Disclaimer: I don't own any save the M Squad. StarVix came up with Sergeant Malvagio. We share credit for the plot. We wish we had a bag of chips to share as well, but we have to content ourselves with the plot. A poor compensation, but you must do with the resources you have.

Meanwhile, at Bowser's Keep, the King and Queen of the Shroobs are making demands for the Koopa's immediate surrender and subsequent enslavement to Shroobs.

"Do not fight us, and we shall be merciful," The Queen said from the giant screen. (Like the one Princess Shroob used to contact Prince Bowser on the Koopa Cruiser. Luckily, Queen Shroob actually took the time of day to learn English, or Koopian, or whatever language Bowser uses, so making demands is slightly easier on her than it was on her daughter.)

"Aw, shove it up your…whatever you ugly aliens use for ears," Bowser shot back, stick out his tongue at her.

King Shroob smashed his fist on the screen if front of him. Luckily for us and even more luckily for the rating, he couldn't speak whatever language it was Koopas use. "$(^&%!(^%`~!!!" he screamed, looking for all the world like he wanted to climb out of the screen and tear Bowser's head off.

"Harold!" Queen Shroob chided. "What did I tell you about losing your temper?"

King Shroob calmed down considerably, still shaking his fist to Bowser.

The Koopa King smirked. "Well, the same to you and more of it."

King Shroob left the transmitting room so that he wouldn't tear anything up. He did do quite a number on a poor Shroob guard who wasn't Bowser, but would do for now.

"Now, where were we?" The Queen asked, thinking deeply. "Oh, yes, I remember. As I was saying, Mr. Koopa, you really don't understand your predicament. I know that you want what's best for your people, and unless you surrender yourselves to us we will destroy them all. At least by allowing us to take control your species will be allowed to live."

"As slaves, you mean," Bowser said darkly.

"If you don't, you will die," The Queen declared.

Bowser stood up, his eyes blazing. "Look here, Queen Ugly Mug, we Koopas are conquerors, not slaves! While our enemies and even a few of our friends agree that we are not the smartest or the most trustworthy, everybody knows that Koopas don't quit! And we certainly don't surrender to yahoos like you! So put that in your pipe and smoke it, buster!"

The Queen regarded him, sizing up her competition before she nodded. "So be it," she told him, ending the transmission.

As soon as the screen went dark, Bowser sat back down, all traces of defiance leaving his features, replaiced with an unnatural weariness. He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands.

"Did I do the right thing?" he asked aloud. Nobody was there with him, so there really wasn't any point in asking, but he did anyway. Then he sat up, a new determination in his eyes.

"Of course I did," he said. "I will not sit back and allow those alien termites to kill and enslave my people. Koopas do not surrender! We force others to surrender!" He stood up, strode to the door, and looked out to the guard in the hallway.

"Go get the royal messengers. Have them deliver a message to Admiral Ammiraglio. It's official. The Koopa Kingdom is at war."

Mario yawned and rubbed his eyes. He sat up, yawning as he muttered, "Hey, Luigi, I just had the worst nightmare ever."

Suddenly, Kooter looked down from the bunk above him. "Who's Luigi?" he asked.

Mario paled. "It was real!" he shrieked, uncharacteristically frightened. In fact, the only thing that scared him more than this was encyclopedia salesmen.*

Mario's shrieking woke up Bob, who was just as disoriented and panicky as the plumber.

"Who, what, when, where, why?" he blurted, rolling out of bed with his blanket entangling him. "Help! I'm being eaten alive!" he screamed.

Goomber jumped on top of him and started dancing, making odd screeching noises as he did.

From his own bunk, King yawned and looked around. "Would you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep!"

At that inopportune time, who should charge in, practically busting down the door, than Sergeant Malvagio herself, blowing that cursed whistle of hers.

"Rise and shine maggots! Get your fat, bloated, lazy carcasses off those beds or I'll tear off your own legs and beat you to death with them!" she screamed in that oh-so-charming manner of hers.

Under his blanket, Bob sobbed loudly, crawling into a fetal position and keeping a close eye on his legs. Goomber sat down and began chewing on his own leg.

Kooter, Mario, and King begrudgingly crawled out from their own beds and stood up, King's head still nodding with sleep.

Malvagio stomped over to Goomber and Bob, rearing back and kicking Goomber with all her might.

"YEAHAHAHA!!!" Goomber yelled until he went splat on a window*. He slid down slowly, a trail of drool marking his progress.

Meanwhile, the Sergeant yanked the blanket off Bob, grabbed the paratroopa by the wing, and literally dragged him over to where the other three were lined up. "I SAID GET TO YOUR FEET, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TOAD DUNG!!!"

Bob screamed hysterically as he stood next to and slightly behind Mario, whom he had instinctively determined was capable of protecting him from the Sergeant's wrath.

Mario may not have been the safest person behind which to cower, however, because the sergeant stomped right up to him as Goomber regained consciousness and waddled back to the line up, grinning idiotically.

"How'd you get in the army, fat boy?" Malvagio snapped, flicking his nose, which continued wobbling a few extra times.

"I don't know," Mario admitted. "I think somebody made a mistake."

"You bet there's been a mistake!" Malvagio snarled. "And I'm going to fix it, chubby cheeks! I do not exaggerate when I say that this is the most pathetic, worthless, good-for-nothing group of yahoos it has ever been my displeasure to see crawl out of their perspective rocks and into my barracks! But by the time I get through with you, I will have preformed a miracle and have made you into something the Koopa military force can be proud of, even if I have to kill you all in the process! Do you understand me?"

Silence.

"I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?!"

Bob raised his hand. "When you say kill us, do you mean literally or as a figure of speach?"

Malvagio glared at him for a few seconds. "I WANT YOU ALL TO GET YOUR LAZY BUMS OUT OF MY BARRACKS, AND THEN I WANT YOU ALL TO DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY, AND THEN YOU'RE ALL GOING TO SCRUB OUT THE LATRINES USING YOUR TONGUES AND A HALF A BAR OF SOAP!!! MOVE IT, YOU LUGBRAINS!!!"

Kooter raised an eyebrow. "That's unsanitary!" he protested.

Malvagio took a deep breath, her eyes closed. Then she yelled, "JUST FOR THAT, I'M NOT LETTING YOU USE THE SOAP!!!"

* It's a little known fact that Mario's only fear is of Encyclopedia salesmen. Actually, it's just one salesman in particular, the dreaded Sam the Shoe Salesman, who honestly shouldn't be selling encyclopedias in the first place. For some reason, however, Sam does indeed sell encyclopedias, but only to Mario. Sam is crude, his encyclopedia set is out of order, and he is a disturbing shade of puce. He also smells like cheese. Just why this makes him scary is hard to explain if you've never seen him, but trust us. He's a very creepy guy.

* It's a littler known fact that Koopa windows are not made out of glass. They used to be made out of glass. Then Bowser got tired of they way the light used to be able to, no matter how he was positioned, shine in his eyes in the mornings he got to sleep in. He got so fed up, in fact, that he decided to make windows out of something else. So to this day, all the windows in the Koopa Kingdom are made out of solid rock. While it does nothing to improve the scenery, it certainly kept the light out of Bowser's eyes