Title: Unexpected Grace
Author: Cocoa-Snape (aka CocoaSnape)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR…she is a goddess. I am making no money from this and I intend no copyright infringement.
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Unexpected Grace
by CocoaSnape
Chapter 9: Tell me why…
To Dumbledore's delight, Severus was becoming less and less agreeable as his days in the hospital wing wore on. Initially he had been, for the most part, too tired, too ill to argue. This sudden obstinance was nothing less, Dumbledore felt, than a sign of Severus's impending recovery.
This belief was fully confirmed near the end of the Snape's second week in the infirmary, which could, somewhat cheerfully, be described as the most difficult yet.
When Dumbledore entered the hospital wing that morning he could hear the shouting from well down the hall and sped up his pace to see if anything was the matter. When he rounded the corner into the doorway of Severus's room, he was taken aback by the scene that met his eyes.
Severus was standing for the first time near the foot of his bed, his legs shaking so forcefully, Dumbledore thought he was sure to collapse in the next instant. The evident weakness of his form contrasted sharply both with his face, which was twisted into a determined glare, and also with his voice, which echoed menacingly in the room. Dumbledore's eyes went immediately wide at the obscenities crossing his lips.
"Listen here, you son of a bitch…" Pomfrey whirled on Snape.
Dumbledore's eyes widened further. He had been meaning to intervene, to scold Severus for his remarks, but the medi-witch's red-faced expression and the vehemence of her words made him realize that Poppy was giving as good as she got.
"You nearly died," she continued, "and now you're—"
"Spare me your pathetic exaggerations," Snape cut in derisively. "If I was such a lost cause," he shouted disbelievingly, "I would have been shipped to some corner of St. Mungo's for study."
"The Headmaster was adamant you remain at Hogwarts," Pomfrey retorted.
"Oh," Snape said, suddenly somewhat mollified by Poppy's words.
But the medi-witch continued, "Against my judgment mind you. And I'm beginning to wish he had listened to me. Then I wouldn't have the headache of your defiance to deal with day in and day out!"
"You have the gall to blame the absurdity of your demands on me? I won't stand for this. I meant what I said before," Snape pronounced, his voice suddenly low, "I'll stun you in your sleep if I have to…"
"You can threaten me till you're blue in the face, you self-righteous ar—"
"Are you two quite through?" Dumbledore asked sharply from the doorway, surprising both Snape and Pomfrey by his presence. Having suddenly deduced the cause of the trouble between them, he felt it time to intervene.
Turning his attention to Severus first, he said firmly, "Severus, sit down this instant. You're going to injure yourself."
Snape looked just about ready to snap back at him, but seemed to think better of it and sat, watching Dumbledore warily for his next move.
"Poppy," Dumbledore continued, "please give Severus back his wand. He is right. He should not be without it…for any reason."
Snape could not help looking vindicated.
"But, Headmaster, he isn't recovered enough to be using magic regularly. And he wasn't heeding my warnings. I was simply trying to help."
"Of course you were," Dumbledore replied reassuringly. "And Severus knows that as well, I'm sure," he added somewhat sternly while eyeing Severus.
Snape grumbled something in reply, but quieted down when Pomfrey reluctantly handed him back his wand.
"Severus, now that you have your wand," Dumbledore continued, "you will listen to Poppy and not use it except under extraordinary circumstances. I trust that is clear?"
Vexed that Dumbledore seemed to be waiting for a response, Snape gave a subtle nod.
Now it was Pomfrey's turn to look smug.
"Alright then," Dumbledore said amiably, trying to shake off the feeling that he had just settled an argument between two of his children, "I think after that, some tea is in order."
"Oh right. So you can drug me again?!" Snape said in an exaggerated huff. Too many of his teas had been laced with calming draughts of late.
With a twinkle in his eye, Dumbledore replied, "I don't believe that will be necessary. You look just about ready to pass out on your own, my boy."
Several minutes later, just as Snape was finishing his cup of herbal teaPomfrey burst in with a tear stained face.
"Severus, I'm so sorry for all the horrible things I said," she began remorsefully. "Can you forgive me?"
"I'll do my best," Snape muttered. To Dumbledore's nudge, Snape added with a sigh, "I suppose I was a bit too…frank myself."
"Oh Severus!" Pomfrey exclaimed. "Apology accepted!" And with that, she threw her arms around him in a forceful hug.
"Poppy," Snape growled, "if you wish to keep this fragile truce between us, don't ever hug me again."
