Chapter 3
"Kenji- no, don't do that Kenji," Tomoe scolded. Kenji frowned and crossed his arms.
"But I want to," he said.
"Himura Kenji, you put down that cat right now. It's going to scratch you and you'll get hurt!" Kenji shook his head.
"No, it won't! You'll see! He likes me!" The cat squirmed in his arms. Tomoe shook her head in exasperation. Kenji was five years old and defiant as ever.
"Kenji," she warned. The cat squealed and twisted in his arms.
"Ow!" Kenji cried out, releasing the cat simultaneously. "It scratched me!" Tomoe sighed and stepped off the dojo porch and examined his arm.
"Goodness, Ken-chan, you just ask for trouble sometimes," she grumbled, leading him back into the dojo. She found some bandages and bound his cut arm.
"There. Now what did you learn from this?" she asked. Kenji bowed his head.
"That I should listen when Tomoe-san tells me to do something."
"Right. Now go run off and find something to do," she said, pushing him from behind. Kenji smiled and kissed her cheek before scampering off. Tomoe wandered into the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.
Several hours later, Enishi showed up at the dojo, asking if the food was ready. Tomoe smacked his head and sent him to the town to find Kenji. She wasn't worried when Kenji went to the towns by himself- she had taught him some self defense and the town was safe enough. Almost everyone in the town knew Kenji and Tomoe anyways, and they would help him if he needed it.
A half hour later, Tomoe brought the food to the table and set it down, just as she heard the dojo gate open. She stepped out to the porch and watched Enishi and Kenji enter. Kenji ran up to her and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi, Mom," he said cheerfully. Tomoe froze. Kenji started to run into the dojo, but Tomoe caught his arm.
"Where did you hear that word?" she asked, glancing nervously at Enishi. Enishi only frowned.
"I was playing with some of the other boys in town," he said happily. "And a lady came up and told one of them he needed to go home and eat. So he said, 'Okay, Mom.' So I guessed that the person who takes care of you is called Mom." Tomoe sat down on the porch with a deep sigh. Enishi shifted uncomfortably before sitting beside her on the porch.
"Kenji, come here," she said softly. Kenji smiled and stepped closer to her.
"Yes, Mom?" he asked. Tomoe shut her eyes as he said the endearing name she wished belonged to her.
"Kenji- I am not your Mom. As much as it hurts me to say, I am not." Kenji frowned.
"But- I thought Moms were the ladies who take care of you," he said. Tomoe nodded and then stopped.
"Well, sometimes. A mom is someone who- well, a mom is the woman that- oh, this is complicated." Enishi sighed.
"Ken-chan," Enishi started. "Kids have one mom. But it's not necessarily the person that takes care of them. When a woman has a baby, and that baby is her son or daughter, then she is their mom." Kenji stared wide-eyed at Enishi and then turned to Tomoe.
"Tomoe-san," he said quietly. Tomoe hung her head.
"I am sorry I have not told you earlier, Ken-chan," she apologized. "I was afraid. I am not your mother. You were given to me. But I love you just as if you were my son." Kenji's eyes filled with tears. He turned to Enishi.
"So you are not my daddy either?" Enishi raised his eyebrows and sat back, as if he had been shoved.
"What?" he asked.
"My daddy. You are not my daddy?" Enishi frowned and shook his head sadly.
"No, Ken-chan. I am not your father." A tear slid down Kenji's cheek.
"Then… who are my mommy and daddy?" he asked. Tomoe sighed.
"Your mother was a woman named Kamiya Kaoru. She was my friend, and she was very kind. But- she died. And even though I am not your real mother, I love you as if I were." Kenji nodded slowly, taking in the information.
"What about my daddy? Is he dead too?" Tomoe hesitated, glancing at Enishi.
"Um… I don't think so, Kenji," she said softly. "To tell the truth, I am not sure. Your father was the one that brought you to me. But- he had to leave." Kenji looked up, some unspoken hurt present in his eyes.
"Why?" he demanded hoarsely. Tomoe wasn't sure how to answer that. "Why did my daddy leave me?" Tears continued to stream down his cheeks.
"Oh, Kenji," Tomoe whispered, pulling Kenji into her arms. He clung to her and cried into her shoulder.
