Disclaimer: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: We were so happy at the response to the last chapter! We were so tempted to post this earlier. But we're on a schedule, and we have to stick to it. But, as horrible as this sounds, we're glad we were able to evoke such emotion from some of you. It's a real ego boost to our writing. :) Enjoy.

What He Would Have Wanted
By: cALLIEfornia BENches

A piercing jolt shot through my body as the darkness my mind was beginning to get used to suddenly disappeared. Almost immediately, my senses regained control and my head screamed out of unconsciousness. I became aware of the silent breaths I stole and the reassuring small movements of my fingers. The world I jerked up to was a stranger to my touch.

I awoke in a dark room. However, this darkness seemed lighter than the one that had been penetrating my thoughts earlier, if darkness could be different shades. The air around me felt muggy and heavy; the humidity surrounding me challenged my lungs to get a full breath. But somehow I managed, as the musty smell seeped into my nose and invaded my already dry throat. I could faintly hear water dripping somewhere in the background. It created the only steady beat while my body frantically began to adjust to the mysterious new setting. Have I been here before? It doesn't seem like I have. Where am I? Who am I?

My thoughts were interrupted by a new sensation my body had been trying to distinguish. Something on the cold, hard ground beneath me announced its presence and started to imprint itself into my rigid back, causing me some discomfort. What is that? It hurts. Why does it hurt? I have to get it out. ButI couldn't get my body to move. I merely shivered and squirmed slightly. I'll have to leave it there. It doesn't hurt that bad. There could be worse pains.

As if someone had punched unexpectedly, all the air I had greedily inhaled moments before whooshed out of my body. I remembered something. Pain. But the origin of this immense throbbing in my chest was unknown. My god, it hurt. I no longer noticed the trivial object indenting its way into my back. That sting couldn't compare to the macrocosmic ache settling in my heart. The intensity of the throbbing emanated to the rest of my body: legs, arms, stomach, and head. Where did it come from? What ungodly things set this menacing attack on my body? What could I have done to deserve this sort of pain?

Nausea and a foghorn-strong migraine rammed me with a great force. I couldn't even open my eyes to register what was unfolding around me.. What's happening?! I involuntarily shivered once more and a sticky feeling swept over me. It covered my head, my arms, my chest, and my legs. Damnit, I thought, I'm sweating…I think.

My head was elevated, I realized. It was in someone's lap, and unnaturally iced hands were stroking my hair. Who is that? I still could not open my eyes.

"When is she going to wake up?"

"She's awake now, she's just unresponsive."

"What are we going to tell her about Edw—"

"We're not. Not yet, at least. We'll see what she remembers. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news and end up going into unnecessary detail. It's probably better she doesn't remember, anyway. If you had been there...," the voice drifted off, "It was horrible. If I was in Bella's place and that was Jasper—" the voice choked. "I wouldn't be handling it so well if I was her. It's going to be hard enough for her to cope as it is. We don't need to replay that image for her and add fuel to the fire."

Bella. I suddenly recognized that as my name. Who is Jasper? Are they talking about me? Of course they are, but how does this concern me? I winced. The pain that had begun to go slightly unnoticed welcomed itself into my sanctuary of thought. I noticed it as if the throbbing never began to subside. That ache—no, it was much more than an ache—that pulsating wound was obviously aware of what had happened to me. It only seemed to worsen itself when I tried to remember what had gone on. It was as if the pain was punishing me each time I forgot, telling me that I should know what happened. But as hard as I tried, I didn't. I need to remember.

My eyes fluttered open slowly. My head was resting on a woman's lap. The dark lighting left out much of her features, but I was right about one thing; her hands were incredibly cold and stiff. Had she not been stroking my hair, I would have pronounced her dead or dying. But even through the black-filled air, I could tell she was pretty. Pretty wasn't even close to what I wanted to compare her with. An angel, perhaps? Some ethereal creature? She was so captivating. I couldn't keep my eyes off of the figure, even though they were watering from my nonexistent blinking. I couldn't bring myself to care. As long as I could look at that angel—for angel was the only word in the English language close enough to describe her—watery eyes were not much of a factor. I looked away from her, long enough to see that I was surrounded by two other angels. They were shining brighter in the light than my holder, and I could easily marvel at their features.