"Understood." She let go and continued, "And if you do anything to impede your recovery, I will do everything in my power to keep you here all summer."
"Fair enough," Snape replied. A moment's pause and Snape remarked dryly, with clear amusement in his eyes, "Who'd of thought you curse like a barmaid, Poppy?"
"Only for you, Severus," Poppy winked and sauntered out of the room.
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That same evening Snape was startled when Pomfrey knocked and informed him he had a visitor.
He glanced nervously at Albus, wondering who on earth it could be. No one was supposed to know he was here after all. But Dumbledore reassured him, "It must be Minerva, Severus. Relax, my boy."
Pomfrey gave a small confirmatory nod and said, "She's been asking about you every day you know."
"Must I?" Snape asked in belabored tone. He hated the very idea of visitors.
Pomfrey continued sternly, "She hasn't come sooner because she thought you needed rest and probably would turn her away. Go figure!"
With a sigh, he acquiesced.
Sure to form, when McGonagall entered she asked a barrage of all the usual bothersome questions concerning Snape's recovery. When she learned that he was now standing on his own, she proclaimed enthusiastically, "That's wonderful, Severus!"
"For Merlin's sake," Snape sulked, "the three of you act as though I'd won an Order of Merlin."
McGonagall tried to explain why she hadn't come sooner, "I know how much you hate visitors, Severus, so—"
"And yet...you still came," Snape said, a smirk playing on his lips.
"Well, so much for thinking you'd changed," McGonagall replied not unkindly.
"Actually," Snape amended, "I am glad you are here. Perhaps you can settle an argument between myself and Albus."
This perked Dumbledore's ears. He wasn't aware of any argument.
Snape thought for a moment before speaking, aware he had to phrase his questions carefully if he was to receive the desired answers. "Minerva, I was just wondering," he began with false hesitation. "Have any of the faculty mentioned me? Are they worried? Do they even care where I've been?"
"Severus, you rotten cheat!" Dumbledore exclaimed, giving Severus a light smack on the shoulder. He knew exactly what his Potions Master was up to.
McGonagall responded in a rush of feeling. "Of course they care, Severus. In fact, Rolanda was just asking about you and Filius mentioned he hadn't seen you in some time and everyone knows you missed the final week of classes, so of course they're worried."
Dumbledore slowly shook his head as Severus leveled a triumphant gaze at him.
"Minerva," Dumbledore began, "What Severus was so cleverly asking was whether the faculty have been gossiping about his absence. If it's conspicuous. And it seems, he baited you rather well."
"Gossiping?" McGonagall backpedaled. "Oh, not at all. I haven't heard anything of the sort."
"Except, of course, Rolanda and Filius and, oh…everyone asking where I am," Snape reminded her.
At Dumbledore's audible sigh, Snape explained, "Albus is trying to rescind his deal."
"I am doing nothing of the sort," Dumbledore said sincerely. "I was merely suggesting that it may not be necessary. You'll be out of here in a couple of weeks most likely…"
"Try a couple of months, if it's left up to Poppy," Snape grumbled.
"It's your decision, of course," Dumbledore continued, "but why endanger your health for one week of classes?"
"I believe we've already gone over this, Albus," Snape said.
McGonagall cut in, "What in the world are you two talking about?"
Dumbledore proceeded to explain the deal he had made with Severus, his compliance with Poppy's demands for an uninterrupted recovery in return for the use of a time turner to revisit the last week of the term.
"Is that even possible?" McGonagall asked in astonishment.
"It is," Dumbledore replied.
"But isn't the cardinal rule of the time turner not to be seen?"
"Typically," Snape explained. "But in this case, my other half will be locked away in the hospital wing, so no one will be the wiser."
"But Albus and I will be," McGonagall countered. She turned to Dumbledore, "Won't you and I think he's still in the hospital wing in a coma when he appears all of a sudden?"
Severus had thought of that, in fact. And much to his consternation, Albus had refused to explain this little detail before. He gave Dumbledore an expectant stare.
"It won't be a problem," Dumbledore reassured both of them. "Trust me."
"Trust you, ha!" Snape said suddenly.
"Severus, I'm warning you," Dumbledore cautioned. "Don't start."
Snape huffed loudly and rolled his eyes.
"Don't you roll your eyes at me, Severus Snape!"
Snape rolled them again in willful disobedience. McGonagall eyed the pair, half wondering if she was about to witness a row between them when Snape leaned towards her and whispered confidentially, "He's a cheat you know."
