No Escape!
The elevator became quiet as the Smashers tried to occupy themselves with something to do. Zelda and Samus did some limp macarena, Link played his ocarina like he was a jailer playing the harmonica, Marth was brushing his hair, and Roy was banging his head on the wall.
"Llaw eht no daeh ruoy gnignab uoy era yhw?" queried Pit.
"Be—" Bang. "—cause." Bang.
"Sllec niarb now ruoy gnillik er'uoy," reminded Pit.
"I." Bang. "Know." Bang. "That." Bang.
"Yor, pots esaelp!" Pit begged.
"Why." Bang. "Do." Bang. "You." Bang. "Care?" Bang.
Marth finished brushing his hair and stood up. "Roy, listen to Pit's words."
"I can't! He's talking backwards!"
"You understood him before."
"Meh."
"I'm sure a song shall cheer us all up," Marth declared. At this, Zelda and Samus stopped their dance and stared in shock, Link dropped his ocarina, and Pit…uh…just stood there.
"Ahem." Marth cleared his throat. "I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts…di-dl-ee-dee…here they are, standing in a row…tow, three, four…big ones, small ones, some as big as your head, give it a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said! Tch!" he imitated a crash cymbal.
No one moved.
"Okay…maybe I should sing it again…"
"NO!" everyone cried in unison.
"Okay. Hey, you know, Roy, if I'm being annoying, I'll stop."
"Really?" Roy asked.
"JUST KIDDING!" Marth laughed and pointed at Roy. He then took a deep breath, about to break into song when Roy smacked him on the head with his sword and he fell to the elevator floor. Roy rolled his eyes and looked around for an escape.
"What if," he thought aloud, "we escaped through the hole the fan girls made?"
"Good idea!" Samus stood up.
Roy jumped up and artfully twisted so he was on top of the elevator. (I bet it looked sexy.)
"Okay, I'm up here and—AHHH!" he came falling back into the elevator.
The Authoress appeared. "You cannot escape! There is no way out! I shall make the hole disappear, and you shall be victims of my story!" She disappeared. They stared at the spot where she had just stood.
No one spoke. Then...
"NOOO!" Marth screamed. "I had a hair appointment I was going to!"
"You're hair looks fine," Zelda frowned.
"I know," Marth flicked it, and winked at Zelda. She just stared. "Damn, my seduction isn't working…"
"Maybe it's because you're a freakin' metrosexual fop!" Roy shouted.
"I never actually considered that…" Marth put his hand to his chin. He then took off his tiara and proceeded to clean it.
"Clean mine while you're at it," Zelda handed him hers. Marth pulled away.
"No! Clean your own!"
"Fine."
Suddenly, the elevator dropped (think Tower of Terror…that ride is awesome!) and everybody screamed. Except for Marth, who was cleaning his tiara. See, he only focuses on one thing. It stopped suddenly, causing everyone to bang into each other.
"Ow! My head!" Roy rubbed his head.
"Ow! My leg!" Samus rubbed her leg.
"Ow! My arm!" Zelda rubbed her arm.
"Wo! Gniw ym!" Pit rubbed his wing.
"Ow! My back!" Link rubbed his back.
"Ow! My foot!" Marth rubbed his hand.
"Doesn't your foot hurt?" asked Samus.
"Yes."
"Then why are you rubbing your hand?"
Marth stopped to ponder the thought. "Is that a trick question?"
"No."
"Oh."
Silence.
"Is it a rhetorical question?"
"NO, MARTH! IT IS A PLAIN OLD QUESTION!" Samus exploded, causing everyone but Marth to cring in fear. "WHY ARE YOU RUBBING YOUR HAND WHEN YOU SAY YOUR FOOT HURTS?"
"It is a rhetorical question!" Marth said with glee.
Samus punched him in the head. He was knocked out immediately.
"Naem saw taht," Pit mused. "Looc."
"Anyway, why'd we fall? We didn't die!" Roy cried. "What happened?"
Suddenly, with sudden suddenness, the elevator suddenly opened! Suddenly! Yes. The Smashers looked out to see…darkness! Because the Authoress can't think of what to make them see at the moment…
…
…
…
…
Now she has!
So, the Smashers looked out of the elevator to see…darkness!
"Darkness!" cried Link. "Let's investigate!"
"Do we have to?" Roy groaned.
"Well, to give the story a plot, then, yes," Link replied.
"Touche," Roy said, and they were about to venture forward when Marth said something incoherent as he was just getting up.
"What?" asked Samus.
"I don't like the dark," Marth said, curling up in a ball in the corner of the elevator.
"What are we going to do now, then?" Roy spoke. "The elevator won't work and the idiots can't reach us to save us, so you expect us to just sit here?"
Marth was quiet for a second. "Yes."
"Okay. We're all going to venture forth. You can stay here," Roy grinned, and the Smashers continued to walk.
"Wait!" Marth squealed, going after them. Roy groaned as they walked through the darkness. Every now and then Marth let out a cry of fear.
"Ow! You stepped on my foot!" Zelda cried.
"Yrros," Pit apologized.
"We need light!" Roy cried.
"Well, you're the half-dragon, so you can make light," Samus spoke.
"Oh yeah. Um, how?"
"Beats me."
"Hmm…" Roy concentrated and soon he had a fire glowing in his hands. "Dude. That is sexy!"
"You didn't know you could do that?" Zelda asked.
"No. Hey...I thought you could do it, too."
"Oh yes." Zelda made a little fire. Soon the place was aglow.
"Where are we?" Marth asked, holding his cape and fidgeting with it.
"Some hall," Roy deducted.
"But where?" Marth whined.
"Who knows," Samus answered.
"Elttil os kaeps I," Pit muttered. "Riaf ton s'ti."
Nobody understood him so they ignored him. (Awww….poor Pit…)
"We must find out where we are!" Roy cried gallantly.
"Yes!" the others cried in agreement, except for Marth.
"I still have my cheese!" he exclaimed, pulling it out. "My cheese…"