They were beautiful. I had never seen anything like them. They were pale, almost frozen in place, and…beautiful. Almost like a statue carved by the most ingenious sculptor in the known world. I envied them immediately, and I had no recollection of what I even looked like. But somehow, I knew I could not look like them. They were too perfect. Too captivating. And I? I had a massive screaming gap in my chest that would not stop flowing rivers of pain into the hole. I doubted any of the perfect creatures had that.

But a slow glance at their faces registered otherwise. The two women in my sight held a mourning hunch. Their eyes were misted and overflowing with tears that oddly had not fallen. Their heads were cast down in a stance that should only belong in a funeral home. The man, on the other hand, was rigid. He held a proud pose. And yet, I could tell that he was grieving. They were all grieving in their own way. But what were they grieving for? There was something more I noticed in all three angels. There was a glint in their eyes. Something seemed missing. Like a vase without water, they were empty. But at the same time, they seemed full. Void of happiness? But filled with…anger? Mourn? Determination? How could so much be described in those topaz-colored eyes?

Topaz. In a second, it all came rushing back to me. I felt like I had been hit by a bull of information; memories. Its horns went straight into the pain that dwelled in my chest. There was an explosion of internal cries.

Edward.

It took those topaz pools, somber and sullen, to remember. And with this remembrance came the acknowledgement of his fate. I shut my eyes again to try to rid myself of the horrid memory, but it only came back stronger. I could vividly recall the entire scene, now. It was as if I was watching it again, like a movie that was being projected onto the backs of my eyelids. Hot, steamy tears freely flowed down my cheeks.

It skipped and repeated itself over and over again when it got to the part when they covered his face.

I knew those three figures. But moments ago they had been strangers. Because of Edward.

He was my memory, my recollection. My shoulder to cry on. The face I could kiss, the chest I could sleep on, the hands I could hold; he was everything. My everything. With Edward gone, nothing could be remembered. But his face in my head brought everything back. The everything we shared. That everything was broken and shattered now; the glue to fix it was all gone. And in his place stood those three figures: Esme, Alice, and Carlisle.

A whimper escaped my chest and a cold hand wiped away the tears I was shedding. When I opened my eyes again, I had been expecting Esme's motherly touch, so I was a little surprised when I saw that Carlisle was hovering over me.

Now that I got a closer look at his eyes, I realized exactly what had happened. He had numbed himself; rid himself of any feelings or emotions that could possibly make it so he wasn't strong for this family. He had to be the caretaker, and the caretaker had to be strong. But he had just lost his best friend. He had known Edward longer than any of us. There had been a period of time where it was just Edward and Carlisle living together. I was sure he was in a lot more pain than he was ever going to let on.

There just had to be. Because there was decency in this clan. I thought of the traits the Cullen family had; brains, brawn, beauty, agility, grace. And they all pointed to Edward. A tear trickled down to the side of my lips, breaking the spell. I realized what the matter at hand was.

"Where is he?" I croaked, knowing I didn't need to clarify who 'he' was. My voice came out in a raspy whisper that I hardly recognized as my own. I think I knew in the back of my mind exactly what had happened to him, but I refused to admit it to myself. I couldn't prove those horrific scenes reeling nonstop in my head until they had been clarified. Not until it was said aloud, at least. I had to hear it to believe it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said, "The Volturi took him."

"So he's..." I couldn't bear to finish. I clamped my eyes shut, preparing for the answer I knew I was going to dread. Someone grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"No, not yet," Alice said. "He's negotiating."

A small spark of hope ignited where my heart used to be. But immediately, it should have fizzled. The impossible had happened. Alice blinked hard, trying to hold back tears she couldn't cry.

It was almost as if she was the one with the ability to read minds. "Bella, there's no way around it. The Volturi are still going to—" she choked, "He's not going to make it. It's just a matter of time."

