A/N: Wow, it has been way too long since my last update… This should be good though… I might feature a little more of Knuckles' home life than more ISBVI stuff, but the humor should still prevail. I would also like to take this opportunity to announce that I will be writing a compilation of Shadow's meetings with Dr. Josh Mathews. However, I don't have a name for it, so if you review, please submit a name for it if you've got one. And now, Chapter 4 of Manage Thy Anger.
Chapter 4: How Shadow and Knuckles Got Along
The blue car sped away from the brick house as Knuckles fumbled with a key.
I might want to listen to Sonic one of these days about wearing regular gloves… the Guardian thought as he dropped the shiny silver instrument… for the eighth time. Of course, it didn't help that I spilled his precious root beer… Finally, the key was successfully inserted into the deadbolt of the back door and the echidna walked inside. In Knuckles' mind, change was something that was to be planned far in advance, especially when it came to living. He was surprised, therefore, when he ran into the couch after walking in the back door. Sidestepping the couch and looking around, he then noticed that there was a note on the kitchen table, next to a half-eaten bowl of cereal.
Your kitchen chairs are too hard and cold.
With hatred,
Shadow
The echidna growled as he effortlessly lifted the furniture with one hand and carried it back to the living room. He didn't get far before almost dropping the couch. Violet eyes moved downward as a black and crimson form stirred on the ground.
"SHADOWWWW!" bellowed the Guardian.
"Hey, quiet down… I've gotta get my evil sleep…" the black hedgehog muttered.
"Why are you in my house?"
"Oh, yeah… that… um, I kinda forgot to pay rent… so now I have to find somewhere else to – Ow! Put me down!" Shadow squirmed helplessly as a mittened hand held him up by a gold wristband.
"Out. Now." Knuckles growled, baring his teeth. A few desparate rays of light snuck through the blinds in the living room window, giving the scarlet Guardian a very menacing background.
"Wait a minute…" Shadow said in a panicky voice. Knuckles' grip softened ever so slightly as he saw the fear in the Ultimate Lifeform's eyes. "Can I at least have a glass of apple juice?"
Five blocks away, the sound of an airborne, screaming hedgehog could still be heard.
Knuckles looked down at the prone form of Shadow on the kitchen floor. Carefully stepping over the stirring body, he opened the fridge and extracted the bottle of apple juice. Shadow managed to turn himself over at this point, crimson eyes on the beverage in the echidna's hand.
"So I ab getting that apple juice, thed?" the black hedgehog said, suddenly putting his hand on his bleeding nose. "Hey, why'd you have to go ad do that?"
"You bugged me…" the echidna snarled.
"It's godda be a while before you cad get that diploba thed…" Shadow sneered.
"Here's your apple juice," Knuckles said, a malicious grin on his muzzle. Slowly, he twisted the cap of the juice to the left and lifted it off. As the bottle tipped to pour over Shadow's face, the black hedgehog curled into a ball and launched himself through the living room. The echidna laughed as he watched the 'Ultimate Lifeform' try to open a window. "If there's one thing you can't stand, it's having those precious quills messed up… You're so vain…"
"Please, just let be stay here!" Shadow yelped. "I'll be good, I probise!" It was at this moment that the echidna stopped.
"They've turned you soft…" he mumbled. "Six weeks ago, you would've Chaos Speared my house until only the frame remained."
"I'b dot soft!"
"Face it. That Jimmy kid was wrong about that class. It makes you weak, not just controlled."
"There's dothing wrong with being calb!" Shadow shouted. His eyes grew ever wider as he seemed to realize what he was about to become. His eyes quickly narrowed and darkened. "I'll dever becobe weak." The black hedgehog breathed forcefully outward, sending a small spray of blood across the living room floor. "Now let me stay here, or I will use Chaos Slash to turn this story into a KnuxAmy romance."
