A/N:
Ok the first song is Fall Out Boy- This Ain't A Scene. The second is Gavin DeGraw- I Don't Wanna Be. The third is My Chemical Romance- Teenagers and the fourth and final song is Bloc Party- Banquet.
This chapter is huge btw.
I am an arms dealer.
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care, which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress
"Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug!"
I couldn't believe what I was seeing in front of me. That's why Alice had been so cryptic, had she known my new friend was a party animal?
"She's amazing isn't she?" A tall, lanky boy who seemed blessed with acne watched Leanne in awe from beside me.
"She's sure is something." I answered dryly. We were supposed to be going out for a quiet meal, a way for us to get to know each other better.
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I wrote the gospel of giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
But the real bombshells have already sunk
(Pre-Madonnas of the gutter)
At night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep
Crashing not like hips or cars
No, more like p-p-p-parties
The music continued to thump around us as Leanne continued with her challenge. I watched as her face turned a darker shade of red both from the strain of constant gulping whilst being upside down and the effect of blood rushing to her head.
Hopefully it will reach her brain because it obviously isn't working at the moment. I though harshly.
A second later, she couldn't take the pressure anymore and beer sprayed from her mouth landing on spectators who praised her as she righted herself to her feet. I watched entranced at her carefree attitude, why couldn't I be like that?
A huge smirk on her face, I watched as she swung her head to the music, wiggling her shoulder's and hips to the beat of the music with her arms in the air above her head.
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
Bandwagon's full. Please, catch another
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
All the boys who the dance floor didn't love
And all the girls whose hips couldn't move fast enough
Sing until your lungs give out
"Bella!" her exclamation sounded a second before she launched herself at me, almost knocking me on the floor.
"You came!" She cried happily, grabbing my hand and pulling me along to the small kitchenette. "Have a beer." She thrust a bottle at me after searching through a cooler.
"Ooh do you want to try the keg, its amazing!" She gushed as she pulled me towards the metal contraption in the centre of the living room.
"No, I don't drink." I shouted over the music as I struggled against her strong grasp.
"What?" She couldn't hear me as she continued to push me into the centre of the room.
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
(Now you)
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
(Wear out the groove)
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
(Sing out loud)
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
(Oh, oh)
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
"I said I don't drink." I screamed loudly as the music stopped, ending the song that had been blasting in the background.
Everyone turned to look at me as though there was something incredibly wrong with me.
Was there?
"Oh." Leanne looked confused for a second before her face brightened, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Then how about a fruity cocktail?" She suggested as she pulled me back towards the kitchen.
"No alcohol?" I questioned.
I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
She beamed a bright smile at me. "Of course not. Go and find a seat and I'll mix something fruity for you...unless you want a splash of alcohol in it."
I started shaking my head but she continued. "Just a smidge. It won't really have much of an effect; it's really just for taste."
I looked around me and saw that everyone else seemed to be carefree and filled with bliss. I wanted that too, instead I was standing with my coat still wrapped securely around me feeling insecure and overwhelmed. A splash wouldn't hurt...right?
"Alright but just a smidge." I conceded as I pointed my finger at her, making my wish clear.
With that she went off to make me a tasty assortment of fruit juice.
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I managed to squeeze myself into a vacant spot on the couch, nestled beside a couple that were happy to express the passionate side of their relationship in public. Slipping my arms from my jacket, I looked around at the array of faces, noting that everyone seemed different.
Some people were extremely well built making it obvious that they were athletic; some were slight in frame and pale; the term 'science camp' springing to mind as I looked at them. Some were Goth's who dressed completely in black and appeared to be smoking an illegal substance and some were just average people who didn't seem to belong to a group. With this thought in my head though, I went on to think that those 'average people' who I would include myself in, were technically a group on their own. Was it possible that everyone fell into a category and I hadn't even realised it?
A hard hand nudged my shoulder, breaking me from my silent analysis of life. "Here you go; you will feel more comfortable after this." Leanne dropped onto the arm of the sofa as she handed me a drink that was pink in colour.
"You promise this doesn't have too much drink in it?" I looked at her in the back of my mind I knew she was lying when she said "no."
For some reason though, as I looked around at my fellow classmates and I saw the fun everyone seemed to be having, I couldn't stop myself from taking the first sip.
