Chapter 4- Remembering

Author note: Okay guys, sorry about this being a little later than planned, got caught with school, life, etc. Oh by the way Healer is going under editing, SO when it's shows it's been updated but no new chapter it's due to that. One it was 3 years ago that I started and I've hoped my writings matured for the better and two, I GOT A BETA! I'm so happy! HOWEVER, I will be continuing to update and just upload the edited chapters as I go along, I'm hoping it will also help speed up my muses.

And I want to thank you guys for all the reviews…

1Aryana- thanks, hope it's milk chocolate with toffee, but anything chocolate is good as long as it's not ruined with dark chocolate or cherries. Grins do I get the other half now.

LunarChild1194- hehee, yeah in my junior high years, I had a slight obsession with myths, specifically Greek, Romans and Egyptian gods and goddesses myths. And I have to admit it carried…not to mention I watched Xena and Hercules every week. Oh but I will be adding my own twists and turns with Gaia.

sympatheticassassin, kit of betrayal, Guardian Dimension, Firehedgehog, AnsemMesna, - thank you so much for your reviews and I promise I will finish this story.

Lintila- believe me so do I, I think we all want Sasuke on the scene, however I'm trying to keep the story making sense and not to rushed. But I promise as he is the second main character, he'll be here soon.

Halskr- no Sasuke is not dead, he's needed to get with Naruto, he's just sulking right now as he's not allowed to be on scene just yet….as for the rest, winks, you'll see.

Puppy- Alright, well I want to start off saying I'm glad how you did try to correct what you believed to be an error and that it wasn't meant to be a flame. However, I'm wondering about your speaking the language, as three native speakers and the Japanese English dictionary all state that 'hai' means yes or it can be used for 'here'. Now there's different other hai, not I understand…totally different word. But with slang could be used, but not correctly. Also even if I had made a mistake, I refuse to stop using Japanese, though limited as it is, I am working on learning the language and firmly believe the only way to get better is to use it. Which is why I encourage second English language speakers to try and get more comfortable.

But tonight, Naruto promised himself, just for tonight he would forget his worries and just enjoy himself. Tomorrow would bring more problems, he was aware of that, but he wanted to forget the gloom that had been clinging to him, wanted that peace that he had before this afternoon, and so he pushed the part of the hurt boy deep inside and summoned forth the healer. The part that had been in full reign all these years, and had managed to be pretty content with his new life.

It was late by the time Naruto had said good night and stumbled up the stairs to curl up onto his comfortable mattress, contentment and feelings of peace still flowing though his veins as he began to drift off. A faint smile on his lips, as he was still not completely over the hilarious stories of pranks they had pulled and the feeling of belonging that had them finishing sentences and reading each others' expressions with ease.

But the faint smile quickly twisted in a pained frown as he dreamed, and sweat gathered onto his brow and soaked his white t-shirt shirt and plain blue boxers, as his head tossed and turned. His mind now dreaming of the past as old forcefully suppressed and ignored memories poured into his mind, now that he was more open to memories of his previous life in Konocha, and the shock faded off of seeing the old betrayers again opened wounds that never healed, and some that were infected and went without any treatment or coverings, as there was no closure that could be found.

"No matter how prettily you try to word it, it's still exile and it will still appear as if he's to be blamed for…"

"I am trying to protect him! This isn't about appearances, look at what's happened? I need to come down hard, and I don't want any one else trying to force the blame on him in self delusional manner. And besides, he needs to…"

"To what, learn how to run when things get tough? Or are your going to pretend that this going to help him heal, forget and forgive because it worked so well with us?"

"That, this isn't about us…I've already made my choice, I'm giving you orders, you are to take Naruto out of the village to recover and heal until he's ready to come back, while I deal with this mess and get things settled down."

"Your making a mistake…this isn't what he needs"

A pause, then a quiet but firm, unyielding voice answered "Then so be it, but my decision stands."

"And do you care who will suffer the consequences of your decision, hokage-sama? Of course you never cared before, but heed my warning for I promise you this if Naruto suffers for your actions I will do what I should have done those years ago. For if you make regret making you hokage I will forget we were ever team mates." The voice that answered was even quieter and was like ice, and a rustle indicated that the male had walked away rather than waiting an answer.

The morning had come too soon for Naruto despite the fact that it was around the time he normally got up, but breaking his daily routine, he just lied there in his medium sized bed for a while his blue eyes trained upon his peach colored ceilings, unwilling to get up, not wanting to face reality. That it was just a terrible nightmare and his house was currently empty of any and all house guest and that his past had not just strolled in to town up heaving his life and throwing his contentment and stability into jeopardy.

