SEVERUS The only way to get what you want is to become an Evil Overlord-Mistress yourself.
HERMIONE Can you do that?
SEVERUS My dear, know-it-all child. That's what I do. It's what I live for. To help unfortunate mudbloodfolk like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a wizard But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light, and made a switch To Potions And I fortunately know a little magic It's a talent that I always have possessed And Miss Granger, please don't laugh I use it on behalf Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be prettier
Severus points to a photo of Minerva McGonagal
That one wants to get the Quidditch Cup
Severus points then to a picture of Oliver Wood
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Oliver and Minerva run from their picture frames then embrace passionately in Salazar Slytherins portrait
Those poor unfortunate soul
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Severus, please"
And I help them! Yes I do
Now it's happened once or twice Someone couldn't pay the price And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals Yes I've had the odd complaint But on the whole I've been a saint To those poor unfortunate souls
Have we got a deal?
HERMIONE If I become an evil overlord-mistress, I'll never be with Harry and Ron again.
SEVERUS But you'll have your power, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh. Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment.
HERMIONE But I don't have-
SEVERUS I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle! What I want from you is - your hair.
HERMIONE But without my hair, how can I-
SEVERUS
You'll have your looks, your pretty face.
And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!
The men over there don't like a lot of fur
They think a girl who has hair is a bore!
Yet with evil it's much prefered for ladies to be bald
And after all dear, what is idle grooming for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with pretty locks
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who doesn▓t have hair who get's a man
Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy man and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your hair!
You poor unfortunate soul It's sad but true If you want to cross the bridge, my student You've got the pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath And go ahead and sign the scroll Goyle, Crabbe, now I've got her, boys The boss is on a roll This poor unfortunate soul
Beluga sevruga Come winds of the Caspian Sea Larengix glaucitis Et max laryngitis La hare to me
Now, flip your hair!
HERMIONE Aah...
SEVERUS Keep flipping!