"What?" she asked in confusion.
"He owes me 5 galleons from gin."
"Now that's not fair," Dumbledore interrupted. "You only won that last hand because you faked a spasm and then stole the card you needed from the deck."
"You see?" Snape responded in a mock-serious tone. "Excuses, accusations…anything to get out of paying up."
McGonagall was staring at Severus now. Was he joking? Smiling? It couldn't be!
McGonagall accepted the cup of tea Dumbledore offered her and watched as the Headmaster fixed Severus's tea and handed it gingerly to him. She could not know how much it meant to Severus to be able to drink it on his own, even if he was prone to some spillage here and there.
"Now then," Dumbledore began as he took a seat, "since Minerva's visiting us today, she gets first choice of reading."
McGonagall was about to protest, but Dumbledore did not give her the chance.
"What's it to be, Minerva?" Dumbledore asked as he read off the offerings in his lap. "Potions Quarterly, Everyday Potions, or Proceedings of the International Academy of Potions?" Dumbledore asked with a chuckle.
But McGonagall was too stunned to speak. Snape was wholly unrecognizable to her. She couldn't recall ever having seen him smile and now this was the second time in as many minutes.
"Too late!" Dumbledore said, interrupting her reverie. "You forfeit your pick," Dumbledore quipped. "Severus, it's to you."
"Proceedings please."
"Make yourself at home, Minerva," Dumbledore said as he leaned back in his chair and threw his slippered feet onto the end of Severus's bed.
Snape noticed McGonagall's surprise and remarked, "Don't look so shocked, Minerva, he's positively made himself a nest in here."
"I can see that."
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Snape's smile disappeared the next day. Dumbledore had been summoned to an emergency meeting of the Order of Phoenix. It was a brutal smack in the face by reality.
It had been easy to forget the world outside this room. There were no horrifying headlines in the paper, no news of deaths or news of anything much at all. And Snape's mind was otherwise occupied with all the mundane difficulties of his recovery. Not to mention the fact that Albus did his fair share in keeping him distracted. But Snape knew the truth of the matter was that it had been easy to forget because it was precisely what he wanted to do.
Realizing there was little sense in postponing the inevitable much longer, Snape was determined to air everything and be done with it as soon as Dumbledore returned.
He knew Albus would try to delay, of course. Probably to spare him the discomfort. He found the notion utterly preposterous. Certainly his previous attempt soon after waking from a coma hadn't helped, and he resolved not to make the same mistake twice.
He had berated himself endlessly for his loss of control in that first conversation – if one could call his emotional blowup a conversation. He had been thoughtless, disgraceful and weak. How exactly was he supposed to convince Albus that he should go back if he was going to fall apart at the seams? Snape realized that he needed to be rational, resolute and calm, all the things Dumbledore was and respected.
It was that initial disastrous attempt that had convinced him to hold off on further discussions in the first place, to allow him the time to disconnect himself from what had happened. It wasn't too hard really – a bit of denial and a good deal of Occlumency-assisted mental walls. He had done it many times before. It was, after all, what made him such a successful spy.
When Dumbledore returned late that same evening, Snape asked about the meeting. He was surprised when Dumbledore didn't evade his question.
"It was nothing of much consequence, Severus. I've doubled the guard at the Ministry. There's been some activity. But nothing unexpected."
Dumbledore didn't need to say anything more. Snape understood. "So you were right. The Dark Lord is interested in the prophecy."
"It appears so. Now, enough talk of this—"
"Albus," Snape interrupted, "I want to tell you what happened."
"Severus, there's no rush…"
"Of course. Let's wait until next year," Snape suggested sardonically. He added seriously, "I'm perfectly fine to talk about it now."
Dumbledore did not bother to retort that he'd been a witness to Severus's nightmares. But it was possible, Dumbledore thought, that he had been going about this the wrong way. Now that Severus's physical health was no longer in jeopardy, perhaps what he most needed was to talk about that night, to begin to work through what had happened.
"It's getting late. Tomorrow?"
"Tonight."
"Very well," Dumbledore relented. "If you're sure."
Snape took a breath and began. A part of him had been worried that he would crumble the moment he opened his mouth, so he breathed an inward sigh of relief that that was not at all the case. In fact, he couldn't help but be impressed with himself. He recounted, in great, almost excruciating detail, the events of that fateful night with such dispassionate precision, it would have rivaled that of the most unbiased observer.