The contentment that he had managed to gain last night had vanished, leaving behind a mixture of feelings; dread, anger, confusion, fear, rage and pain, eating away at his stomach. And he was unable to cope, unable to handle his feelings like he normally would have. He didn't know what to feel or how to act anymore, he was ready to rage, to unleash his chakra and anger to attack the intruders in his home, to break down and cry, just wanted to hide. Stay locked up in his room until his world was stable again.

He felt uneasy, angry, even violated. This village had been his sanctuary, his place of healing, of belonging, he had laid the past behind him, hell he had believed he was over it, the anger, the anguish he felt, had been laid to rest, with his dreams and wants that he had held though out his time at Konocha. Here, in this village, he was respected, liked if not loved, and now, after all these freaking years, after – years, he was now confronted out of the blue with his past, and it wasn't just a small reminder, but everything, if what he had pulled from in between words was true. Konocha was coming to Gaia, planning on even investing there, needing their crops, and he knew the village needed new investors, especially now that they had come under the regard of Sound, they would need the protection that Konocha could provide. And he wasn't sure what he could do.

Finally growling, Naruto sat up, pushing the covers off him, as his movements showed the frustration in his movements. He couldn't remain lying there any longer. To many doubts plaguing him, and dwelling on it wouldn't d anything but put him in a worst mood. He would deal with what would come, but he needed to focus why not on Gaia's survival, for if they weren't prepared, he wouldn't have to worry about Konocha if Sound destroyed them.

Quickly beginning to go through his morning rituals, Naruto headed into the bathroom, relived his bowels and then began to take a quick rinse. Turning on the tub's faucet to hot, before plugging the drain as he added a little soap, releasing a soft scent of herbs. He preferred the least amount of scents on him, and so when he used soap, he chose unscented or herbs. Something that wouldn't smell out of place if he needed to hide and alert his enemies.

After he was done washing, and finished patting himself dry, he rewrapped his towel around him and began automatically reaching for one of the few things of his past that he kept wearing, his necklace that he had won from Tsunade, when he had made a bet with her to force her to accept the position of Hokage. He shuddered as past whispers echoed in his ears, his hands coming up and flexing in mid air as if he wanted to plug his ears.

"So silly kids won't joke about foolish dreams about becoming Hokage"

"You idiot, idiot, it's not a joke, I will become Hokage! I just need 3 days to master the technique."

"Is that so, I'll give you one week for you master the Rasengan and I'll not only acknowledge that you could become Hokage, I'll give you this necklace as well."

"that is a very unique and precious ore, that belonged to the first hokage, if sold it could buy you three mountains!"

"I'm going to be Hokage one day!"

"Yeah right, get real, like someone like you is going to be Hokage."

"There's no way a demon can ever become Hokage."

"I'll make Hokage long before you."

Naruto got a grip on himself almost visibly, unable to believe where his thoughts had led him suddenly. He wore the ore every day, as if it was a reminder to himself that there was some good memories mixed in with all the bad from Konocha, but he had never been assaulted with memories before today, like that. His desire to hide away until everything settled grew with his sense of growing dread that that the worst had yet to come, and it wasn't over yet.

Hurrying out of the bathroom as if he could out run the memories, Naruto headed to his bed and knelt down, sliding out a long box with a complicated lock, he irately began to turn to his combination before letting his finger light up with the same purple chakra he had used earlier, as he pressed it against the lock and it popped open. Opening the lid, he was confronted with his usual weaponry. Picking and choosing what he was donning on, choosing to triple the amount with the new threats going on, he quickly strapped them on, before he headed over to his closet.

He opened his closet door with a slightly less angry jerk as he hunted for what he was going to wear. Another difference from Konocha was the amount of choices he had here. Then he had only a few choices, he was given only a small budget for clothing and shop keepers would quickly hurry him out not giving him much time to shop or try on any clothes, and so he had to bunch of clothing that would last him and would be cheap, and he had learned early on that bright, almost obnoxious clothing would get attention. And in truth he did have a fondness for orange, it had grown on him. But then like everything else, including his memories, Konocha had tainted even that.

There was a small smile on his face, but it was oddly cold and didn't give off a sense of amusement, but more of derision, something that had been a new expression that he hadn't before…before the betrayal. Forcing away the thought before it was fully formed not wanting to set off any more memories right now, it was still far too early, and he was far to unnerved and at loss of how he was supposed to act or even feel.