Or the second.
Or the third.
Can I have everyone's attention please
See, not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be
I don't want to be
I don't want to be
I don't want to be
"I know!" I shouted loudly over the music as Leanne and I sat on the floor with our backs resting against the sofa and our legs spread out in front of us.
"But it's ok," I said sarcastically; "because even though he slept with that...that...skank", I spat the word; "he still loved me." I followed the sentence with an indignant snort.
I waved my empty glass towards Leanne who refilled it quickly with the pitcher she had made up an hour before. We had managed our way through three so far.
"And then he just expected me to forgive him." I took a quick sip of my drink as Leanne stared at me with wide eyes, enthralled by my story.
"But you know, I told him...NO. No no no no no!" I stamped my foot on the carpet in emphasis.
"Well it sounds to me that this Edward has a superiority complex." I looked at Leanne, puzzled by her observation.
"Well he left and then he just expected you to be sitting around waiting for him. If that's not someone who's overly confident and thinks highly of themselves then I don't know what is." She explained before gulping down a large portion of her drink.
I thought about this for a few moments before nodding my head softly. "You know, you're right."
"Of course I'm right." She responded quickly. "About what though?" She added as an afterthought.
"He was always rushing around trying to play God and save the world. It's like the time he saved me from a car. That could have been my time to die but he just had to interfere!" I exclaimed.
"He always thought he was better than everyone else." I confided in her. "Including God it would seem...or fate, whichever you believe in."
The two of us swallowed some more of the punch Leanne had concocted. "I don't really believe in anything." She said slowly before raising the pitcher of alcohol in front of our faces. "That's not quite true, I believe in the healing qualities of this stuff." She giggled before pouring some more in our glasses.
They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies on the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you son
So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
Cause they got methods
Of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip off your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine
"Ooh we have to dance to this song!" Leanne demanded as she grabbed my hand and dragged me up off of the floor.
I grabbed onto her shoulder and whispered into her ear. "I can't dance."
"Of course you can. Can you sway your hips slightly?" I nodded.
"Can you wiggle your shoulders and at the same time?" I nodded.
"Can you hear the beat?" I nodded again. "Then you can dance." She said firmly whilst grabbing my hand and hoisting both herself and I up onto the coffee table.
They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did
They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
Whoa yeah!
"Just follow my lead." She shouted over the music as hoots of encouragement sounded from the men in the room.
I felt her hands on my hips as she pressed her chest to my back and we moved as one, swaying softly to the music. Maybe I could do this I thought suddenly, it wasn't that hard. I didn't move my feet at all, knowing that it would result in me falling off the table which seemed to be holding our weight surprisingly well.
They said now teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not meSo darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
All together now,
Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
Feeling surprisingly brave, I slivered down her until my knees were bent slightly against my chest before wiggling up until I was standing at full height. That little move was met with a loud applause and I watched as several men stood with their mouths open watching the two of us.
I was spun around quickly by Leanne who placed me to face her. "Put your leg in between mine." She whispered in my ear and I quickly followed her instructions, placing my right leg between hers and she did the same to me with her own leg.
"Now wiggle and grind." She instructed. "They'll go crazy." She giggled and she was right, they did.
A heart of stone, a smoking gun
I can give you life, I can take it away
A heart of stone, a smoking gun
I'm working it out
Why'd you feel so underrated?
Why'd you feel so negated?
Ha, ha
I lost count of the amount of songs we danced to that night. I was consumed by Leanne's infectious personality and the large quantity of alcohol I had consumed. For the first time in my life I felt confident, like I belonged. There was no judgement as I danced upon the table, only encouragement by my peers to enjoy myself. No one was telling me I was acting immature, no one was telling me that I was putting myself in danger and that I needed to be careful. For the first time in almost two years, I finally felt free to do what I wanted. I wasn't being controlled or told what to do, I could finally just be.
Turning away from the light
Becoming adult
Turning into myself
I wanted to bite not destroy
To feel her underneath
Turning into the light
I swayed my hips softly to the addictive beat of Bloc Party, listening to the music that at that moment represented me completely. I was changing, I was growing, and I was becoming an adult.
"Oh Bella look at tall and handsome over there. I hope he's studying English." Leanne drawled in my ear.