I shook my head fiercely in Esme's lap. My hair was becoming knotted tangles, but I couldn't get myself to care enough to stop. They wouldn't kill him; not when it wasn't his fault. He didn't do it on purpose. He's one of the good guys. They would have to believe that. Edward wouldn't want to hurt anyone or expose his kind. He wouldn't do that. The Volturi would have to see what a good man he was. They had to.

Alice's body shook slightly in an attempt to remain calm for me. Her hand squeezed my own so hard, I was almost positive she was going to break the bones.

"Alice," I squeaked in a quiet pain, giving a pointed look towards our hands. She relaxed slightly. The jolt in my chest reminded me of my other pains, and I quickly regretted having Alice loosen her grip. At least the throb in my hand could distract me slightly from the master ache.

"I'm sorry," she said, apologizing both for hurting me and for what she was about to say, "They've already decided that that's what they're going to do. No matter how the negotiations turn out, every decision I see leads to his... death."

I cringed and a small sob left my throat before I could stop it. I couldn't help but notice, though, that the spark of hope in my chest hadn't vanished. "Then what...," I took a deep breath and attempted to soothe my voice over so they could understand me, "What's he negotiating?"

"Your life," Esme said simply. "The Volturi think you know too much."

"Too much about what?"

"Everything. Them, us, our kind in general. They don't trust you to keep the secret. They planned to kill you as well, but Edward's trying to convince them to leave you alive—or, well, not physically dead and buried, anyway," Carlisle explained. "He's trying to convince them to leave you alone, as long as we turn you into a vampire."

"So... You have to turn me into a vampire?" I asked timidly. My body squirmed involuntarily, digging the small particle that was laying underneath me further into my back. I tried again to move my arm and succeeded, so I arched my back and removed what turned out to be a small pointed rock from my back. I curled my fist around it, thankful that there was something for this hand to hold on to, to distract it from the hissy fit I wanted to throw.

"From the looks of it, yes," Alice said. "But we don't know for sure yet. If we don't have to, we aren't going to. It's too much work."

I snapped. "Too much work?!" Anger bubbled into my throat and I raised my arm to chuck the rock across the room.

"Bella, no!"

But I had already thrown it.

Instantly, I regretted my actions. For one, I no longer had anything to hold on to. But foremost, it shot a wave of pain from my shoulder, down my arm, and back through my body before returning back to the source. I let out an agonized cry and tore my other hand from Alice's grip so I could coddle it.

When I glanced down at it, I gasped lightly. It was at least two times its original size, and the color looked anything but normal. The skin was a deep purple-ish blue from my collar bone all the way down to the middle of my bicep. I groaned and rested my head back on Esme's lap. Just another reminder of my failure to save him.

Just another reminder of him, and how alone I was when he wasn't here with me.

"Your shoulder is a mess," Carlisle said, "I fixed what I could, but I'm pretty sure it's shattered. The only thing that will help now is time, and a good sling. I was just looking for a temporary one when you woke up. I think we might just have to end up using my shirt." Without another word, he started unbuttoning his shirt. I glanced nervously at Esme. Carlisle was acting stranger than I had ever seen him. He usually spends time thinking things through and censoring himself and what he says. He seemed so reckless. It worried me more than I would have liked to admit. He was the alpha-male. He always led the group. With him so flustered and at times illogical, any leadership we had was gone.

When I caught Esme's eye, she just shook her head, telling me to leave it alone.

"Later," she mouthed to me when she was sure Carlisle wasn't looking.

"Can you sit up?" Alice said softly, putting a hand on my good shoulder and lifting me slowly into a sitting position, gauging my reaction. I was a little dizzy, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

Carlisle was just finishing unbuttoning his black, long-sleeved shirt and was shrugging it off his shoulders to reveal a white wife-beater underneath. I crossed my legs in front of me for a more comfortable position. He set to work on tying the sling correctly around me so my shoulder would stay in place.

His beauty simply reminded me of Edward. For the first time, I thought the Cullen's ugly. Well, at least ugly in comparison to Edward. My memories of him seemed to amplify his appearance now that he was gone. I couldn't remember him ever being ugly. But the rest seemed plainer than him. Still beautiful. Still angelic. Still ethereal. But not Edward. And that made them ugly.

