Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any anime or manga(unless by a twist of fate I can create one of my own that doesn't suck)and I will now cry out my anxieties of being poor by writing this complication of crappy ideas.
The Real Elemental Heroes
Chapter 3: Fusion
By Fullmetal Shinobi
A/N: My God I never thought I would get this far in this story. I had a real hard time coming up with ideas for the third chapter, but once I did I got the entire chapter done in half a school day. But since I got it done so quickly(not counting the two-week down time)it might not be as good as my other chapters so bear with me and review to make it all better.
Oh, and speaking of reviews, the inevitable happened: somebody flamed my story. Gasp! No, no gasp, I really didn't care, I can use it to boil ramen water, but I couldn't flame this "Nick" guy(hopefully not the same Nick that is one of my friend's conscience) back because my computer for some odd reason won't let me do anything of importance on the internet outside of HTML mode, so I will flame him back right here, right now so everyone can see what I am like when I am mad. Here goes: YOU IDIOT 4KIDS RUINED YU-GI-OH! GX SO MUCH THAT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE RUINED ANY MORE! AND REPUBLICANS SUCK! TAKE THAT, BIATCH! AND I ALREADY KNEW THAT MY STORY SUCKED SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN ANYMORE!!!!! There that felt good on with the third chapter!
TV Announcer Guy: Oh no! I've just received word that The Real Elemental Heroes has been canceled! Shock and awe! But the positive feedback(not all of it's good anymore)has made it like Star Trek, Family Guy, Gundam and very few other quality entertainment implements and brought it back to life! Sigh of relief! So now the Elemental Heroes are off on another one of their numerous misadventures involving the Republican Party, who continue to outsmart the idiot band of superzeroes every time they fight each other. Buckle up kids, it's story time!
In Anime City, in a building shaped like a giant H, The Elemental Heroes had some visitors: the Neo-Spacians, who had just returned from their month-long trip.
"So where did you guys go again?" Burstinitrix asked the three Neo-Spacians.
"Eat n Park," Aqua Dolphin replied.
"You mean the one down the street?" asked Neos.
"Yep," said Flare Scarab.
"But why did it take you a month to go out to eat?" asked Avian.
"Have you been to that place before? It took us 3 weeks to get parked, and another week to get a table!" exclaimed Aqua Dolphin.
"That place is packed," said Dark Panther.
Just then, the casual conversation between the different bands of superheroes was interrupted by a video message from Commissioner Komui Li, who, oddly enough, was awake. "Elemental Heroes, I have an impor...wait...who the hell are those guys? There even weirder looking than you are most of the time!" Komui said as he interrupted himself by asked who the Neo-Spacians where. Every "hero" in the room took insult to the "weird" statement, but then again, most every superhero looked weird, especially if you're a humanoid dolphin, bug or panther-like thingy wearing Spandex.
"These three are the Neo-Spacians Commissioner. They are from outer space like Neos, and their ability to fuse with him is the only reason why you let Neos stay on the team," explained Sparkman.
"Ah yes, now I remember. Well, the more heroes, the less chance there will be a horrible catastrophe," Komui said. "Now, as I was trying to say before, I have an important mission for all of you. President Bush went psycho after the Republicans lost their power over Congress, and now he's rampaging in the city again."
"So? He got his ass kicked the last time he was here, so why should we worry?" asked Burstinitrix.
"Yeah, by the Destiny Heroes," Neos corrected her. She got mad, once again, and scorched his face.
"But this time's different," Komui said. "Bush has accompanied himself with the three other members of the Republican Big Four."
"Big Four?" asked Clayman.
"Yes, the four most powerful members of the Republican Party, both politically and in combat strength," Komui said. "The Big Four is consisted of Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, President Bush and Cletus, the White House janitor."
"Sound like a spoof of Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo," said Neos with his knowledge of everything nerdy.
"Bush is a big fan of that particular show. It's stupid and random, just like him," said Komui.(A/N: I'm not trying to insult Bobobo or it's fans, cause I'm one of them, but it is a stupid and random show so please don't take insult to that statement)
"The Republican Party couldn't come up with an original idea to save their lives," said Necroshade, still emo.
"That may be, but they are still very dangerous, and I need you all to at least try to stop them before I get fed up and try to locate the Destiny Heroes again," said Komui.
"Sure ol' chap, but I just have one more question: Why the devel do the Republicans have a janitor on their team?" asked Sparkman.
"The same reason why we have a fish in Spandex on our team," said Burstinitrix insultingly.
"I told you, I'm not I fish I'm a DOLPHIN! DOLPHINS ARE MAMMALS!!!" exclaimed Aqua Dolphin.
"No, Southerners make lots of big messes at their political conventions/redneck gatherings, so Cletus got strong from having to clean up so many messes, and he got political power because without him, the messes would never get cleaned and the Republicans would probably look the way they act half the time," said Komui.
"No need to worry chief, we have the power of Contact Fusion on our team!" exclaimed Neos as he and the Neo-Spacians struck dramatic poses.
