A/N: Oh boy. I'm pretty sure at some point in the chapter you're going to wonder what the heck i was thinking. Or maybe not. I guess you'll have to read on. =P

Chapter 18:

"So can we go for a walk?"

Jill arched her brows. She knew the rules as well as he did.

Chuck sighed. "How much longer do I have to stay here?" When she didn't answer, Chuck's heart sank with dread. "Am I going to have to stay here forever?"

"You want to go?" she asked, sounding hurt. "Where are you going to go?"

Chuck dropped his gaze. He didn't have to say it.

Jill sighed. "Why can't you just trust me?" she asked. "Why does it have to be so hard?"

"You don't trust me," he said. His eyes darted to the door. "Do you?"

She sat up straight in her seat. "Chuck…" she warned.

"I feel like a prisoner." He held his breath and winced. There, he'd said it. "I need a break."

She said nothing but he could tell his words had given her a lot to think about.

"Can we go for a walk…please?"

When she finally looked up at him, her eyes were filled with renewed determination "I think we can do one better." She pressed her index finger to his lips, forcing him to hold back his curiosity. "Come with me."

.

Jill did all the talking and Chuck asked no questions. Even hidden around the corner, he could hear her voice, so heavy with seduction, claim another victim. Chuck winced. She was so terribly good at her job. Within five minutes Jill had cleared the hallway and procured a set of car keys.

She waved them triumphantly in her hand. "Let's go."

_

Chuck sat obediently in the car and went along for the ride. He knew what they were doing was wrong, so he wasn't entirely sure whether to be touched she would bend the rules for him or disturbed that she was not more concerned for his safety.

"Don't worry," she soothed. "It'll be crowded with people. You'll be fine."

Chuck didn't want to argue. He knew Camille had forbidden any kind of leave from the premises, going so far as to include opening the door for a breath of fresh air. If anything happened, he was better off in the dark.

Chuck never thought Jill as a stereotypical girl but strangely enough, her choice for their first excursion back into the real world involved a shopping center. It was the last place he would have imagined going to, but she seemed completely relaxed.

"Are you sure about this?" Chuck craned his neck all the way around as he surveyed his new surroundings. After so many days of isolation, he wasn't used to such a crowd.

She laughed. "You'll never fit in if you walk like that. Here, hold my hand."

Chuck fumbled with his fingers, drawing them slowly out of his pant pockets. Growing impatient, Jill latched onto his arm, snuggling against him. If she sensed his reluctance, she didn't let on.

Chuck trailed his feet as they walked, looking nervously at the passersby. They hardly gave them a glance.

And indeed, why should they?

As they passed a reflective pillar, his eyes met with the reflection of a man and woman linked arm in arm. A couple just like any other.

Seeing Jill's happy face beam back, he immediately averted his eyes, feeling dizzy with guilt.

"I've really missed this, Chuck," she said, leaning against him. Chuck wasn't sure if he could take the weight of it, however slight, and he mumbled something along the same lines so she would not say it again.

"This feels right, doesn't it?" she coaxed.

Chuck nodded grimly, even though it couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Oh look, Chuck!" Jill suddenly cried and pulled him towards the store that had caught her eye. Chuck looked at the window display with disinterest, the collection of cribs and crinoline excessive for his taste. He could almost hear Ellie now, nagging in his ear about how he needed to have kids, preferably sooner than later.

"I didn't think you were the type, Jill," Chuck said, afraid to even venture past the threshold into the store of pastel pinks and blues.

Jill's cheeks flushed, and she took a step back as if suddenly aware of how much she had revealed.

"I'm a woman," she said, looking at him sensibly. "I'm entitled to. It's in my biological makeup."

Chuck arched his brows. He had slept through one biology classes too many to know better.

Jill took a step forwards into the store, then looked back expectantly at him. Chuck really didn't want to, but he felt like she didn't give him much of a choice. Taking her outstretched hand, he allowed himself to be dragged into the land of stuffies and soothers.

Jill stopped at the first crib in their path, dropping his hand to reach for the polished wood bar. Her eyes gazed steadily down into the emptiness, and they remained there for so long that Chuck thought he might have missed something.

But when he leaned over the edge all he saw were a pile of blankets. Warily he stole a glance at the woman beside him. Jill continued to stare, as if transfixed.

Completely unguarded for once, Chuck was surprised to see such unhappiness written in her fine lines. It was an expression full of wanting and yearning, but more than that, it was a look of hunger and desperation for something she didn't have.

Chuck's voice caught in his throat and even though he wanted to bring Jill back to reality, he felt his own thoughts begin to shift.

It was not so long ago. They had been at a mall just like today, and just like Jill, Sarah had been drawn to a nursery window display. There was no other way to explain it. It had to be the biological makeup.

Sarah had pressed her long slender fingers to the glass, and leaned in so close her breaths made tiny fog circles on the reflective surface. She had stared at the display for what felt like hours, her eyes not once leaving the crib and rocking chair sitting in the corner.

Do you want to go in?

The longing in her eyes was so intense it was nearly palpable. But once she realized Chuck was watching, she looked away, shrugging off the reverie as if it were nothing.

No. Why would I?

Looking back on the moment now, Chuck refused to believe it had been an act. Those had been real emotions or so help him, she deserved an Oscar. He wanted—no, needed, to believe that that morning at the church on Catalina Island when she said she did, she meant it. And that day when she walked away from the nursery display and told him someday, she hadn't said it for anyone's sake but her own.

Chuck shook his head, emptying his thoughts. Jill was still staring off into space.

"Jill?" he asked. She looked at him and Chuck couldn't bear to meet her gaze. What she wanted, he couldn't give. He knew. He'd known from the very beginning. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

.

The next store they visited was no better. Chuck didn't know what Jill was up to today, but she could really use a few lessons in subtlety.

"Why are we in a lingerie store?" Chuck asked, trying to avert his eyes from the lace-clad offerings that bombarded him from all angles.

Jill laughed. "You didn't seem very interested in babies, so I figured I'd take you someplace you'd enjoy more," she said with a sultry smile.

Chuck gulped. "Uh, well then," he gaped. "Maybe we should go to a hardware store. That'd be much more handy and useful…"

Jill raised her brows and he knew she didn't believe him for a second. "Chuck, you don't even know how to nail two boards together."

Chuck flushed with embarrassment. "I built a spice rack once in home ec," he informed. It couldn't hold any spices but that was besides the point.

Jill only laughed. She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it at him. "I'm going to try some of these on," she said.

Chuck wondered if there was a furnace in the store. He tugged on his shirt collar and nodded.

"Okay, sure," he said.

Jill shook her head. "Silly, are you just going to stand there?" Her voice was louder than usual and it had the desired effect. They had the attention of everyone in the store. "Come on, I need someone to tell me how I look."

Chuck was less than enthusiastic about the task. What was she trying to do here?

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" a complete stranger asked. Jill had already disappeared into the back of the store and he was still standing where she left him, clutching her coat like a butler.

"I'm being a gentleman," he said, flushing with embarrassment.

The stranger couldn't have looked more horrified if Chuck had informed him he was a psychopath on the run. "Dude, are you even a man?"

Chuck grit his teeth together. Would it make things any better to explain that he was married but not to the woman changing in the back room?

The stranger was not the only male staring enviously at him. There were at least half a dozen and with their stares combined, Chuck felt like he had no choice but to retreat to the safety of the dressing room.

Chuck's face still burned with embarrassment as he stepped into uncharted territory. Jill was really starting to grate on his nerves and he swore if she dragged him into a bridal boutique next, he would demand they return to the warehouse. Even if a fresh pile of folders awaited him, he would rather take to it than have another hint as big as a billboard shoved in his face.

"Jill?" he called hesitantly.

"In here." Chuck walked up and knocked once on the door. To his horror, the door was unlocked and it swung wide open.

Jill jumped back, smiling in her surprise. "Chuck!" she exclaimed, barely taking the effort to cover up in her state of near undress.

