Viva La Gabby…Part Deux-4 by jerseygirlinoxford (sue)
More for Kathy's ReWard Challenge on RW.
The general laughter in the ER faded as Dr. Johnson joined Dr. Weiner at Morelli's bedside. He was carrying a small igloo cooler. Morelli swallowed hard. The moment of truth was here. The doctors both donned gloves then opened the cooler. Joe watched in horror as the doctors examined what was left of his favorite body part. It was looking a little too purple for his liking. "Well, the damage caused by the rodent was not really significant…." Dr Weiner paused to examine it a little more closely. He smiled and showed Dr Johnson.
"What?" Joe asked nervously. Bobby had his ear up to the curtain. He and Xylia were so engrossed in eavesdropping that they didn't notice that Gabby left. Dr Johnson snorted.
"Uh…it's not bad. It's just that someone added a little….uh…artwork to your member," Dr Weiner explained. The doctors looked at each other and burst out laughing. Joe flopped back on the stretcher.
"Everyone's a fucking comedian around here," he grumbled.
"Sorry Mr. Morelli," Dr Johnson apologized. "You have to understand. This is a unique situation here. At least the good news is that your penis is in better shape that we expected. They are prepping the OR now and….."
"Uncle Joe!" Gabby cried out. The doctors jumped in surprise. Dr Weiner's arm jerked upward, and Joe's penis flew out of his hand and over the curtain behind him. Gabby wedged in between them and climbed up the side of the stretcher. "Look….I drawed this for you." It was a stick figure minus a penis. Joe looked at it and smiled. He was unaware of Gabby's usual interpretation of the male stick figure body.
"Thank you, Gabby," he told her as he kissed the top of her head.
"It's a picture of you. But I didn't drawed a penis 'cause Aunt Kathy gots your penis," she explained. Joe slumped down. "I love you Uncle Joe." Bobby realized it was time to collect her.
"Love you too, Gabby," Joe mumbled. He saw the doctors looking around on the floor for something. "What are you doing?" The doctors snapped upright.
"I….uh….well you see…." Dr Weiner stammered.
"Earl? What the hell is this in my Jell-O? It looks like a penis….and it's smiling at me!" the older lady in the curtain next door griped to her husband. "How the hell am I supposed to eat that now?"
"Do like you always do, Bessie," Earl responded. "Take your teeth out." Bessie grabbed Joe's penis from the bowl of Jell-O and tossed it into the hall. Bobby was leading Gabby by the hand from Joe's curtain. The offending part bounced off Gabby's head and onto the floor. She gasped.
"Uncle Bobby!" she exclaimed as she rubbed her head. "Somebody frowed something at me!" She looked around by her feet and spied the purple blob. She let go of Bobby's hand and squatted down, hands on knees, to inspect it. Bobby froze when he realized it was Morelli's dick. Gabby looked up with that heart melting smile and giggled. "It gots a smiley face!" Gabby reached down to pick it up. Bobby panicked and kicked it down the hall. There was no way he was going to let Gabby touch that thing. How could he ever explain to Ranger that Gabby had Morelli's dick in her hand? On his watch?
"Brown!" Morelli called out. "Did you just kick my dick?"
"I…um…yeah?" Bobby hesitantly answered. Gabby giggled and covered her mouth.
"It was happy, Uncle Joe. It smiled at me!" She jumped up and down clapping her hands. Joe looked to his doctors.
"Why are you just standing around with your thumbs up your asses? Go get my dick!" he demanded. The doctors ran down the hall to retrieve the happy little penis. Joe scowled at Bobby. "With everything that has gone on with me today….why did you kick it?" Joe rubbed his face with his hands to try to hold off the tears. Bobby looked down at Gabby.
"Gabby, why don't you go back and finish your picture for Xylia?" She nodded.
"Okay Uncle Bobby." She ran back to Xylia's curtain with her pig tails flopping up and down. Bobby stepped closer to Joe.
"What do you think Ranger and Stephanie would do if they found out Gabby touched your dick?" He raised his eyebrows waiting for this information to sink in. Joe went to open his mouth to comment further. He stopped and slouched down in his stretcher.
"You're right. Ranger would kill me. And that would be the easy way out. Stephanie would wait for them to reattach it, let it heal, and then she would cut it off again," Joe agreed. "Then run me over with that damn Buick while I lay there bleeding." The doctors came back in.
"Got it!" Dr Weiner exclaimed. He re-examined the penis. "Still in good shape….except for a few hairs and some fuzz. Don't worry….we'll clean this up in the OR. You're anesthesiologist will be right here in a minute. We'll…." He wiggled Joe's dick at him. "….see up there!" Dr Weiner and Dr Johnson walked out. A young Asian doctor came in.
