the darkness and I felt his sharp intake of breath as he splayed his hand against my abdomen, pushing his palm into my soft skin.

"That's what I can't handle. You want me as much as I want you." He whispered against my ear and goose bumps flittered across my skin.

I moaned softly. "I hate feeling like this." I admitted softly. "There's no escape from it."

I heard his gulp from behind me; I could feel the struggle that was ongoing throughout his body. "I know." His voice was deep and low, sounding rough in my ear.

"I want you so much." He declared as he pulled me once again closer to him.

As much as he said those words, I couldn't stop the niggling doubt that called in the back of my mind. "Are you sure?" My voice was weak, I sounded like the scared little girl I had been pretending not to be for months.

"You're beautiful Bella, on the inside and out." His words held a conviction that I wanted to believe in.

"But am I more beautiful than the other girls you've been with?" He sighed and began pulling his arms away from me but I held on tightly, looking over my shoulder at his dimly lit face.

"I know there have been a lot; you wouldn't answer how many earlier and that makes me more uncomfortable than if you'd have told me." I confessed, praying that if he did tell me it would be a small number.

It wasn't.

"I'm sorry Bella but I don't remember the total."

My hands quickly slipped from his arms as I sat up in bed, my back against the chocolate leather headboard. "Oh."

I brought my knees to my chest, resting my chin against them as I tried to process this information. "Please don't look like that Bella." Christopher implored me as he sat rigidly next to me.

"How do you want me to look?" I muttered sullenly, feeling bitter inside.

He was frustrated with my reaction, I could hear it in his voice and that incensed me all the more. "I've lived a long time. It's expected that there would be a few."

The way he brushed it off annoyed me even more. Didn't it mean anything to him? Did my feelings mean anything to him? "There were more than a few by the sounds of it." I pointed out hastily.

"Like I said, I've lived a long time so therefore it was pretty unavoidable."

"Edward managed to live a long time and still keep some morals." I snapped and instantly regretted it. Looking up, I watched his expression darken.

"Well the last time I checked I wasn't Edward. If I was I'd be combing my ginger hair and playing the piano while I wailed like a little girl 'cos thing's weren't going my way." He sneered.

My eyes narrowed on him. "His hair is copper-", I began to argue but he cut me off; "It's ginger!"

Then we both sat back, our arms folded across our chests and sulked in silence.

"Isn't it hard to come across other vampires?" I asked, a thought suddenly catching me.

He looked baffled as I watched him out the corner of my eye. "What do you mean?"

"Well it's not like you just walk down the street and bump into them. Edward told me there aren't that many vampires' out there, not compared to humans anyway. So how did you bump into so many that you lost count of who you slept with?" I wondered aloud.

His silence spoke volumes. "It wasn't just vampires was it?" I mumbled.

He shook his head quickly, not daring to look at me. "So you can sleep with humans, it's just me you can't sleep with."

My chest began to feel heavy, a pain settling behind my rib cage as a sickness began to form in my stomach.

"I slept with them for a different purpose Bella. I didn't...treat them...the way I'd want to treat you."

I didn't know what to say as a thousand horrendous images flew through my mind.

"You deserve to be treated differently. I'd never want to hurt you." He persisted.

I took a deep breath and buried my hands in my hair, my eyes tightly shut against the onslaught of mental images. "I needed you to explain that statement because I'm imagining things that I never thought you would do." My voice cracked as I began to get choked up.

"I don't know what you want me to say." His hard voice snapped at me and I flinched away, partly in fear.

I got up from the bed, and walked towards the window, my arms around my waist as I stood with my back to him. "Did you..." I found it hard to say the word. I gulped the bile down quickly that was rising in my throat. "Did you rape them?"

"NO!" He shouted, obviously shocked.

I turned to face him, shaking hysterically. "Well then what did you do?"

"I killed them." Shame was in his voice but I felt a huge amount of relief, relief that showed on my face as I breathed out a happy sigh.

He stared incredulously at me. "You think that makes it ok?" It was his turn to look at me like a monster.

