Temple of the Winds 13
By sagelibra
Note: Just a quickie to say that I'm so sorry for having taken so long, and to promise that I will finish this fic. Thanks to all the kind reviewers – quite assuredly your constant support and 'nagging' were instrumental to getting this chapter posted.
All disclaimers apply.
-o0o-
Night was falling.
Conrad glanced at the sky, then at his silent companion. Wolfram had been staring at the exact same spot for the last few hours, and he seemed content to stay that way. Conrad sighed. He didn't mind having kept Wolfram company the entire day. In truth he wouldn't have minded staying right there for as long as his brother needed him. But they'd been gone the whole day already, and it was a long ride back home. While Shin Makoku had become a lot more stable with Yuuri at its helm, there was always danger for the unsuspecting. Besides, he thought to himself, the answers Wolfram searched for couldn't be found in the middle of nowhere. They were right there at the castle, in the heart of the king Wolfram was so determined to keep at arm's length.
"Perhaps it would be wise to head back now, Wolfram. It's getting late." He said finally.
Wolfram blinked. Instinctively he glanced up at the darkening sky and was genuinely surprised at how late it had become. He sighed, his acquiescence reluctant at best. Nevertheless, even he had to acknowledge that Conrad was right. It was one thing to go off in a fit of temper. But putting Conrad and himself at unnecessary risk was childish and plain foolhardy; Wolfram was done being those. He straightened and gently turned his horse back. Although going back was not what he really wanted to do, he had to admit that going forward was not an option either. At least, he told himself, not until he had settled this thing with Yuuri.
As he trailed silently behind Conrad, his thoughts returned to the Maou and his family. Grimly, he wondered how he was supposed to face them all in the coming days. Who was he now that he was no longer the king's fiancé? What role was he expected to play? The honored guest? The brother to the advisers to the king? How long could he stay at the castle without a legitimate purpose?
As Yuuri's fiancé he had been tasked with overseeing Yuuri's protection. He had commanded the king's personal guards. But now that office was no longer his and the troop would be returned to Gwendal's command.
As Yuuri's prospective consort he had also been half a parent to Greta. But now? Wolfram's heart wrenched at the thought of losing the little girl. No matter how much he cared for Greta, he would no longer have any say in the girl's upbringing. At best, he would merely be relegated to the role of a favorite uncle. And when Yuuri married….his mind shied away from that thought.
And then there was Yuuri's insistence that he loved Wolfram. Everyone here believed him. Everyone, that was, except Wolfram. The blond simply cannot wrap his mind around the concept of a Yuuri in love with him. How was he supposed to believe that Yuuri had changed his sexual preference just like that? Just because he wanted to? Had to? Wolfram's mouth twisted sardonically. Yeah, right.
He was willing to believe that Yuuri had feelings for him. That the dark-haired boy cared about him. They had been through a lot together, after all. But that wasn't the kind of affection Wolfram was after, and he sincerely doubted Yuuri was capable of giving him what he wanted, no matter what he said to the contrary. No, his family can believe that if they wished to, but Wolfram had gotten over that particular fantasy, and he was not going to succumb to it again.
He let out a deep breath. So, back to square one – what to do. Logically, the best thing for him to do was to move out of the castle. He should simply return to Bielefeld and reassume the duties he had delegated when his duty as the king's fiancé had kept him at Blood Pledge Castle. He had estates to run. He had more than enough duties and obligations waiting to keep him busy for a very long time.
Simple. Clear-cut. Now if only he could persuade the stubborn king to his way of thinking…Resolutely he ignored the treacherous twisting of his heart. If there was one thing he had learned during his stay at the Temple of the Winds, it was to accept what was, instead of hankering for something beyond his reach.
They were almost home when Conrad finally spoke up. "Have faith, Wolfram." He directed an encouraging smile at his brother. "Yuuri's worth it."
Faith. Wolfram kept his eyes resolutely on the road before him. "There is such a thing as blind faith, brother." He retorted evenly. "And that's the kind that leads people to their doom."
Conrad shook his head. "When all seemed lost, it was faith that kept us going." He countered. "Faith in Yuuri and his heart. In the end, that's what saved us." He paused, "Don't let your bitterness keep you from the very thing you have been yearning for all these months."
Wolfram didn't have an answer to that, and so he prudently kept his mouth shut. Conrad, however, simply smiled and kept his peace. He'd done his part, it was now upto the Maou.
By the time they got to the castle and Wolfram let himself into her room, Greta was already fast asleep. Gazing down at the little girl, Wolfram noted the sad frown that knitted her brows even in slumber, and suffered a twang of guilt. No doubt he had put that there with his refusal to attend to her earlier and riding out in a huff. Sighing regretfully, he gently smoothed the sleeping child's brow.
