Chapter Five
February 6th, 1883
Kenji is sixteen years old now. He has turned out to be a very strong, responsible young man, and I am very proud of him. I am only angry with myself for not helping him more.
These past years have been hard- Kenji knows that no matter how hard he tries, my happiness is not something that he can control, yet he still tries. And it breaks my heart to see him trying so hard. And I hate myself for not being happier to ease his struggles.
One ray of light did enter my life a few days ago, however. I was walking around the front of the dojo and towards the back, when I heard two people talking. One was Kenji- the other, an unfamiliar voice that I had never heard before. I stopped just behind a tree to see whom my son was conversing with, and saw him standing with a young woman around his own age. For the first time in a long time, I felt a smile creep to my lips as I realized my son was infatuated with this girl, as I had never seen him stammer or blush before in anyone's presence.
The woman seemed to be equally smitten with Kenji, as she glanced nervously down at her feet often to hide the faint blush in her own cheeks. The words they exchanged were meaningless, I could tell- it was the message in their eyes that made them anxious.
And as I watched them standing under the cherry blossom tree, I saw my son hesitantly lean forward towards the girl, his head tilted ever so slightly, constantly wary. He lifted one hand gracefully and tenderly cupped the underside of her jaw in his hand and he brought his mouth to hers. And I felt myself glow with pride and happiness as I witnessed my son's first love.
Both blushed profusely and I decided to save them from further embarrassment by stepping back into the front courtyard and calling to Kenji, as if I had been in the front all along. I walked back towards the backside of the dojo and caught him hurriedly say goodbye to the young woman as he turned to me. The woman quickly tried to leave, but not before I called out to her and stopped her.
I inquired of her name, for any friend of my son's was a friend to the whole household. She replied that her name was Sakiko, and she was also sixteen years old, like my son. She lived with her parents who ran the small restaurant I fancied in town. I immediately decided I liked her and proceeded to tell both Kenji and Sakiko that I fully approved of their relationship so long as I received discounts at the Akabeko- her parent's restaurant. Both stammered and blushed again, both realizing that I had known all along as to their budding relationship. And as I waved goodbye to young Sakiko and led my son back into the dojo, I could not help but smile. And Kenji caught it, too.
March 3rd, 1885
I cannot begin to describe my overwhelming joy at the moment. Kenji and Sakiko continued to meet and their relationship grew quickly over the next couple of years. Just over a month ago, they were married and Kenji moved out of the dojo into his own little home, even though Tomoe and I reassured him there was plenty of room at the dojo for the both of them.
The day he left, he pulled me aside and told me that he knew how hard it was for me to remain in Tokyo, where everything reminded me of Kaoru. He told me that he wanted to leave the dojo because he didn't want me to feel obligated to remain here any longer, where the memories were the most painful. He was grateful that I had stayed with him, but he wanted me to be happy too. And so he left the dojo. And though I think about his words every day, I am not sure that I can bring myself to leave Tokyo again. I am not sure I would ever be able to come back, because leaving Kaoru a second time was just as hard as the first.
"Do you think he will leave?" Sakiko asked gently, taking Kenji's hand in hers. Kenji shrugged.
"I don't know. I told him I didn't want him to feel obligated to remain here any longer- I am grateful he stayed in Tokyo while I was growing up. But-" Kenji turned and looked sadly into Sakiko's eyes, "Sakiko, you should have seen my father when I was growing up. He was so sad… it was like he had given up on life. I know the only reason he stayed in Tokyo was to watch me. If he hadn't, I'm not so sure he would have even lived this long. He has no desire to continue on." Tears filled Sakiko's eyes.
"Your father is a kind, wonderful, loving man, Kenji. It's sad to think he wants to give up." Kenji nodded morosely.
"Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to move back into the dojo just to keep an eye on him, but…" Kenji's voice drifted off and he stared at a small, clear pond beside them.
"But what?" Sakiko prodded.
"But my father has endured so much… It'd be unfair to make him live any longer than he wants to just for my own selfish reasons." Sakiko's breath caught in her throat.
"Do you really think he'll die?" she whispered fearfully. Kenji turned to look back at Sakiko and smiled sadly.
"I have no doubt in my mind he'll die from grief. I want him to live longer- I want him to be here. He's my father, after all. But- he's lived longer than I think he ever expected to."
"How old is your father?" Sakiko asked curiously. Kenji shook his head.
"It'll only depress you even more."
"Tell me," she whispered. Kenji sighed.
"My father is 40," Kenji exhaled sadly. Sakiko covered her mouth.
"No, he can't already be dying… he is so young!" she protested. Kenji nodded sadly.
"I know. I don't want him to die. But I just don't have the heart to stop him."
July 19th, 1885
Now that Kenji is gone, only Tomoe and I are left in this little dojo. Tomoe is a quiet woman, and it gets lonely without Kenji's loud spirit around to fill the halls. I sink further and further into my thoughts of Kaoru, and I wonder if she's happy back in her own time. I do not want her to feel sad for all that has transpired in her absence- if not for her, I would not have that bright spark in my life so many years ago. I would not have my wonderful son, or his beautiful wife. I would not have kind, gentle Tomoe to take care of me. I would probably be dead by now, had the Choshu known where I was.
I have been working on a project of sorts for quite some time now. Kaoru always told me that she had read about me and her namesake on the most beautiful document she had ever seen. She described it to me, telling me how it was covered in calligraphy and the writing was simply gorgeous. I was thinking, one night, about this document that she loved so much, and realized that no one in the world would write such a document about me. The Choshu clan would never want something noting my existence to be written. And no one else knew anything about me.
Which led me to the conclusion that the only way Kaoru could have acquired such a document with information about a manslayer no one knows about, is to have that same manslayer write it. So these months that Kenji has been gone, I have been spending all of my time writing the document that Kaoru loved so much. I hope that one day she might discover it was me who wrote it; that she has some connection to me still. If I cannot be with her, at least I can give her my words.
Tomoe has fallen ill. She can hardly get out of bed in the mornings, and I tend to her throughout the day. I do not complain, though- Tomoe has spent the last several years doing the same for me- I can only try to repay her for her kindness. I am not sure what is causing her illness, but she is so frail and weak. I fear that this may be too hard on her small body. She sleeps most of the day, and when she is awake, she coughs a lot; loud, racking coughs that sound as if they tear through her body.
It is painful for me to simply listen to her from another room as she coughs up blood and cries in agony.
August 5th, 1885
Tomoe died three days ago. She never did recover from her illness. She progressively grew worse and worse, until finally, the pain was too much to bear, and she died. Just before she slipped away, she held my hand and smiled, telling me that she'd be able to see her Akira and my beloved Kaoru again. And she promised to tell Kaoru I love her. I could only nod my thanks before she was gone.
April 16th, 1886
I am all alone in this dojo. I spend all of my time trying to finish the document for my Kaoru. There is no noise- no conversation to distract me. I am alone to wallow in my own self-pity and hate. To wade in the memories of Kaoru. And it's these memories that consume me and pull me under the ever-rising tide around me.
"Kenji," Kenshin croaked, reaching for Kenji's hand.
"Yes, father?" Kenji asked quietly, clasping his father's frail hand in his own.
"There's something I need to tell you- something neither Tomoe nor I ever told you… I am sorry we never did, but we believed it to be for the best. It would keep you safe if you didn't know." Kenji frowned worriedly at his ailing father. Kenshin was bedridden now, his body weak and deteriorating.
"Father, just save your strength. You need it." Kenshin shook his head fiercely.
"No. I am going to die, I know that. This is important." Kenji remained silent, waiting for his father to continue.
"Kenji, what stories have you heard about the Bakumatsu?" Kenji frowned.
"I don't know… not many. I only know that I was born in the last year of it. That's it." Kenshin nodded.
"Have you ever heard the stories and rumors about the devil they call the Battousai?" Kenji frowned.
"Some stories."
"What did they say?" Kenji tried to remember back to the time he had been playing with others his age and he had heard the stories from the children. He thought it was all just a scary story they liked to tell. Probably one that the parents had started to keep their children in line. They would probably tell the story of the monster Battousai and end it with one of those little morals like, "So if you don't behave, the Battousai will come and get you."
Kenji shrugged.
"He was a manslayer. No one really knows much about him. He disappeared in the end with no trace. He was a shadow assassin. That's about all I know, other than the fact people were terrified of him. But the stories aren't true, are they?" Kenshin winced and stared up at the ceiling.
"People don't know why he disappeared or where he went. But I do." Kenji sucked in his breath and squeezed his father's hand.
"You knew him?" Kenshin looked sadly at his son.
"The Battousai was a monster created by the Choshu clan. They started the revolution. Battousai was an orphan boy training with a man named Hiko Seijuro, master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style. The boy had a strange skill with the sword, one that was unnatural, almost eerie. Katsura, the leader of the Choshu clan, found the Battousai when he was fifteen years old and took him, making the Battousai the man he was. He gave him the nickname Battousai and trained him to kill. This mere teenager became the fear in everyone's minds. People weren't safe in their beds at night because they knew the Battousai was out there somewhere.
"Battousai was a cold, heartless boy. Because he killed so early on in his life, it was almost as if he had no emotion whatsoever. He was a destroyer of life. And then, when he was eighteen years old, he was assigned something different. Instead of a mission to kill, Battousai was assigned to save someone, to rescue them. So Battousai set out, confused by this demand, for he had never fought to keep someone alive before." Kenshin started coughing and Kenji winced at the sound. It looked painful.
"The person was especially unusual… because it was a girl. A girl by the name of Kamiya Kaoru."
"Mother?" Kenji exclaimed. Kenshin nodded.
"Your mother was being held prisoner by Shinomori Aoshi. She was tortured and used on dangerous assignments. Katsura believed she would be useful for Choshu, so the Battousai was sent to rescue her and bring her to Katsura. When she woke, she recognized nothing. She did not seem to know where she was, what year it was, and she recognized none of the ordinary everyday objects.
"She was assigned to be Battousai's accomplice- she would go with him on every assignment and help him, whether it was distracting civilians or cleaning up afterwards.
"Your mother was a very happy and spirited person. Her attitude surprised Battousai, because he had never met anyone that would speak so freely with him. She was not afraid of him as everyone else was. This was probably because she believed she was from a different time.
"You see… your mother believed she lived in the year 2000 in America. She told Battousai of the technology and the daily life she experienced. At first, Battousai could not believe it, but her descriptions were so realistic, and she seemed to really be relating things through memory, so he began to believe her. So you see, your mother did not grow up with the fear of being killed by Battousai. She spoke with him as a friend might. Eventually, she began to break the wall Battousai had erected around his heart.
"Battousai began to care about your mother, and she realized she felt something for him as well.
"Your mother also had this strange way with getting things out of Katsura. Katsura usually never gave in to requests, but he could not seem to refuse your mother. So your mother demanded a vacation for the two of them- Battousai and herself. Katsura obliged, and they packed their bags and left for Edo.
"They arrived here, at this dojo, and met Tomoe. She allowed them to stay. She told them of her husband, Akira, who was a politician. He was currently in Kyoto working. Both your mother and the Battousai feared he would be assigned to kill her husband. Tomoe overheard a conversation of theirs while they stayed here, and discovered whom they really were. But after much explanation, she accepted their friendship. While here, they married secretly."
"Mom married the Battousai?" Kenji exclaimed, not able to contain himself anymore.
"Yes, she did. Because you see, she looked past the killing and the title. She began to see the man he was on the inside, the one he had tried to bury to protect himself. And she found that he wasn't so bad after all.
"So they married secretly, and when they returned to Kyoto, they did not announce their marriage. Battousai was assigned to kill Akira, Tomoe's husband. Your mother was sent along to help. That was the hardest mission for the both of them. Your mother was supposed to distract the guards and lead them away. Instead of trying to seduce the guards like she normally did, all she could think of was Tomoe. So she told Akira she knew Tomoe- and Akira sent his guards away himself to discuss Tomoe with your mother. Battousai knew he could not allow your mother to keep conversing with Akira, otherwise she would become too attached and would have a difficult time with his death. So Battousai came to kill him, but your mother stopped him. They apologized to Akira, and told him how much Tomoe said she had missed him and loved him. And then they apologized once more before Battousai killed him."
"He killed him? Even though he had stayed with the man's wife? How could he live with that? How could mother let him?" Kenji asked, disgusted and outraged.
"You must understand- the Bakumatsu was not a time of forgiveness. Had the Battousai and your mother allowed Akira to live, they would forfeit their own lives.
"Not long after, they discovered your mother was pregnant. Both feared that the clan would realize that Battousai was the father, which would be very dangerous for all three of them. Most of the men knew your mother was pregnant before she even started to show, because a lot of the assassins could sense a persons chi. They immediately sensed the chi of the baby.
