AN. I don't want to write on of these things for every chapter. That'd just be strange.

All of the weird things you read happening in this story are based on my life events. I wouldn't know if it has happened to the guys or not.

Anyway, this is a classic example of 'write and post'. It's the chapter that I don't really like but don't think I'll ever really be satisfied with it. Just a little word of warning for those who read it =]

-Synical. xo.

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Luggage: check. There it was, being carted away from me.

IPod: check. There it was, wedged into the pocket of my jeans.

Laptop: check. There it was, hanging in its bag by my side.

Tickets: check. There they were, clenched in the claws of the woman beside me.

Annoying manager: check. There she was, the woman beside me.

Sanity: long gone. Nowhere to be seen.

My mental checklist made me smile as my maniacal manager began to edge forward, grabbing my wrist to drag me along beside her. As we moved forward, so did the other members of 'my entourage'. They were really just people along for the ride and the prospect of getting paid. The tour manager, I needed otherwise I would be wandering around a strange land, wondering what the fuck I was going to do next. The make up artist, hair stylist, merch manager, two drivers and my personal manager I did not need. I only needed the translator for certain countries, but she travelled with us as a permanent fixture. I like my make up making me look like I was dead. I liked my hair in the mess that it was. The books sold enough merch on the net. Almost everyone here had a license to drive in Europe as well as a bus license. I didn't need my manager mainly because we couldn't speak without snapping at each other, which eventually turns into an argument.

I was practically thrown into my seat by my manager, who bounced into the seat beside me and began talking at high speed about where we would find the buses we would be travelling in. I stopped her before she could tell me she would be on my bus.

"Val and Leana are travelling with me when we catch up with them. It's the only reason I agreed to this tour."

"Dess, you know they —" "They will be on my bus or I leave the tour."

She huffed and puffed and moved seats. She was now annoying the extremely busy tour manager. I unwound the earphones for my iPod and unlocked it. As I scrolled through the various artists, I came across one I never knew was on here. It was entitled "Listen."

I tapped on it and tapped the play icon. I smiled. It was the guys and girls all telling me they would miss me until I joined up with them in Italy. Halfway through Brian told everyone to go away… or to "Fuck off so I can say something."

I listened as he began to speak, ever so hesitantly. Strange for him.

"Desdemona Haner; we have been through so much together and I honestly don't know what I'd do without you there to take care of me. You've been the driving force in my life since I first met you. There is nothing I could ever do to thank you for everything you have done for me, and the rest of the guys. I don't think you'll ever know how hard this is for me to actually say, even though we've had heart to hearts like this before, it just seems harder when it's like this for some reason. Dess, I love you." He sighed into the mic. "I hate it when we have to be apart for work. I hate knowing I won't see you for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. I… I need to talk to you about the band… and me."

The recording cut off there. I knew what he was going to say. And he couldn't ever say it. It was something I couldn't let him do.

I grabbed the phone from beside me and dialled his cell number quickly. "No," I said as soon as he'd answered.

"What are you talking about, sweetie?"

"No. You can't."

"Oh. You listened to the recording. It's my decision, Dessy, and it's something I have to do. For ten years it's been like this and I don't like it when we're like this. I don't feel like me when you're not there."

"That is no reason to leave the band," I told him through gritted teeth.

"Dess, listen —" "No, you listen, Gates. My contract is up as soon as I finish this last tour, which ends in just one short week. I kept meaning to tell you, but I'm not going to renew it. I've been writing since I was seventeen. It gets kinda boring and all my novels have started repeating themselves lately. At least, to me, they have. I also can't put up with Viv anymore. The stupid red-head gets more annoying as time goes on. I'm retiring from the writing business for good. This way, you get to keep doing what you love and I get to be with you while you do it. I've lost all passion I once had for writing about people being decapitated and tortured in the most gruesome of ways. But you still have the same burning desire to play guitar in front of thousands of people every night. I don't think that's something you are ever going to lose. And I don't want to be the reason why you break up a band with reluctance weighing heavy in your heart."

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You've told me before," I smiled. "I'll see you soon. I love you." "Counting down the minutes, Dess. I love you." The connection died and I replaced my earphones before tapping the screen of my iPod again and beginning the search for something suitable to fall asleep to.

***

I was alone with my tour manager on the purple monster that was the bus I practically lived on while touring outside of the US. I really loved it. It glowed in the dark. Well, not all of it. Just the white tribal design on the back half of the bus.