"For the Emerald's sake, no!" the Guardian screamed. He lunged forward, extending a spiky fist. The black hedgehog disappeared before his eyes and reappeared to his left. To the Ultimate Lifeform's surprise, the echidna did not make a further attempt to pummel him. Instead, a knowing smirk crossed the Guardian's lips. "Good to have ya back, Shadow," he said, then, "If you're gonna stay here, I want 150 Rings a month for rent."
"Ha. Nothing these old sticky fingers can't find…" UL 2/23 never looked so happy.
"Great. Maybe they can find their way to hiding that ridiculous pin as well," Knuckles said with a chuckle.
"I hate you…" Shadow growled.
xxx
Sonic sat up on the couch and wiped cold sweat from his brow. He had been in the middle of his afternoon nap when an eerie, almost painful, sensation shot through his mind. It reminded him of a mixture between bad chili dogs and pink hedgehogs bearing flowers.
"I think I'd have to call that 'Shadow and Knuckles getting along'…" he said to himself. "I can't think of a creepier name for that feeling…" With that, the azure hero stood up, traversed the distance to the fridge for a chili dog or five, and resumed his nap on the couch.
xxx
"Come on, it'll be freakin' hilarious!" Hands bearing gold wristbands tugged at a scarlet arm.
"I'm not gonna help you play a prank on Tails!" the echidna bellowed. It had been two days since the hedgehog had moved into Knuckles' house, and it seemed that his life outside of robbing banks and killing bellboys was completely comprised of laziness and pranks.
"Will you at least just listen to the plan?" Shadow pleaded.
"Fine…" the Guardian growled.
xxx
Two sapients crept through the front yard of an orange, two-story house.
"So we're gonna sneak in and paint him?" Knuckles whispered hoarsely.
"Not only that, we're gonna put this on him…" Shadow grinned, scarlet eyes agleam in the dull moonlight. The hedgehog held up a short blonde wig, a sky-blue dress, and pink lipstick.
"Then we'd better make it quick… This paint is heavy!" Knuckles grunted, holding a can of paint in each hand and dragging one on his zigzagging tail. As they approached the house, Shadow led Knuckles to a particular window at the back. He set the clothes on the ground and held out his hand.
"Chaos… Slash!" The window immediately opened and sported a ladder for the anthropomorphs to climb. Once inside, they prepared the supplies. First, the black hedgehog extracted a syringe from a small metal case. He inserted the syringe into the sleeping amber fox on the bed.
"Son…Sonic…?" the two-tail murmured. Azure eyes fluttered for a moment, then dropped like anvils as the heavy sedative hit his system like an atomic bomb.
"He's out," Shadow whispered with a malicious grin. "Administer the paint." Knuckles grinned widely at this. He set the three cans of paint down and opened one that read SKY BLUE. Working together, echidna and hedgehog painted and dried the kitsune's body until it looked like a permanent sky-blue. The Guardian then opened the can that said HOT PINK, and brushed the color onto the white tips of Tails' tails.
"Good. Now for the yellow…" Shadow hissed. He opened the can of SUNSHINE YELLOW paint and proceeded to spread it onto the rest of the rear appendages.
"Well, that's taken care of…" Knuckles sniggered, looking from a few feet away at the vibrant vulpine. The echidna reached down and picked up the bundle of clothes and separated the wig from it. "Hold him up." Shadow complied as Knuckles fitted Tails with the blonde hairpiece. The two Mobians then worked together to put the dress on the sleeping fox. Lastly, Knuckles held Tails still while Shadow applied the lipstick.
"This is gonna be good…" Shadow said, his voice rising slightly in excitement. The fox's eyes began to open again, so Shadow held out his hand and said, "Chaos… Control!" Time stopped, and the echidna and hedgehog jumped through the window to excape.
xxx
A gloved hand knocked on the front door of an orange house at about nine the next morning.
"Tails! Hey, li'l bro!" the hedgehog called. "If you wanna go fishing, you're gonna have to get up, like, right now!" When there was no answer, Sonic withdrew a key from his glove and unlocked the front door. The foyer was eerily quiet as red sneakers crossed the shiny linoleum floor.
"Hey, Tails! Tails?"