I looked around the room quickly, not really caring who she had her eye on now but I was curious who her latest obsession was. She had pointed out at least ten different men to me in the past hour, proclaiming them to be 'perfect'.
As my eyes strayed to the direction of the front door, I knew immediately who she was whispering about. A slow smile spread across my lips as I took in his appearance, black jeans and boots, a soft grey silk button down shirt and a scowl. The hungry look in his eyes as he looked at me caused me to bite my bottom lip softly as a small moan of pleasure escaped my mouth; a moan he could no doubt hear.
All the females in the room were entranced by his imposing and glorious figure and a surge of excitement ran through me, knowing that he was all mine. I listened to the words of the song and I shimmied down to the base of the table with my arms in the air, before slowly rising back up.
She don't think straight
No, no, no she don't think straight
She's got such a dirty mind and it never, ever stops
And you don't taste like her and you never, ever will
And we don't read the papers, we don't read the news
Heaven's never enough, we will never be fooled
Turning away from the light
Becoming adult
Turning into myself
I wanted to bite not destroy
To feel her underneath
Turning into the light
He slowly stalked towards me like I was prey, our eyes connected the whole time.
"Oh my God, he's coming over." Leanne exclaimed beside me as she wiggled more frantically beside me.
He stopped directly in front of me a look of darkness in his eyes that I wanted desperately to get lost in. I watched in slow motion as his large hands lifted to the front of my thighs before running slowly up to my hips.
"You've been drinking." He observed as my hips continued to move under his hands.
I spun around quickly in his hands, not understanding how I didn't fall. Feeling brave and perhaps stupid, I decided to try a new trick. Following my previous move of sliding right down to the base of the wooden table, I slid slowly back up; this time thrusting my bottom outwards into Christopher's face.
"Only a little." I replied coyly.
I wanted him and tonight, I would have him.
A groan sounded from his lips before his hands tightened on my waist and spun me back around to face him. I was aware that Leanne had stopped dancing beside me and like the rest of the females in the room, was staring unashamedly at the performance we were giving.
He was staking his claim on me and I was doing the same to him.
"We're going home Bella." His voice sounded strained.
"Ok Christopher." I said sweetly in return before I was swept off my feet and flung over his shoulder, my head now looking at his upside down back as my legs dangled over his chest. One if his large hands were wrapped around my ankles, holding me in place as he strode towards the door.
"Bye Leanne." I shouted over his shoulder as I waved with a grin on my face.
"Bye Bella, It was nice to meet you Christopher."
I giggled at his grunted reply.
And if you feel a little left behind
We will wait for you on the other side
And if you feel a little left behind
We will wait for you on the other side
'Cause I'm on fire
'Cause I'm on fire when you come
'Cause you know I'm on fire
'Cause you know I'm on fire so stomp me out
I stumbled through to our bedroom, Christopher following silently behind me. "I left my coat." I moaned as I tripped through the doorway.
Turning to face Christopher, a wicked smile filled my face; "Oh well, less clothes to take off I guess."
A look of amusement played on his lips as he watched me try to navigate backwards to the bed. I thought he would have been angry at me for the state I was in; he however, seemed to find it funny and was actually happy that I had enjoyed myself. I never knew where I stood with him.
The look of amusement on his face was quickly replaced with fear and shock as I pulled my top over my head, leaving me to stand in a demure black silk bra.
"What are you doing?" His voice was hoarse as he stood in the open doorway, his arms folded across his chest.
"Getting ready for bed." The innocence in my voice was forced and he definitely knew it.
I let my finger tips trail down my stomach until they came to rest on the silver button of my jeans. Watching him the whole time, I released the circle of metal and slowly slid the metal of the zip down.
His eyes were black as he watched me, his posture tense as though he was fighting himself from pouncing. Placing my palms to my hips, I pressed downwards, sliding the material down my thighs. The art of seduction couldn't have been my thing however, because soon I lost my balance and fell backwards onto the bed, my legs still tangled in my jeans.
"Can you help me?" I groaned as his chuckle filtered through the room.
I watched him silently as he crossed the room to me and placed his cold fingertips against the waistband of my jeans which was located above my knees. He slid the material carefully from my body, his cold touch gliding across my skin. I shuddered in response to his cool fingertips trailing along my skin that strangely burned me from the inside. I was on fire and I knew that the flames would be out of control soon if he didn't douse the flame that was growing within me.
