Quick author's note: This story is kind of meant to be ridiculous, so keep in mind that if characters seem to be a bit 'different' from the way they are in the movies, it's sort of intentional. :)

Chapter 2

Dr. Crane slowly opened his icy blue eyes and swayed his head. He appeared to be seated in a large, dark, heavily enclosed vehicle, which was speeding down a road. "I wondered if we would leave Gotham."

Batman glanced at him, not the least bit phased. "We can't risk being seen there. Here." He handed Dr. Crane a small carton.

"What's this?" Crane asked, eying it suspiciously. "Some kind of drug?"

Batman rolled his eyes. "It's orange juice."

"Drugged orange juice?"

"Would I be drugging you if I was attempting to go along with your scheme?"

Dr. Crane looked down, noticing for the first time that he was no longer in a straight jacket. He lifted his glasses from his jacket pocket and placed them over his eyes. His vision became infinitely clearer. Finally, he opened the small carton of juice and drank it all down at once. When he had finished, he turned the carton from side to side. On the front, there was the figure of a little happy juice box, smiling at him while fluxing a muscle. Under the little caricature was a caption, enthusiastically saying, "Contains daily recommended amount of vitamin C!" Dr. Crane turned his eyes from the little happy juice box to Batman. As hard as he tried, Crane could not picture Batman ever purchasing such a ridiculous beverage. It seemed like something he would find in a school lunch line. The mental picture of Batman shoving through a lunch line of third graders in order to purchase him a happy juice box nearly forced Crane to succumb to laughter, as much as he hated to do so. Batman immediately detected this.

"Did something funny happen?" Batman asked in his hoarse tone.

"No. Nothing. Where are you taking me?"

"A nearby town," Batman replied. Of course Batman would give him possibly the vaguest answer he could muster.

They continued riding for about an hour before Crane started becoming anxious. "You know, when I requested a day away from prison to enjoy the outside world, I thought I might actually go outside." Batman did not reply. "I guess what I'm attempting to ask you, in the plainest terms, is- Are we there yet?"

"We need to be far away from Gotham," Batman finally explained. "If anyone recognizes you and sees that I am guarding you, they'll connect me with Gordon."

"And somehow you feel comfortable with me knowing all of this because…?" Crane asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It wouldn't be difficult for Gordon to convince someone that you're insane."

"That's slightly ironic, isn't it? You know that people would never believe anything I say, yet the very reason you're doing as I've requested is because you believe I'll tell you something." Batman made no reply but stared forward at the road ahead of him. "So… Does your 'tank' have a radio?"

Batman glanced at him, annoyed. Eventually, he reluctantly pressed a button, which lifted a shield, revealing a radio. Dr. Crane eagerly turned the knobs, switching from FM to AM, never leaving it on a station for more than a few seconds. Batman began to wonder if he was purposely trying to annoy him. "Could you pick something please?"

"Oh, 'please'? Even the human bat has manners." Batman knew that he only said this to irritate him. But Batman was the master of self-control and was in no way tempted to give in to such childish emotions. Meanwhile, Crane continued flipping stations. "Ah! At last a good song." Crane suddenly detected a wince from his companion. "I take it you're not a Pink Floyd fan?"

Batman hesitated. "No."

"All right… How about Yes? Do you like the band Yes?"

"No."

"The Who?"

"Never."

"The Kinks?"

"Not at all." Crane was officially offended.

"Well, what do you like?" Batman sighed and reluctantly pressed another button, opening another shield. He tossed a leather CD case at Crane, who opened it eagerly. All at once he began to moan. "The Rolling Stones… AC/DC… Led Zeppelin… Oh God, you're into Nirvana?!" Batman snatched the case from him and tossed it back into the compartment. "Ok… So… What's your favorite Nirvana song?" Batman glanced out the window, agitated.

"I…don't have one."

"You're a Nirvana fan but you don't have a favorite song? That's a little strange. Well, I don't know much about Zeppelin, so I guess I can't ask you about that." As soon as he said this, he suddenly noticed Batman sigh quietly with relief. Something seemed strange about this. Crane decided to prod further. "So… How long have you been a Mick Jagger fan?"

"Who?"

Crane jumped excitedly. "Ah HA! I knew you weren't a real Stones fan! Oh… Don't tell me… You were one of those high school rejects who pretended to like popular bands just to prevent Seniors from beating you or dunking your head or tying you up and-"

"All right. I'm not a music buff. Are you satisfied?"

Crane thought about this for a moment. "Well, no. Not satisfied. It would be weird if I were satisfied over something that insignificant. But in all honesty… Are you a complete rock star 'poser' (as the kids would say) or do you actually have a favorite band?"

"I love AC/DC… in all honesty." Crane nodded his head, not entirely satisfied, but willing to let it go.

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Seeing the CD case reminded Bruce of the day he bought those CDs. Alfred had been with him at the time.

