Author's note: I know not everyone likes this story, I even have to admit it's not my best work but I did promise a few people that I would finish it and to keep that promise I will. I hope no one feels a need to read it if they hate it so.

Chapter 10

Hank was awaken from his nap on the sofa as his son tip toed through the room to get his basketball that had been stashed there. After blinking the sleep from his mind Hank acknowledged his offspring, questioning if his homework was done before reclaiming the basketball and then turning his attention back to the book that lay open on his chest, he had been reading it when he paused to rest his eyes and dozed off.

Upon returning home from his shift he tackled his wife's rather lengthy 'honey-do' list and had managed to get the lawn mowed, the shrubs trimmed and various other yard work done before lunch. After lunch he sat down in the living room under the air conditioning with a picture of his wife's ice cold lemonade and started on his new book. The last book was so informative and enlightening, it was the first time he felt like any expert really understood him and rescue workers like him and the work they did and why they did it and the effects it had on them. He could really see his men in the pages of that book and was grateful for all the suggestions and techniques to help work with them. Once he knew who Laura was it had been easy to think of her as one of them in some sort of way.

The two chapters he had read of the new book had him convinced that the new book contained everything missing from the last book but he had no idea what she could have added to make it as thick as it was.

After reading the first several chapters he had a more complete understanding of the despair and hopelessness that often accompanied Laura's work. The last book had had pages on the subject but this book devoted the first three chapters completely to the harshness of the work.

The first chapter was titled 'If you're Lucky' and talked about the minimum response time of 48 hours to the major disasters Laura had responded to. That alone was an eye opener for Hank, their worst response times were still in the minutes, not hours, let alone days.

'If you're lucky, the book explained, you are assigned to a hospital that is full of exhausted care givers that haven't slept in two days but have some how managed to deal with everything that has been thrown at them. You just need to step in with your fresh supplies and fresh body to give them a chance to rest and regroup.'

'More likely to happen,' the second chapter talked about being assigned to an aid station were no one of training had been assigned until you got there with inadequate staff and supplies available to deal with what's waiting for you.'

'The last place you want to be,' was the third chapter that detailed vividly being in the debris fields, digging through the rubble, hoping and praying to find someone you can help, only to find again and again how you were just an hour too late and know it will happen a hundred times more before you're allowed to try and sleep.'

'But you won't be able to sleep because every time you close your eyes you will see the children you were too late for, the mother who died protecting her child whom now you don't think you're going to be able to save, the ones who are alive but in such pain you wonder if they would be better off if they weren't.'

Hank highlighted that too long sentence and stopped to rest his eyes. He now understood far too well the title of the book and what it was trying to tell him.

As he picked up the book again and turned the page he saw the next chapter was titled, 'When Your Best Isn't Enough', and questioned if he wanted to read any more. So far the book had been quite depressing.

He skimmed the chapter reading a sentence here and another there stopping when he read, 'Realize that you're only human, you can't save the world. The rest of this book is full of suggestions on how to glue yourself together and hold on by your finger nails until you've done what ever good you can do and then how to dig yourself out again once the rest of the world finds calm.

Hank highlighted that sentence too and realized that where the other book had dealt with recognizing the warning signs in others and how to help them, this book dealt with seeing the warning signs in your self and how to pull yourself up by the boot straps and keep going.

Hank turned back to the front of the book and looked over the table of contents. There were fifty two chapters in the book and he could get a basic idea what they were about by their titles. It was the title of, 'Reach out to lift someone else', that got Hank thinking and remembering.

Hadn't Laura looked totally warn out at the station? How many other warning signs was she showing that he didn't catch? Would she have been sleepwalking if she had worked through her issues? Was he wise to place his engineer and friend in her hands? He only hoped that somewhere in the book Laura wrote about reaching out for help because Hank was beginning to feel that Laura was in worse shape mentally than the friend she was trying to help.

00000

Mike returned to his apartment and noticed his answering machine was blinking. Listening to his captain's message he quickly called him back.

"Hi Mike, how did it go today?" Hank asked as soon as his wife handed him the phone.