I moaned in impatience as he tugged the denim from my feet and discarded the material to the floor. The only sound in the room was my panting breath as I waited for a silent and still Christopher to rise from his spot at the bottom of the bed. He didn't move for what felt like an eternity though, he just stayed crouched whilst he looked at me in only my underwear; the closest to naked he had ever seen me. I remembered back to the time we left Forks and stayed at a hotel in Seattle; the way his head was twisted away from my indecent image the following morning. There were no signs of his previous gentlemanly behaviour as he took me in now; memorising each aspect of me skin.
I knew I should feel self conscious as he looked at me but I wasn't. Perhaps it was the alcohol in my system that gave me a temporary illusion of confidence, or perhaps it was the look of devotion and desperate need that was in his eyes that reassured me I was beautiful...beautiful to him at least and really that was all that mattered.
I knew if I was to get what I wanted, I had to play it carefully. Sly was never my strong point though and I probably would have been more convincing if I was sober.
"Christopher?" I tried to purr; to sound seductive...I just slurred and gurgled a bit.
He shook his head a little before looking to my face, clearing his head of his hopefully sexual thoughts.
"Yes?" The gravel in his voice sent a shock to the pit of my stomach, flowing the heat other; more sensitive parts of my body.
"I feel weird." I murmured to him, keeping eye contact as I rubbed my legs together a little, trying to control the heat that was building between my thighs.
Worry flashed in his eyes before he moved to lean over my side. "Do you feel ill?"
A wicked smile lit my face that I couldn't control. So much for sly. "No I feel healthy. I'm hot though." I murmured quietly as his eyes narrowed on me.
"Really?" His voice was dry with disbelief. "I'll open a window then."
He moved away from me as though he was going to carry out his threat and my hands caught his shirt. "No." He raised a perfect eyebrow at me in question. "You would cool me down if you just lay beside me." I pouted, congratulating myself at how well I was fooling him. He didn't have a clue about my plans.
His lips twitched slightly and I could see the smile he was trying to suppress. A moment later, he was lying next to me as still as stone; not touching me at all. I scooted towards him a little and he made no move to stop me as I curled up against him.
"You don't feel very hot." He mused.
"I am in certain places." I whispered softly in his ear as I blushed. My confidence levels weren't high enough to prevent that.
He laughed heartily then and the body shook beneath us as I scowled at him. He looked at me then with dark eyes but a smile in place. "Maybe you should have that cold shower we talked about before Bella."
Damn, I was caught. He watched me for a reaction. Fine, if you want to be like that.
"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me more about your other suggestion." I said sweetly. That did it. His eyes turned black in a second as he gulped and tensed.
"I told you all that I could." He whispered hoarsely.
"Then show me." (A/N: The lemons sort of start here. Stop reading if you don't like and I will give a brief overview of what you missed at the end.) I pressed myself against him more firmly, my breasts crushing against his chest. The cold feel of his muscle caused my nipples to tighten to points that were almost painful.
He shot off the bed quickly and was at the other side of the room before I could blink.
"I can't Bella." There was a pleading quality in his tone and I was sure I was close to some sort of victory.
I pouted at him in the darkness. "But I don't know what to do." My act of innocence continued, of course I knew. He knew that I knew but I refused to admit to this particular knowledge. I wanted his encouragement, I wanted him and he knew that also.
I moved onto my back. "I can't keep on like this Christopher, it's almost painful but I don't know how to end it. You have to show me." I whispered continuously, begging him to participate.
"I can't." There was a hint of anger and frustration now.
I remembered his words from the night before. Just do whatever feels natural.
(Lemons definitely start here!)
I trailed my fingers of my right hand over my collarbone and let them glide softly downwards to the valley between my breasts. "I don't particularly know what I like. Will I like it if I do this?" as I asked my question, I let my hand fall to my right mound, cupping it gently in my palm as I swiped my thumb across my hardened nipple. I sucked a breath between my teeth as I felt a wave of tingly pleasure run through the point.
I heard Christopher hiss silently, still hidden in the darkness.
