A/N: First off: thank you for all the reviews. i don't think i can say it enough. my motivation comes and goes so without you guys, i'd probably still be stuck on the third chapter. Second: This has been a difficult chapter for me to write, probably the hardest yet. i wrote it a couple different ways but none of them were satisfactory. i'm still not completely satisfied but i kind of want to get to the next chapter already. is that bad of me? thirdly: "light-hearted" content is subjective but i'm pretty sure this isn't one of them. will you read anyway if i promise a "light-hearted" chapter next?

Chapter 13:

Sarah didn't need to open her eyes to feel the warm rays of the morning light cast over her head. She groaned, turned to face the other way, and buried herself deeper under the covers. Curled up underneath the blankets, she'd never felt so safe and warm.

All of a sudden her senses kicked in and she froze, the events of the last few days taking her spiraling down into a nightmare she feared she would never wake from.

"Morning."

The voice from the other side of the bed sent chills down her spine.

"Chuck?" She tossed the sheets aside, nearly falling over the mattress when she saw him, fully clothed no less, lying there beside her on top of the bed. "Chuck!" She felt every cell in her body amalgamate into the longest, deepest rush of relief as she threw her body on top of his.

Chuck smiled at her, but his eyes were far and away. When he patted her back, his hand never lingered for longer than the beat of a butterfly's wings.

"When did you get back?" she asked, clutching him tighter. She ran her hands hungrily across his face, trembling with excitement as she recalled the familiar terrain. She'd never felt so grateful her entire life.

"Not too long ago," he said.

Sarah smiled, promising herself she wouldn't cry. Everything was going to be okay. "Why don't you change out of these clothes?" she asked, undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Call the office and tell them you're not coming in today."

Or the day after. In the back of her mind she thought how she would never let him out of her sight again.

"Sarah," he said, stopping her before she got any further. He rebuttoned the buttons she'd taken apart and zipped his jacket closed. "I can't."

"Okay," she said quickly, afraid to show how much it hurt her. "But we need to talk. There are things I should have told you a long time ago." As she rushed to kiss him, he tilted his head and her lips fell short on one side of his cheek.

"Don't you think it's too late for that?" he asked, pushing her back.

Sarah was speechless. Her skin prickled with goosebumps and she'd never felt the bedroom grow so cold so quickly.

"Chuck!" she gasped.

"After everything that's happened, how can I ever trust you again?"

It was more than his words, it was the way he said them. So calm and collected; a complete one-eighty of Sarah's own emotions. She wished he would scream at her, sob, wail, curse, anything but this…this utter indifference.

"Chuck…" Sarah couldn't help herself. Tears sprang to her defense and she felt dizzy with despair. "Please, just listen."

"I'm sorry," Chuck said, sitting up on the bed now. "I can't." He took her hand and slid something into her palm, closing her fingers over the small metal object. "It's over, Sarah."

Chuck stood up, his left hand visibly bare at his side. Sarah couldn't even muster the courage to open her fist and confirm it for herself.

"Chuck, please," she cried. She'd never begged in her whole life; not even as a child lost and abandoned after a botched heist, not even when captured and threatened with imminent death, never.

But this was different. She'd never been so afraid in her whole life.

She was on her knees but Chuck's eyes barely registered any emotion at all.

"It's over, Sarah," he said. "I gave you too many chances."

The truth of his words left her speechless. Tears were all she had now, and she spent them like a rich man did money, using every last drop and knowing there was still more to be had.

What could she say to undo her mistakes? What could she say to make everything alright?

"Goodbye, Sarah."

As she raised her head, she saw him draw out a gun from his pocket, taking aim. It didn't even catch her by surprise; she welcomed it. It would be a kind departure from all this.

Do it.

She closed her eyes, and heard the bang—

.

Only it wasn't a bang, it was a loud beep.

Sarah woke in cold sweat, her breaths coming hard and fast and her cheeks dripping wet with tears. She sat up on the couch, trying to discern what was reality and what wasn't. Everything felt like one giant nightmare.

God, what time is it?

It was pitch black in the apartment but she found the darkness comforting. It made the empty space feel smaller and the loneliness easier to accept.

Suddenly she heard that familiar beep again, the one that was supposed to spell her doom. She lunged for her cell, staring anxiously at the white screen. When the message flashed, she sank back down, heavy with disappointment.

What did you think it would be? She knew the GPS on Chuck's watch had been destroyed. The tone hadn't been a call; it was a programmed reminder.

Dinner at Ellie's, it read.

Already? She couldn't believe it was already Friday. That meant Chuck had been missing for two days. Two miserably long days and nights.

She laughed weakly. Only two?

Sarah stared at the pre-programmed message. It was getting late. Ellie was going to call. She was surprised the woman hadn't done so already.

The conversation was inevitable but Sarah had never prepared for something like this. This wasn't supposed to be happening.

Do it now while you have it together.

She laughed again. Did she really?