"I'm sorry Greta." He whispered to her. "I should have taken the time to talk to you, no matter how I felt about everything else." Children shouldn't have to suffer for the idiocy of their elders. Resolving to attend his soon-to-be ex-daughter first thing in the morning, he tucked the blankets more securely around her and straightened.
He turned to leave, but froze like a deer caught in the headlights at the sight of the Maou himself standing by the door.
Dark eyes met green, and for an instant something flashed across Yuuri's expressive features. Something that made Wolfram's stomach lurch unsteadily.
"Wolfram-" Yuuri began softly.
"Not here." Wolfram cut him off, though he took care to keep his voice down so as not to wake Greta.
Yuuri swallowed at the sharpness of the blond's tone, but he nodded and stepped back to let Wolfram pass.
Wolfram was acutely aware of the dark eyes that all but bore a hole into the back of his head as he led the way to the king's study. However, he knew that if he wanted his life to have any semblance of sanity at all, he had to make a stand.
"Alright." He said finally once the door had been securely locked behind them. He turned to face the king, although he couldn't quite meet Yuuri's eyes. No matter, he thought, Yuuri's cheek was just as good a spot to stare at. "You go first. What do you want to say?"
Yuuri took a deep breath. "First, that I'm sorry I tricked you." He lifted a shoulder in a gesture of helplessness. "I was desperate."
Wolfram nodded. "Fine. Consider yourself forgiven." He could well imagine how hard his brothers and his mother had made life for Yuuri in his absence. United, they had the ability to drive even a holy man to murder.
Yuuri blinked. That was almost too easy. "Uh, okay." He floundered, caught off-balance by the other boy's ready acceptance of his apology. He stared uneasily at the blond. Wolfram not taking the chance to rub his nose in it was unusual to say the least.
"Anything else?" Wolfram shifted, his old impatience peeking through.
Yuuri swallowed. "Only that I'm glad you're back." He said honestly. "It was terrible without you." His voice thickened, remembering his loneliness and anguish. "Wolfram -" he took a hesitant step towards the blond, only to be held off by a swiftly-raised hand. "you're still mad at me, aren't you?" he asked in a pained voice.
Wolfram bit his lip, a pang of remorse slicing through him at the other boy's expression. He shook his head. "I'm not mad at you, Yuuri." He replied, sighing. "I just wish-" He stopped the words. What was the use of talking about things that he already knew could not happen? Yes, he wished he could make himself trust the anguish in Yuuri's voice. That he could make himself forget the rejections of the past and just accept that Yuuri had really had a change of heart, and that he now returned Wolfram's feelings. But he couldn't live that lie. For too long already he had forced himself to live with false hopes. Now that the truth was out in the open, he found that he couldn't go back to that willful blindness.
The inevitable awakening was too painful. He had survived it once, he might not survive it again.
The sorrow in his face struck Yuuri hard, and the dark-haired boy had to fight the urge to hug his ex-fiance. But he was no longer the green boy who had first step foot on Shin Makoku. He knew better now. It was his impulsiveness that had gotten their relationship off to a disastrous start. He now had another, perhaps his last, chance to put things right. He had to be patient. Wolfram was this close to bolting, and Yuuri needed to tread very carefully if he was to hold on to the blond knight.
"You wish-what, Wolfram?" Yuuri prodded gently.
Wolfram shook himself inwardly, and a self-deprecating grin curved his lips. "It doesn't matter." He said finally. "What matters is how we go on from here."
Yuuri nodded, though the other's tone was hardly reassuring. "Actually, I was hoping we could talk about that." He ventured carefully.
"Yes," Wolfram squared his shoulders, "let's talk about that." He shot the Maou a searching glance. "Will you let me return to Bielefeld?" He asked after a moment.
Yuuri's jaw dropped. "What? But – why?"
Wolfram shrugged. "I want to go home, Yuuri."
"Wolfram - this is your home!" Yuuri protested, bewilderment coloring his voice.
Wolfram gave a very definite shake of his head. "No, Yuuri." He countered evenly. "This is your home. It used to be Mother's, so it used to be mine too. Now it's yours. I shared it for a while because it was necessary, but now I think it's time I went back to where I really belong." At Yuuri's blank stare he went on quickly. "You know that as the lord of Bielefeld I have vassals and estates to run. I delegated my duties because I was needed here. But now-" he made a sweeping gesture with his hand, "everything's settled already. Your legitimacy as the Maou is established, your throne is secure. It's time I went home."
For a long moment Yuuri simply stared at him. Did the blond actually expect him to simply accept that without question? Was he really that stupid? He shook his head sharply. "No."
Wolfram frowned, although he had been expecting Yuuri's reply.
"I'm not letting you leave me again."
"Yuuri-"
"NO!"