"So they told the men in the clan that she had been raped on their trip to Edo. No one dared to question them- after all, that is such a tender subject. Besides- your mother intimidated all of the assassins in the complex." Kenji chuckled at that.
"Eventually, though, people began to suspect things. Battousai was acting a little too friendly towards your mother. Well, friendly to everyone else- Battousai never really spoke to others within the clan, so his sudden interest in speaking with your mother did not go unnoticed. Katsura began to ask both your mother and Battousai whether they knew who the father was. Both replied they did not, however, they suspected Katsura already knew.
"And then, your mother went in to labor, and Battousai rushed her to the clinic where his personal doctor worked- Takani Megumi. You happened to meet her some years ago when you were eight years old. She knew of their secret, and she kept her word not to speak of it. But when the baby was born- he looked too much like Battousai. Everyone would know with one glance who the father really was. They would know it was not rape. And so Battousai and your mother did not know what to do.
"When they returned, they tried to hide the baby from as many as they could. However, Katsura asked to see the baby. So when they brought him their son, they confessed to Katsura that Battousai was the father. Katsura also confessed that he already knew of this.
"At the time, the end of the revolution was drawing to a close. And unbeknownst to the assassins in the Choshu, Katsura was killing them all off, one by one. He assigned his assassins to kill each other. You see- he could not have anyone who knew of what he really did walking around Japan once peace had been restored. So he slowly killed off all his employees.
"One night as they were sleeping, your mother woke because she heard something in the hall. Battousai went to see what it was, and discovered that men had been sent to attack them. They quickly packed up what few belongings they could.
"Battousai and your mother ran away with their son to try and find peace elsewhere. While they were trying to escape into the night, a bunch of men from Choshu attacked them." Kenshin stopped and stared up at the ceiling.
"I loved your mother very much," he said, almost to himself. Kenji frowned. He didn't know why his father had changed the subject at such a drastic point.
"Father? What happened to them? Did the baby and Battousai die? Is that why they are not here with us? How did you meet mother?" Kenshin smiled sadly.
"Have you ever heard of what Battousai looks like? The rumors of his appearance?" Kenji shook his head.
"Well, it is said that he is actually quite small, which allows him to be so fast and agile. He also happens to have a very feminine face. He had glowing amber colored eyes. That's all I know."
"The Battousai did have amber eyes when he killed—but when he was happy… oh, on those rare occasions he was happy, his eyes turned violet. He had an unusual scar on his face—a cross on his left cheek. He also had long, red hair…" Kenji stared at his father-the spitting image of the description of Battousai. Kenji released his father's hand and backed up, shaking his head slowly.
"No, it's not true," he whispered. "You—You're the Battousai?" Kenshin nodded sadly.
"Unfortunately. I am the Hitokiri Battousai. While your mother and I were running from the men attacking us, one of the men threw a dagger, which hit your mother's leg. She could not run. So she handed you to me and told me to run far, far away where we could live in peace. She told me to leave her behind and save her precious baby." Kenshin's eyes filled with tears.
"Not a day goes by that don't I wish I had hid you in the forest and gone back to try to save her. I was strong then- I could have killed them all." He shook his head and laughed at himself.
"And now look at me- wasted away, a pitiful old man at the age of 40."
"Father- are all of the stories true, then?" he asked hesitantly. "Did you really kill three hundred men while you were with the Choshu?" Kenshin smiled.
"Ah, so you did hear more stories. I thought so. You have to understand, Kenji, I did not want to kill those people. Even now I am tortured with the memory of them all. All three hundred." Kenshin sighed and took Kenji's hand back in his own.
"So I hid in the forest, holding you, and watched as they caught up to your mother. They spoke to her for a while, and then she glanced at the forest, directly at me, and they drove a sword through her heart. Your mother died that night." Kenshin drew in a long, shuddering breath.
"I ran away then, running as far as I could while trying not to hurt you. We traveled for weeks together, Kenji. I stopped only every so often to buy some milk for you to drink so you would not starve. I didn't waste anything on myself. After weeks of traveling, I wound up in a town I recognized- it was Edo. I ran to the dojo I knew Tomoe lived in; however, I was not sure she would take us in because of what I had done to her husband.