Dumbledore marveled at Severus's control, at his stoic delivery. And he could not have been any more troubled by it. Severus spoke with an almost clinical detachment, describing these horrific events as though he had not been the one who had suffered them.
Dumbledore knew this was a far cry from a healthy response, but thought better than to mention that now. He put these concerns aside for the moment and listened with as much neutrality as was possible under the circumstances, carefully assimilating the details Severus was sharing with him.
"As soon as I Apparated, his first words to me were, 'The traitor returns.'"
Dumbledore's eyes widened slightly and he wondered how on earth was Severus still alive. Sensing the question, Severus explained straight away his reason for not using the amulet Dumbledore had given him, which could have port-keyed him away at the first sign of trouble. Severus had been convinced that Voldemort did not, in fact, know he was a traitor, that he was instead testing his loyalty by making the accusation and delivering the ensuing punishments.
"He wanted to see if I would run. There were no anti-Apparition wards in place at the graveyard. It was a test."
"And you knew this?"
"Not with complete certainty," Snape admitted.
"But you decided to take the chance," Dumbledore replied, his voice containing no trace of admiration, just displeasure.
"It was a calculated risk. And I confess, it was a struggle to keep my composure. But I did my best. The Dark Lord despises weakness. I had to appear…calm."
Dumbledore would have laughed if this wasn't so deadly serious. Taking in Severus's stone-faced expression, he replied, "I don't doubt for a moment that you succeeded."
"I would say he derived enormous enjoyment out of my suffering," Snape continued, his voice so flat, so unaffected, it was as though he was describing the procedure for brewing a Pepper-Up potion. "And I happened to be a perfect outlet for his rage."
"He risked killing you out of anger?" Dumbledore asked, an anger of his own boiling in his belly. "If you're trying to reassure me, Severus, you're not succeeding."
"That was not the only reason. And I must say, I have never seen him this angry before. He had just lost Potter and to make matters worse, it happened mere moments after he told the assembly of Death Eaters that he would prove his superiority over the boy once and for all."
"Ah…"
"Then I arrived, and late no less. I ended up his example. Potter's surrogate so to speak." A breath. "Granted I wasn't the only one. The moment I Apparated I sensed the others were in pain. He had inflicted the curse on them as well – though not to the same degree, of course – but most likely for their disloyalty to him after his disappearance at Godric's Hollow. After he called me a traitor, I immediately offered apologies for my lateness and then an explanation. He did not let me finish, however, before the first Cruciatus hit me. It was rather…" a pause, "…more intense than I remembered."
"Severus, you don't need to—"
"It's nothing," Snape said, dismissing Dumbledore's concern with a shrug.
Dumbledore listened with a tight feeling in his chest as Severus recounted what had followed, a feeling made only worse by Severus's seeming indifference. Dumbledore's brow furrowed as his concern deepened. Severus's expression was so disciplined, it might have been almost easy to forget that it had been he who had suffered this, if a single glance at his body, still trembling from the ordeal, didn't serve as an immediate conspicuous reminder.
"…The fifth round of Cruciatus lasted well over two minutes I would say. He was speaking to me throughout, although I cannot tell you with great accuracy what he was saying."
"The other Death Eaters had begun to laugh by now. In all likelihood because I had lost control and begun to scream."
Dumbledore conjured himself a glass of water, hoping it would dislodge the lump in his throat. It did not. He offered a glass to Severus, who refused with a shake of his head.
"Their laughter enraged him. Moments after releasing me, they were all on the ground under the Cruciatus. By this point, I admit it was…difficult to pay much attention. I was slipping in and out of consciousness. But from what I did hear, he lectured them, told them they were pathetic and that they possessed none of the strength and resolve that I did. That only I appreciated his brilliance. That only I understood the extent of his power. That only I never begged for mercy like they did. I do remember that well, because at that point, it was all that stopped me from activating the amulet."
"I believe I lost consciousness again, because the next thing I remember was being awakened only to have another Cruciatus cast at me. This one was the last. I think he held it just until he sensed I was on the verge of death. I couldn't say how long that was. And he did not let me pass out again. He ordered the other Death Eaters away." A breath. "I can still remember the silence once they had gone."
Now Severus did stop for a moment to take a drink of water. Dumbledore could sense Severus's fatigue, his emotional exhaustion. But he did not bother to suggest that Severus rest. Dumbledore knew with a palpable certainty that Severus could not stop now, that he would have sooner wept than done so.