As the azure hero reached the hallway that led to the kitchen, living room, and bedroom, he noticed that the bedroom door was slightly ajar.
"It's not like him to leave a door open…" Sonic said to himself. "Little guy usually freaks out when you don't put your soda on a coaster…" The door slid slowly open as Sonic silently pushed it. Inspecting the room for traces of Robotnik attacks, the hero noticed several small paint stains on the tan carpet.
"Not like him to paint, either…" It was then that emerald eyes found a pink glass tube and an open metal case. Those same eyes had not bothered to see if their owner's adopted brother was even still in the room, and now blue legs hurried to the side of the bed that was shaped like a red airplane.
"Tails, Tails! Wake up! Wake –" Sonic jumped nearly six feet in the air. The inhabitant of the bed was not Tails, but a sky-blue vulpine with a shock of blonde hair.
"Whoa! Didn't know Tails got himself a girlfriend!" At this, the blue fox opened its eyes and said, "Sonic, I don't have a girlfriend. Where would you get an idea like that?" Jade eyes became the size of dinner plates as the voice of Miles Prower exited the female fox's lips. The last thing visible to the kit was a hedgehog laughing before a loud thud could be heard.
"Sonic, are you okay?" Tails asked. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing… Let's go… fishing…" the blue blur rolled on the floor, holding his sides as his voice began to crack with laughter.
"Ugh… Whatever…" the kit said with a sigh. "Let's just go…" With that, he made a motion to stand up. This motion was curtailed, however, by some unknown binding on his legs. This didn't help the condition of the hedgehog, whose face began to turn purple as the laughing constricted his breathing.
"I didn't know… you switched pajamas…" Sonic gasped.
"What the Chaos is going on!" Tails screamed, now seeing that the binding on his legs was a dress of the same hue as the paint on his fur. A confused sound erupted from the vulpine's mouth, and he hopped off of the bed and over to the door, where a tall mirror hung on a hook. Upon gazing into its reflective depths, Tails noticed that he was indeed painted with bright colors, and that a wig and lipstick had been applied. "Sonic! What did you do?"
"I didn't do… anything… li'l bro…" Sonic gasped, now almost completely unable to breathe.
"I have to wash this off!" the poor fox kit bellowed. "I can't go fishing in this!"
"Sorry, Tails…" the hedgehog was now struggling to even make sound. "I… have to go to addiction therapy tomorrow…"
"What in the name of Mobius could you be addicted to?" the young fox was now becoming very angry, and patches of sky-blue gave way to crimson as the rage rose.
"Root beer…" Sonic was now taking very deep breaths while holding his side.
xxx
In a red brick house not three miles away from the fox's predicament, an echidna and a hedgehog sat at the kitchen table, drinking apple juice and eating potato chips. A speaker lay in the middle of the table, from which crackled the voices of Sonic and Tails. Sporadic bursts of laughter could be heard from the two eavesdroppers.
"Can you believe we pulled it off?" Shadow asked with an enormous smirk on his face.
"That was dangerous, but man, was it fun!" Knuckles shouted, guzzling more apple juice. A few more minutes passed, and the voices of Sonic and Tails could be heard arguing.
"Who could've done this?" came Tails' voice.
"I don't know…" crackled Sonic's.
"I don't think they'll ever figure it out…" Shadow grinned.
"I can't imagine them finding evidence," Knuckles said with a mouth full of potato chips.
xxx
Tails walked slowly around the room, trying to search for evidence. As he passed Sonic, he looked at him and noticed that the azure hero seemed to be frightened of something.
"Hey, Sonic. What's wrong?" the kit asked.
"I just got another nasty sensation in my stomach. You think Shadow and Knuckles are getting along somewhere?"
"Nah…" Tails muttered. "It could never happen…"
Well, there you have it, folks. An entire chapter of Knuckles goofing off at home. Next chapter, Knuckles' class gets visited by a giant! If you read, don't hesitate to review. I may respond in the next chapter!
Chapter 5: The Legend of the Guardian and Andy Taylor