Sarah likened the call to ripping off a band-aid. Quick and fast. She needed the peace of mind. She needed to call before Ellie got suspicious. Sarah punched in the numbers and pressed the phone to her ear, her resolve weakening with each dialtone. What was she going to say?

By the third ring she thought she would be spared, but Ellie picked up just as Sarah let her guard down.

"Hello?"

Sarah felt the invisible noose around her neck close tight.

"Hello?" Ellie asked again.

Sarah strained to find her voice. "Ellie?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking at the first syllable. She hid her tears, clamping a hand over her mouth to keep from sobbing aloud.

"Sarah!" the woman cried, both surprised and happy to hear from her. "Hey…gosh, I totally forgot about tonight! I'm so sorry! But don't worry, I've got something in the oven now…"

Sarah listened in disbelief. Ellie had forgotten about Friday dinner?

"It's been such a crazy week, I think I'm going to lose my mind," the brunette continued. "Oh, you'll never believe what Devon did…"

Sarah closed her eyes and massaged her temples. Crazy week indeed.

"Ellie…" she whispered, afraid she would lose her calm if she spoke any louder. "Something's…" she sighed. "Something's come up."

The woman had to have a sixth sense because even miles away, connected by only a wireless signal, she seemed to sense that something was wrong.

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

Okay? Okay was relative. She hadn't been in a horrific car accident and the doctor hadn't given her a terminal sentence. Physically she was okay. But the rest of her, the part she had for years neglected, she wasn't so sure.

The most terrible part was the waiting, the countdown to the catastrophe and the agonizing minutes that passed until she knew what lay in store for her.

Sarah listened to the silence on the other end. She didn't know what to say. Ellie was going to hate her the same way Chuck hated her.

She could see it now, the same look of betrayal in the woman's eyes. But instead of fear and hurt, Ellie's eyes glowed dark with loathing. She would never allow her to be with Chuck again. She would tear them apart if this hadn't already.

Before Sarah could break down completely, she bit into her knuckles hard enough to draw blood. The sharp pain was enough to distract her and silence her all at the same time.

Suddenly there was a cry on the other end, the sound growing louder and more distinct as the seconds passed. She heard Ellie sigh on the other end.

"Oh, here we go again," she groaned. "Hey, Sarah, you still there?"

"Ye-yeah…" she whispered, releasing her hand from her jaws. "I just wanted to tell you that Chuck's gone on a last minute trip."

The lie came out before she even had a chance to catch herself. She clenched her jaw; it hadn't been what she wanted. She wanted to be honest with her.

"Oh…" Ellie said, surprised. Sarah had never been so grateful for the baby. Any other time and the woman would have wanted details but tonight her mind was elsewhere. "Well that's okay, the three—four of us can have dinner."

It was too much. Sarah knew she was going to lose Ellie too. And then there would be no one. Just her…and her work.

Sarah covered the receiver end of the phone, unable to hold back the torrent of tears building up inside of her. She had been a million people on the phone; every accent, every background—lied through her teeth to save her own skin, but putting on this façade of normalcy was killing her.

"Hello? Sarah? Sarah, you there?"

"Yeah?" Sarah whispered, putting the phone back to her ear. "Sorry…distracted…"

Ellie laughed congenially. "I know what you mean. So are you coming for dinner?"

Sarah shook her head. "Sorry, Ellie," she whispered. She looked distractedly at the mound of used Kleenex balls on the coffee table, wondering what she'd done with herself these last forty-eight hours. "I've got work to do."

The answer would never on any other night been a satisfactory excuse but just then the baby began to howl, saving Sarah from making a better excuse.

Ellie groaned. "Okay, I have to go! Next Friday then!" she said all in a rush before the line went dead.

Sarah placed the phone back down on the table, trembling at her words. Next Friday? She didn't know if she would survive to tomorrow.

"It'll be alright."

Sarah jumped, reaching for the gun buried under the pile of tissues. She raised it at the unarmed intruder who immediately held up his hands.

"Whoa, just me," Bryce said, stepping out of the hallway corridors and into the living room. "You can put down the gun."

Sarah trembled, wondering how much of the exchange he'd seen. "How long have you been here?"

Bryce said nothing, but looking into his eyes, she knew he had been here long enough.

"You need to rest," he said, his tone full of worry. "Look—"

"No," Sarah said before he could finish. "I can't rest." She rose off the couch, weapon still in hand. "What have you found?"

Bryce leaned against the wall, his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest. "You're not on the case, Sarah."

"Like hell," Sarah spat, pointing the gun at him. "What did you find?" she demanded, her voice rising into a high-pitched scream.

Bryce stalked over to her, putting himself millimeters from the barrel of the gun. "Or what, you'll shoot?" he challenged, his eyes losing none of their piercing quality. He walked so close Sarah felt the gun in her hand push back.

Sarah's hand began to tremble. She couldn't even rest her finger on the trigger. The memory of Chuck's scream as the gunshot rang through the parkade provoked all sorts of feelings that left her emotionally beaten and bruised.