"No of course not." I walked towards him trying to defend my response. "It's just that I already knew that you had killed people. I've accepted that already. I panicked when I thought there was more."

I smiled tentatively at him and placed a hand on his bunched shoulder which he quickly rubbed off. "I didn't kill them because of the thirst Bella." He mumbled, turning his face away from me.

My heart started beating erratically in my chest. "I would seduce woman daily, it was like a sport to me." He snorted. "I would sleep with them but I wasn't careful with them. I would lull them into a false sense of security and then I would hurt them when I was done." He was silent for a few seconds. "I tortured them for pleasure as my friends watched and cheered."

His confession sent shock waves through me. A second later I was lying on the bathroom floor as I vomited the water I had drunk before bed, into the toilet. I felt cold hands pulling my hair from my face as Christopher rubbed my back in soothing circles and cooed comforting sounds.

"I'm sorry I threw that at you like that." He apologised once my stomach began to settle and he placed a cold flannel on my cheeks which were burning with the force of my heaves.

"It's fine." I said after I had washed my mouth out, although it really wasn't. I pushed him softly away from me as I walked back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

Christopher left me in there alone for a while and I was grateful for the peace. My arms rested on my thighs as I sat with my clasped hands out in front of me. I bit my lip in concentration; a look Christopher had come to name my 'thinking face.' He always said it with a groan which was normally fitting because ordinarily an argument which had been brewing inside of me would erupt soon after.

"Do you want me to leave?" His soft voice called from the doorway and I looked up to find a broken shell of the creature I loved.

Did I want him to leave? Was killing someone he'd just slept with any worse than killing a stranger he bumped into on the street? Did the personal act make it any worse? No, that wasn't what bothered me; it was the torture.

"You said you tortured them after you were done. Does that mean the sex itself had finished?" I asked in a small voice, trying to understand the implications of his confession.

"It was after, yes."

"So you tortured them after the two of you...you know...and once everything was finished. You could have been standing a metre apart, hypothetically?"

"I don't understand what you are getting at but yes, we could have been a metre apart. Anything sexual was finished."

I took a deep breath and looked at his tormented face. "Then what's the problem?" I asked suddenly.

He stood tall and straight, looking worriedly at me. "Bella I tortured people." He pointed out again in a disgusted tone.

I nodded sadly. "I know." I took a deep breath and then walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, his arms still by his side. "I dealt with the fact that you killed innocent people a long time ago. You aren't a monster anymore and I know that. You're a different person now." I whispered into his chest.

I felt his lips brush softly against the top of my head as his arms moved to encircle my shoulders. "I'll never know what I did to deserve you."

I slowly raised my head and looked into his eyes. "You fixed me."

A small smile appeared on his face, one filled with love and devotion. Pulling away from him, I grasped his hand and led him to the bed. He laid back and I followed suit, my head resting against his chest as he played softly with my hair.

"I'm sorry to keep mentioning this, but you definitely said it was after didn't you." An argument was forming in my mind.

"Yes." I could hear the annoyance in his voice that I kept repeating the same question.

"And they were alive until that point." I pointed out.

"Yes."

"You didn't kill them during the act." I pressed.

"Yeees..." this confirmation was drawn out; he was slowly piecing together my point.

"Well then we can-"

He cut me off. "No." His answer was firm.

"Well are you planning on torturing me after?" I challenged not understanding his argument, mine was valid.

"Of course not." He scoffed, angry at the suggestion, disgust lacing his tone that was mixed with hurt at the idea.

"Then what is the problem?" I challenged.

I felt him take a few deep breaths. "I wasn't exactly gentle with them." He admitted before hurriedly adding; "I didn't break any bones or make them bleed or anything, but I was definitely not careful."

"Oh." That seemed to be a popular answer with me tonight.

"I'm scared I won't be able to be gentle with you." He continued softly, his fingers still running through my hair. "I don't know how to be."

"Yes you do." I countered, looking up into his eyes; eyes that showed an immense amount of fear. "You're being gentle now."

His hand stilled on my hair for a second. "This is a different situation." He argued as I laid my head back on his chest.

