BOREDOM

The Artemis Fowl in question was sitting at his computer desk, tapping softly on his lips with a long, pale finger. His computer was off, the screen as black as the sky outside.

Then quite suddenly he pushed away from his desk and spun around in his chair. The chair swivelled four times, then came to a complete stop facing a bookshelf on the other side of the room. One book in particular, a tome with a gold-embossed spine, caught his attention.

With a groan, he stood up and crossed the room. The book that had caught his eye was a novel, one of the few in his possession. His mother had given it to him for his seventh birthday. He had read through it once, but since then it had been completely forgotten, collecting dust on his shelf.

He reached, standing on the tips of his loafers, and pulled the book down. A spattering of dust rained down, and Artemis knew what was coming before it happened. His nose began to tingle, and he buried his face in the crook of his arm before he exploded. The sneeze was muffled, but he looked automatically at the door to see if Butler would come barging in. He sat there for several seconds, waiting silently, his face held expectantly against his sleeve.

When he realized that nothing would happen, Artemis withdrew his face and looked at the book in his hands.

"Les Miserables," he whispered. He gently wiped off the rest of the dust, revealing the gold embossed French words. It was large, the unabridged version, and it felt strangely heavy. It was a nice kind of heavy, soothing rather than straining. It felt almost nice, the weight pulling on this arms.

Artemis continued to stand there, sniffing occasionally, staring at the book in his hands. He had never read a book more than once. He had a photographic memory, so there was no need to. And he wouldn't start with this one. Just because he was bored didn't mean that he'd have to go to extremes.

He sniffed once more and placed the novel back onto the bookcase. He shuffled his feet a few times, then exited his study.

THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATER

Butler woke with a start. A rumble had arisen from across the hall, not loud, but loud enough.

Butler didn't waste any time. He threw off his bed sheets and flew out of his bedroom. Another rumble sounded. It was muffled, like something had hit the wall.

Or someone.

Butler ran faster, reaching the room across the hall in a jiffy. He threw open the door and was surprised to find his charge sitting in the exact center of his room. There was a pile of soft pillows on his right and another in his arms. It was held over his head, and before Butler could do anything, the boy catapulted the pillow at the wall. It hit its target, and the same muffled noise sounded.

Butler was beyond words.

"Butler!" the boy groaned, taking up another pillow. "I'm bored!" he said, throwing another pillow at the wall. This time, Butler caught it and set it gently on the floor.

"Bored?"

"Yes, bored. I don't like it, not at all! It's frustrating!"

Butler blinked. "It's three in the morning," he said. "Have you tried sleeping? I've heard that time flies when you're unconscious," he added with a smirk.

Artemis growled. "That was the first thing I tried. But I couldn't sleep."

"Obviously."

Artemis paused for a moment. He wasn't necessarily at a loss for words, but he looked anxious and hesitant. Finally, he spoke. "Do you think I made the right choice?"

Butler blinked again. Artemis Fowl Junior, asking an opinion? He must have been very bored. "About what?"

"About Zimbabwe. Should I have gone?"

Butler blew his breath out in a big spurt. "Do you want a frank answer?"

Artemis leaned forward, his eyes looking a little on the deranged side. "Yes. Please."

Butler leaned against the doorframe. He did not hesitate to answer. "Yes."

Artemis waited expectantly. "And? Elaborate," he ordered.

"Yes, you should have gone. You should have gone, not because it would have been profitable or 'good for business', but because it would have been the right thing to do." Butler shrugged, not sure what else he could say.

"Great. Now I need a moral checkup," Artemis groaned.

Butler shrugged again.

"I thought," Artemis said, "that I had so many things to do. Too many things. I supposed that Zimbabwe would only prohibit me from completing them, but now that I've completely finished the tasks…" He trailed off, looking at his bodyguard expectantly.

"You're bored," Butler guessed.

"Precisely."

(Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer)