Chapter 14

Comfort

Castiel's emotions rolled and collided into each other like beads tumbling in a kaleidoscope. He had never felt so confused or vulnerable before in his entire existence. In his weakened state it was as if his senses went on overdrive to compensate. He could feel the sharp throbs of every one of his injuries. Every noise in the room seemed amplified tenfold. His mind raced, thoughts jumbling as they struggled to reach the forefront of his mind.

He was afraid. Terrified. Panicked. And he didn't know how to stop it.

Dean knelt close by, concern etched on his face.

"Cas, come on. Talk to me. What are you sorry for? What's wrong?"

Castiel closed his eyes and turned his head. He felt complete and utter shame being in Dean's presence. He was dirty. Corrupt.

"Please… I do not deserve your help…" Castiel whispered in anguish.

Dean's frown deepened.

"Castiel, we went over this the other day! If I want to help you, I will. If I say you deserve my help then that's it!"

Castiel shook his head, his grief deepening.

"You don't understand…"

"Then tell me so I can."

The angel opened his eyes slowly and looked around the tiny bathroom. Even though he knew they were alone he couldn't help but fear she would suddenly appear without warning. Dean noticed the angel's searching gaze.

"What are you looking for?"

Castiel swallowed nervously. "I… I'm afraid…"

"Of what? Of demons? They won't get in, Castiel. Sam and I have got this motel room protected. We do it everywhere we go."

Castiel shook his head. He wrapped his arms tighter around himself as if the action would block out any harm. He couldn't bring himself to say it. It was as if by saying it then it would happen. He desperately wanted to hide, but couldn't. He was frozen in place.

Dean thought for a moment as he tried to figure out what would make Castiel so afraid. Then it dawned on him.

"Is it Anna? Are you afraid she's going to show up?"

An escaped sob confirmed Dean's theory.

"Castiel, I won't let her touch you, alright? I'll protect you."

Castiel shook his head.

"You can't… her powers…"

"I don't give a damn about her powers! I don't care whether or not she's an angel! She comes near you I tear her lungs out!"

"You know you can't, Dean."

Dean scowled at that logical fact.

"Fine. Then I'll call the Angel Hotline and get another angel to do it for me! If they knew what she did to you- "

Castiel's eyes grew in horror.

"No! Dean… please… please don't tell them! You cannot tell the other angels what happened!"

Dean stared at him in shock.

"What?! Are you insane!? Cas, the angels would take care of her for you without you having to lift a finger! They want her dead anyways! Why not tell them?"

Castiel's large blue eyes looked at Dean. The hunter to see the guilt-riddled tears in them.

"Because… they'll know… they'll know what she… she did to me… all of it… They would know of my shame… my secret…"

Dean swallowed hard and dropped his gaze. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as Darius' words came flooding back to him.

"That whore turned into you. He didn't want to fuck the girl, but he was more than willing to get fucked by you! Begged for it when it was you!"

Dean forced himself to look at Castiel and meet his gaze. He desperately wanted to put an end to Castiel's guilt. He couldn't stand to let him suffer when Dean had his own secret desires. He decided to tell the truth, though he wasn't sure how the angel would react, especially given his current state. But Dean didn't have time to ponder that.

"Castiel… I know, OK?"

Castiel whimpers eased for a moment, his expression changing to one of confusion.

"What?" Castiel whispered slowly.

Dean felt his heart jack hammering in his chest. He forced himself to continue.

"I… I know what Anna did to you. I know… she raped you… and… I know she did it by changing… into me…"

Castiel froze. Shock filled his face.

"You… you know?"

Dean swallowed hard.

"That Darius… he told me… he… he said she did it because…" Dean hesitated a moment, wondering if this would be going too far, but finally decided to bring everything out into the open. "Because you would… want it then."

Castiel stared at Dean in stunned silence for a moment. Then closed his eyes and lowered his head in shame.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel whispered, his voice hitching in a sob. "You must be disgusted with me… I do not deserve to watch over you…"

Dean thought his chest was going to explode. He had to make him understand. Dean slid himself closer to the angel and gently cupped Castiel's face in his hands. Castiel opened his eyes and reluctantly allowed himself to turn to look at Dean.

"Castiel, I am not disgusted with you… And I don't want anyone else to watch over me. Because…" Dean took a deep breath. "Because you mean everything to me and… and I think I'm falling in love with you."

There he finally said it. Dean couldn't help but inwardly cringe at how incredibly chick-flick it had sounded, but he also didn't know what else to say.

Castiel stared at him for a moment, allowing his words to sink in.

"You… you're falling in love with me?" Castiel whispered in awe.

Dean nodded, not trusting his voice. Castiel sat in stunned silence, amazed at this revelation. Dean decided he couldn't hold back anymore. He carefully leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on the angel's lips. He then pulled back and smiled weakly.

"OK?" Dean asked softly, gently smiling.

Castiel nodded, the guilt fading from his eyes. A small, shy smile graced his lips. Dean's smile broadened and he stood up.

"Alright then. Let's get you cleaned up and then we can get some rest after."

Castiel nodded again in mute agreement. It didn't take long for Dean to help Castiel get washed up. He carefully bandaged any wounds he found on Castiel that needed it. Afterwards, he helped the angel change into one of his t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants and they both laid down on one of the beds together. Unable to stop grinning, Dean grabbed the remote off of the nightstand next to the bed and flipped on the TV. A quick glance at Castiel showed Dean that the angel was much calmer than before. And although he still was a little hesitant at Dean's touch, he did allow Dean to gently cover his hand with his own while they were lying on the bed together.

Dean knew it was going to take time and that he had to be patient, but he was grateful that they now at least had a start. He allowed his eyes to drift close and he fell asleep. Castiel was asleep moments later.

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Don't worry! This is only the end of the chapter! I'm still trying to come up with how I want to take care of Anna. But I do know where I'm going with Dean and Cas! : )

Thanks for reading!