In one swift move, Bryce knocked the gun out of her hand. Sarah gasped. She hadn't even seen it coming, had no way of preventing it.

All she could do was stare dumbly up at Bryce.

"You didn't even hear me come in," he accused. "You can't even protect yourself much less Chuck. Let me handle this."

Sarah's face screwed with fury. "I am his wife!"

"I know," he said, holding her steady.

"Do you expect me to just sit here and wait while he's…" she could finish the words. Chuck hadn't been nabbed off the street or taken at gunpoint. He had run away from her on his own free will. "He's out there and he has no idea—"

"I know," Bryce stressed, the veneer of his patience beginning to crack. "But this isn't an emergency."

Sarah could hardly believe her ears. "What did you just say?" Bryce was lucky the gun was out of her hand; she would have shot him point blank for that, agent or no agent.

"Chuck's just an ordinary guy. He got scared and he ran off, okay?"

"Chuck's with Jill," Sarah stressed. Was that not concerning enough?

"Who you shot in the chest. I saw. She couldn't have survived longer than a few hours," Bryce reminded. "I've got men posted at every hospital and clinic. It's been two days."

Sarah's ears burned at the words. She had to remind herself over and over again that Bryce's priority was Jill, not Chuck. Chuck was a civilian.

"And what if she isn't dead? What if they have Chuck?"

Bryce sighed with impatience. "What are they going to do? He doesn't know anything; his involvement with the agency is nonexistent. What good would it do to hold him?"

Sarah didn't have a good answer. "You talk as if you don't care," she accused.

Bryce glared hard and steadfast at her, daring her to say it again. Sarah swallowed slowly. She was neither right nor wrong. Bryce cared, but not to the degree and depth she did.

Of course not, he didn't fire the gun.

Sarah shuddered at the memory. Why had she done it? What had compelled her to pull the trigger?

It was the sight of Jill's arms ensnared around Chuck's torso, dragging him into her web of lies. Even now the memory of it drove a knife through her heart. It evoked all of her most primal instincts to protect Chuck. She saw now that Jill had manipulated her again, the same way she had years ago.

"When I first came, I thought I could convince you to change your mind," Bryce said slowly. Then he looked at her, his eyes full of question and doubt. "But I can see now that you are not the same person you once were."

Sarah was speechless. He had given her too much to snap at; the fact he had the gall to lay out his true intentions, to judge her when he had wanted to pull the trigger just as badly as herself, to tell her that she was not fit to return.

"Chuck will be fine," he dismissed. Sarah narrowed her eyes. What was he really trying to say? That this was just a domestic dispute that had gotten out of hand? Was he going to start pulling statistics about all the husbands who left their wives?

Sarah felt like she was about to break out in tears again. Was that all this was? Was she going to be handed a restraining order and divorce papers and that would be the end of it?

"Don't worry, it's going to be okay." He smiled at her but there was no truth in his eyes. He didn't think there was much hope for her.

"Get out," Sarah growled. "Get out now."

Bryce reached for her but she swatted his hand away. "You need to rest, Sarah."

"I'll be fine once you leave," she spat. "As you can see there's not much more in my life you can ruin. I think your job here is done."

Bryce frowned, the fine lines in his face deepening into full-fledged wrinkles. He smiled a cold, heartless smile.

"I didn't do much, you were doing just fine on your own," he reminded. "If you had told him everything in the beginning, he would have trusted you about Jill. But you didn't. You had two years and you didn't tell him anything."

Sarah clenched her fists. The fury she felt building up inside of her was undeniable, but she knew it was not all directed at Bryce.

"We were trying to move on from all that," she said, convincing not even her herself. She had been selfish, trying to hide all the times she'd hurt him or acted unfairly. She didn't want him to see her for what she truly was—damaged goods. A woman more infinitely complicated than the numbers to Pi.

Bryce didn't even bat an eyelash. She was fooling no one.

"Get out," Sarah said. She couldn't stand his accusing glare any longer. "Get out or I will throw you out!"

Bryce sighed. "I'm just looking out for you," he said.

She didn't need someone watching out for her. She needed him to focus on Chuck.

"Get out!" Sarah screamed. She took a wild swing at him, losing her balance and falling in the process. Bryce ducked out of the way, missing her easily. Before the hands could help her, she screamed again.

"Get out!"

Sarah trained her eyes on the floor, only raising them when she heard the footsteps retreat and the door close behind him.

At last she was alone, so utterly and completely alone.

Sarah stared at the carpet, unable to summon the strength and will to get back on both feet. What was the point, when she would just fall again? There would be no one to catch her. Never ever again.

The tears began to pour from her eyes. She had enough for the world, an infinite supply for every man, woman and child. Her breaths became ragged and she felt like she was floundering on the open seas with no one to pull her back.

What do you do when you've lost everything?

Sarah closed her eyes. You drown.

As always, i'd love to hear your thoughts. Will you review if i promise minimal tears and maybe some chuck/sarah? haha, is bribery allowed on this site?