"We'll see about that, now get a move on before the city is destroyed even further!" Komui said, trying to rush the E-Heroes and the Neo-Spacians.
"Now, E-Heroes..." Avian started, but was interrupted by angry stares from the Neo-Spacians "..and Neo-Spacians, Move Out!"
E-HEROES!!!
The Elemental Heroes and Neo-Spacians trekked through the recently ruined city, searching out for any Republicans. They, like normally, where hopelessly lost and had no chance of finding their way out of the labyrinth of destroyed buildings.
"Where the hell are we?" Bladedge asked nobody in particular.
"I have absolutely no idea," said Avian, holding a map of the city upside down. "Everything looks the same now."
"No it doesn't you just have the directional sense of a brain dead walrus!" exclaimed Burstinitrix as she smacked Avian in the face with a stop sign. But what Avian said was true, the section of Anime City that they were in was a never-ending maze of pain, destruction and death. Just like my bedroom. Burstinitrix just wanted a reason to beat on Avian.
"This is f—ing ridiculous, who the hell gets lost in their own neighborhood?!?" screamed Burstinitrix in rage.
"Bubbleman," said Wildheart.
"He doesn't count because he has the brain capacity of a dried-up cumquat," said Sparkman.
"OREOS!!!!" shouted Bubbleman at the top of his lungs, just proving what Sparkman said about him. All the E-Heroes broke out into a fight after the "special" E-Hero screamed the name of a brand-name cookie. Clayman started to cry again and the Neo-Spacians just sighed and sweatdropped.
"Earthlings are so violent," said Flare Scarab.
"And they fight for such stupid reasons. Nobody in Neo-Space would ever start a fight over cupcakes like they did this morning," said Aqua Dolphin, pointing at the E-Heroes.
"So you've decided to show your faces after the humiliation that you suffered when you met our leader last, Elemental Heroes," a female voice said.
"Who say that?" asked Wildheart.
"Burstinitrix, I'm scared," Clayman said. Upon hearing this, Burstinitix instantly lost her temper and went to comfort the mentally-undeveloped E-Hero.
The sky went dark as a figure descended from a ruined skyscraper. "I am the American Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice!!!" the figure came into the light, revealing that it was an aging African-American woman wearing skin-tight, revealing clothing. It was a terrifying sight. Avian, upon seeing this, swore off porno forever(well, maybe until next week)
"Blimey! It's one of the Big Four!" exclaimed Sparkman.
"Duh, they're the only people who are attacking us this time," said Necroshade,
"Now, Elemental Heroes, prepare to suffer the wrath of a Republican Party higher-up who's minions just lost the election and who has just lost her mind!!!" Condoleeza shouted as her hands glowed red from her super-strong Power of Veto. She shot energy blasts at the Elemental Heroes. Normally, the E-Heroes would be able to dodge an attack like that, but they had started to fight again while Condoleeza Rice was talking and they were distracted with the urge to gouge out their teammates' eyeballs. The dysfunctional band of heroes was struck by the attack, instantly frying them to a southern crispiness. The Neo-Spacians, oddly enough, where unharmed.
"Wow, the rumors are true, the Big Four are really super-powerful," said Avian, dusting the ash off of himself. "To be able to strike us with an attack before we could even see it takes real skill."
"You idiot even Bubbleman could've dodged that!" shouted Flare Scarab. "You where too busy fighting to notice it!"
"But still, just in case that these guys are really insanely strong and the E-Heroes aren't just total morons, we should institute Contact Fusion with Neos," said Dark Panther.
"Neos, it's time!" shouted Aqua Dolphin as he jumped into the air.
"Right!" said Neos as he did the same. There was a flash of light, and out of that flash, a new E-Hero appeared.
"Elemental Hero Aqua Neos!" exclaimed the new E-Hero. He looked like a taller version of Aqua Dolphin and spoke in a combination of Neos' and Aqua Dolphin's voices. "Now, ATTACK!!!" Aqua Neos leaped at Condoleeza Rice and started to exchange a series of blows with the Secretary of State. After 10 minutes of burst mode, Aqua Neos finally landed a clean blow to Condoleeza's jaw and knocked her to the ground.
"Damn, he's strong! Way stronger than any of those other E-Hero clowns could ever hope to be!" Condoleeza said as she wiped the blood from the side of her mouth.
"Now, time for the finishing move!" exclaimed Aqua Neos as he launched himself at the aging Secretary. But, as fate would have it, because the E-Heroes were actually winning a fight for once in their lives, Neos and Aqua Dolphin split and flew to either side of Condoleeza Rice, crashing into separate piles of rubble and knocking themselves out.
"Hey, what happened? Why'd they just split apart like that?" asked Bladedge.
"Contact Fusion only works for a limited time, only about 10 or 15 minutes before Neos and the Neo-Spacian that he fused with split apart and become separate beings again," explained Flare Scarab.
"Yeah, and now we can't fuse again because Einstein over there knocked himself out," Dark Panther said, pointing with his elbow to the unconscious Neos(Panthers don't exactly have fingers)
"Wait! That technique of Neos' reminded me that we E-Heroes can fuse together too!" exclaimed Avian, having a very rare moment of genius.