"When I arrived there, I was so weak and starved that I only had time to hand you over to Tomoe before I collapsed. When I woke up several days later, Tomoe had taken care of both you and I. She took us in, even though I had wronged her. She was sad that I had killed her husband, but she also understood. We had already discussed the possibility of this happening before your mother and I had left to go back to Kyoto.
"Tomoe has been so kind to us both. She suffered much because of me, yet she still took care of us. I am afraid to say I was not very strong then, and I refused to speak. Tomoe did not even know your name until you were probably three months old. I was so sad, so depressed that I had lost your mother. She was the only person my entire life that showed me any sort of compassion. I had a rough childhood, and then was thrust into the world of war.
"After a while, I could not stand to stay in Edo any longer. Everywhere I looked held memories your mother and I shared on that brief vacation she managed to extract from Katsura. It grew so much that I didn't want to live any longer. So when I was sure you would be safe with Tomoe, I left to wander. I am still sorry that I was not there to see you grow when you were little, to provide you with a home like so many other fathers do. But I could not take being in that dojo, in that place I had been so happy before. The place where we had been married, where I finally had a friend in the world, the place you were conceived- it was unbearable. I needed to escape. So I left. And every day I was gone, I thought of you, Tomoe, and Kaoru, your mother. I made it all the way to China before I realized something Kaoru had always told me.
"Your mother always pointed out how odd things were. She would always ask how I could stand to live in such an uncivilized place with no electricity or… well, things I don't even know what she was saying. She said she was from the year 2000. And so when I really thought about it, I began to realize that your mother most likely did not die that night during the Bakumatsu. Your mother returned to her own time, in 2000 in America. I still do not know if this is true, but I believe it to be so. I believe your mother is alive and healthy back in her own time.
"Which led me to something else. If your mother is still alive in another time- she may be able to meet our descendants. Which is why I told you all of this. I want you to know the story of Battousai, the manslayer, and his wife, Kamiya Kaoru, and their wonderful little son that she sacrificed her life for, Himura Kenji. I want you to pass this on to your children, and their children, and their children's children. I want the story to continue through the ages, until it may one day reach your mother in 2000." Kenshin re-wetted his lips with his tongue and struggled to sit up. Kenji helped him and Kenshin reached into a small sack next to his futon.
"I want you to have this," he said, handing the parchment to Kenji. "Take special care of it. It is a document with names and history of people in the Choshu. I wrote this, just the way your mother told me she had read about me. She always told me of this beautiful document she had read that had her own name and the name of Battousai on the paper. It was what led her to me. And one day while thinking, I realized that the only way a document about Battousai would ever be written was if the Battousai himself wrote it. So I want you to keep this safe, and when you are about to pass on, give it to your children, and their children, and so on. Keep passing it down, until the day Kaoru may receive it.
"And take these," Kenshin said, handing Kenji all of his journals. "These are my journals from the time I arrived in Edo until now. I want these to be passed on as well, so that Kaoru may know of what happened to the two of us. You may write in them as well, if you wish. Your mother may read them one day. It will probably be the only way you will ever get to speak with her." Kenshin sighed and closed his eyes.
"I am tired now. I think I'll go to sleep." Kenji held Kenshin's hand tightly and watched his father's chest rise and fall slowly, until it rose no more. A tear slid down Kenji's cheek and he squeezed his father's hand once more before standing and looking at the journals and document Kenshin had given him.
"I will make sure mother gets these," Kenji promised. Then he left to tell Sakiko the news of his father's passing.
June 8th, 1886
I, Himura Kenji, complete my father's journal for him. My father, Himura Kenshin, also known as the hitokiri Battousai, passed away on June 7th, 1886. The same day my mother was killed, nineteen years before. Before leaving this life, he told me everything- everything about himself, everything about my mother, Kamiya Kaoru. Everything. And though it is hard to believe, I know it to be true, because my father was so sure of it. My father also made me promise to pass down their story to my children, and their children, and so on and so forth. For generations, their story will live on in the hearts and minds of their descendants. It is my father's hope that one day, Kamiya Kaoru will learn of all that has transpired in her absence- that one day she may know of her family. With everlasting love, this journal forever belongs to Kamiya Kaoru- my dear mother, and my father's eternal happiness; the dawn in his life of endless night. I love you, mother.