"Look I'm not going to push this," I began; "but I trust you." I gave a sigh. "I guess we are going to live the rest of our lives frustrated then." I mused, trying to joke in order to lighten the mood.

A small laugh left his lips and I smiled for the fact that I could cause that reaction in him. I alone caused that reaction in him. He pulled me closer to him, sliding my up his chest so he could nuzzle my neck. "There are things you can do to prevent that you know." He whispered in my ear and I looked at him in complete confusion.

"Like what?" He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and amusement danced in his eyes.

"You could take care of your needs yourself." He suggested in a teasing manner, although I could tell he was completely serious.

My cheeks burnt bright and I ducked my head from his eyes. "I'm ok thank you." I muttered as I tried to regulate my breathing.

He let out a hearty laugh at that. "It's perfectly natural Bella." He assured me. The conversation was too much for me and I felt an overwhelming need to run and hide. I settled for moving away from him and turning so that my back was facing him.

"Bella?" He called softly as he ran his hand along my side. "Don't hide from me please." He begged softly and I felt the bed shift as he moved closer to me.

"It's too embarrassing." I murmured, really wishing he wouldn't mention it again. I had never done...that. I never planned to.

"It's not Bella, everyone does it." He assured me, laughter in his voice.

"Oh really, do you?" I retorted quickly trying to find an argument back. His answer surprised me.

"Yes. On occasion I do."

"What?" I breathed the word in shock.

"Don't be so surprised. Sometimes a cold shower isn't enough." He laughed a little before adding; "although it would probably have a greater effect if I could feel the cold." He mused, obviously feeling like a comedian since his conscience had lifted.

I picked up a pillow and spinning around quickly to face him, I hit him around the head with it. "Stop laughing at me." I scolded before flopped back onto my side. I could feel the bed shaking with his silent laughter as I tried to control my embarrassment.

"Christopher?"

"Hmmm?" He started rubbing my back again.

"I wouldn't know what to do." I admitted as my cheeks continued to burn brighter.

I heard his sharp intake of breath and I smirked a little, knowing he was imagining something. "Just do whatever feels natural." His voice was hoarse.

I smirked a bit more. "I'll think I'll leave it." I muttered.

We laid in pleasant silence for the rest of the night and soon sleep consumed me. My dreams were filled with Christopher and what would happen if he ever leaned to trust himself more.

The sound of a ringing phone woke me the next morning. "Tell them I'll call them later." I moaned into the pillow but the incessant shrill continued.

Lifting my head slowly I saw a note on the pillow beside me.

Gone to get you some of those pancakes you loved so much.

X

I smiled to myself a little as the ringing of the phone ceased and I read the message. A second later, the phone started again.

Leaning over I groaned a little, especially seeing the name on the caller I.D; this would be too hyper for this time of the morning.

"Hi, Alice." I yawned into the phone.

"It's about time Bella, I knew I'd wake you with the first call but I expected you to answer. I didn't see the note at first; it's great to know that although you are with Christopher ALL the time you still ignore me for him." She teased me. "I can't believe you chose a note over me." She continued.

"I didn't even know it was you calling." I laughed a little.

"So tell me all about your first day and don't leave anything out."

"Why? I'm sure you saw it all." I countered.

She sighed. "Yes but it's more fun to hear about it. By the way, I'm not sure how I feel about Leanne." She sounded a bit disgruntled.

"Why?" Suddenly I was worried; it would be my luck to make friends with the resident psycho of Harvard.

"She has last season's hair." She pointed out quickly.

"And...?"

"Her Converse are dirty." She mumbled.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alice are you jealous?"

She snorted down the phone in an unattractive and very un-Alice way. "Oh please! Of course I'm not, I'm your best friend and I know that you wouldn't replace me." She sounded very sure of herself. Until she added the last part. "Right?"

I couldn't help but laugh loudly at that. "Of course. I miss you Alice, I wish I could see you."

"Me too." She sounded distracted. "Are you looking forward to your birthday?" A feeling of dread settled in my stomach. I had managed to successfully avoid thinking about the upcoming date, not wanting any reminders of my last.

