Disclaimer- Don't own anything!

Word Count- 3,000

A/N- Okay so I'm going away all this weekend with my family and it's my birthday Monday so I won't be able to type this for a while, and I just wanted to hurry and get this chapter written to tide you over. Also I have tests starting the week after next so by rights I should be studying... Yeah, not gonna happen lol. So sorry if this isn't updated for a while but when it is it will be the second part to this chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed!

**************************************************************************************************

"And then she goes," Nate laughed, with Chuck as they got changed after a soccer match. Nate had been the star player, while Chuck had leaned up against his teams goalpost with a cigarette in his hand, glowering at anybody on the opposite team who had dared approach the goals. Needless to say St. Judes had won the match by three goals to nil.

"I'm not a-"

Nate was cut off by the sounds of screeching coming from across the hall. A fellow teammate of theirs, Chad Collins, rushed into the room with a huge grin on his face.

"The pipes burst in the girls locker rooms while they were getting changed. The whole place is flooded." Chad looked like Christmas had come early.

"What's so great about that?" Nate asked.

"Dude, hot, sweaty girls getting changed when water pours down on top of them. They ran into the hall..." Chad said slowly. "Do I need to spell it out?"

All of the guys chuckled.

"You know as gentlemen we really should respect the girls privacy," Chuck drawled slowly as everyone looked subdued. "That being said... lead the way."

A few guys cheered as they filed out of the room.

"Wait," Nate realized as they hurried down the hall. "Don't Blair and Serena have PE this period?"

All he got was a smirk in response.

"She will kill you you know." He stated, shaking his head as they turned the corner.

"Then I'll die happy." Chuck said taking in all of the girls shrieking at the new female coach. As reported, most of them were drenched with water and were distraught, especially Blair's lackeys; Is and Penelope looked on the verge of tears, while Hazel, still on her quest to find a boyfriend, was taking full advantage of her audience.

"Enough!" An unmistakable voice called, parting the crowd and storming to the front to face everyone.

"Since using our own facilities is out of the question I'm sure the boys will be only too happy to oblige." Blair said stonily, pushing her now flat curls out of her eyes. "They will of course wait outside as we change."

There were a few sarcastic calls of 'sure we will' and 'why of course' from the boys side of the group. Blair silenced these with a glare.

"Ms. Daniels why don't you inform the Headmistress of this... unfortunate event?" The young teacher nodded gratefully and rushed off.

"Oh and Hazel," Blair turned to her with a withering glare "If you'd stop pimping yourself out for two seconds maybe you'd realize that your skirt is hiked up. Or was fugly desperate slut the look you were going for?" With that she turned on her heel and stalked in the direction of the boys locker rooms with Serena trailing dutifully behind her.

Chuck cleared his throat as they passed him and Nate. Blair paused and gave him a death glare. "Say it," She warned, her eyes glinting dangerously "And I will kill you."

He smirked even bigger, "I wasn't going to say a word."

*****

"Miss Waldorf for the last time, who initiated the fight!" Mrs Queller demanded.

Blair looked back at her calmly. "That would be me."

Chuck snorted, "And by that she means I started it." He clarified.

"Oh not again," Eleanor sighed.

"Why on earth don't you just punish them both?" Bart asked for the fourth time.

"As I said before, Mr Bass, I believe in equal opportunities and children taking responsibility for their own actions." Mrs Queller said sternly.

"Children?" Blair asked tensely.

"Don't," Serena shook her head warningly.

"Look we're not getting anywhere like this," Harold pointed out, "Would one of you just tell the truth. Please."

There was silence as Blair and Chuck met each others glares and challenged each other.

"Is it really necessary for myself and Nate to be here?" Anne Archibald asked.

"Mrs Archibald, I have two flooded locker rooms, a broken shower hose and thirty soaking wet students who all point the finger towards these four. So yes, it is necessary for you and Nathaniel to be present." Mrs Queller ground out.

"I have a hair appointment across town in... 30 minutes." Lily checked her watch, "Serena darling for the sake of my very impatient hairdresser Raul will you please tell us who started it."

Serena shrugged helplessly.

All of a sudden five phones beeped in unison. Blair's, Chuck's, Nate's, Serena's and surprisingly the phone on Mrs Queller's desk. They all checked opened the message.

Gossip Girl here,

For those of you who haven't heard, Queen B, N, S and C participating in a very physical water fight along with most of the Senior body. Needless to say the vein on our beloved Mrs Queller's head almost imploded, and that's not all. Apparently our fabulous four's parents were called in, and with B's three Daddies all under the one roof that could be a recipe for disaster. Does Papa Waldorf really still believe his daughter's an innocent angel? Well, I'm sure Chuck Bass could certainly clear that up for him...