Everyone else had piled onto the extremely demure white bus they had hired months in advance. My manager had tried to insist that she travel with me. The make up artist had saved me by telling Viv she would give her some make up tips. I had never been more thankful to have her with us. The second driver was also on that bus as I had taken my own while they were arguing it out. I didn't mind having the tour manager with me because he kept to himself and didn't annoy me with stupid questions.

He also gave me the directions I needed when I needed them.

He fit in well with me and the people I surround myself with daily, as well. Bulky, tattooed and pierced. A guy that you'd want on your side during a fight. He also didn't click his tongue every few seconds when I had music playing. In fact, he was usually the one to suggest blasting Pantera outside Viv's room at 3am.

"Dess, their bus is just ahead," Richard informed me.

I nodded and pressed my foot down on the gas pedal. He laughed and went back to the small couch to continue flipping page after page of tour details. I pulled into the service station we had agreed to meet at. I had only just turned the key in the ignition to turn the engine off when there was a banging at the door. I flicked the button and it opened up, revealing a beaming Jimmy.

I jumped from my seat and hugged him tightly. "See? Told ya. No time at all," he grinned and squeezed me before letting me go.

"Yeah, but I haven't seen him yet." I smiled.

He rolled his eyes. "That's because he's pigging out with the others inside the station. As soon as they realized there were five different fast food stops in there, there was no stopping them."

"And why aren't you inside?" I questioned as I stepped off the bus.

"No bars," he grinned.

"What about coffee?"

"There's tons in there. Is little Dessy needing her fix?"

I nodded as Richard exited the bus. "If you see Viv, tell her to go jump off a bridge," he said to me as he walked toward the station.

"Not a problem," I smiled.

"Let's go get you coffee," Jimmy smiled. I nodded for the second time in a short space of time and hit the button to close the bus door. He put an arm protectively around my shoulders and led me into the building and toward the first coffee shop we saw. Starbucks. Of course.

He waited impatiently as I drank two coffees before ordering a third and finally deemed myself human enough to go see the others.

We found them in some sort of eating competition in a Burger King. Val and Leana looked like they were going to throw up as the guys stuffed their faces.

No one had noticed me when Jimmy and I walked up to their table. Everyone was engrossed in the horrible scene before them. Zack and Johnny were quite literally stuffing burgers into their mouths as Brian and Matt cheered them on.

They barely looked up as Jimmy sat down beside Leana and Val. "You guys are fucking disgusting," I informed them after the two eating machines had held my attention for a few minutes.

Johnny choked on what he was eating, soda flew from various mouths and Zack grinned triumphantly, yelling "I won!" at the top of his lungs. Jimmy began thumping Johnny's back. Any excuse to hit him. Val and Leana were first to collect themselves, jumping from their seats and throwing their arms around me. "Thank god you're here, I couldn't take another day on their smelly bus!" It was said so hurriedly I don't know which one of them had actually said it. I hugged them back as best as I could, trying to release my arms from my sides where they had been pinned when both women attached themselves to me.

Brian was staring at me like I wasn't real. "Still drunk, baby?" I grinned, knowing the glazed eye look well.

He nodded, a goofy smile crossing his face. "Can anyone else see an angel?"

My manager found me as we all cracked up at Brian's slurred question.

Her face was burning with disgust as she picked her way over to us in her insanely high heels. Stupid woman. Flat soled Vans are so much better than heels ever will be.

"Desdemona we need to leave now, and if you ever hi-jack a bus again, so help me god, I will be calling —"

"What? My mom? Get over yourself, Viv."

"My name is Vivienne," she corrected me through clenched teeth.

"Well my name's Dess. As soon as you stop calling me Desdemona, I will stop calling you Viv. Okay, Viv?"

Silence ensued as Viv tried to intimidate me with her dark eyed stare. She sighed and stomped off to annoy someone else.

"You know something? That angel can be a bit of a bitch. She reminds me of someone," Brian stated cheerfully, cutting through the heavy silence which no one else knew how to break.

"It feels really good to know he remembers who I am when he's like this," I rolled my eyes and nudged Jimmy around the bench so I could sit down. Leana flumped down on my knees like she didn't want to let me go.

Being with them again made the past two weeks away just disappear. It was like we hadn't been separated at all. I revelled in the feeling. It wouldn't always be like this.