"He knew I couldn't sit up or even lift my head. He came over and knelt down beside me. He grabbed me by the chin and made me meet his gaze. He looked straight at me and whispered, 'It's just you and me now, Severus.'"
"And he just stared…right into my eyes. It felt like hours, but must have only been minutes. And it was then that I realized his actions had been less about anger and more his strategy to break me…so that he might see everything he wanted."
"I admit…it was not easy to submit to his scrutiny, especially in the state I was in. I could feel the overwhelming pressure of his mind against mine. I melted away my outer barrier for him as he entered my mind – let him see the pain I was in, my shame, and a little of my anger at him for doing this. But I also crafted a convincing picture of my unbending loyalty to him, and my admiration of his power. He pushed for more and after feigning a struggle, I let him in deeper, allowing him to discover my fear."
Dumbledore was startled by the sudden harsh laugh Severus emitted, his face contorted in disgust as he continued, "I knew he would enjoy seeing that."
Dumbledore wanted to say something, to interject some space of comfort for Severus and for himself. He felt he had heard too much, that his very skin had become tender, vulnerable to sound. He sought to steel himself, because he knew what Severus needed most at this moment was to finish, uninterrupted, this horrifying narrative.
"He smiled at me. Merlin, what a horrible sight that was! And I thought for a split second that he had discovered the truth. But he simply released his grip and said…" Snape stopped and closed his eyes in concentration. He knew that this was the most important part, that he had to deliver the Dark Lord's parting message to him word for word. He took a breath and began, "'Severus, if you are fortunate enough to live, I do hope you appreciate this lesson in humility. Know that I have given you a great gift, my servant, a chance to prove your loyalty to me. Do not disappoint me by throwing it away.'"
Severus exhaled deeply, and finished hollowly, "That's it."
After a long moment, Dumbledore cleared his throat and spoke with a calm that contradicted his true state of mind, "Thank you for telling me everything, Severus. I will think carefully on what you've said and we can discuss it further in a few days. Right now, I want you to rest." He stood and offered Severus a vial. "Will you take some Dreamless Sleep Draught?" Dumbledore asked, and then added in earnest, "For me?"
Snape took the potion from Dumbledore's outstretched hand but made no effort to drink it. His eyes remained trained on the elder wizard. "But I am going back…?" Snape prodded, making it sound much more like a statement than a question. "Surely you can see that I have to."
Dumbledore hesitated a moment and replied, "I still have concerns, Severus, which we can discuss—"
"He saw nothing, Albus," Snape interrupted. "Or he would have killed me straight away. Surely you must agree that the test he mentioned is to see whether I will return to him again after…after everything."
Dumbledore had inferred that as well, and agreed with Severus's assessment that the Cruciatus had been a well-considered test of loyalty, however depraved that was. But he thought it best to withhold his concession on that point for the time being. Besides, now was not the best time to discuss this at length. "Severus," Dumbledore began gently, "Let's discuss this tomorrow."
"No!" Snape snapped vehemently. "We're going to discuss it now!"
Dumbledore sat back down in his chair slowly and sighed deeply. He said nothing for some time, but faced with Severus's intent stare and refusal to drop this conversation, he relented and said, "I'm not certain it's worth taking the chance."
Snape looked at him as though he'd grown a second head. "It's absolutely worth it if I can learn something, anything, of his plans."
Dumbledore marveled once again at how disconnected Severus was to his own role in this, to the danger to his person, at the appalling rationality of Severus offering up his life for the cause.
"Voldemort has always isolated himself, Severus. We've spoken of this. And I believe he will do so even more now. He may not take you into his confidence."
"But he may," Snape insisted.
Dumbledore thought for a moment and continued, "Did it seem to you that he'd been discussing his plans with the others before you got there?"
"I don't believe so. Those discussions must have occurred later. He did not share any information about the prophecy or his other plans with me," Snape said, feeling all at once self-conscious that he had not been able to provide more insight into the Dark Lord's plans.
Dumbledore could see in Severus's face his feeling of failure, of inadequacy. The fact that that was where Severus's mind was at the moment only further heightened his concern for his friend's state of mind.
"Albus, I want to go back," Snape insisted.
The words made something snap inside him. Dumbledore closed his eyes and stared intently at the blackness there and tried to suppress the lump rising in his throat. How could Severus tell him that, Dumbledore thought, when he had said quite the opposite to him under duress? When he had begged, pleaded, screamed, and bawled in a moment of delirious honesty to be spared from going back to that madman. It baffled him, this insistence to return as a spy. And Dumbledore knew then, he would not win this fight. But he was determined to try.