As of yet, no word on who actually started the fight, though B and C have both confessed. Sacrificing themselves for the other? Not likely. But are we really that surprised that B and C choose now to have one of their famous stand-offs, they always did have excellent timing... S and N pleading the fifth, one might think that they're doing so in a show of solidarity, or they're just plain scared. Can't say I blame them. B and C apart is scary enough, but when they join together on those rare occasions, even I consider leaving the country. Know anything? Send me the dets.

You know you love me,

XOXO Gossip Girl.

Mrs Queller's lips pursed. "A game?" She demanded. "I want the truth and I want it now. I'm going to ask you one more time Ms Van der Woodson and Mr Archibald. Who started the fight?"

Serena sighed and looked at Nate.

"It was--"

"Sis," Chuck interrupted, "Did Blair mention that she bought those new very high very pointy Gucci shoes that you saw this weekend? She was droning on about them all day."

Serena glared at him.

"And Nate did Chuck mention that one of the workers heard scurrying in the basement at Victrola? They're thinking of putting down arsenic." Blair nodded.

Eleanor choked on the sip of water she had just taken, while Bart looked at her in admiration.

Nate winced. He turned to headmistress Queller. "I have no idea who started the fight."

"Nate!" Serena cried.

"Sorry! But it's Blair. She can and will hurt me."

Blair patted his arm condescendingly.

"Wuss." Serena muttered.

"Enough!" Mrs Queller said tiredly. "It seems to me that the problems within you four lies much deeper then this incident."

"Well no shit sherlock," Chuck said sarcastically under his breath.

"It took you this long?" Blair added in a whisper.

Mrs Queller opened a drawer in her desk and took out some brochures, she handed them to the parents. "As you may or may not be aware, every year St Judes and Constance Billiards offer up the opportunity for our more devout Christian students to attend a spiritual retreat. The students get to cleanse their mind, body and soul in a safe, sacred place."

"I can think of a very sacred place to cleanse your mind, body and soul if you're interested." Chuck whispered in Blair's ear.

"You're heinous." She hissed back though with a smile on her face.

"I would like you to attend." Mrs Queller finished. "All of you." She looked at the adults meaningfully.

"You can not be serious!" Eleanor exclaimed, "It's completely preposterous! We're not even Catholic."

"Eleanor's right, I think that this is going too far." Lily agreed, looking at her watch apprehensively.

"I'm afraid that you have no choice, I am well within my power to make this trip mandatory for every student and parent. As it is, I'm sure you'd rather your privacy."

"When is this trip?" Bart asked, unimpressed by the thinly veiled threat.

"We leave early tomorrow morning." Mrs Queller said firmly.

"Well I can't possibly arrange that. I have work." Bart announced.

"As do I." Eleanor nodded.

"I have a meeting with my lawyer that can't be postponed." Anne said.

"Myself and Roman will be happy to attend. Anything for Blair." Harold smiled worriedly.

Eleanor snorted, "What?" She asked when everyone turned to her. "Am I really the only one who's going to point out the obvious?" She pointed to Harold. "Gay," Anne, "Her husband is being convicted of fraud," Bart, "Former womanizer," She paused when she got to Lily, "Well, put it this way... I've been to more of her weddings then I have been fashion shows."

"Lovely," Anne murmured.

"As I said, this is non-negotiable. I shall see you at nine am sharp." With that Mrs Queller left the room.

"For the record." Blair stated, "It was all Chuck's fault."

"And how do you figure that one out Waldorf?" Chuck asked.

"Well if you hadn't-"

"Tomorrow is going to be a long day." Serena sighed and Nate nodded in agreement.

*****

"Blair please tell me you're not serious." Nate said as he looked and the other occupants of the bus (apparantly they were actually volunteering to be there!) at the bottle of disinfectant in shock.

"If you think that I am setting foot on top of a flea invested bus for two hours without some kind of protection you are out of your mind." Blair told him calmly, while putting her rubber gloves on with a snap and spraying her seat.

"I still don't see how Anne got out of this." Eleanor grumbled as she perched on a seat next to Cyrus, (she refused to come without him)

"Lenny she had a very important meeting." Cyrus soothed, "Trust me, missing a hearing this late in the proceedings... Not good!"

"Roman I'm sure the priests won't judge us, and I'm absolutely positive they won't attempt to convert us. You're being melodramatic." Harold said consolingly.

"Of course they won't try to convert us," Roman agreed calming down.

