Disclaimer: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: So here's Chapter 8. Not a lot to say, but it's got a pretty terrible cliffhanger. Not too terribly sad, but definitely not happy either. We're expecting angry reviews, but please be nice. You'll understand our reasoning soon enough.

THIS IS IS IMPORTANT!! To those of you who read the story until about 5 p.m. on Tuesday, the 16th, Ben added A LOT more to the chapter after being rushed to finish on the due date. Allie and I really wanted to give you guys more, as we were kind of disappointed initially in the story.

ALSO: Allie's really sick, but still found it in her heart to stay up late last night so she could post this for you guys. Needless to say, she is feeling worse now than she was last night. So please make her feel better with reviews and PMs lol...

Make sure while reading this chapter you're away from sharp objects. We wouldn't want you to hurl things at your monitor in reading this sad, at the time unneccesary and merciless, chapter. BUT BELIEVE ME: it is needed. Just remember that there will be a sequel.

What He Would Have Wanted
By cALLIEfornia BENches

3 Months Later

I guess I could say that I enjoyed immortality. I no longer needed to sleep; I could spend my nights being productive and useful to what life had to offer me. And without dreaming, there was no such thing as nightmares. I had all the time, literally. I could run with joy and without fear of tripping all the time. People could see me as beautiful, something I never knew I ever really wanted thrust upon myself. I adjusted well into the vampiric society I had wanted for the last year.

And I was a Cullen.

But sitting alone, in the dark, with the curtains pulled over my windows to hide the morning sun, I couldn't decide anything for sure. While I no longer needed to lay my head on my pillow for well-rested naps, the nightmares I thought I had finally dodged and left in my subconscious simply followed me into reality. The eternity I had was spent sitting by myself, or learning to assimilate into a life that wasn't colorful and never would be with what I'd been through. The darkness I was absorbed in even now wasn't dark enough; my eyes adjusted too easily to the shadows. I couldn't hide from even myself. There was no point in running through the woods when I could never run from my troubles. They simply dawdled behind. And while I was beautiful, I never felt it. In fact, the notion of my flawlessness was overbearingly annoying. I had no one to show my beauty to that was simply worth my time and affection.

And even being a Cullen was no longer the perk I thought it to be. Pity was thrown on me in buckets; the only Cullen without a mate. Someone to hold onto. To be helpful. To protect.

Not that I needed protection. I protected myself. I was independent.

All this effort, all the wishes to be part of eternity, was lost. I had no one. My shoulder to lean on was stolen from me. I could no longer cry some little part of my large sorrow away; my feelings stayed bundled in my mind, forever presenting itself by adding new troubles upon my stack of the used. I simply welled up with unshedable tears that slightly stung my eyes and only dimmed my perfect vision. I was a mess. One that had become wrapped in beautiful armor. But this shield that I wanted so long ago trapped me inside; I was never as emotional as I was in my human state. But I always remembered and cried those tears inside of me.

But the fact stood. Edward was gone. I had tried hard to start this new life with a new mind, one clear of the bronze-haired angel. But that was damn near impossible.

Every distinct and defined flower I saw reminded me of the meadow. Every single smile I saw the petty humans exude reminded me of the half-crooked perfection Edward used with his lips. There was no way around him. What little of him there was, lived through me.

I still could remember my human identity with clarity. My memories with Edward, I knew, would never cease to erase themselves from my mind. But my life in school, the life outside of the dingy biology class and my walks to gym, they were fading and blurring. I still remembered some people: Charlie and Jacob. I was told I knew a Renee. I don't recollect her face nor do I remember who she was. My mother, I believe...

I could bring back images of the meadow. I knew James, and the bite marks he left me still shimmered like a scar on my wrist. But that was about it.

I was miserable. Three months into the transformation, and I was horribly downcast. But I didn't regret my decision. I never could. I did it to remember Edward, I guess. It wouldn't have mattered anyway: he was always on my mind. Of course, no matter how many times Carlisle had announced his sorrow for allowing himself to change me into a depressed immortal, I always assured him it was for the best. I wasn't lying, either.

I knew exactly why I chose this life, this simple existence. Why I forgot my friends and gave no thought to whom I would lose. I lived eternity for Edward. I breathed in every smell for him. I saw through his eyes, and I ran through the woods with his senses.

I lived to preserve his memory. Through me, the rest of the family would know that their son wasn't gone. Never truly. I was an emblem and a symbol for true love. I willingly sacrificed myself to uphold the bond. Because Edward was not dead. Gone, yes. But never dead. He was always here...

I knew that at this moment, wherever he may be, he would be frowning at my decision. That I didn't join him. But I knew he wouldn't want me to lose myself. He would have wanted me to carry on. He just didn't know that I did this for him. And he would have to realize that I picked immortality for him. He wasn't dead.

I just knew it. No amount of visions and words uttered from Tanya's crying lips could sway my belief. I just knew Edward could never die.

Never.

I took his place. I was a Cullen.

But I wasn't treated so much as of late. Esme never looked me in the eye. She welled up in tears just about every time I entered a room she was present in. She talked to me occasionally, about planning to plant a few flowers when summer came back. She always strayed from the taboo of mentioning him in front of me. I couldn't blame her. My melancholy reminded her of Edward before he had met me, Carlisle said. Alice was of some help. But she could never be the truly ecstatic and energetic pixie I once knew. She seemed to take everything pretty hard; her hair lost its spiky volume, and for once, her shoulders sagged, making her look extremely tiny and stick-like. Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

As for Rosalie and Emmett, there wasn't much. The two were, as the rest, taking his "death" with slow understanding. Rosalie finally became kind-hearted toward me after realizing what I went through. It was bittersweet; I appreciated her long-awaited acceptance, but I was bothered by the pity it was subjugated upon.

There was also the Denali coven. Tanya finally understood her place, I guess. She never talked to me unless to relay news from Alice. She got over her "sadness" quite hurriedly after I was born again. Carmen, Kate, and Irina were nice enough to leave me to my troubles and my adjustments. I saw Eleazer only a few times; he too gave me solace of my own.

They stayed their distance when the time permitted to it.

While I was a Cullen, the only person I talked to was Carlisle. He understood the true pain I was battling inside. We agreed to not speak his name in front of the others; no point in drowning the rest in more dreadful sadness. But he and I chose to talk about him. That's almost all we ever did when we spoke to each other.

We wouldn't let his name ever go in vain. Edward would never have wanted that.

Through my love, I gained another father over the wreckage.

But I sat in the darkness of my room, watching the slow climbing moon. Carlisle returned to the hospital every once in a while, coming back at only days at a time. In those weeks where he was gone, I lurked about the house, a zombie in a vampire's body. I was still the same girl Edward left in the woods; frail, vulnerable, and shaky. I was just in a better disguise. And I knew Edward loved me. I was tired of doubting myself; a perk I gained after my transformation.

Oddly, though, I never expressed my sadness to anyone. I closed myself off until I was in my room; my haven.

It had been 3 months of blazing revelations.

Currently, I was lying on my back on my now useless bed, which I still used more than anything in the Denali house. With my refined vision and amazing memory, I had no problem keeping myself entertained with counting the bumps on the ceiling as slowly as I could. I knew, if I used my vampire speed, I could probably finish within a minute or two, so I decided to prolong it and go even slower than the average human.

4,920,510, 4,920,511, 4,920,512, 4,920,513...

A knock at my door didn't distract my counting. I knew it had to be someone other than Carlisle; he had stopped knocking ages ago, and just let himself into my room.

4,920,514, 4,920,515, 4,920,516...

The door creaked and I could make out Alice's petite head poking through the crack she had made. "Bella?" she asked quietly. She knew I had yet to talk to anyone but Carlisle in the past three months, and I think it was hurting her a little. But she was only here off and on, usually spending every other week or so with Jasper, wherever he was. I was truly sympathetic for no longer talking to my best friend. She was coping as well. But my method involved little to no one. Placing Alice between me and my fears was futile. But it wasn't as if I was avoiding her.

I didn't respond, so she walked further into the room. I slowed my counting even more so I would have to focus almost all of my attention on the one task instead of looking at her.

"Bella," she repeated. I hardly heard her. "You need to get out. When was the last time you hunted?"

Honestly, I couldn't remember. A week or two ago, maybe? I focused harder.

4,920,517, 4,920,518...

She pulled herself up on my bed and I felt a weird sense of déjà vu. This was a lot like the night just before she had left with Jasper; she was sitting on my bed, her knees pulled to her chest, the awkward silence stretching so taut I decided to stop breathing.

Thank goodness for that ability.

"I know you only like Carlisle, and I know you haven't been taking what happened so well, but you need to take care of yourself. We wanted to take you out in public, soon. How are we going to do that if you haven't hunted since the last World War? Come on," she coaxed, "It'll be nice to get out of this stuffy room."

