Disclaimer: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.
A/N: This chapter is seriously not for the faint of heart. The chapter has a lot of violence and, like always, depression. But trust me, this is the last death before the last chapter. But this is easily the least depressing death. So strap in those seatbelts, put those tissues and chocolate bars by your computer and get ready for this emotional roller coaster of a ride.
Enjoy. And be prepared. :)
(Allie says) I agree with Ben on pretty much all of the above. Hopefully you appreciate this chapter. :) Because... well, you'll see why. Sorry it's a bit short, but it's longer than we expected. We expected maybe 5 to 6 pages, and we really got like 9. So yay! And thanks to all those who told me to feel better. I'm feeling much better, thank you. :) Anyway. Start reading. :)
What He Would Have Wanted
By: cALLIEfornia BENches
Previously, On WHWHW:
'Ahead was Victoria, cackling maniacally, rolling on the floor in a crazy haze of pure insanity.
Behind her lay a large, smoldering fire dancing upon a pile of charred wood.
And before it burned, I caught a glimpse of a small hand turning quickly to ashes. One that matched to a pixie of a Cullen.'
Chapter 9
I simply stared at the burning charcoal of ashes at the base of the flames. The fire licked at the sky, and melted the snow around it, almost daring it to challenge the heat. A thin line of silver smoke trailed from the fire, sending a dark and gray message to passerby. My ears lost all the ability to hear; the silence was replaced by low drone, one that was neither irritating nor comforting. My eyes glazed over and blurred while I gazed intently at the blushing fire, sending a mural of orange and ruby red upon my vision.
I wasn't breathing anymore. I didn't know what I was doing. The shock of my realization stalled my body in a portal of stillness and I was looking for every which excuse to keep myself busy from thinking about anything.
I was hypnotized by the bright orange display. The clarity of my eyes finally focused on each individual spark as it flew from the pit. From time to time, there sounded a sizzle of burning wood and ashes.
Those ashes…
I knew those ashes, long before they were reduced to rubble beneath dancing flames. Those ashes could smile. They could gracefully waltz through rooms, and understand friendship. Those ashes could love…
Alice. My poor, poor pixie.
How could this happen? Was there no merciful God whom wasn't so selfish as to steal angels from earth?
I shook my head vigorously and closed my eyes with all the force of my body.
The fire was playing tricks on my mind. There couldn't be ashes lying carelessly upon the charring wood. There couldn't. My devious mind was obviously creating an illusion to my eyes.
But I knew it was I who was trying to place illusions before me. I couldn't accept the death of another loved one. Another Cullen. Tears were pooling beneath my eyelids, warning to slide down my marble cheeks.
But they never will.
How I wanted them to slide down! I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to breathe in every amount of air and gush it out in sporadic and sputtering quakes of cries. I wanted to claw at my eyes and yelp in joy. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to just die; keel over on this floor all the while deserving every ounce of possible pain for my sins and guilt.
I wanted this guilt gone and to be washed away from my tears. And no matter what I wanted, it just wasn't enough. I wanted to feel everything I could endure that could hurt.
My chest was the closest thing that could enunciate my woes. It still cracked from time to time. But it wasn't enough!
FALL, TEARS!
The flames mocked me. They were inviting me to simply jump upon the hot coals and burn my troubles away, throwing each piece of sorrow and regret and watching it catch on fire.
My poor, poor Alice.
I looked up to the sky briefly in pure disgust. God was grateful to have an angel at it's gates. Had I not been filtered of the will to move, I would have shaken my fist up at the heavens for their selfishness.
I bowed my head and let the soft murmurs of sobs leak out of my lips. I simply let each shudder and gasp flow out like rivers into the cold air. Slowly, the soft cries led to wracking sobs I never knew my body could handle. Sharp convulsions of pain warped my body into a crunched stance.
I fell to my knees and opened my senses to the crunching of the snow beneath me.
I opened my eyes at the surprisingly real sound and peered down below me. The snow around me was a rude reminder of where I was and why I was here. Small, petite footprints etched themselves lightly onto the ground below me.
Alice had stood where I was.