"Hello Mr Morelli. I'm Dr Wang. I'll be your anesthesiologist," he told him. Morelli began to cry.
"Why?" he called out….sounding pretty close to Nancy Kerrigan after getting wacked in the knee by Tonya Harding's goons.
Gabby continued to work on her picture while sharing Goldfish with Bobby and Xylia. Xylia started to read Lover Avenged. "I don't get what you see in those books," Bobby said. Xylia smiled.
"Vampires are hot. Especially Rhage. I'd…." She remembered Gabby was with them. "Well, you know what I'd like to do. And what happened in the bathroom is only an appetizer!" She waggled her eyebrows at Bobby.
"Bampires? What's a bampire?" Gabby asked.
"A vampire has long teeth…." Xylia curled her upper lip and clawed her hands. "And wants to bite your neck!" Gabby giggled and mimicked her.
"Anything Rhage can do….I can do better," Bobby told her seductively. Xylia raised her eyebrows.
"Well….the proportions are the same." Her eyes cut to his groin. "The biggest difference is the….manscaping! Now that is hot." Bobby grimaced.
"I love you Xylia, but I'm not shaving my pubes," he mumbled. Of course, this got Gabby's attention.
"How come, Uncle Bobby?" she asked. He looked down at her.
"How come what, Gabby?"
"How come you don't wants to shave your pubes?" Bobby cringed. Xylia burst out laughing.
"You can't shave my pubes, too!" Joe screamed at Dr Wang. "You have to leave me some dignity!"
"We are operating in that area. It's standard procedure and helps to decrease infection and complications. Quit whining….it will grow back," Dr Wang replied. Bobby drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Thank God! Now when…not if…Gabby tells Ranger all about manscaping…he can blame that on Morelli, too. A few minutes later, Morelli was taken to the OR. The picture that Gabby drew must have blown off the stretcher and slid under their curtain. Gabby gasped when she saw it.
"Uncle Joe forgots his picture!" She ran to pick it up. "I'll save it for him." I'm sure he'll appreciate that, Bobby chuckled to himself. Stephanie appeared in the doorway. "Mommy!" Stephanie held out her arms to grab the Gabby projectile coming her way. "I missed you Mommy!" She smacked on Steph's lips.
"I missed you too, Sweet Pea." She put her down. "I got your text, Bobby. Xylia….how are you feeling?"
"It hurts, but Gabby made me feel better." Gabby beamed.
"I drawed this for Xylia." She showed everyone the stick figure with the wild red hair and one foot bigger than the other. "This is you Xylia." Then her little face fell. "I don't know how to drawed a 'gina." Stephanie rolled her eyes.
"Grandma Mazur has been giving her anatomy lessons," Stephanie explained. "I'll get her out of your hair. I really appreciate this, Bobby." She helped Gabby collect her things.
"How's Kathy?" Bobby asked.
"She's staying with her parents. She's upset about the whole thing. I mean it wasn't right, but I'm surprised someone else hadn't done this before." She saw the other drawing. "Is this supposed to be Uncle Bobby?"
"Hell no…." Bobby spat out and snapped his mouth shut.
"No Mommy. It's Uncle Joe. Aunt Kathy gots his penis so I can't drawed one for him," Gabby explained.
"Uh…he was in the bed next to us. She may have overheard a few things…." Bobby replied sheepishly. "You just missed him. They took him to surgery a few minutes before you got here." Stephanie nodded.
"You can fill me in later. You ready to go?" Gabby nodded. She kissed and hugged Bobby and Xylia goodbye.
"I love you, Xylia," Gabby told her. She took the Goldfish box out of her Snoopy bag and gave it to her. "This will make you feel better."
"Thank you, Gabby. You really did make me feel better today. I'm so glad you came to see me." Xylia hugged her back.
"I love you Uncle Bobby." She smacked on his lips.
"Love you too." Stephanie took her by the hand, and they headed back to Rangeman.
"Wow…do they have their hands full with her!" Xylia laughed. "She is such a trip!" Bobby agreed.
"If I ever have a little girl, I'd want for her to be just like Gabby." Xylia gave him her best sex kitten smile.
"Would you like to help me to the bathroom again?" Schwing!
Stephanie and Gabby were waiting in the garage as Ranger pulled in. They just got back from McDonalds with enough Chicken McNuggets to feed all of Rangeman. "Daddy!" She waited for Ranger to park the Porsche before running over to him. He opened the door and let her climb onto his lap. Bobby had filled Stephanie in later on while Gabby was making cookies with Ella. They had a syringe of Ranger's happy medicine on stand-by just in case. Gabby threw her arms around Ranger's neck and smacking on his lips. "I missed you, Daddy."
