Temple of the Winds 10
By: sagelibra
Pairing: Yuuram
Rating: PG-13 (may change)
Summary: There's one more custom Yuuri doesn't know about.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them.
Note: Please forgive the long delay and thank you for your patience and support. Life is hectic at this point, and I had to rewrite this chapter until I got it right in my head. Their voices had to be just right, you see
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"Damn you, Yuuri."
A soft neigh echoed his sentiment, and Wolfram sighed. Before him the land stretched out as far as the eye could see. All around him was wide open space, and yet… he felt stifled. Cornered.
He had fled immediately after sending the monk off with his reply. He knew Yuuri too well. He knew the boy would come, knew a confrontation could not be avoided.
He bit his lip, feeling both vexed and resigned.
/ Why now, Yuuri, when I've finally decided to start over without you? When I'm starting to pull myself together again?/
The old monk had spoken the truth, after all. The Temple did help. In the days following his decision to join the order, his state of mind had improved. He was calmer, less inclined to sink into depression, and less given to mood swings. He still thought constantly of his past life and the people he had lost, but the memories were becoming increasingly distant, the pain dulling.
He shook his head the bitter irony. He had slipped away precisely because he had wanted to spare them both this pointless confrontation. But now Yuuri was leaving them no choice. He was going to force them both to go through it anyway – the guilt, the regrets. Forcing Wolfram to relive the pain, to deny the very thing he yearned for with all his heart. And for what?
What was the point, aside from soothing his smarting conscience? At the end of the day there was nothing he could do to change things, except to offer to marry Wolfram.
And that option Wolfram had already passed on.
He would not marry Yuuri now, not even if Shinou himself ordered it. Not like this. He would not live out the rest of his – or Yuuri's – life knowing that the only reason he had Yuuri was out of pity. Knowing that he had been married out of duty and remorse.
Nor would he let himself buy into the delusion that one day, Yuuri may learn to love him. He could not go through it again – the false hope, the interminable waiting, the anguish. No, he would not survive it a second time.
A gentle nudge at his shoulder brought him back to the present, and he reached up to rub Wimp's nose gently.
"Don't worry, Wimp." He whispered softly. "We'll be fine. We'll get past this too." He almost wished he sounded more convincing. Judging from the snort Wimp offered in reply, the horse shared his misgivings.
"Wolfram!"
The blonde stiffened, unprepared for the emotion that rose up inside him at the sound. Yuuri's tone was strident, his voice filled with emotions that Wolfram didn't want to analyze. He shut his eyes tightly, willing himself to stay in control.
/Be strong, Wolfram. Stand firm./
Opening his eyes again, he resolutely kept his gaze fixed on the rolling fields before him. He didn't need to see to know that Yuuri was close. He could feel the other boy's presence bearing down on him, his agitation permeating the air. Instinctively, Wolfram tensed, the hair at the back of his neck rising in wariness.
"Wolfram."
He'd never heard Yuuri speak to him so…uncertainly, as though he beheld something so fragile as to break at any moment. He shook his head inwardly. Stop imagining things, he told himself sternly as Yuuri paused. Wolfram could feel the dark gaze on his face, but he resolutely refused to meet it with his own.
Silence fell between them, broken only by Wimp's soft whinny. The tension in the air was making him restless, and he pushed more strongly against Wolfram's shoulder.
Wolfram snorted, but indulgently patted the horse's neck. "Go amuse yourself." He said fondly. "Just don't wander too far."
Yuuri watched silently as the horse trotted away after nuzzling Wolfram's hand affectionately, incredulous that he actually felt jealous of a horse for making the blond smile. However, at the same time he noted the horse's coloring, and his pulse leapt.
Black upon black. His colors.
And just like that, his uncertainty melted away, replaced with overwhelming relief and hope. His initial reaction at the temple, after being informed of Wolfram's response, had been disbelief. Denial. No, the monks had to be lying. They had to be hiding Wolfram from him. There had to be some diabolical plan on the works, bent on keeping him from the blond knight. It was simply inconceivable to him that Wolfram would refuse to come home with him, much less talk to him.