I continued searching for more signs of her. Another footprint to my left excited me. I followed the path of her steps, each graceful in her own way and saw them stop in a flurry of ugly smears.
The path ended a mere feet from the fire. And another pair of feet.
Victoria.
At the mention of her name, my body instantly tensed, every muscle clenching to pounce. My vision sharpened and ears perked up to each sound of rustling leaves miles away. My fists were never so clenched tight.
She did this. She killed Edward. Alice. My family.
I didn't care how she got here.
She wasn't going anywhere without having a friendly greeting with the fire first.
If looks could kill, she'd already be dead. I fiercely cocked my head to meet the eyes of a deranged and psychotic woman before me. Victoria looked different, oddly enough. Her already wild and untamed hair was even more so, with small clumps missing from her scalp. The way her body was crunched brought about an insane demeanor; her shoulders were hunched over with one high than the other.
I shot up to my feet, looking for the words to scream out to convey my hatred for the devil. But there was nothing I could say that could appease the pain I felt deep inside. I felt like someone had taken a hearty helping of my heart and left the rest to rot. My heart gave the notion of shaking in large tremors.
There was absolutely no way Victoria was getting out of here alive. She killed my loved ones, and in the process, me.
Her cackle of laughter pierced the gray sky with a thunderous shriek.
"You underestimated me, Bella. You didn't seem to believe me when I said I would hurt you. Have I done the job? Have I accomplished what I've set out to do?" Her eyes connected to mine and she knew she found her answer.
"James would be proud of me. The first death was merely to even up the scoreboard, as you know. But this," she pointed at the pile of ashes in the flames. I immediately tightened my jaw and prepared to choose which arm to disembody. "This," she continued, "was an extra. And if I do say so myself, quite a surprising one as well.
"She simply stumbled upon me looking for a sizable meal. Little did she know that in that split moment, I decided; her death would be more pain for you, dear. What I intended all along!" Her maniacal laugh left scars upon my mind.
I couldn't deal with anymore of her speech. More would just deepen these wounds.
Her fiery orange hair was nothing compared to the fire burning in my watered eyes. I was out to kill. I had never been this angry before. I could feel my body surge with electricity, ready to shoot out of my palms and hit her square in that heartless chest she bore.
My fury almost made me dizzy. I had to get a hold of myself if I was to enjoy her death. I was going to need an anchor to keep my emotions intact while I chose which arm to viciously maul first.
I thought of Edward.
What he would have done. He would be angry, more than me perhaps. Would he want me to fight her? Slash my fingers across her face, like I desired?
My poor Alice.
Kill her. The voice of velvet was grim. Anger boiled in those words, bubbles of steam surfacing with each letter. My anger boiled with his. Immediately, I felt a stream of energy I never knew I kept within me. I felt like I could do anything. I could. Edward was by my side, glaring at my target.
"With pleasure," I growled.
I saw Victoria's crazed eyes flicker with recognition. Death.
I lunged for her throat, only to be met with a smirk and a quick dodge on Victoria's part. My fury and pure anger drove me to my feet. Revenge was the fuel to my drive, and I was more than happy to settle the score. Who cared if I had no training experience? She was going to die before I would. There was absolutely no way I could fail, I was so furious with rage.
Another lunge and I proved inaccurate. I quickly regained my composure and dove left, feinting a direction and immediately turned right at the last moment, catching her off guard. Victoria's eyes betrayed a surprise, which quenched little of my unlimited thirst for death. My pounce met with her chest and a large groan emerged from her throat as we tumbled to the floor.
I scratch with all my might, blindly sweeping my fingernails across her body. My slashes brought about yelps emitting from Victoria, surprise evident on her face. The bitch didn't see me coming, did she? Well, she's going to face a hell of a lot more surprises. I continued to violently thrash my arms around her face, distorting her once beautiful face and breaking skin in the process.
Soon, my scratches turned to punches and straight blows to her face as I straddled her squirming body. My weight seemed too much for her to escape from, and I laughed. It was almost scary how similar my laugh was to Victoria's manic laugh not long ago. But I paid no mind; I was determined.