"I missed you too, Baby Girl." He held her close and angled out of the Porsche. He grimaced when he saw the size of the McDonalds bags. Apparently, Stephanie bought several 20-piece nugget boxes.
"Daddy…guess what? Uncle Joe's penis hit me in the head and smiled at me." Ranger almost tripped over his own feet. WTF? Stephanie had filled him in on some of the things that happened so he was prepared. He glared at Stephanie. She smiled back.
"It's kind of a funny story….one that I will tell you later," she tipped her head in Gabby's direction. Obviously, Ranger was failing to see the humor. "One of the cops drew a smiley face on it." The corners of his mouth began to twitch, and the tension eased from his posture.
"Hurry Daddy! We gots lots of chicken nuggets for you!" Stephanie giggled as Ranger winced. They took the elevator to the 7th floor.
"Have another one, Daddy," Gabby told Ranger as she fed him his 22nd McNugget. He opened his mouth as his stomach screamed…..noooooo! It already felt like Michael Flately was doing the Riverdance in his temple. Gabby continued to tell him about her day. He was trying to remain calm. Hell, the story was on every friggin' TV channel and radio station today. This was bound to happen.
"I think Daddy's had enough, Sweet Pea. Why don't you go wash your hands?" Ranger was starting to look a little green. As soon as she left the table, Ranger turned to Stephanie.
"What did she mean Morelli's dick hit her in the head?" he hissed.
"Gabby startled the doctor, and it flew out of his hand and into some old lady's Jell-O. Bobby pulled Gabby away from Joe's curtain. The old lady threw it in the hall, and it hit Gabby in the head. That's when she saw it had the smiley face on it. Anyway….Bobby kicked it away from her because he was afraid Gabby might pick it up." Stephanie took a deep breath and held it. She was waiting for the shit storm. But it didn't come. Ranger's shoulders shook. Then he snorted.
"Normally….I would have to kill someone. But that was funny," he told her calmly. "I'm not all that happy that Morelli's dick touched my 3 and a half year old daughter. But just the idea of Morelli's dick get bounced around like a pinball machine is classic." He broke out into a huge grin. "How's he doing anyway?" Stephanie shrugged.
"I know he just got out of surgery, but time will tell if it ever….works again." Ranger shuddered at the thought. Gabby came running back. She climbed in Ranger's lap. She clawed her hands, curled back her lip, and growled at Ranger.
"I'm a Bampire," she told him, "and I'm gonna shave your pubes!" Steph clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. Ranger closed his eyes. It looked like he was silently counting to calm himself. "I love you Daddy." He sighed.
"I love you too, Gabby." He kissed the top of her head and set her down. He slowly got up and headed to the door.
"Where are you going?" Steph asked him cautiously. Ready to call Bobby with the happy juice if needed.
"I'm going to find some rope and hang myself from the Tree of Woe." He paused at the door. "I just have a few things to finish up in my office. I'll be back in a little bit." He went down to 5 and ducked into his office. He reached for a coffee mug and filled it with water. Then, he took out a packet of Alka-Seltzer and dropped the tablets into the water. He sat silently staring at the Wall of Shame listening to the fizzing. A smile came over his face.
"I thought you'd like it," Steph told him from the doorway. Joe's picture had been added to the display. She climbed into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Now, he no longer had the smallest penis. Thank you, Gabby!
"Where's the artist?"
"With Ella."
"Tell me….what the hell does manscaping have to do with vampires?" He felt her body shaking.
"In that JR Ward series that I read, the vampires are all well endowed and have no…uh…hair. I don't know where she heard that one, but I sure didn't tell her." Ranger gulped his Alka-Seltzer. "I just got a call about dinner reservations tomorrow night. What's that about?" Ranger looked sheepish.
"I thought that you deserved…I don't know. A date or something. Something normal." She kissed his forehead. "Dumb idea, I know. I should stick to what I'm good at. I'd be better off teaching you how to kill." He took her hand in his and kissed it. "Babe, I don't know how I'm going to make it. She's only 3 and a half and knows about penises, 'ginas, and now manscaping. It's only going to get worse from here. And she's going to be with Tank….and Lula tomorrow. I'm actually a little scared."
"I think you can handle it. We're lucky. She's warm, sweet, and caring. Everyone loves her. She's very smart. And…she's healthy. That outweighs all the other stuff." He nodded and laid his head against hers. "Besides…you have to make it. The three of us are going to need you." She felt him stiffen.
"Three?"
"The doctor's office called back. They made a mistake. I am pregnant."
THE END…..for now…..this story will pick up with the next Gabby story.