"Or this?" I whispered into the darkness, no longer embarrassed by the show I was giving. I pinched the swollen peak between my thumb and index finger, rolling it slightly as I gasped in pleasure. I felt moisture build in the junction between my thighs as warmth and wetness mixed behind the barrier of my matching black silk panties.
I became lost in the feelings as I lifted my left hand to join my other in its actions, giving attention to my previously ignored breast. My back arched off the bed slightly as currents of pleasure continued to run down the writhing length of my body. It felt electric, surges of power dominating my body.
"Do you like it?" A deep voice broke through the darkness. I had forgotten the purpose of this, it was meant to be an 'act'. I wanted to tempt him, yet at some point it had moved from a show to a necessity. I needed this to be complete, not for him but for me; I couldn't stop if I wanted to.
I hadn't expected him to give up and participate so easily but I could hear the hunger in his voice. Perhaps, like me, he couldn't stop himself either. "Yes." I gasped.
"Please come closer to me, I want to see you." I begged him softly and watched in fascination as he stepped slowly towards me. Watching him watch me, set a new blaze through my body, raising the experience to a new level.
His body was stiff and wary, but he silently obeyed me, walking to my left hand side. His nostrils flared a bit as he took a deep breath.
"I can smell you." He said softly in his hoarse and broken voice. I blushed at his words, suddenly panicked that it wasn't a good thing and my actions stilled. Did I smell bad?
He knelt on the bed beside me and shifted so that he was lying down. His nose nuzzled my ear lightly as he whispered; "It's the sweetest scent I've ever smelt."
I moaned at his words and continued my actions, this time letting my right hand move down my body to the silk of my panties. I rubbed my fingertips lightly over the soft fabric, before letting them dip under the waistband. I felt my wetness immediately, the heat from it almost scorching me. Letting my fingers dip further between my wet lips, I touched on the bud of nerves that seemed to be quivering under my fingers.
"Oh!" I gasped as my back arched a little. Christopher groaned beside me and placed his face more firmly to my hair as though he couldn't bear to watch, but couldn't bear to be away either.
"I'm so wet." I muttered in awe and Christopher made moaned in a slightly high pitched tone. He sounded in pain.
I hadn't said those words to shock him; I had said them because I was shocked myself. Of course I had experienced this natural reaction when we had kissed before, but it had never been so extreme. It surprised me.
Rubbing the swollen numb harder now, my legs started to shake and my breathing came out in gasps. I didn't press my finger into me, knowing that the first thing I wanted to actually enter me; had to be Christopher's. I would save that for him.
As the feelings built in me, making the flutter in my stomach coil and rise under my skin, Christopher began trailing kisses across my cheeks and closed eye lids. I felt his lips touch the pulse point on my neck and trace up to my ear. He took my earlobe into his mouth softly as he blew his breath onto the sensitive area.
"Come for me Bella." His dark tone and the surprise of those words murmured in my ear did it. With one more flick of my fingers, I came undone; arching off the bed and falling into bliss with a silent cry. Once my tense muscles had relaxed and my body had turned to jelly, I pulled my fingers from the hidden confines of the silk.
"I love you." Christopher whispered softly to me and caught my hand in his. I watched with confusion, still unable to form words as he lifted my fingers to his lips and suckled gently. That alone was enough to get me burning again and noticing the look on my face; Christopher gently kissed my palm and chuckled softly.
"Go to sleep, you look exhausted." I started to protest but silenced them quickly with his next words; "we still have tomorrow." He promised.
A/N: I blushed the whole time I wrote the lemons, it was such a weird thing to do and I don't know if I've done them well.
Anyways, for those who didn't want to read the explicit parts, Christopher watched Bella masturbate.
I'm so sorry it took a while to update, my parents have gone on holiday and my boyfriend is staying with me...I've been distracted.lol
Also I was so excited about Breaking Dawn, I could hardly contain myself- am I the only one who is unbelievably disappointed. I loved parts of it but overall, I felt that she threw all the rules out of the window just to shock us. I didn't like that. The plot was certainly unexpected, but to me it was a little disappointing. What did everyone else think? I particularly didn't like the change she made in book two of breaking dawn (trying not to give any spoilers away for those who haven't read it), that just went against twilight completely!
Anyways, review please and let me know how I did. Criticise if needed but don't be too harsh please.lol