I was torn from wanting to slow down each punch and make her revel in the pain I'd been consumed in for so long. But the other half rebelled; Alice and Edward never got a chance. They never were able to live out their lives like they were supposed to. So why should she endure a few extra precious minutes of salvation.
The tears were blurring my vision, and my craze prohibited me from wiping them away, even though I wanted to see my damage.
But soon, I felt her squirming take on new course. Distracted, not paying enough attention; I wasn't sure. But I know that a kick in the chest was all it took for me to fly off of her with a grunt, sailing through the trees. I crashed loudly against a tall pine tree and it cracked beneath my force. I quickly regained my balance and wiped away the limited tears from my eyes.
Victoria was in front of me, glaring as wildly as I was sure I was at her. Only, she looked partially defeated already. She had been through one fight already today; I was completely unscathed. I had done some serious damage to the heartless fiend, in addition to Alice's damage; her face was no longer beautiful, but beaten to a pulp. Being a vampire, her face began to slowly re-inflating itself from the multiple blows I wielded upon it.
"You bitch," she spat. "Trying to fight, I see. Already a better opponent than the midget of one I ruined to ashes."
My fury took over once more and I charged. However, Victoria seemed just as ready and dodged out of the way once more, grabbing at my blurring figure and pinning me to the ground with such a force, I would never have woken up had I still been human.
CRACK
I let out an agonizing scream as I felt two of my fingers detach from my hand. The pain quickly left my body, and brought with it an onslaught of anger. I thrashed about, slowing Victoria down, who held my hands high above my head in a wristlock while stepping forcefully on my stomach with her booted shoes.
I had to get out. I had to regain and avenge Edward and Alice
"I'm glad I killed the ones you loved. It was so enjoyable to watch each and every one of them suffer." She cackled menacingly.
"SHUT UP!" I bellowed. I didn't want to hear it.
Almost as if she knew my request, she went on, "You know, taking care of the pesky girl was no problem, I must tell you. She didn't put up much of a fight; she seemed surprised actually, like she never saw it coming. Ahhh…,"she inhaled, "I can still smell the perfume she wore." I continued to thrash and try to tune out the horrible images in my head of Alice being tortured. I didn't understand I could have so much pent up fury and anger inside of me at one point.
"But you seem to know that she wasn't the only one dead from my hands, did you child?" she sniveled. I immediately roared all the while glaring at her. I wasn't a child. I could fight my own wars. Victoria's foot shifted down my stomach and with lightening speed, quickly raised in and stomped with a deafening thud, expelling all air out of my lungs. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to continue her speech.
Please don't talk about him. Don't…
"I killed another. He was much more important. A gate to your heart, I presume?" Another kick in the gut left me no time to retaliate. I need to relinquish her from her vice grip. Victoria laughed menacingly as she slowly traveled down my body with her foot, sending more stomps, breaking my left leg in a surge of pain.
"He deserved his dues. An eye for an eye… My James for your pathetic excuse for a…"
I didn't let her finish that sentence as an overbearing roar pierced the sky and I used all my strength to be released from her grip.
In an instant, I found her hand and pulled her to the ground, straddling her once more, and gaining the upper hand.
Victoria never uttered a word as I used her body as a personal chopping table, flying kicks and punches all over. I twisted both her wrists, in hopes that she knew she could never touch anyone.
I broke both her legs and, in fury, detached one and tossed it to the flames. A loud shriek pronounced itself. It was as if the burning of her leg was giving her pain beyond measure. The monster in me smiled with glee. I continued to break every bone in her body.
The arm.
A rib, maybe two.
Her hip was shattered by my fist. It didn't matter that I most likely did the same to my hand in the process.
Both knees.
And I reveled in a crazed happiness with each slow breaking of her toes. But all this pain and torture amounted to very little of what I wanted her to experience. I wanted to sacrifice her to get Alice back. To get Edward back. I wanted to make sure she wouldn't even recognized herself in hell when I was finished with her.
"This... this is for Alice." I speedily grabbed her waist and dug my fingers into them, sending shocks of yelps from Victoria.
"This is for every heart you've broken in my family." I began to pull out that symbolic fiery hair that tormented me in my dreams for so long.