"Great, until Laura hit Chief Jenner up the side of the head," Mike reported something he thought his captain should know about just incase there were repercussions.

"She what?"

"You heard me right," Mike was still cringing with the memory of what had happened, "She said something about being upset because they didn't give me the information a long time ago and that their excuses were flimsy because he was one of the workers there."

"Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with her on that count, but to hit the High Chief up the side of the head—"

"I think she did it because she knew there was nothing he could do about it. It's not like she works for the department."

"You have a point there." "Someone called today about handing out a commendation when you're on shift next."

"Yeah, Laura talked them into making a formal presentation with my Mom and sisters there."

"We'll look forward to having them at the station and do our best to make them feel welcomed." Hank responded, Mike did sound better than he had but Hank wasn't sure it was more than a temporary reprieve.

"Thanks Cap"

"So what's your next move? Is there anything I can do to help?" Hank offered.

"Since you've given me a shift off, I'm going to go home for a couple of days. Take Laura to meet my Mom," Mike informed his captain.

"Oh," Hank replied and realized his surprise was in his voice when Mike responded.

"It's not like that," "It's just that My Mom and sisters need to know what happened too and Laura has agreed to go with me and tell them what she knows."

"Well let me know if there's anything I can do to help, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm just a phone call away, night or day."

"Thanks Cap, I need to go and get some things packed so I can pick Laura up when I told her I would."

00000

Back in Mike's truck the sun had gone down and Laura was resting her head against the door frame as she cradled her left elbow with her right hand. Mike glanced over at his passenger as often as was safe for a driver. Her eyes were open but she was in a daze of some kind.

"Are you alright?" Mike asked but received no response. "Laura?" Mike reached over and touched her hand that was holding her elbow. "Laura?"

"Yeah, sorry, you talkin to me?"

"That shoulder must really be hurting,"

"It's not bad, feels a lot better than it did yesterday."

"Did the doctor give you something for the pain?" Mike questioned while thinking what he had to offer her to wash it down with.

"Yea, I don't need it though, I'm fine." Laura sat up straighter and turned her attention to her chauffeur, "How are you feeling now? You've had a lot of information thrown at you today."

"Yeah I have," Mike responded feeling like he was being psycho analyzed again, "I think I saw those news shots before but I never realized my dad was in them until you pointed him out."

"Yeah, well that's perfectly understandable." Laura shifted in an attempt to get comfortable. "it's not like they were close up shots."

"yeah your right," Mike decided to take a chance, "I'm not sure how I feel right now, it's like I need some time to think about everything that I've learned. It feels great to think of my Dad as a hero, but then he always was to me."

"Yeah, most kids think of their parents as heroes especially their dads. Yours truly was." Laura smiled a warm thoughtful smile that told Mike she must be thinking about her own father. "I'm sure you know now that there's nothing you could have done to change things."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Mike thought, he could picture in his memory John and Roy fighting to save a heart attack victim. He had a pretty good idea what was done for his father. Even Roy and Johnny lost them once in a while. As he thought about it he had a great admiration for the young firefighter who performed CPR with a broken arm, He knew he would have had to use the broken arm for balance only putting all his weight and force on the good arm but still it had to hurt a whole heaping lot.

"What does your father do?" Mike tried to make pleasant conversation and change the subject away from himself, realizing he really knew very little about his guest.

"He was a forest Ranger," Laura spoke with a gaze fixed on the dashboard. "He died as a result of a hunting accident just a, about a week after your dad died."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault," Laura answered with a watery smile in his direction. "In my case it would have been better if I didn't know all the details."

"How's that?" Mike felt genuinely confused.

"My brother was clowning around with a loaded rifle when it went off," Laura answered.

"Oh man! That must have been hard to take," Mike looked at his passenger and could see that she was starting to tear up. He knew he could repay her at least some by listening.

"How's your brother handling things?"

"Not good, I spent the next five months trying to keep him from killing himself." Laura answered then pulled her heals up onto the seat and rested her head on her knees in a fetal position as Mike drove along. "Just one more thing I've failed at."

The rest of the trip was silent as Mike didn't know what to say and Laura wasn't making conversation. It wasn't hard to understand her pain and anguish though.