"Not really but luckily for me, no one knows my birthday here; not even Christopher."

"Really?" She sounded suspiciously accepting of this.

"Alice, I'm warning you not to tell him." I put as much menace in my voice as I could muster.

She just giggled. "Well if you don't want him to know, I'd keep him out of the house at around 11am next Friday morning. I can tell you that a large package of presents will be arriving by courier followed by a bunch of celebratory balloons from your mum as well as a gift from her and a little present from your dad."

She was so sure of herself, then again; this was Alice. "Card's will also start arriving throughout next week. I think you'll receive the first one on Tuesday. That's not definite though." She mumbled. I could just imagine her sitting with her eyes closed, a look of serene peace on her face.

"Well I'm sure I can divert him from the mail, the presents from my parents might be a problem though." I mused.

"Not to mention the package from us." She squealed a little.

"Alice, I hate presents you know that!"

She sighed. "I know but it's to make up for last year." She sounded extremely sad. "At least you won't get attacked this time; we just wanted to make it special."

The guilt she was placing on me was a tool she knew how to use well. "You didn't spend a lot did you?" I grumbled in acceptance.

She laughed loudly knowing she'd won. "No, I wanted to spend more but Edward wouldn't let me."

This was the first time she had mentioned Edward in two months. "Sorry." She said softly.

"No it's ok. I want to hear about him, is he ok?" My voice sounded unsure but I was curious, I missed him deeply. More than I missed Alice even.

"He's ok." There was a sadness in her voice that I wished wasn't there. "He's been playing a lot of music lately; he's made some beautiful new compositions."

"Oh, that's good." I didn't know what else to say.

"Well I should probably go; Christopher will be back with pancakes any moment. Enjoy your dinner with Leanne later...that should be interesting." She sniggered a little and before I could ask why, she ended the call as the front door to mine and Christopher's apartment slammed shut.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"What would I do there? Slip the food into my pocket when people weren't looking?" Christopher raised an eyebrow at my question. I had asked him several times already if he wanted to come to dinner with Leanne and I, but each time he declined. I was just worried about leaving him to get lonely.

"But will you be ok here by yourself?" I felt so guilty leaving him. I'd only started college the day before and already my new social life was interfering with our relationship.

He walked towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "I'm sure I'll be ok."

He stepped back from me and released my shoulders. "I've locked the windows and doors and I promise to be a good little boy and not answer the door to strangers." His face was completely straight as he said this.

"You forgot about the phone. Don't answer the phone either." I instructed and poked my tongue out at him.

I looked in the mirror again to make sure I looked ok. I was wearing a dark blue vest top, dark blue skinny jeans and black flats. My hair was twisted into a clip and the back of my head, leaving loose strands to fall down and frame my flushed face. "Do I look ok? Should I wear black jeans to split the colour up?" I wondered aloud. Seeing everyone at Harvard the day before had made me slightly uncomfortable. Mostly everyone was a mini Alice.

"No, you look cute as a smurf."

I threw my hairbrush at him.

Unfortunately it broke on impact.

The walk through campus was heavenly. It was warm out but a soft breeze blew against my skin as I took in the scenery around me. There were several groups of students scattered around the grounds, everyone seeming to make fast friends. I guess that was one of the benefits of living on campus, everyone was thrust together.

I found Leanne's building easily and began my ascent up the stairs. I had never been in the campus apartments and I was surprised at how basic everything looked. There was just a staircase and a series of doors with room numbers on it; nothing special at all.

The steady bass of music thrummed in my ears and as I got closer to my destination I realised the party was coming from inside. I pounded heavily on the door, wondering if anyone was likely to hear me.

Someone did.

The door swung open and there in the centre of the room, being held upside down from her ankles by a muscular student was Leanne as she drank from a keg of beer.

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

A/N: hmmm so what do we think will happen here?lol

Any thoughts on Leanne or what Bella might get for her birthday from the Cullens?

Anyone who doesn't know what a smurf is, google image it.lol

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