"Come, Master Bruce," he urged. "You have every AC/DC album ever made. Try something new."

"But Alfred…" Bruce whined, holding up the Who Made Who album. "It's the ultimate collector's edition." After several minutes of arguing, Bruce finally agreed to buy several of Alfred's recommendations, as well as his personal choice. After all, it was not as if he couldn't afford to waste a few dollars on Alfred's rubbish music.

To neither of their surprise, Bruce listened to several songs on the Nirvana album, but soon after had switched to his pick, playing it on repeat. Alfred was not particularly proud of him.

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"Ok… So you really like AC/DC," Crane said, interrupting Batman's memory. "And tell me this- Who's the better singer: Bon Scott or Brian Johnson?"

Despite the fact that Batman was naturally inclined towards detesting Dr. Crane, the fact that he was knowledgeable in the field of the all-time best classic metal band made Batman feel slightly warm inside. "Bon Scott… No question about it."

"Oh, come now," Crane scoffed. "You're just saying that out of obligation, since the guy did die from alcohol poisoning."

Batman now felt more inclined to give Crane a sound thrashing for speaking so lightly of the singer's untimely death. "No. I'm saying it because it's true."

"In all honesty," Crane began pretentiously. "Neither one is particularly pleasant to listen to. Hmmm… Now I know why you like them. You can probably relate to that…growl."

Batman inhaled deeply. "Can we not talk about it anymore?"

"Fine. Don't get offended. Although, I will say that it's a little outdated to be using CDs. I mean, come on, Batman. If you can afford a tank and that fancy little Battie suit, I'm pretty sure you could spring for an ipod nano."

"I don't have time. I'm usually busy saving the innocent from people like you… Generally I'm not a psychopath's babysitter." Crane stared, once again furrowing an eyebrow.

"Uh huh… Still… There's a Best Buy right in the middle of Gotham. It would only take you ten minutes or so."

"But then I'd have to spend time loading CDs into my computer," Batman found himself explaining, despite the fact that he was well aware of how stupid this conversation was.

"Again… Put a CD in, press 'load', go off and do your little Battie activities. By the time you're back, it will be all finished. NOT THAT DIFFICULT."

"Can we just not talk anymore?" Batman asked, finally becoming annoyed. Crane humored his request… briefly. But then he became bored.

"How much longer do we have to sit here?" he complained.

"So much for not talking. We're about twenty minutes away."

"Oh good. Just enough time to…" His voice trailed off, deep in thought.

Batman eyed him curiously. "What?"

Crane lifted a finger, signaling for him to not distract him. Finally after several seconds, Crane's head shot up. "All right. I've got it. I'll go first."

"What are you talking about? What are we doing?"

Crane sighed. "Playing Twenty Questions, of course! Come on, Bats. Keep up." Batman was silent. "Bats… I'm waiting."

At last Batman gave in. "Is it a person?"

"Yes."

"Is it a famous person?"

"Yes, you might say so."

"Is it Christian Bale?"

Crane gave him a queer look. "No… Why would you guess him?"

"I don't know. I like him. And people have told me I look like-" Fortunately, Batman caught himself before he had said too much. "I mean… He seems nice."

"Wasn't he accused of beating his mother and sister?"

"Falsely accused. They definitely framed him," Batman growled.

"Next question please."

"All right. Does the person live in Gotham?"

"Yes… Well, sort of. As I recall, this person doesn't really have a home at the moment."

Bruce squinted towards him. "Is it a man?"

"Yes. Definitely. He's quite the lady's man, so I've heard."

Batman swallowed hard. "I… Don't know. I'm sick of this game."

"Come now! You were so close. I was thinking of Bruce Wayne, the Prince of Gotham. Some prince. The idiot burned his own house down." Batman was silent. "Have you ever met Bruce Wayne?" Suddenly, Batman made a sharp turn, causing the wheels to screech, and put the tank into park. "I thought you said we were twenty minutes away."

"This is close enough," Batman explained, opening the tank. Crane struggled to a standing position and turned around. "What do you want to do?" Batman asked, locking the tank (not that it was very likely that someone would try to break in).

"I don't know. I'm kind of hungry."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I think there's a McDonald's right across the street," Crane suggested, pointing.

"Fine," Batman grumbled.

"What? Do you have a problem with Mickey D's?"

"No, no. It's fine. Let's just go."

"Well, where do you want to eat?"

"I don't know. I just think… Well, Wendy's salads happen to be delicious."

"Salad?" Crane asked. "Who goes to a fast food place to get salad? Oh wait… I know. You're afraid that if you eat a burger you won't be able to fit into your Battie suit!"

"Fine! We'll go to McDonald's!" Batman snapped, dragging Crane by the arm.

"Whoa! Thanks anyway, boy scout, but I can cross the street without help."

"I have to do this. You might try to escape." Unsurprisingly, it took no more than several seconds before cars stopped long enough for Batman and his hostage to cross the street.