I bit my lip as I considered this. Part of me was beyond angry at her for bringing him up—it was an unwritten rule in the house that he was never brought up in my presence, although I often heard them talking about him and me, as if they had forgotten I was no longer human and could hear them through the floorboards of my room. And I don't think anyone could abruptly end a conversation like me. It seemed as though every time I entered a room, someone snapped their mouth shut and glanced nervously my way, wondering what I had heard and how long I had been there.

But the other part of me knew she was right. I needed to go out and do something. If I was going to take a first step, Alice would be the best person to do it with. She had been my best friend, all those months ago. And I had been neglecting her.

I blinked, losing my count on the ceiling bumps.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "I know."

She jumped slightly and sat up straighter, surprised that I had said anything at all. She hadn't heard me talk since the dreadful Volterra day. I'm sure it came to her as a shock that I had voiced words of my own volition. A smile almost tugged at my lips had I remember why I surprised her.

"So...," she trailed off awkwardly, "What do you want to go do?"

I thought about it a moment, not moving at all from my place on my bed. "I need to hunt, definitely. But then maybe after we can go out and do something?" Try as I might to be peaceful, I think we both knew I didn't mean it.

Please say no...

Thankfully, Alice came to the rescue and gave me a real excuse. "Bella, you know it's still too dangerous. As much as I'd love to take you out, I don't know how well you've been prepared to be around human scents. Your first time, it's pretty powerful and overwhelming. You don't think straight. Your only instinct is to go after whatever it is you smell. And in this case, that would be bad. Very bad."

I lifted my head and studied her. She looked worried, but in the reflection of her own eyes I could see a mirrored image of myself. I looked beyond shocked. It was the first time she had said too much in one breath in as long as I can remember. It brought back a surge of memories, ones of which I had forgotten about until today. It was weird recalling my old days with Alice.

"Okay," I drawled. "Then, what?"

"Well, I think it'd be too big of a step for you to go out into the public. Not only because of the bloodlust, but because you've hardly left your room in months. I think too many new things would be a shock to your system. I don't think you'd handle it well."

I nodded once, not in the mood to argue.

"Let's go, then. Throw on some more comfortable clothing and we can go. I'll go tell Esme," she said just before leaving the room. I sighed once before getting up to change.

I took my time with dressing. I was dreading actually being active, I almost forgot what it felt like. I slipped some jeans on and a shirt I used to wear. The flaps that once snugly held at my arms were loose; in my transformation, I had lost weight to accentuate my beauty. I would have to tell Alice to buy me new clothes after this hunt.

I finished putting on my clothes much faster than I wanted to. I looked toward the door with a slight hesitation; I was going to learn how to live again. Sure, I might have hunted before. I knew how to hunt. But today felt too... normal. Like the puzzle I had scrambled up was coming back into place. The only thing was that there was a piece missing.

I let out an unnecessary gush of breath out and opened the door to the hallway. The hallway lamps startled my eyes, which quickly adjusted.

I might need to brighten up my room.

With slow steps, I made my way down the hallway and towards the stairs.

THUD

I tripped on the top flight and began to roll down the steps.

I quickly righted myself up and looked to see my shoelaces untied and the edge of the stairs bent from my fall. I was going to have to fix that.

I laughed in my head. I was so silly. And clumsy even now.

Today was the closest I had been to normal since I was 17.

I met Alice out by the porch, a little to enthused from my journey out the house. I guess Alice noticed.

"Did something happen that I missed?" She questioned.

"No. Just that today seems to be one of the brightest," I noted nonchalantly.

We made our way towards the edge of the forest. Snow still thickly blanketed the terrain and trees around us, giving the impression of a field of white cotton. Together, we made our way into the forest at human's pace.

"So... How's life been?" asked Alice awkwardly.

"Look Alice," I started. "If you want to talk about Edward with me, talk about it. I hate it that everyone treats like I'm some fragile human again, when I'm not. Carlisle is the only one who actually understands that. So if you want to be my sister, act like it, and talk to me." It took seconds before shock registered on both Alice and mine's face. I couldn't believe I said that. But it was true. I missed Alice. I just couldn't handle her bullshit censory any longer.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I was busy trying to be happy with Jasper. I completely walked out of the situation for my own selfish needs and consolances. I should never have left my sister. I left you in the dark. It's completely my fault Edward isn't here," she blurted, tears forming in her eyes and her tiny frame shaking in sobs, "I should have driven faster. I could have saved him! I could have plowed through the square in that car. I could have saved him! I could have saved you, too!"

