"Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, A whale of a tale or two,
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved, On nights like this with the moon above, A whale of a tale and it's all true,
I swear by my tattoo! There was Mermaid Minnie, met her down in Madagascar, She would kiss me, any time that I would ask her, Then one evening her flame of love blew out, Blow me down and pick me up! She swapped me for a trout! Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, A whale of a tale or two,
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved, On nights like this with the moon above,
A whale of a tale and it's all true,
I swear by my tattoo.
There was Typhoon Tessie, met her on the coast of Java, When we kissed I bubbled up like molten lava,
Then she gave me the scare of my young life,
Blow me down and pick me up! She was the captain's wife! Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads,
A whale of a tale or two, 'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved, On nights like this with the moon above,
A whale of a tale and it's all true, I swear by my tattoo. Then there was Harpoon Hannah, Had a look that spelled out danger, My heart quivered when she whispered, 'I'm there stranger', Bought her trinkets, that sailors can't afford, And when I spent my last red cent, She tossed me over board! Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, A whale of a tale or two, 'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved, On nights like this with the moon above, A whale of a tale and it's all true, I swear by my tattoo"
Lord Voldemort blinked a few times. He just couldn't believe that Lucius would do this to them. When Snape had told him about it he had tortured him for trying to deceive him.

He now knew the truth. Lucius was a muggle loving, tight wearing, Kirk Douglas impersonator.

And his lord was not pleased.

His lord was also sitting in a muggle theatre seat next to a big fat muggle woman who had a growling dog in her hands. The fat muggle was also looking Lord Voldemort up and down like he was a piece of dragon meet straight off the burner.

"Well, Ain't you jurst da curterst lil thring I done seen!" The fat monstrosity spat out at Lord Voldemort blushing as she (cough it cough) looked at him.

"Well, Aren't you the stupidest, fattest thing I have ever seen." Lord Voldemort spat back at her sarcasticaly as he wiped his face of her odd smelling mucus, which had splattered itself all over his face.

"Aww, Der you really mean irt?" She asked smiling widely, showing her mouth with black gaps and rotting teeth. "Tharts ther nicerst thring anyoners ever torld me!"

"What?" Lord Voldemort asked bewildered.

"Aw, Hurnny burnny... I lurve you!" The thing suddenly exclaimed as it threw its dog into the seat next to it and lunged onto Lord Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort then preceded to have a asthma attack and begin flailing his arms about wildly as he attempted to reach his wand. He managed to look down and see it being sucked into the lard of the muggle to be lost forever and never found again.

"NOOOOOOOUUUU! YOU FAT TUB OF SHIT! UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT!!! MALFOY!!!" Lord Voldemort began yelling frantically. "MALFOY!!! GET YOUR TIGHT WEARING, MUGGLE LOVING, KIRK DOUGLAS ASS HERE THIS INSTANT!! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A MUGGLE!! SHES GOING TO CONSUME ME!!!"

"Stupefy." a quiet voice came from behind the fat montrositys buttocks that was pointing in the air behind it.

The monstrosity suddenly fell off of Lord Voldemorts lap and began snoring as she cuddled up to an empty popcorn bucket which had been laying there littering the aisle.

Lord Voldemort brushed himself off, cursing underneath his breath about fat ugly imbecilic muggles.

"Um... Lord Voldemort? Why are you in a muggle theatre?" Came a stunned voice from in front of him.

His bright irritated red eyes shot up to look into Harry Potters wide green flourescent ones (stole tht from a Mary sue XD).

"Why, if it isn't Harry the-lightning-bolt-wonder-boy-who-should-have-died Potter. What a pleasant surprise." Lord Voldemort said as he stood up and glared at the boy standing before him in all his wonder.

"Why was my Aunt Marge making out with you?" Harry asked smiling devilishly.

"None of your business, Potter." Lord Voldemort huffed out. "Go Along and play now." Lord Voldemort waved his hand in the direction he wished Harry to go in... Away.

"Yes, Of course my lord Moldiness..." Harry grumbled towards Lord Voldemort who had fished out his smashed peeps out of his pocket and begun eating them.