"Kenji, you have to understand. Your father loved your mother very much. After her death, he was so sad. He brought you here and he stayed for a while. But this town- it holds so many memories for him. Memories of your mother. It was too hard for him to stay. He was constantly plagued by the sadness. So he had to leave in order to save himself." Kenji shoved her away angrily.
"I hate him!" he shouted. "I don't even know him, but I hate him! He left me here! He left me all alone, and I hate him!"
"Now wait just a minute, Kenji," Tomoe said sternly, standing up and reaching out to him. "Your father loves you very much. You have to understand-"
"I understand! He left! That's all there is to it!" A sob ripped its way out of Kenji's throat and he ran into the house crying. Tomoe sighed and collapsed onto the porch beside Enishi.
"Well, that didn't go exactly as I had pictured it," she muttered. Enishi grunted his agreement. They watched the sky darken and the stars twinkled in the night sky. The food lay on the table forgotten.
May 23rd, 1871
I have come to another realization. I promised Kaoru I would make sure Kenji survived. That I would save him. Yes, I had saved him from those men seeking to destroy all three of us. Yes, I had delivered him into the hands of a kind, gentle woman who would undoubtedly do her best to raise him. But was I really sure he was safe? Tomoe was trained in the martial arts, but could she really fight off a dozen men? Or even just three or four? I did not know Tomoe's strength. What if the Choshu clan tracked them down to get Kenji? What if, no matter how hard she tried, it just wasn't good enough, and Kenji was taken? What if Tomoe were killed trying to protect my son, simply because I was too weak to remain in the same town where I had been happy? I felt pathetic and weak.
And so after coming to this realization, I have decided to return to Edo. I cannot simply abandon my son. He is my son after all. And no matter how much despair I am in, the fact still remains that he is my responsibility, and the only thing I have left, really. I miss him greatly, even though he could not talk or walk or communicate in any way before I left, I still loved him. He is a part of me- my own flesh and blood. I helped create him, and he is my child.
I have traveled for nearly two weeks now, trying to reach Edo. I am not sure how long it will take me. I had reached China and stayed there for a while. I know it is a long distance, but I am determined to reach Edo to help raise Kenji. It is not Tomoe's responsibility. He is not her child, no matter how much she loves him and no matter how much she wishes it were true. The fact still remains that he is not an orphan, he still has a father, no matter how flighty and pathetic of an excuse I am for one. And as a last tribute to Kaoru, I will try to raise him as she wanted me to. I will raise him to be a respectable, noble, kind man. The same man she said she once saw in me. I only hope that I can find that man again and pass it along to my son.
June 7th, 1873
I know I must be somewhere near Edo, yet I cannot seem to find it. I wander through the woods, always searching for a break in the trees, hoping that my next few steps will lead me to a road. I am hungry and weary, torn and battered, exhausted and thirsty. I have had no food nor water for the past three days, as I have not passed by any town since then. In my weariness, I have fallen many times, causing cuts and bruises to appear on my arms and legs. And the trees. The trees branches seem to lunge out at me, trying to grab me. I know I am dirty- I have been wandering in the wilderness for weeks now, it would be a miracle to be clean!
I have traveled for over two years now, trying to make it back to Edo. I did not realize how far into China I had made it. Once I took the ship to Japan, I figured it shouldn't take much longer, but that seems to not be the case.
I have to stop often now, to rest my tired feet and let my legs collapse underneath me for a few minutes. I do not know how much longer I can go on, but I know I must. I must reach Kenji again and try to make up for my absence. I always wonder how big he has gotten. I wonder how he is doing.
Today is especially hard on me, as Kaoru constantly plagues my thoughts, clouding my mind to the point that I cannot think. For today is the anniversary of her death. It has been exactly six years since she was taken from me- since she left my life. Six years since my misery started.
I cannot go on much further today, for my legs are worn out and the sun is fading. I stopped to make camp and rested, watching the sun slowly fade into darkness. I hope that tomorrow I can find a road to lead me to Edo. If not, I don't know what I will do.
June 15th, 1873
Thankfully, I found a road. After a few hours of searching, I discovered a worn dirt road and walked alongside it until it brought me to a small town. I was informed that Edo was a mere five miles from the town. Instead of stopping to eat and rest, I immediately departed, wanting to reach Edo as soon as possible. I walked along the road and could feel my eyes trying to close on their own. I fought them and mentally chided myself for not eating and resting back in the town. But I was two miles out now- I might as well continue to Edo. So I stumbled my way along the road, hoping I could last until I made it to town. And I did- I made it to the small stone wall I used to sit on daily before I collapsed.