Alice heaved dry sobs as her shoulders shook violently. I had never seen Alice so distraught and so human. I ran over to her and hugged her; it was the only thing I could think of.

"I'm sorry for being closed off, Alice. Edward meant a lot to everyone. Not just me. It was never your fault. Fate works in crazy ways, and we cannot control the past. Don't put yourself down for something you can't control." I laughed. "Your job is controlling the future."

Alice managed to giggle at the remark. We sat in silence on the porch steps for a while.

I sighed. This was strange. The normalcy of the situation began to mend the cracks inside me. I could feel the pressure lighten.

I turned toward the smiling pixie and suggested we hunt. I really needed to run and think. I needed to be alone.

"How about we hunt seperately. I really would like to do this myself. There's a lot to think about."

I could see a slight disappointment in Alice's eyes. But she quickly glanced up and nodded.

"I'll be a few miles away looking for deer if you need me," she commented before leaping out of the distance.

I turned around and hurled myself into the forest.

Moments later, I was running through the thick woods at a lightening pace. Alice was right; the feeling of being outside the cooped house was refreshing. I really did need to get out and explore. I needed to be a vampire. It was like this was what I was born to do.

What to hunt?

I dodged the branches easily. I could hear a herd of grazing deer off to my right. Too easy, I thought. I needed a challenge. I needed something to get my mind off the abysmal concept of my life. I just needed to let my senses overcome my body. Let myself bow to the vampire within me, and have a moment of peace.

What to hunt?

With the force of a freight train, I was brought to a stop by a mouthwatering, familiar smell. Almost like cinnamon, but a little muskier and more wild. The aroma wafted through my nostrils and flared my venom glands to drip buckets upon my tongue.

Sweet, sweet, smell.

It smelled like Edward. But at the same time, it didn't. It held too much of a game-like smell to be him, but the cinnamon stench and musky undertone held his face to the inhaled heaven. I sighed in contentment. The monster within me purred.

Let your senses go, love. A low chuckle echoed in my mind and I smiled.

There goes that voice again. I paused to listen to the soft ringing of each word in my mind.

Ever since becoming a vampire, I had been being mocked with high cruelty; I heard Edward speaking to me, like was during my human life. It was the only time I cared to smile; it affirmed my faith of his presence in me. But a small part of me doubted these velvet words. They were illusions I would be smart not to become involved with. I no longer had a heart to break; what else was to snap under the pressure of my lost love? I took the time to process the words and his face.

But this time, the voice was right; I wanted to find the origin of the smell. I had to let my senses propel me. I looked around; Alice was not close by. I could hear faint footsteps far behind me, in soft rhythm. The smell was pooling my venom toward my lips.

I was hungry.

Leave your reason, silly Bella. Give in.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the soft voice.

"As you wish."

And with that, I crouched down low, craning my head to the sky in an attempt to locate the delicious smell. My mouth was watering; I could have been drooling venom at this point.

I stilled myself on the ground, and waited. Suddenly, like a fire given more fuel, I burst from the ground, surprising myself and the rustling, broken leaves I left behind. I had only one purpose as far as my menace could tell: find the smell. And dine.

I don't think I ever ran as fast as I did. Feral groans emerged from my mouth, almost silent, but frothing with wild and uninhibited hunger. The only thought other than my drive was Edward. I could picture him moving gracefully by my side, egging me on.

Turn right, Bella.

Left, 235 degrees North.

Almost there, love.

I followed the voice in my head; Edward and my senses.

The scent was getting closer with each and every stride I took. I could have bathed in the aroma. I continued to run until the smell was strong enough to push me over the edge of ecstasy. I could only faintly hear birds chirping and leaves blowing in the soft wind.

I halted.

What I saw before me made me stop in my tracks and take in a deep inhalation of the sweet aroma in front of me.

A large, red-brown mountain lion lay perched underneath a rocky cave, its beady cat-eyes staring intently at my own. It had made small footprints in the snow below it

I snorted. I could see why Edward enjoyed hunting them so much. The animal was beautiful. The feline, in every way, was majestic and proud. Edward would have loved to be at my side. He would already be there, ready to pounce and kill.

I knew one thing; the cat smelled delicious.

I watched the cat speculatively, making small and steady, statue-like movements toward the cave. A look of dread and curiosity filled the lion's eyes. It knew what was to come, and it wasn't going to give up without a fight.