Chuck had every intention of turning around, but something wasn't right.

"Is something the matter, Chuck?" she purred, pulling him closer.

Chuck knew he was staring but he was too surprised to even blush.

"You see something you like?" she teased, her voice dangerously low. Chuck licked his lips nervously. He would probably never have another opportunity like this.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?"

Jill wrinkled her brows but before she could respond, his mouth was already on hers. The kiss was different from every kiss before; urgent, demanding, and the tension was as sharp as knife. He didn't feel like himself.

The moment was anything from tender as his hands slipped up the front of her near-transparent negligee, roaming across the soft terrain of her flesh. Her skin felt like putty in his hands, and he moved deftly, unclasping her bra within seconds.

Jill didn't seem to care and she kissed him back, matching his aggression with a version of her very own. She stole his breath away and demanded more, consumed by a hunger with no way of being sated. Chuck realized he was way over his head.

"Excuse me! Where do you think you are—a public restroom?"

Chuck was grateful for the reminder. He opened his eyes, looking warily at the speaker. The matronly woman had her hands on her hips, a look of severe disapproval on her face.

Chuck didn't realize what there was to see until he looked down at their compromised position. He removed his hands and placed them behind his back, all the while burning with the indecency of it all.

"We're sorry," Chuck said, feeling like his knees were about to give out.

"The nerve…"

Jill readjusted her bra, her face flushing with excitement. There was not a smidgen of embarrassment in her expression, only a ravenous hunger.

"What was that all about?" she demanded, quickly changing back into her own clothes. They left the store quickly to avoid any more disapproving looks, but Jill looked far from upset.

"I just needed to find some things out," Chuck said weakly.

Jill giggled, hooking arms with him. "And did you?"

Chuck gulped. "Yeah. Yeah I did."

They walked no more than ten steps before he stopped. "Jill, I need to use the washroom."

Jill arched her brows. "Do you need me to come with you?" she purred.

Chuck gulped. "No!" he exclaimed. He smiled nervously and clarified. "No, I need to do this alone."

She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "Your loss," she teased. "I'll be at the food-court then. Don't take too long."

Chuck nodded obediently and walked on wobbly legs to the men's room. He kept his head down low and moved into the last stall, locking himself inside.

Once sure he was alone, he felt the last strands of his nerves fray and he leaned against the cool tiles, shuddering at what he'd done.

This wasn't a solution. He'd bought himself a few minutes at most.

Chuck kicked the stone wall in frustration.

What the hell is going on?

Losing those memories had been the stupidest thing he'd ever done. He thought he'd learned by now that there was no one he could trust, but Jill was proof the depths of his naïveté were endless. She had lied, and Chuck was beginning to wonder just how deep her lies went.

His thoughts drifted to Sarah and he thought he could finally appreciate the idiom; it was better to sleep with the devil you knew than the devil you didn't.

Sarah. Chuck was suddenly wracked with guilt. From the moment he saw Jill in that slip, he knew something was wrong. He stared at his trembling hands and they might as well have been covered in blood.

In his more than immoral method of discovering the truth, he found that every inch of her skin was flawless, unblemished by even a scratch much less a surgical incision or entrance wound. Nothing to indicate that she had survived a near death experience two weeks ago. She hadn't even winced in pain when his fingers pressed against her ribs.

Lies. They had all been lies.

Jill deserved the Oscar for her performance. She was as good as any.

Chuck's headache began to pulse again, and as he ran his fingers mindlessly through his hair, he wondered if there was anyone left he could trust.

Of course.

He stepped out of his confinement and moved to the sink. This was bad. More than bad.

What was going to happen when Jill found out he knew the truth?

What was going to happen to his family?

And Sarah.

Oh God.

He splashed some cold water on his face and tried to ignore the ghastly sight of his own reflection.

This was madness.

_

It was some time before Chuck had the courage to step out of the washroom and back into the living nightmare. The mall directory was a large panel on the wall across from him. An arrow to the right pointed to the food court.

Chuck took a deep breath and walked the other way, not once looking back.