When I woke up, I was not in the dojo I yearned for, but in an unfamiliar home. I tried to sit up, but was pushed back down by a gentle but firm hand. And as I looked up to see who had kept me down, a smile broke across my face at the welcome sight.
Yuki smiled back at me, beaming her usual, bright smile. She exclaimed that I never smiled before, so I must be happy to see her. And I was surprised to find that I was happy. For this was the first time in a long time I was happy.
Yuki had bandaged my wounds, much like Tomoe had when I had arrived in Edo a year ago. She fed me and made me rest. She seemed surprised that I was willing to speak; the Kenshin she had always known never uttered a word.
"I would like to return to the dojo," I said softly when Yuki had returned from an errand. I had not wanted to leave her home while she was gone- that would have been rude. I wanted to thank her and make sure she knew I was fine before I left. Yuki nodded knowingly and helped me to stand up. I found that it was hard to stay stable on my feet, so Yuki put her arms awkwardly around me and helped me to stand straight. And we walked like that, all the way to the dojo.
When I reached the dojo, Yuki called out from the locked gates to Tomoe. Tomoe came out slowly, drying her hands on her apron and staring at the ground. She looked up sadly and froze mid-step upon seeing me.
"Hello, Tomoe," I croaked hoarsely. And then she fell apart. She dropped her apron and ran to the gate, fumbling with the lock in her haste. Once she had opened it she threw herself at me, locking her arms around my neck in a brace-like hug. I was still unsteady on my feet, and her sudden impact sent me falling backwards. We both fell into the dirt and Tomoe laughed joyfully at the silliness of it all. And because she was laughing and I like her laugh, I laughed too. Which made her laugh even more. And Yuki slipped into the dojo while we were laughing. After that, Tomoe helped me to stand and led me into the dojo where she made a great deal of fussing over me and feeding me and checking to see if I was hurting anywhere.
I was sitting at the table in the kitchen, talking with Tomoe, when Yuki brought Kenji out of his room, which he now slept alone in. And it brought tears to my eyes, to see my little boy that could walk and talk, and looked so much like me, yet so much like Kaoru too. And it depressed me greatly when he did not know who I was- he did not know his own father. But that was my own fault- I was angry with myself for allowing that to happen. Tomoe had to explain who I was. And I saw that at first he did not understand- and it tore at my heart how Tomoe had to tell my little child that his daddy had come back to see him.
And then- the horror- my little boy glared at me.
"I hate you!" he screamed. Tomoe ran to his side and put her hand over his mouth.
"Kenji, you know better than that," she reprimanded him. "Say hello to your father. I don't care if you are angry with him for leaving. He's back now, and you know why? Because he loves you. He came back for you, and you alone! Why can you not understand?" she cried, a tear sliding down her cheek. She crouched in front of Kenji, who looked at the ground beside her feet. She grasped his shoulders and forced him to look at her.
"You don't hate him," she whispered. "You know you don't hate him. You've waited all your life to be able to see him. To meet your daddy. To hug him. Haven't you?" Kenji remained silent for a moment, and then he raised his eyes to mine. I saw the hurt and betrayal he felt there, and I felt my eyes sting with fresh tears.
"I'm sorry, Kenji," I whispered. "I am so sorry for leaving you. But I didn't want you to see me in the state I was in. I knew Tomoe could act as your mother- but she could never replace your mother for me. I had to leave. But every day I was gone, I always thought about you. I missed you so much- that's what brought me back here. I couldn't stand being away from you any longer." Kenji remained silent for a moment, and then he slowly stepped towards me. He reached up and touched my hair.
"You have the same hair as me," he stated. I smiled.
"Yes. And you have your mother's eyes. She had the prettiest eyes I had ever seen. I'm glad you got those." Kenji smiled timidly.
"You have purple eyes," he said. I nodded.
"Yes," I whispered. Then suddenly, Kenji threw his arms around my neck and hugged me.
"I've wanted to be able to hug you all my life," he whispered in my ear. A tear leaked down my cheek. I looked up to see Tomoe watching us lovingly.