A large hiss escaped the lion's mouth, and it accentuated the sharp and long teeth it held. I didn't realize I had hissed back until the cat recoiled to the noise. With more speed, I approached the cave, no longer remembering of getting hurt. A few scratches would do nothing. I would heal. I'm a vampire. The cat hissed again and, to my surprise, lunged from its position to down on the floor, a mere hundred feet from where I stood still. The cat didn't know what kind of fight it was getting itself into. I laughed out loud carelessly.

Snow began to fall around us. I let out a roar, to which the white powder off the trees began to shake and crumble to the forest floor.

Get back to your senses, love. You can do it. Don't be afraid.

I wanted to thank him. But I realized that I was afraid. I knew that I could kill the lion easily. I could take away it's life in a matter of seconds. The cat wouldn't even know what hit it. But did I want to? This was Edward's job. Edward's animal. Killing it would be much too symbolic. After the meal, I would feel guilty. Deer were one thing; but this would remind me of Edward more than I wanted it to.

Or did I?

The internal battle played about in my head. All the while, the lion circled in a spot cautiously, ready to pounce at moment's notice.

And in it, I saw my answer.

The cat was an enemy. Not my sweet Edward. The lion was my challenge to a good meal. It was a barrier to being happy. The cat was the Volturi. It was Victoria. It was Jane. It was Italy. It was the sun; it was everything I wanted gone.

I had to kill it now. I had to kill it for Edward.

I crouched down low, my eyes trained on the slowly moving target. Instinctually, my feet shuffled to the left, and the cat followed. Together, we created the dance of death. The cat's death...

The cat and I circled the forest floor, our eyes never leaving each other. I wanted him. And he knew that I was no ordinary human. I wasn't weak and breakable anymore; I was a vampire.

As slow as I could move, my hands reached toward the ground below me and I crouched low. I bared my teeth and let loose a feral growl.

Three. Two...

But before I could pounce, a cackle of laughter punctuated the sky with the sound of thunder. I gasped; I knew that cackle of breath. It brought back the image of fiery orange to my mind with automatic force. Visions of my last nightmare flashed before my eyes.

The orange flames and the swift snappings of an arm.

I shuddered.

There was no more battle with the mountain lion. I was no longer hungry after hearing the thunderous clap of leering. All my internal battle in my feasting was no longer important. In place of my hunger, anger and utter fury replaced.

I quickly turned from the mountain lion and ran towards the echo with a vengeance. Toward Victoria.

I swiftly sprinted, weaving around trees and branches. Victoria was here; she was asking for a death sentence. I was going to rip away her remains until there was nothing left of her but a useless pile of ashes. She was going to pay for what she did.

In the distance, I heard an odd snapping noise, like twigs. And the ear-shattering screeching continued. More snapping, more laughter.

What is she doing here?

I pictured my encounter and laughed. I was a newborn and much stronger than she. I had the drive and determination for an ending that was suited for my benefit. I don't know how, but she killed Edward. I saw it.

She was going to suffer like no other vampire ever did before. Gruesome images shot forth in my mind; dismembering her slowly, saving her head for last. I would let her watch herself burn. All the while, I would smile.

I didn't remember the time it took to get to the sound of her laughter and the smell of her. All I knew was that I found her.

I rounded into what appeared to be a snowy white clearing, and craned my neck in sight of her.

My eyes stopped at the sight to my right and I stood rigid as a board. All adrenaline froze within my body.

Ahead was Victoria, cackling maniacally, rolling on the floor in a crazy haze of pure insanity.

Behind her lay a large, smoldering fire dancing upon a pile of charred wood.

And before it burned, I caught a glimpse of a small hand turning quickly to ashes. One that matched to a pixie of a Cullen.

A/N: -Dodges bullets being shot by readers-. LISTEN before you get angry. We tried as hard as we could to avoid this. We didn't want to do this. In fact, we had a long discussion debating whether or not to do it, especially so close after Bella's vision. But when it came down to it, the characters write themselves. Plus, this leads to a VERY significant plotline in the story that's a vital part of the sequel. It's not going to be hard to catch on to as soon as we write it. Then again, I know what's going to happen, so maybe it's just more obvious to me. Haha. Anyway, I can promise you this much; this is the last (good character) death until the very last chapter of this story. So you can put your tissues away (for the most part... maybe leave a few out just in case).

Remember, reviewers get sneak peeks at the next chapter!

ALSO, ON A HAPPIER NOTE: Last week, Allie and I posted our new story, Typing Love in French. If you want to be amazing and to be happy once again, check it out and review. you won't be disappointed lol

Until Friday, with love,

-Ben-Jammin' and Allison-Wonderland.