Ignoring the few formal robes, the various healing robes, and his ninja uniforms, he went to glance at his few casual clothing. Deciding on clothing that fit his mood, he pulled out black, semi loose pants that was easily ninja friendly, as in he could move in it and it would easily keep his weaponry hidden and a black shirt that was just close to a bit too tight, high lighting the changes in his very fit body. He had muscle but not much bulk as his body being slender and compact helped him with speed and flexibility. And it also revealed that he had some weapons strapped, to make people suspect he had less than he did, make them believe that they were aware of how much he was carrying. He then added visible weapons to set off the effect. If they couldn't see any, they would assume that he was a complete moron, extremely powerful or hiding.

His carefully planning of an outfit wasn't done randomly or out a sense of vanity, but was actually due to many reasons. One of them being it was practical and also at the same time show his…well he wasn't quite sure what were anymore, but it would show the Konocha ninjas that he wasn't the same little boy that he had been. That he had grown up, matured, and wasn't going to put up with being disrespected and disregarded as 'the dobe' anymore. That persona was dead and he had no intention of raising the dead anytime soon. And of course the outfit choice would also send a message to the inhabitants of Gaia.

The villagers, of course knew who he was and his occupation, but this told them that he would be unavailable for teaching today, and would only be called to the hospital if it was an emergency. Naruto wasn't about to let the Konocha' ninjas follow him around, it would only cause him to stressed and take out his bad mood on a undeserving party or be distracted and make a careless mistake…no he would not take that risk. But also refused to allow them to wander around his village without him keeping an eye on them, he didn't trust the traitors not to try and stir trouble up, or in truth for the other half of the group to let something slip that they might reveal something unknowingly that could also reveal things, he just wasn't willing to have revealed, just yet or at all. They were still unaware that he was connected to this group and knew little of his past, heck he wasn't sure if they still remembered his name wasn't Healer but Naruto, and he preferred to keep it that way.

After he finished combing his hair loose from knots and then brushing his naturally spiking hair to presentable neatness, he headed to the kitchen, mentally preparing a simple but filling breakfast of rice and miso soup with oocha.

It took a manner of a few minutes to have breakfast going in his kitchen, and he turned to his cabinets to see what supplies he had for making packed lunches, he wanted to keep the Konocha ninjas out of the village as much as possible, he couldn't keep it up forever, but he would do what he could do to postpone the invertible.

He had plenty of rice and seaweed for orgini, but he knew that wouldn't be enough for growing ninjas. Tapping his fingers against the wood, he pursed his lips together and let a soft whistle of air, before he back stiffened, and he began to turn, his hands going together and half way though jutsu…

"Easy, it's just me."

Naruto let his hands drop and a stiff smile came to his lips, "Lee, I hadn't been expecting you up just yet."

Lee just gave him a look, clearly not buying the smile, but shrugged, "I like to get up early enough to train with Gai-sensei… What are you looking for?"

"Lunch, I'm trying to see what I got to ensure everyone will be…"

"Heh, we have food, no reason for you to have to clear out your cabinets to feed us, we can just use on rations." It was clear that Lee understood all too well what Naruto was thinking though and wasn't too surprised about he was going though.

"12 years ago, you know about that demon fox being killed right?"

Something that made Naruto feel angry, he knew he probably should have felt relieved, but he wanted to know how Lee could possibly feel or even know what he was going though.

"Due to the incident, a new rule was created for this village, not to be spoken of, on the pain of death."

Lee hadn't struggle like he had.

"Especially never to you."

Lee had a team who had supported him, a sensei who was willing to die for him, friends that acknowledged him and neighbors who acknowledged him.

"The rule that no one is allowed to talk about is the fact that the demon wasn't killed, it couldn't be killed, so it was sealed by Hokage the fourth… and you are the demon fox [Kyubi]."

So unless that suddenly drastically changed, and he was suddenly a living prison for a demon that everyone despised and hated, he knew that Lee really couldn't even begin to comprehend how he felt.

"It means you are the demon fox that kill Iruka's parents and destroyed the village."

Lee would never know it was like to find out the entire village excluding the children knew a secret that he should have known but was completely oblivious too.

"You were sealed up by the hokage you admire and you have been lied to by everyone."
"Didn't you find it out that everybody hated you?"

He would never know what it was like to find out that everyone you thought was on your side, who cared out you, was helping you out of pity or due to orders.

"Nobody will ever accept you; they all hate you, even Iruka. They want you dead."

One of the plates he was carrying slipped from Naruto's grasp and crashed to the floor, instantly shattering into pieces, and he just stood there for a moment, unable to comprehend what had happened. He didn't understand why he was suddenly remembering that night in the clearing with Mizuki, and finding out that he had been tricked and lied too, but then again maybe it was because it seemed to be an unending looping. Slowly he placed the other plates down onto the counter and began to bend down, but was beaten to the mess by Lee, who quickly and efficiently swept up the pieces with a broom and dustpan, how he knew where to find it he was sure but at the moment he wasn't sure of anything other than the fact that he needed a break.

