Disclaimer: Sigh, must we go over this every time? I'm poor and I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
The Real Elemental Heroes
Chapter 4: Bubbleman Saves the Day!
By Fullmetal Shinobi
A/N: God, it's the 4th chapter already? This is truely the farthest I have ever gotten in anything I've written. Ever. And I know I haven't updated in about a month, but I was working on my other story(A Demon's Sins, it's in Anime Crossovers if you decide to check it out) but since it's not doing too well, I decided to update my "good" story to keep people happy, unless you're that Nick guy. Oh, and by the way Nick, I have a question for you: If you don't listen to people who type in caps, how do you read a newspaper or a magazine title? And I also have a warning for those of you who may have any scraps of your sanity left after you have read my story: This chapter contains extreme retardedness so reader disgression is advised.
TV Announcer Guy: It was a fusion free-for-all last time on The Real Elemental Heroes, giving birth to the world's first 500 pound autistic retard made of mud! Egad! And the E-Heroes actually defeated someone on their own for once!(Well, with the help of a collapsed building but you get my idea) Good golly! The world must be coming to an end! But all Armageddon theories aside, the Elemental Heroes now prepare to face off against the worlds best(pft, yeah right) marksman, Dick Cheney! The anticipation is going to make me pee myself! On with the story!
As we join our so-called heroes, everyone is sitting around a vacant lot, taking a break from walking so much, and watching Bubbleman dance to the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song.
"God, he's been at it for an hour. Does he ever quit?" Aqua Dolphin asked out of curiosity and slight annoyance.
"This is nothing, you should've seen him when Neos played the Numa Numa Song," said Bladedge.
"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!" Bubbleman shouted at the top of his lungs.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Burstinitrix yelled as she beat Bubbleman over the head with a traffic light.
Just then a gunshot was heard, and a bullet whizzed past Burstinitrix's head, ricocheted off of a nearby wall, and hit Clayman. It didn't hurt him, but it did startle him and make him cry.
"Wahhhh! Something hit me Burstinitrix!" Clayman wailed.
"Damnation! That was supposed to hit the angry girl!" a shadowy figure on top of a building said.
"You! You're the one who shot Clayman! Die!" Burstinitrix yelled as she hurled a small yellow bus at the mystery gunman.
"Well this isn't going to end well!" the shadowy figure said as he was struck by the short bus, and fell 15 stories to his doom.
"Hot damn! She's strong when she's mad!" Flare Scarab exclaimed when he saw Burstinitrix's feat of rage-powered strength. Aqua Dolphin's eye twitched, Dark Panther looked like he was going to pee himself.
"And since she's mad basically all the time, we all stay as far away as possible from her," Avian said to the Neo-Spacians.
"Grr...I wasn't expecting her to do that!" the marksman said as he uncovered himself from all the rubble he was buried under.
"Gasp! To survive a fall like that he must be one of the Big Four!" Sparkman exclaimed.
"Right you are, Elemental Hero. I am the Vice President of the United States of America, the world's best marksman, the man behind the scenes of the idiot President, Dick Cheney!" Cheney said as he whipped out his two, old western-movie pistols and did fancy tricks with them, accidentally firing them three times, killing two birds and injuring a hobo.
"Hey, aren't you that guy who shot his hunting partner?" Neos questioned with his all-powerful knowledge of current events.
"Well, yes, but that was an accident!" Cheney tried to explain.
"Attempted murderer!" Bladgedge yelled out.
"Murder?! Can I have the blood?" Necroshade said, letting his gothiness get the better of him.
"Grrrr...SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!" Cheney shouted as he started to fire at the E-Heroes. Bullets whizzed through the air, glass shattered everywhere, and the sound of gunfire drowned out all noise. In the end, after Cheney had fired 572 shots, he had hit everything but the E-Heroes or the Neo-Spacians. Bullet casings, broken glass, and the occasional dead pigeon where scattered about in the vacant lot that everyone was occupying at the moment.
"Wow he bad shot," Wildheart said, getting his first line of the chapter in.
"Are you done yet? My ears are killing me!" Avian said.
"WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?!?" Burstinitrix screamed with all the intensity of a pissed off drunken Irishman. Unfortunately, even though Cheney didn't hit any of the E-Heroes, all the gunfire had rendered them all temporarily deaf, so none of them could fully understand a word the other said. This, once again, gave the E-Heroes an excuse to fight amongst each other, which they of course did.
Dick Cheney looked upon the cloud of fighting and hearing-impaired E-Heroes, and saw an opportunity. "Ha! With all of them in one spot, even with my terrible marksman skills, I'll be sure to hit one of them!" he said to himself as he started to fire at the fighting cloud of E-Heroes until he ran out of ammo. And he had brought a lot of ammo. Unfortunately for him, he still missed every shot. "God dammit!" Cheney cursed as he threw one of his pistols at the E-Heroes, and surprisingly hit something.
"Ah! My eye!" Avian yelled as Cheney's pistol struck him in the face, which stopped the fight. "Hey you! You ruined my naturally good looks you bastard!"
"This coming from a bloke who wears a skintight stomach-less green jumpsuit," Sparkman retorted sarcastically.
"Hey! Like you dress any better you tea sippin' pansy!" Avian shouted at the British E-Hero, but before another fight could break out Cheney chucked his other gun at Avian's head, knocking him out.
"Ha ha! I've taken out your leader! Now you won't be able to fight properly and you'll lose! Hahahahaha!" the aging Vice President laughed, proud of his efforts.
"Who are you, Bubbleman? We fight a helluva lot better if Pigeon Crap over there isn't here to annoy us!" Burstinitrix replied, bursting(no pun intended) Cheney's bubble. "Now E-Heroes and you weird alien guys, attack!"
"We're the Neo-Spacians!" Aqua Dolphin replied, but didn't really want to risk a beating from Burstinitrix so he just let it go and attacked Cheney along with the all the E-Heroes, except Bubbleman, who was currently chasing a butterfly.
"Oh crap!"Cheney exclaimed as he reached at his side for his gun, but couldn't find it because he already threw both of them at Avian. "Not good!" Cheney ducked and covered himself with his arms in a feeble attempt to shield himself from the E-Heroes attacks.
But right before the onslaught of the Elemental Heroes began, Cheney did something that saved his ass: he farted. He was so scared that his bowels almost emptied and he flatulated. Soon after the terrible smell of an old man fart reached the dysfunctional band of heroes and stopped them almost literally dead in their tracks.
"Oh, Oh good God old man fart!" Burstinitrix screamed as she caught a whiff of the stench, gasping for breath.
"Blimey! That's the worst thing I've ever smelled, and I'm from England!" Sparkman exclaimed as the smell permeated his helmet and cracked the glass.
Yes, nobody was safe from the southern-brand flatus of the vice president. Bladedge struggled for freash air, flailing his arms around and slicing himself several times. He flopped to the ground, unconscious soon after, along with the rest of the E-Heroes.
The Neo-Spacians, on the other hand, took it much worse. In Neo Space, the need to pass pas was non-existent, their people having lost that need several millennia ago, so they were unaware of the terrors of Earthlings' bad habits. Aqua Dolphin flopped around like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, Flare Scarab scurried around, panicked like a cockroach exposed to the light, and Dark Panther's legs and tail went stiff as he fell over, knocked out.
Cheney stared at the chaos he caused out of his rear end. "Wow, not exactly how I expected their defeat to go, but who cares?! I won! I won!" Cheney exclaimed excitedly as he started to do a victory jig.
"Hey! That looks like fun! I wanna try!" a voice with a slight speech impediment said.
"Who said that?" Dick Cheney looked around, trying to find whom his fart didn't defeat. He looked behind him to see Bubbleman waving at him, stupid grin and all. "Oh dear lord I forgot the retard!"
"Hehehehe! Burstinitrix calls me the same thing!" Bubbleman said happily, clapping his hands.
"Well, this shouldn't take too long," Cheney said as he cracked his fingers and threw a punch at the special E-Hero. Bubbleman just skipped away laughing, and Cheney hit a wall. "Gah! That hurt you little rodent!"