Snape was beginning to feel decidedly uncomfortable by Albus's long silence. And rather anxious that he had perhaps said something wrong. He pressed on, "I think it's pretty clear where his mind is on this. Don't you agree?" A pause. "Would you…would you like me to tell you what happened again?"
"No, I think not," Dumbledore said brusquely, angered at the idea Severus would even suggest putting himself through that torment again.
A long silence.
"What is it, Albus?"
A frustrated, almost angry sigh left Dumbledore lips, "I'm not certain I believe you, Severus."
Almost instantly, Snape felt a terrible affronted anger. His features were transfigured into darkness, impenetrable and feral. "You can look…" he spat, now violently gesturing to his right temple, "…if you don't believe me."
Dumbledore suddenly understood, sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Severus's hand away from his head. "Severus, Severus, you misunderstand me, dear boy. I trust your recounting of events completely." He let that sink in. "I've always trusted you, Severus."
Snape looked bewildered for a moment, and then managed, "Then what—?"
"What I am not so certain of, however, is your willingness to put your life in such jeopardy again after all that you've been through."
At these words, Snape felt somewhat relieved and a little ashamed. He tried to regain his footing. "Albus, this may very well be most important edge the Order could have against the Dark Lord!" he said fervently.
"Indeed, it could," Dumbledore conceded. "That does not sway me, however." He paused a moment and then added seriously, his voice discernibly softer, "It would be understandable, Severus, if you chose not to return."
Snape huffed at that. "It would be mad not to go back."
A pause. "Why are you so insistent on returning?"
It was a simple question, but it was one Snape knew he could never adequately answer. How could he explain this desperate need to return to a monster. Part of it stemmed from a need to see, to be a part of the Dark Lord's destruction. Another part from his desire to redeem the part of him that had once done the unthinkable – to see an end to the mess that he had had a hand in. But more so, for a reason he could never admit aloud. He could not refuse this mission, this task that had once been appointed to him. He could not disappoint Albus, not again.
But to Dumbledore's question, Snape said instead simply, "It's my job. It's why you hired me."
"It may be why I hired you, but it's not why I kept you, Severus. You're debt is paid. It was long ago."
Snape searched for something to say. "I…I can't just sit idly by and…"
"Severus, my boy," Dumbledore interrupted in a gentle voice, his eyes carefully studying him, "tell me why…"
Snape did not let him finish. "I think perhaps you're right, Albus. It's late and I'm feeling rather tired. Do you mind if we continue this tomorrow?"
Dumbledore seemed to consider this for a moment, but replied, "Of course not."
"Goodnight then," Snape said and gulped down the contents of the vial.
Before he left, Dumbledore took Severus's sleeping hand in his own and whispered, "You could never disappoint me, Severus."
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Author's Note: First off...I hope you all take the time to check out my new ADSS story, 'The Best Laid Plans...' which is the sequel to Much Madness is Divinest Sense. Another comedy, but this one is better than the last in my estimation. And certainly a break from the tension of this chapter.
So I think I'll just stop apologizing for update delays and simply assure you all that I am doing my best and I will under no circumstance abandon this story, short of my untimely death:-)
Thank you all for continuing on with this story with me. I appreciate your reviews more than I can say.
However arduous it was at times, this chapter turned out to be quite a delight for me (and my 2nd longest). Every time I thought I was done, I kept adding more. I attempted to do a lot in it...first in the Minerva section, then in relaying the facts of the Voldemort narrative, and of course, more importantly relaying Severus's state of mind throughout and after. I hope I captured your fancy in some measure.
Part of me is relieved to get this chapter out, if only because I have been looking forward to writing the upcoming chapters for a very long time now. Be warned….Turning point(s) are on the way. I won't say if they're good or bad or both.
But back to this chapter. Since I cannot imagine Voldemort doing much without calculation, I wanted to explain why Severus so close to death. For the most part, this is my interpretation of what might have happened that night in canon. It draws largely on this vague notion we have (and later have confirmed in HBP from Draco) that Snape is Voldemort's favorite. I always found that absolutely fascinating (although given the IQs of other death eaters, it's no big surprise). Anyway, I hope you found it a realistic interpretation of canon.
Please take a moment and leave your thoughts/comments. They are much appreciated. xx