Realizing that he was still kneeling and looking at a mess that no longer existed, he rose off the ground and with a shake of his head headed to the stove, he didn't look at Lee, he didn't know what to say anyway, only that his mask was cracking and he was barely holding it together, no matter how he tried.

Finally he forced out a quiet thanks to Lee for helping clean up the glass, before he excused himself for some fresh air. The coolness of the air refreshed him and he tilted his head back to let the early morning breeze enter and fill his lungs while it worked on also calming his spirit. The memories of his past were whirling around his mind angry and demanding his attention, the little orange dressed boy wanted him for him to yell, to be noticed, to rage. But the part of him that was now dominate had been 'Healer-sama' to long. And had learned that being noticed wasn't always worth it and found the value of privacy that he had been forced upon as a child, that he now embraced.

Naruto continued to take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Controlling his breathing and heart rate to bring it to it's normal rate. Letting his mind focus only on filling his lungs, breathing in air though his nose, feeling them expand and inflate until it was tight and hurting from too much air before slowly exhaling, releasing the air in controlled gusts out of his mouth. Every time a worry came to him, he would brush it from his mind, ignoring it by picturing his lungs all pink and balloon like, seeing the rib cage trying to protect the fragile little bags and his stomach muscles working to keep breathing under control. As his eyes slowly opened, his calm was restored and he was feeling much more balanced.

"Daijoubu ka?" Lee's sounded hesitant and worried, but the worry wasn't necessary anymore the healer persona was in control and the hyper and insecure boy was pushed back into the back mind. [Are you alright]

Naruto turned to face the other man and gave him a apologetic smile, "Hai, gomen nasai, I had a bad start this morning, I didn't mean to worry you." [Yes, I'm sorry]

Lee gave a small frown and started intently at Naruto, dark eyes narrowed but his head tilted slightly showing that it was a threatening expression but one of curiosity.

"You much calmer than you were a half hour ago."

"An half hour?" Naruto hmmed, "That long eh?" And catching sight of the impatient look, he continued "It was a breathing technique I learned a few years ago, normally I use it differently but it does help with stress."

The studious look only increased hidden behind the concern and politeness, and Naruto felt himself relax even more, this was the Lee he remembered. For all his hyper actitivy the green beast of Konocha was also one who was extremely studious and could spend hours researching scrolls if he found something interesting enough. But Lee's desire to learn was also tempered by his desire not to cause people pain, and if Naruto indicated it was a painful subject Lee would have dropped it.

"I was taught it by a woman named Haruka." A amused smile came to Naruto's lips as he recalled how he first learned this technique as he began to speak of Haruka.

Hakura had been a very interesting woman. Preferring to be mistaken as a man, she would dress in only male clothing and kept her hair short and cropped no longer than the top of her ears. She hadn't been a ninja even though she had been from a ninja family, but had chosen to be disowned and became a civilian doctor. Though by the time Naruto had met her, she had been retired, despite just hitting thirty.

She had been one of the first places that he had stayed after he had left Konocha, and had given him a place to stay while Jirarya had done whatever he needed to do before peeping at women's baths and calling it research. While they had waited for him to return, Haruka had taught him a few tricks about healing that she thought would be useful for a ninja to know, and one of the techniques she had taught had been to be in full control of your body through controlling your breathing. She had actually taught him the most useful method to controlling his chakra by showing him how to feel his chakra coils and how to moderate it.

Of course to teach him the techniques she had to kick his ass to get him to stop moping and learn what she thought would be useful. And then proceed to beat him again to get him interested in medicine, he had thought it was pretty boring at first, but Haruka had used his weakness for getting stronger and got him fascinated with healing.

Naruto paused for a moment in his retelling, questioning for a moment if he wanted to revisit that wound, but he quickly decided to press on, suddenly wanting to talk about it, knowing he was going to have to revisit the pain of the past and desiring to at least getting a choice before it was taken from him.

Oocha- green tea

Orgini- rice ball

Basically it's a traditional Japanese breakfast

Continuing Author's note

I'm sorry! I know it's been a long time, but life happens that way. I had hoped to have Naruto's past all told, but well one of future betas, (she was supposed to start) pointed out that I would make a fatal mistake there and one, rush the story. Two, it would have been unrealistic. I know we loved to do it, but face it, you normally don't walk up to a an old friend who hurt you, or even an old friend and just randomly tell everything that happened. Especially when you don't trust them. Also I'm planning on going back and revising, the story began many years ago and such I need to make sure a flows much better.

Hmm, Lee snuck in there, it was supposed to be Neji who Naruto confided in, but decided that Lee fit better there.