"Weeeeeeee! Can't catch me!" Bubbleman shouted as he skipped whimsically around the vacant lot, Cheney chasing him as best as he could. This went on for 5 minutes before Cheney was exhausted and had to stop and try to catch his breath.
"Ohhhh! You no fun baldy guy!" Bubbleman said in disappointment. Then, as Bubbleman actually got a good look at Cheney he realized something: "Hey! You the bad guy!"
"Well of course I am you moronic twit!" The vice president yelled back at Bubbleman in between gasps for breath.
"I take offense to that!" the special E-Hero said as he began to fire bubbles at Cheney from the squirty thingy on his arm. The aging vice president was bombarded with high powered little water bursts. Now normally, this wouldn't hurt anyone, it would tickle them at best, but since Cheney was an old guy, and his body was becoming more fragile every day, this caused him great physical pain.
"Gah! Stop it! That hurts!" Cheney pleaded with Bubbleman as he continued to shoot bubbles at him.
"Duh! It's supposed to hurt you dummy!" Bubbleman said back to Cheney, still shooting bubbles at him until he ran out of ammo. "Uh-oh! Out of water!"
"Ha! Now that he is out of those silly bubbles, I'll have the perfect chance to strike him down!" Cheney said in a soliloquy as he snuck up on Bubbleman. But Bubbleman also had a trick up his sleve:
"Dance Dance Revolution!" he shouted as two DDR dance pads and a big screen TV appeared out of nowhere in front of the balding vice president and the retarded E-Hero.
"Ready, begin!" As soon as the first arrow appeared on screen, Bubbleman started to flop and stomp around like the idiot he was. Cheney, however, took it much slower and actually tried to play the game right. But as soon as he did his first step, he broke his hip and fell over, crying in pain. So even though Bubbleman had absolutely no clue what he was doing, he still did better than Cheney and won.
"Yay! Again! Again!" Bubbleman said jumping up and down and clapping his hands.
"No! Good God no more!" Cheney pleaded to Bubbleman, not being able to take any more of his craziness.
"Time for my final attack: IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!" Instantly, out of thin air appeared a boombox and The Dancing Banana.
"You ready to do this Bubbleman?" The Dancing Banana asked Bubbleman excitedly.
"You bet big funny yellow guy!" He replied as they both started to dance to the world's greatest song to annoy your parents with(The Llama Song got second place)
This was the final nail in Dick Cheney's possibly literal coffin. This mindless wiggling went on for 3 minutes before Cheney's ears started to bleed and he was knocked out from an overdose of stupidity and dancing produce. This went on for 2 hours after Cheney was defeated until the rest of the E-Heroes came to, Burstinitrix beat Bubbleman with another traffic light, Wildheart ate The Dancing Banana, and Necroshade tried to suck up the blood from Cheney's ears with a bendy straw.
End
A/N: I apologize for any insanity caused by Bubbleman's antics, The Dancing Banana or mindless DDR, or any fart joke in this chapter.
I'm sorry, but I just had to do this chapter. Bubbleman is probably my favorite character(next to Burstinitrix. That's why I give her so many lines) and I really like Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo-style craziness(I'm one of that show's only fans) so this chapter just came naturally. And for the fart joke, just blame Naruto for that. You all know what I'm talking about. Plus I just played a lt of DDR last week and I like the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song so that's where this chapter came from. So if you need to complain about my insane side getting loose and wrecking havoc up the fourth chapter, tell me in a review. And just a heads up, this will be the only chapter that I write that will be just totally insane like this one. Unless by some very odd twist of fate all of you actually liked it then I'll write another one, but the only way you can tell me is by reviewing so don't be shy and come on up and testify! Also, just to let everyone know, chapter 5 will probably be up before New Years because I have a lot of free time on my hands during Christmas break, and since my other story isn't doing so hot, I'm going to be writing stuff for this and maybe another one of my harebrained story ideas a lot more often so check by the site every day. I really mean it because I need to repent for not updating in so long.
Next Chapter: Bush returns with a vengeance so strong that not even Dick Cheney's fart could defeat it. And with the Neo-Spacians kidnaped, will the E-Heroes be able to defeat this foe like they couldn't last time? Read and find out.