"No, they'll just send you straight to hell. But hey, at least you'll be together. They might even let us perform a sacrificial ritual on Ping and Pong." Blair sniped.

Her father looked at her reapproachfully as he and Roman took the seats across from her and Chuck sat down beside her.

"Eh hem." Blair cleared her throat while glaring at him.

He gave her a look. "You know as well as I do that Nate frequently gets sick on long journeys and if you think I'm sitting next to Miss Never-Shuts-Up you have another thing coming. So unfortunately, you're the only option left."

"Nice to be appriecated." She snarled back.

*****

"Is it just me or are Blair and Chuck actually getting worse." Nate groaned an hour later as the aforementioned continued to bicker.

"It's not just you," Serena hit her head off the seat repeatedly as she attempted to turn her ipod up even louder.

"Are they always like this?" Eleanor asked in a hushed voice.

"YES!" Was the very loud reply that she got.

"Bart will you please put away the phone. You agreed no business." Lily reprimanded as she snatched the phone out of his hands.

"Lily I am in the middle of a very important business deal. By rights I should be in attendance. Businesses don't just stop because my son decides to act like a preschooler." Bart sighed.

"I hear ya buddy!" The man in front of them turned around and nodded in agreement. "My little Mathew insists on coming here every three months. It sure is a pickle trying to get time off work, I can tell ya. I really shouldn't complain though, after everything the Lord has done for me it's the least I can do."

Bart and Lily just nodded and smiled while looking altogether freaked out. Luckily Blair's shrieking spared them from having to reply.

"Did you just punch me!?" She stood up and demanded of the small freckly teenage boy with braces sitting in the seat behind her.

"Umm, we were playing Punch Buggy. Sorry?" He looked terrified.

Chuck started to snigger.

"Punch Buggy?" Her voice was deathly quiet.

"It's a game." A geeky looking girl informed her, crossing her arms across her chest. "If you see a punch buggy you shout out the color and punch someone on the shoulder. Maybe if you weren't so antisocial and snobbish you would have realized."

"Now, now Mary. Remember what Father Pablo said, we mustn't judge others. That is God's duty." Her mother, an older version of Mary, reminded her. "Perhaps the girl is just shy and ignorant of the games of others."

At this Chuck laughed even harder.

"Excuse me did you just call my daughter ignorant?" Eleanor demanded.

The woman made calming motions, "I'm sorry, it was not my intention to offend you or your daughter."

"Don't bother Mom," Mary glared at Blair. "That's 'Queen B', she doesn't care about anyone else's feeling so why should we care about hers."

"This is the girl you were telling me about?" The woman asked in shock. "But she looks so normal. Perhaps a little overly dressed and self-absorbed, but not the type of girl who'd do the all of the awful things you told me of."

"Appearances can be deceptive." Nate said.

"Self-absorbed?" Blair asked, "Overly dressed?"

"Yes I'd have to agree with that one," Chuck nodded, looking her over. "You'd look much better without the dress."

Blair whacked him with her one-of-a-kind Prada purse (that, coincidently, he bought for her).

"I will not stand here and allow you to insult my daughter like this." Eleanor was furious.

Blair slumped back into her seat, "Yeah," She muttered under her breath, "Only she can do that."

" We're here!" Roman called cheerfully from the front of the bus where he had moved earlier to talk with the hot male driver.

"Any chance we can stay on the bus?" Serena asked, "It's bound to be safer. Hello? Anybody?"

*****

"We are gathered here today to cleanse ourselves, and to truly be one with the Lord. If any of you have recently done things you are not proud of, confess now and feel the Lord embrace you into his heart. Remember, we are God's children, each and every one of us. He alone has the power to condemn us, or to forgive us if we are truly repentant of our sins. Let us pray." Father Daniel led the congregation in kneeling down and praying.

At that exact moment Blair's phone vibrated in her pocket. She glanced around and noticed people sitting again so she did the same while surreptitiously checking her messages.

"BITCH!"

Every eye in the church turned to her. Eleanor, who was sitting next to her, groaned and put her head in her hands.

Blair flushed bright red and attempted to pass the blame onto the very shocked lady behind her, "Shh!" she insisted before turning back around and giving everyone her most innocent look.

"That'll fool them." Chuck muttered under his breath and winced when Blair dug her elbow into his stomach.

********************************************************************************************************

NOTE- Just to clarify, the religious aspects in this chapter is not meant to offend anyone. This is meant for humor not to mock or degrade people's beliefs - I'm actually Catholic myself and have been to a retreat like this before making my confirmation, so trust me when I say it was nothing like this lol.