"So...," I hesitated, a little embarrassed about how I previously reacted to the topic, "Why wouldn't you change me, even if that doesn't turn out to be the negotiation?"

Without my asking, even though I had been thinking it for some time now, Esme gently placed her hand on my bad shoulder. I winced lightly on contact, but was grateful for the ice pack her hand provided.

"We have to flee," she said. "We have to go far away from here. We talked about heading to Alaska. The Volturi are looking for us, especially you, Bella. We feel it necessary to immediately deal with you in case Edward fails to negotiate your life. They're following us right now. We don't have three extra days to wait for your change to be complete."

"Why couldn't we just stay here?" I asked. I knew the only reason I wanted to stay here was to see if we could rescue Edward before they—I gulped inwardly—before it was too late, but I knew they would shoot down that idea. So I quickly thought of another one. "Wouldn't it just be better for us to stay here? I mean, they would expect us to leave. They know we know they're after us. So why not stay in Volterra? The Volturi won't even think to look around their city." Before I had even finished, Alice was shaking her head. It was a lame answer, and I knew that, but it was the only one I could think of on such short notice.

"It wouldn't work," she said. "They've got some of the most advanced Trackers in the world working for them. We wouldn't last twenty-four hours in the city of Volterra."

"How long has it been since...?" I asked quietly.

"Long enough," was Esme's curt answer.

"Too long," Carlisle interjected at the exact same time. He finished tying the shirt around me and sat back on his knees.

"It doesn't matter," Alice said. "The point is, we have to leave as soon as possible. Twilight's only thirty minutes away, and we're leaving then."

"Where are we right now?" I asked.

"Just outside Volterra. We found a cave in one of the hills. We left the Porsche down in the city—it was too flashy. They'd notice a fast yellow car headed for the hills," Alice said to me. There was a twinge of regret in her words at the mention of the Porsche. I felt angrier at that point. I couldn't control my emotions or myself anymore. I felt like a loose cannon. How could she be thinking about the Porsche when her own brother was being held captive by the Volturi and about to be killed?

It was the first time I had acknowledged Edward's fate, and the thought of it made me shudder.

"When did you two get here?" I asked Carlisle and Esme, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm my temper.

"We left not long after you guys did, so we arrived at Volterra about an hour after everything happened." Esme spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully around me, as if she thought letting one wrong word slip would break me. Which, I thought, there was a good chance it would. I didn't even know how on edge I was until Alice brought up the car.

The only thing that was keeping me going now was knowing that Edward was still alive, and he loved me. We would find a way to get through this, I know we would. Our love could survive anything we wanted it to. Couldn't it?

I shuddered once and bit my lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

As if to prevent any further emotional scarring, Carlisle spoke up.

"We need to get going soon. The Volturi are bound to make a decision. It would be wise to be clear the area by the time they decide. For our sake and safety. And for our emotional bounty."

I knew he meant Edward's death. But did he have to say it like that? Did he have to be so incredibly vague? Informality belonged to unimportant things. Edward was not unimportant.

But I kept my thoughts to myself. Not because the timing was inappropriate and others were grieving; time and manners were out of my concern at this point. My voice had dried up and lost all friction for a sound to escape. However, it seemed to fit; What was the use of speaking if there was nothing to speak for?

"…and then we'll head to Alaska. How does that sound, Bella?" asked Alice shakily. I had never heard her soft voice quiver. She seemed so…human. So vulnerable. At this moment, she resembled anything but a vampire. I felt a wave of strength pulse through me at the small sliver of equality in the room.

"Let's go. I don't want to stay here. We have to get going anyway, and leave Volterra." That would mean I would have to leave Edward. I would be saying goodbye while he lay on his deathbed. The small band of strength left me and I began heaving dry sobs as they wracked my body. This was goodbye. Something I never would have wanted.

"Come on sweetie," whispered Esme. "I'll carry you while we run. Just fall back asleep. We'll be away and safe before you know it."

I was anything but safe. To be safe was to be in his arms and smiling, laughing. The Volterra would not exist. Those things would make me safe.