"And this…" I stuttered with emotion as I looked straight into her pleading eyes, "This is for my love. A love you had no right to take away from me. THIS IS FOR EDWARD!!" A look of shock and… almost unfamiliarity spread across her face before I quickly shook her head off her shoulders and threw it into the flames.
In haste, I began chucking all limbs and pieces I had dismembered from her into the dancing flames. The faster they burned the better, the quicker I could heal what I would be able to.
Violent and bloody curdling cries of sorrow echoed from the fire with each part I placed. Sparks flew in every which way and large cackling reverberated off the orange heat.
When I was finished, and the screams ceased to be heard, I sank to the ground with a pathetic thud. It was over. The fear of Victoria was placed into the burning heap along with her, and I could let out a breath of relief.
But it got stuck in my throat.
Any relief I could feel was gone; another soul was lost. Because of me. It was all because of me. Alice's death was avoidable. I should have never walked out of the house. I should have continued with my miserable existence counting ceiling bumps. Edward could have lived. I could have avoided him in Biology. I could have refrained from asking about him. Couldn't I? I knew the answer was no.
I heaved dry sobs, angry at the emotion and myself that I could never portray through my immortality. I never missed my tears as much as I did now. I doomed a family of vampires through my existence.
The Cullens.
What was I going to tell them? How was I going to tell them? That their daughter, sister, and wife was dead in the woods because of me? That I let another Cullen sacrifice themselves for me?
How was Jasper going to deal with this? I knew that I would never be the same without Edward. But Jasper and Alice guided each other. Without her, Jasper would never have met the Cullen's. He never would have received a family.
I lay on the ground, standing with my knees, sobbing uncontrollably in front of the fire that held ashes of two vampires.
The pain of losing Alice brought back the unrelenting pain of losing Edward as well. And this time, I had no heart to cushion the blow with. My heart ceased to beat; its many scars were already a monument of the past I had gone through.
Where was I going to recount these sorrows and woes?
I realized that there was no way I could. I was stuck to deal with all the present pain in my mind. I couldn't stash it somewhere. I deserved all this guilt and shame; I was worthless and a curse.
I cared for a family with all my heart. I loved Alice and Edward too much to ignore the signs; I had to leave the Cullens sooner or later, for their own sake. Esme could be happy once again without me. Carlisle wouldn't have the burden of becoming my personal therapist once I left. Jasper could live with his family that I had prevented him from because of my instability. Rosalie would get what she always wanted; I would be gone. Emmett, he would simply be at his wife's side, laughing away his troubles.
I was no longer needed. I never was.
I was to leave this family for their sake.
I'd leave once I repaired a decent amount of damage. Once I was able to make them adjust with Alice and Edward.
The flames simmered and died. Night came rapidly. Twilight and the sunset never even came into focus. My world was dulling with each breath of air I took.
I limped over to my detached fingers and gingerly bent down to pick them up. I had to go home and become the bearer of bad news.
I walked slowly away from the forest. But not before I turned around and watched the wind sweep up my dear Alice's ashes into the dark blue sky.
A/N: Did you like it? Sadly, Alice is gone. But so is Victoria. Don't hate us just yet. Everything we do has a MOTIVE. We would not be so sadistic as to kill off a main character without reason.
It was really hard to convey my true feelings into this chapter. Still, I hoped you got a kick out of the violence. I had a fun time writing that part (THIS IS BEN!)
Remember: REVIEW, REPLY, REVIEW, FAVORITE, ETC.
We have about 5-6 more chapters until the end of this story. We will, without stopping, continue onto the sequel. For the first ten people who review, I will tell you the title of the sequel!!
BTW: if you review, you of course get a sneak peek of the next chapter.
(This is Allie) Ben wrote a majority (like 98 percent) of this chapter, so be sure to give him his creds. :) I simply edited and added little bits to where I thought needed adding. I don't think I'd be able to be that violent. I'm better at being depressing. Haha. Anyway, I don't have much to add other than encouraging you to review and get the title of the sequel. It'll actually give a little away as to what happens (that is, if you can figure out what it means.) Haha. :D
Until Tuesday,
-cALLIEfornia BENches