"Oh God, just when I was beginning to forget!" Burstinitrix shouted in pain as she remembered the fiasco that ensued when the Elemental Heroes lasted used fusion.
"Well, it may have resulted in disaster last time, but need to fuse to beat her!" exclaimed Sparkman.
Reluctantly, the other E-Heroes agreed. Every Elemental Hero shouted "Polymerization!" and where engulfed in a beam of bright light that blinded everyone and everything in sight. When the light dissipated, Shining Flare Wingman, Mudballman, and Necroid Shaman appeared. Bladedge refused to fuse.
"Okay E-Hero fusions, and Bladedge, ATTACK!!!" Flare Wingman shouted in a very strange, and obviously very creepy, mix of Avian's, Burstinitix's and Sparkman's voices.
"Hehehehehe! Funny sounds come out of hole in your face!" Mudballman said. This made Flare Wingman mad.
"Speak for yourself you giant wad of dung!" he said angrily.
"God me hate puns," said Necroid Shaman. "Sigh, me hate world, me hate self, me hate my voice, me hate inability to talk normal."
"This is why I don't do fusion anymore," sighed Bladedge.
"You want to fight about it bandage boy?!?" shouted Shining Flare Wingman as he lunged at Bladedge. All the E-Heroes, once again, began to fight.
See, this is the true horror of the Elemental Hero Fusion Technique. Not only are the powers of the E-Heroes mixed and amplified, but their personalities are too. So, even though the fusion created three super-powerful fighters, it created an angry British pervert, an emo jungleman, and a retard with the mind of a 4-year-old. Everyone sweatdropped as the E-Hero fusions and Bladedge fought, even Condoleeza Rice, which is weird because she's a real-life American politician.
The fighting not-so-superheroes continued to try to enduce pain to anyone but their real enemy. Little did they know that they where moving in the process. The angry cloud of irritated freaks then collided with a very large ruined skyscraper. The collision caused the building to loose whatever structural integrity that it had left and collapsed in the direction of Condoleeze Rice. She tried to run, but it didn't work and she was buried under thousands of tons of steel and concrete. She didn't die though, she was just knocked unconscious, eyes swirling and everything.
"Hehehehehe funny swirls!" Mudballman said. After that, all the E-Heroes defused, not risking any further property damage and not risking their jobs.
"E-Heroes, we have triumphantly defeated the first of the Republican Big Four!" exclaimed Avian heroically.
"Triumphantly my ass she got crushed under a skyscraper!" exclaimed Burstinitrix as she beat Avian with a girder, still mad that she was fused with Avian and Sparkman for the last part of the story.
"After that display of idiocy, I say you guys should never, EVER use that technique again and leave the fusing to the professionals, like us," said Dark Panther. All the E-Heroes agreed on that, except Bubbleman who said something about rubber ducks.
"Now E-Heroes and Neo-Spacians, let us unearth Neos and Aqua Dolphin so we can continue our journey to defeat the Republicans once and for all!" Avian said. Everyone pulled a shovel out of nowhere and began to dig.
Far underground Anime City, the remaining three members of the Republican Big Four where plotting their next move.
"Blast! I can't believe that the actually defeated Condoleeza!" said Dick Cheney scratching his bald head.
"Well, it figers. She was a girl after all," said Bush, being sexist.
"Don't worry, they won't get past me and my master marksman skills!" said Dick Cheney as he whipped out a pistol, which then fired and shot through Cletus' janitor's hat.
"I wouldn't count on it," said Cletus, mopping up another moonshine spill.
"Oh shut up you smelly old custodian," said Dick Cheney as he teleported to the battlefield.
"Yes, soon the Elemental Heroes will suffer the same humiliation that the Republicans did both at the polls and in their city!" shouted President Bush as he spilled another bottle of moonshine.
"Sigh, the duties of a janitor are never fulfilled, especially if you work for a bunch of southern cowboys," Cletus said as he mopped up Bush's mess.
END
A/N: Yeah, this chapter probably wasn't as good as my other ones, but it isn't my fault because I was strapped for ideas in the beginning. As you may have noticed, this chapter is the start of a new storyline that will actually take about 2-3 chapters to end. I thank all of my reviews, especially the ones who gave me ideas of putting in the Neo-Spacians, the E-Hero fusions, and the foundation for the Big Four. Feels good to be thanked doesn't it? Well the good feelings can continue if you continue to review to make me feel good(or possibly bad depending on what you type)and help me fix the story so it doesn't suck as bad and can actually begin to look like an actual story instead of a pile of crap held together with duct tape and staples.
Next time on The Real Elemental Heroes: The Elemental Heroes and Neo-Spacians face off against Dick Cheney, the man who says he is a master marksman but really couldn't hit the broad side of a bus if he wanted to! There'll be action, laughter(hopefully) and thousands of missed shots! It's all coming to you in the next few weeks so keep you eyes peeled for new posts! But not literally or you'll end up looking like my pot-smoking cat!
Fullmetal Shinobi out.