Chapter 8

"I'll be right back," Dixie said when she had finished with Laura's sling and stepped into the hall way.

"Quick, let's get out of here before she comes back with a wheelchair," Laura said as she grabbed the bag with her soiled clothes with her good hand and made a move for the door. Mike gave a smile and pulled the door open for her only to see Dixie standing there with a wheelchair.

"You must really like pushing people around," Laura joked with the head nurse from the Emergency Department.

"Absolutely," Dixie grinned back and Laura reluctantly climbed in the wheelchair as Mike fought to keep from laughing.

Because he was planning on picking up a patient Mike had already parked in the pick up zone so as they exited the elevator Mike excused himself and hurried ahead to pull his truck up to the door. Once Laura was safely tucked into the passenger seat of his truck Mike returned to the driver's seat and looked at Laura. "Do you have a preference as to where we go for lunch?"

"No, just drive."

Mike did as he was told and as soon as he pulled on to the road and saw Laura relax he let out a sigh and a smile. "You like that place about as well as a lot of other people I know."

"I don't imagine there's too many people that enjoy being a patient in a place like that." Laura answered enjoying her companion's smile. She also noticed that he looked much more rested than he had when she first met him at the station but there was still the look of longing and loss in his eyes. She was also sure that his obvious nerves weren't all focused toward the meeting at 13:00 hours.

At a quiet little restaurant the two of them sat waiting for their order when Laura pulled a bottle of pills from her pocket and using her hand that was in the sling to open it she dumped two pills in her hand. "Anti-biotic" she said as she tossed them in her mouth and washed them down with the water at the table.

"I know it's really none of my business but do you mind if I ask what you did to your shoulder?" Mike asked fiddling with his silverware as he spoke.

"I picked up some debris and shrapnel in it on one of my escapades and wasn't able to get it taken care of at the time. I've kept putting off getting it taken care of since I got back and it managed to develop an infection."

"So that's why you were running a feve--- You had surgery last night!" Mike nearly screamed as he put all the pieces together. "Are you sure your alright, I mean you didn't check out of the hospital against the doctors advice just because of this meeting did you?"

"Of course not, if you hadn't have wanted me to go with you I still would have gotten out of there. They were only going to keep me a few more hours is all just to make sure I was safe to drive. Since you're doing the driving I'm just fine."

Mike studied the girls face in an attempt to determine if she were telling him the truth and as hard as he looked he didn't have a clue. "You're sure you're alright?"

"Positive,"

Lunch was quiet and neither person ate much but Mike soon looked at his watch and declared they had better be on their way because he didn't want to be late.

Once they were on their way Laura asked permission to listen to the radio and when Mike nodded yes she started pushing the station buttons on his dashboard.

"None of these are set," Laura commented and Mike noticed her eyeing him in what he thought was a strange manner out of the corner of his eye. "Don't you listen to the radio?"

"I just haven't reprogrammed them since I pulled the battery cables to do some maintenance on the engine," Mike commented.

"Oh yeah, how long ago was that?"

"I don't know, a couple of months."

"A couple as in two, or has it been longer than that?" Laura was still studying him and making him nervous.

"It was just after my dad's funeral." Mike admitted grudgingly.

For a moment there was only silence in the truck, then Mike turned to Laura before turning his attention back to the road. "Did Cap ask you to psycho analyze me?"

"Nope," Laura answered quickly. Mike then made several quick glances at her trying to decide if he believed her. "He didn't have to."

Mike stopped at a yellow light even thought he could have easily gotten through the intersection and turned to look at Laura, "What do you mean by that?"

Laura smiled but didn't answer right a way. Once the car behind them started honking forcing them to move she spoke, "One of the things I do at an aid station is watch my fellow aid workers and rescue workers for signs that things are getting to them. I've learned that if I can recognize it soon enough and take steps to relieve the stress and get them to open up I don't wined up short handed in a crisis."

Mike glanced back at Laura again as he drove and Laura thought she saw either anger or betrayal in his eyes so she continued. "When the two of us were sitting on the running board of that fire engine of yours yesterday you were really close to just shutting down all together. Had I call came in right then you would have had to go on automatic pilot to respond to it. Right,"

"Is this going to show up in my service record?" Mike angrily screamed at his guest.

"Not unless you put it there." Laura had a smile that irritated Mike even more. He remained silent but started to drive a little faster than the speed limit. Soon they were at the headquarters building and even found a parking spot close to the front door. Their appointment wasn't for twenty minutes; they could remain in the car or go in and sit in the waiting room.

"I don't need a shrink," Mike turned and yelled as his passenger. Laura smiled, infuriating him even more as she silently unbuckled her seat belt and turned placing her knee on the bench seat and her back against the door leaning toward the dash slightly to keep from bumping her shoulder on the seat.

"I think your right," She finally said, "You don't need a shrink, not yet anyway. But you will if you keep going that way you have been. From what I saw at the station yesterday I'm not the only one that's noticed. I dare bet every person there has asked you if you want to talk at least once. And if your captain is half as good as I think he is, a whole lot more than that."

Mike didn't say a word but tightened his grip on the steering wheel in front of him till his knuckles turned white as he grinded his teeth.

"For the record, I'm not a shrink, I'm a rescue worker just like you, I've been in charge of other rescue workers and I've learned to recognize when they need some intervention so that they can stay on their game." "Yesterday at the station you talked about rescue workers treating people like sides of beef. Right now I don't think you would be emotionally able to do any better and if anything really major would have happened while you're on a call the rest of the crew may have to cover for you because your auto pilot isn't programmed for that situation and that's the only part of you that's working right now."

Mike still didn't say a word but his knuckles weren't as white and his hands were moving back and forth on the steering wheel. Laura was sure he was listening and thinking about what she was saying so she continued. "If I'm reading you right you're still blaming yourself for what happened to your father and you're seriously thinking about quitting the fire department the only thing stopping you is that you don't know what else you'd do."

Mike turned away and remained quiet. Then finally a moment later, "Maybe, you're right." "All I've been able to think about since you left yesterday was that you were there and I should have been."

"So are you saying that you were called out on that rescue and refused to respond?" Laura goaded him.

"NO, of course not, that's not even in my response area." Mike countered turning to see the grin on Laura's face telling him he needed to think about what he was saying.

"There's a reason you're not the only engineer in the world Mike, Superman in fiction, you're only human. You can't be everywhere and you can't save everyone."

Mike was quiet again and Laura could tell he was processing what she had said so she let the silence linger.

"So have you learned how to keep from blaming yourself when things don't work out?" Mike finally broke the silence.

"No, not even close, I can tell you that it's a whole lot easier to see the warning signs in others than it is to see them in myself. I've dug myself into the pit of burn out just like your doing nearly every disaster I've worked, but I've also dug myself back out again enough times that I have confidence that I can do it again. Maybe, just maybe, if you'll let me, I can show you how to dig yourself out too."

Mike sniffled a little and bit his tongue before nodding his head. "SO where do I start?"

Laura glanced at her watch and notice that it was time to go inside. "Let's start by getting the answers you need and then you need to program your buttons."

"My buttons?"

"Yeah, to your truck radio."

"What do I need to program them to?"

"Don't ask me, I don't know what music you like to listen to."