And yet, after a long glaring match and a great deal of shouting, he realized there was no lie. No plan to keep them apart. There was simply Wolfram turning his back on him. On them.
That realization had almost shattered his resolve. Only Conrad's reminder, ringing in his ears, had kept him from falling apart.
/Remember that Wolfram may not be himself... the one truth you need to keep in mind… Wolfram loves you…/
He had insisted on being brought to Wolfram's room, and though the blond had already left by then, his paintings had been enough to drive home just how badly he had screwed up.
He had stared at them in patent disbelief, initially unable to believe that his Wolfram was capable of producing such work. He had never seen Wolfram do anything approaching half the brilliance of his work here. Certainly none of his previous work had ever evoked such strong emotions from Yuuri. Letting his gaze touch each canvass, he had almost wept. Every brush stroke had cried out with loneliness and despair.
"Oh Wolfram…" He had whispered, his heart aching for his beloved. How lost he must have felt, how helpless and alone.
Now, having caught up with his fiancé, he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the thin shoulders protectively. He wanted to reassure the blond, to apologize and to make up for the pain his stupidity had caused.
But the stiffness with which Wolfram held himself kept him from going any nearer.
And it hit him, quite suddenly, that Wolfram had refused to see him. Was even now refusing to so much as look at him.
His gut clenched. He couldn't let the other boy drift any further away.
"Wolf?" He said softly. "Aren't you glad to see me?"
Wolfram gritted his teeth at the other's tone.
/Don't do this, Yuuri./ He could deal with Yuuri's anger and frustration, but not his concern and gentleness.
"You shouldn't have come." He said in a clipped voice, injecting it with annoyance.
Yuuri's heart sank. Conrad was right. Wolfram was not going to make this easy. He took a deep breath. No matter. He could take anything Wolfram dished out.
"We missed you." He said simply. "I missed you."
Wolfram lifted a shoulder dismissively. "You would have gotten over it."
"No, I wouldn't have." Yuuri disagreed, striving for calm even when his fiancé's determined nonchalance grated on his nerves. "I would have spent the rest of my life looking for you."
Wolfram ruthlessly ignored the way his heart leapt at the confession.
"Do you want to know why?" Yuuri pressed when the blond remained silent.
Wolfram turned away. "No." That one word cost him more than Yuuri would ever know.
Yuuri stared at his stiff back, thinking desperately how to get through to the other boy, when the latter wouldn't even look him in the eye.
"Wolf, please talk to me." He asked, letting his hurt peek through. "Stop pushing me away."
"You shouldn't have come." Wolfram reiterated stubbornly. "Everything would have worked out for the best."
"Best for whom?" Yuuri shook his head vehemently. "Running away doesn't solve anything Wolfram."
"I wasn't running away from anything." Wolfram snapped indignantly. "I did what had to be done."
"No." Yuuri snapped back. "What you should have done was talk to me. What you did was running away." Yuuri dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I didn't ask you to sacrifice yourself for me, Wolfram. You know –"
"Exactly." Wolfram cut in tersely, finally whirling around to glare at the dark-haired king. "I do know. Better than anyone." He stabbed a finger at Yuuri's chest. "Don't talk to me about running away from difficult decisions. We've been engaged for a whole year, and you were nowhere near doing anything about it. You knew how I felt about you. You knew, and you left me there to hang anyway." A bitter smile curved his lips. "I should have talked to you? Gods, Yuuri, what for? We both know you wouldn't have had the balls to do what had to be done. You couldn't have stomached marrying me, but your stupid sense of honor wouldn't have let me go either."
Yuuri flushed, the pain and bitterness in Wolfram's voice shaming him into lowering his eyes.
Wolfram snorted in disgust. "Go home, Yuuri." He told the king harshly. "And next time, look before you slap." He turned away quickly, pretending not to see the hurt that had flashed across the mobile face, hardening his heart. He was doing the right thing, but damn, why did it have to hurt so badly?
Yuuri flinched, face paling at the finality in Wolfram's tone.
/I've lost him…/
/No!/
He didn't realize he'd spoken the word out aloud until Wolfram's back stiffened. But he was beyond caring now. Reaching out, he snagged the blond boy's sleeve and spun him around. Meeting the shocked green gaze head-on, he said it again. "No."
"Yuuri –"
"Shut up!" Yuuri shook him once. "I am not leaving without you, and I am not going to let you talk yourself into doing this!" He said agitatedly.
Wolfram stared at him.
Yuuri swallowed. "You're right," he admitted in a low voice. "I had been dragging my feet where our engagement was concerned, and I was wrong. But I didn't mean to hurt you!"
Wolfram shrugged. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"It does!" Yuuri shook him again for emphasis. "How can you think that I would let you lock yourself away in this world?"
Wolfram stared at the boy he had yearned for, had waited for, for months. For the first time he noted the dark circles around Yuuri's eyes, noted the king's gaunt features, and his heart clenched painfully. He saw the pain in Yuuri's eyes, and he thought he understood. As kind-hearted as Yuuri was, he could not help but feel responsible for what had happened. So he was punishing himself, and will go on punishing himself for something he could not change.
/Foolish Yuuri./
He sighed. He realized that his first plan - angering Yuuri into leaving was not going to work. Righteous indignation was not going to give Yuuri the peace of mind he craved. No, Yuuri didn't need to be right, he needed to be forgiven.
"Whatever the reasons, they don't matter anymore Yuuri. We're over that now." He said finally, quietly. "It's in the past. Just – let it go. Move on."
Yuuri stared at him, taken aback by the sudden change of mood.
Wolfram let his eyes see past the other boy, touching the land beyond him. "This isn't too bad, you know." He said at length. "Once you get used to the quiet, it's actually very refreshing."
"Wolfram – "
But Wolfram held up his hand to forestall him. "Hear me out, Yuuri."
Yuuri pressed his lips together with effort.
"We got engaged by accident. You never wanted it, and I was a fool not to accept that sooner. It would have saved us both a lot of unnecessary grief." Wolfram sighed. "Nevertheless, we're here now, and it is time we both moved on with our lives." He sent the king a small smile. "You may find this hard to believe, but I'm really alright here. So you see, you don't have to worry about me or feel guilty. I'm fine."
"I've seen the paintings in your room, Wolfram." Yuuri told him bluntly. "How can you be fine when inside you're screaming?"
Wolfram recoiled, his breath catching. Yuuri pressed in. "Stop lying to me. You miss Shin Makoku. You miss your family. You miss Greta." His voice lowered. "You miss me." Dark eyes bored into the other's pale face. "Just like I miss you."
Wolfram swallowed convulsively at the fire that burned in Yuuri's eyes.
"Ask me again." Yuuri's voice was soft, yet strangely compelling.
"What?"
"That night, in our room, you asked me a question." Sorrow limned Yuuri's voice. "I wasn't thinking clearly when I answered. I didn't know my heart as well as I thought I did, and my answer inadvertently sent you here." He raised his hand, his palm almost brushing Wolfram's pale cheek. "You'll never know how sorry I am for that."
"Yuuri –"
"Ask me again." Yuuri repeated. "And this time, when I answer, look into my eyes and see the truth in my heart." His voice fell to a whisper. "I'll never lie to you again. I promise, Wolf. Never again."
Wolfram shut his eyes. Why, he thought with weary bitterness, wasn't it enough that he had to have his heart broken once? Why did Shinou have to send Yuuri to him and do it to him all over again? Did they really expect him to believe that his absence had made Yuuri fall in love with him, when his near-death had failed to do so?
How stupid, how weak did they think he was, to fall into the trap of Yuuri's remorse?
/Never again./
Gently, slowly, he disengaged himself from Yuuri's grasp and stepped back. Looking Yuuri in the eye, he said softly, "I'm not going back with you, Yuuri. I won't marry you just so you can appease your conscience and do your duty to me. I won't." He shook his head. "Go home, Yuuri." He whistled, and Wimp came trotting back.
"I want you to come home with me!"
Wolfram swung himself up on Wimp's back effortlessly. Gazing down at Yuuri with resolute eyes, he said simply. "This is my home now."
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