Wolfram blinked, taken aback by the intensity behind the single word.
Yuuri gritted his teeth, reminding himself not to get angry. Part of him longed to just grab the other boy and shake some sense back into him. He wanted this weird awkwardness between them to be over. He wanted the old Wolfram back – the one that had claimed him before he had even known his own heart. The one who had turned his heart upside down and made him see himself clearly at last. The one who loved him, warts and all.
This Wolfram frightened him. His aloofness grated on Yuuri's nerves, and the distance that yawned between them pained Yuuri.
And yet he knew he had no right to complain. So he gnashed his teeth and strove to keep his hands to himself. However, he couldn't keep his frustration and hurt from finding outlet in words.
"Why do you keep pushing me away?" He demanded in a voice that shook with suppressed emotion, "Why won't you give us both another chance?" He dragged one hand through his hair in vexation. "Why won't you stop running away?!"
Wolfram stared at him mutely. What could he say? How could he make Yuuri understand just how badly he had hurt Wolfram? Yuuri had never loved anyone the way Wolfram had loved him. He didn't know – couldn't know how every thoughtless denial, every unknowing betrayal had flayed Wolfram's heart and soul. He shook his head wordlessly.
/Why won't you give us both another chance?/ How do you let yourself touch again that thing that had once scorched you so badly the memory still had the power to make you wince?
"Wolfram," The thought of losing Wolfram all over again made Yuuri shudder, and in spite of his promise to himself, he found himself pulling the unresisting blond into his arms, burying his face into the other's neck. "please don't leave me." He whispered.
"Yuuri-" There was a lump in Wolfram's throat threatening to choke him. Yuuri had never spoken to him this way before. Had never touched him like this before. He closed his eyes…oh gods. Why couldn't he just let it happen? Why couldn't he just let himself believe in Yuuri's sudden change of heart?
Why?
Because he didn't trust Yuuri's change of heart. He didn't trust Yuuri. Not in this. Not with his heart.
And yet, staring at the dark head nestled so close, he couldn't find the strength to pull away either. So he closed his eyes and prayed for strength. "Yuuri, please, let me go."
He felt more than saw the shaking of Yuuri's head. "I won't let you leave me," was the muffled reply.
Wolfram bit his lip. Experience had taught him that Yuuri was intractable when he was in this mood. "Alright." He whispered finally. "I won't leave the castle if you don't want me to."
Yuuri drew back to peer at him, suddenly hopeful. "Really?"
Wolfram nodded. "But you have to promise me something, Yuuri."
"Anything!"
A sad smile traced Wolfram's lips. In some ways he was still the same old Yuuri. "How many times do I have to tell you not to be so impulsive?" He scolded without real heat. "I could be asking for your life, you idiot."
"You can have it." Yuuri replied promptly, dark eyes intense. "Anything you want, you only have to ask, Wolfram. Anything." He repeated for good measure.
Shock made Wolfram's mouth go dry. "Yuuri…" he whispered. The look in Yuuri's eyes – he actually believed what he was saying. "You must never, never, make that promise. Not to anyone."
Yuuri just stared back at him solemnly. "I won't. You're not just anyone, Wolf. I'm making that promise to you."
Wolfram swallowed and forced himself to go on. "Nevertheless, if you want me to stay, you mustn't say that again. Promise me, Yuuri."
"Why?" Yuuri queried with a frown.
Why? Because if he heard it too often he would believe it to be true. Would want it to be true.
Wolfram shook his head again. "Just promise me, Yuuri. No more wild declarations. No promises of undying love. No more trying to be what you are not."
Realization dawned. The momentary hope flickered and died. Taking a step away from the blond, Yuuri sighed. "You just won't believe me, will you, Wolfram?" And he had no one to blame for it but himself. He sighed again. He'd brought this onto himself, he acknowledged. "Alright." He gave in - for the moment. "But you also have to promise me something." He countered, an idea forming in his mind.
Wolfram eyed him warily. "What?"
The look Yuuri sent him made his insides shiver. "That you'll give me a chance to prove myself." Yuuri went on quickly to forestall Wolfram's protests. "No more hiding, no more running away."
Wolfram bit his lip. "Fine."
Relief and renewed optimism fired Yuuri's insides, and he positively beamed. Wolfram blinked, caught off-guard by the other boy's sudden radiance. Surprise kept him rooted, and gave Yuuri an opening the latter wasted no time taking advantage of. "Fine." He agreed happily. Leaning over, he dropped a quick kiss on the stunned boy's lips, before spinning on his heel and striding quickly out of the study. "See you at breakfast!" He called out from the safety of the corridor.
Wolfram could only stare after him, a hand pressed against his tingling lips, and his heart thundering in his ears.
-end Chapter-