Slowly, I felt myself being gingerly carried into her arms. Through my blurred vision, I saw Carlisle and Alice begin trotting ahead. Esme followed, cradling me in her arms. It wasn't long before my eyes could make out a tiny dot of white light ahead.

It seemed like forever until we reached the edge of the light. The sun outside was beginning to set. The air was almost as heavy out here as it was inside the dark cave. But I looked up and saw the few scattered clouds streaked with a pink hue from the sun. It was absolutely breathtaking. My face marveled at the sight in awe.

Of course I had seen pink skies before. But never had I come to the conclusion that Edward would join those clouds high above the skies. God would welcome him wholeheartedly. I was sure of it. Because Edward never hurt anyone. He only loved. All he knew was to love.

"Bye Edward. It will never be the same," I whispered. Esme must have heard. Her breath hitched and a dry cough escaped her throat. I went on. "And you were wrong. You always will exist."

And with that, I blinked. It didn't surprise me that everything lost its luster after that. Those skies I marveled at lessened in their sheen. The three faces stealing glances in my direction no longer became angelic.

I looked at my hands. They too, had lost their rosy complexion. The strands of brown, thick hair on my shoulders faded into a straw-like appearance.

Twilight was just beginning. The pink skies disappeared and a dark blue hue was dotting the horizon where the sun had lowered only minutes ago. The trees blended with their shadows, and the nighttime air coupled with a new breeze to lessen the humidity. I heard various howls and barks in the shadows.

Twilight had come. And it never looked so dull.

The vampires by my side nodded heads and swiftly picked up speed. Images molded and blurred by as we whizzed through the trees.

The dull ache in my chest pounded ferociously through my body. Waves of pain washed over me. I had never experienced such a pounding of throbs at one time. I winced with each hurl of lashings my chest was inflicting upon myself. MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT GO AWAY! I wasn't sure if I was screaming this out loud or merely thinking it. But I kept chanting it, over and over. It was the only coherent sentences my brain could form. MAKE IT STOP! Make it stop! Get it to go away! Do something.

I was growing exhausted, and my breaths were heaving in and out so fast, it couldn't have been healthy.

Make it stop. Please. I was begging myself at this point. I was willing to bargain almost anything to get this pain to stop. Anything. Please.

But it wasn't going away. I was writhing in Esme's arms, and I'm sure I wasn't making it easy for her to hold on to me. But I couldn't stop. I wasn't intentionally making it hard for her; I wanted to stop more than she did.

Make it stop... Get it away. Please. Make it stop... Please...

My muscles were clenching and unclenching themselves without my consent. To any onlooker, I'm sure I must have looked like I was having a small seizure.

CRACK

With one final muscle spasm somewhere in my chest, the pain subsided. A groan left my lips and the sweat was wiped off my brow by a chilled hand. I knew what had happened. I was already prepared for this to occur, just not this soon:

The hole had opened all the way up. There was nothing protecting it anymore. It was an open wound, gaping for the entire world to see. And the only thing that could fix it was going to be taken from me. Taken from this planet.

And it was completely my fault.

It was all my fault that the only thing that could keep me together right now was becoming a distant object in the scenery behind me, never to be seen again. I was sure that my heart would never beat correctly again, if at all.

I felt completely helpless, as I lay limply in Esme's arms, the feel of wind whipping my hair around into my face. Esme rounded a corner, and I watched as Volterra faded into the hills, into the sunset, into the shadows. It was just a distant memory; a once upon a time.

I felt the slight breeze graze my skin and I flinched.

I was right. It would never be the same.

A/N: For future notice, as soon as chapter three is posted (next week), we'll be taking a few weeks break so we can let the hype of Breaking Dawn die down. But we'll be back—promise! We still have so far to go. Also, it's already been decided that there will be a sequel to this story, but it won't be for a very, very long time. We've also planned a few one-shot spin offs, to come as the story progresses.

Review and you'll get a paragraph or two of next week's chapter! (You've got to be logged in, though, or else we have no way of sending it to you.)

Until next week,

-mALLIEbu BENedryl.