And I knew that she wouldn't ask me questions as to why I left. I knew she wouldn't chide me for leaving Kenji with her for nearly seven years with no word on my whereabouts. And I knew that she had forgiven me for everything I had done. I knew she was happy. And because I knew she was happy, and because I had my little boy in my arms again, I was happy.
"Kenji, time to come inside!" Tomoe called.
"But Tomoe-san, I'm playing with Enishi!" eight year old Kenji called.
"Yeah, Tomoe-san, we're playing," Enishi called, imitating Kenji. Kenji smacked Enishi's head, which earned him a quick smack to the behind from Enishi.
"Enishi?" Tomoe called excitedly. "Enishi, you're really here?" Tomoe stepped out onto the porch and smiled. "Oh, it's so good to see you again!" Enishi grinned. Enishi had been gone for six months visiting a friend, and it had felt odd to Tomoe to not have his regular presence in the dojo.
"Missed me that much, huh?" he asked. Tomoe scowled.
Enishi lifted Kenji and tossed him over his shoulder, walking into the dojo.
"Enishi, put me down!" Kenji demanded. Enishi dropped Kenji unceremoniously on the floor.
"Ow!" Kenji exclaimed as he hit the floor. "Enishi!" Enishi grinned and sat down at the small table.
"So what's to eat?" he asked nonchalantly. Tomoe smacked him over the head.
"Is that all you ever think about?" she teased. Enishi shrugged.
"When I'm hungry."
"Which is all the time," Kenji shot back.
Kenshin stepped into the room. He had been resting in his room when he heard a commotion. He saw Kenji beaming up at a stranger and suddenly the man grabbed Kenji in a headlock.
"Hey!" Kenshin shouted. The man glanced up and raised an eyebrow as he saw Kenshin.
"Oh, it's okay, Kenshin, this is Enishi. He's been visiting an old sweetheart of his," she said in a teasing voice, causing Enishi to turn red.
"Chisako is not a sweetheart," he grumbled. "What kind of sweetheart beats you over the head with a stick?" Tomoe laughed and sat down beside Enishi at the table.
"Well, Enishi went to visit her, and he's been gone for six months! So we're glad he's back." Tomoe picked up a rice bowl.
"Come on, Kenshin, sit down. Dinner's ready." Kenshin paused for a moment and then warily sat down. He continued to look at Enishi, and then he looked at Kenji, still trapped in a headlock. Kenshin cleared his throat and looked pointedly at Kenji. Enishi glanced down.
"Oh," he said, releasing Kenji. He seemed to have forgotten Kenji was even there, though Kenji had been beating at his arms.
"Idiot," Kenji said.
"Brat," Enishi shot back. Kenji stuck out his tongue.
"Kenji, don't be rude," Kenshin said gently reaching for the rice bowl.
"Hey, man, we were only playing around. And besides, what makes you think you can tell little Ken-chan what to do?"
"Hey! I am not little!" Kenji protested. Kenshin raised his eyes to meet Enishi's in amusement.
"I have every right to tell him what to do. He's my son." Enishi froze.
"Come again," he said.
"I'm his father." Enishi stared for a minute, and then stood up.
"Why you, I should smack you from here to England and back. Do you know how much you hurt this kid? What kind of a man dumps his son off and then thinks he can just waltz back and-" Kenji grabbed Enishi's arm and tugged on it.
"It's okay, Enishi. My dad had to leave cause it was too hard here. I understand. It's okay. You don't have to get mad." Kenshin stared down at his rice bowl. Enishi muttered to himself and sat down huffily.
"I am not proud of leaving him- however, I did what I felt I needed to. But I am glad to be back." Enishi considered him for a moment and then shrugged.
"As long as you don't hurt the kid again, I'm fine," Enishi finally mumbled.
"Hey! I am not a kid!" Kenji protested, throwing his empty rice bowl at Enishi's head.
"So what connection do you have to my son?" Kenshin asked testily.
"Enishi was one of the main people who helped me raise Kenji," Tomoe put in. "He's like an unofficial uncle of sorts." Enishi smirked and dug into his rice bowl. Kenshin bowed his head in Enishi's direction.
"I am grateful, more than you can ever know, for your help. Thank you for helping my son while I was not here." Enishi seemed unable to come up with a witty remark to counter that, so he ended up grunting his reply and stuffed his mouth full of rice.
The rest of the night was filled with the sounds of laughter and happiness.