Author's Notes: I know Cloud didn't do much last chapter... but that was because he was there for what he would add to this one. Boy, he was long winded this time. I image it was much like in the inn in Calm, telling a story that he never really wanted to share.
I hate to say that after this there is only one more chapter and the epi.
P.S. LONGEST CHAPTER
Pilot Wings: Chapter 13
"That would be a... dangerous approach," Reeve said at length, trying to break the tension in the air after Nida's sudden declaration. "We do not know for sure, despite Nanaki's suspicions, that the Lifestreams are connected, or that merely throwing yourself in will do anything to help you at all. In fact, it could potentially make things worse, accelerate your condition..."
"So I die in three months instead of six?" Nida demanded. Now that his mind was made up, he was tired of those before him questioning it, rather than just providing the help they promised.
"Or that you die in six months instead of years, leading a relatively normal life."
'Normal.' The word made Nida scoff. How could they call what he was experiencing 'normal'? He was reliving moments of his life at the same second as he was experiencing everything happening in what he must assume, for now, was real time. And from what he heard, what he felt was true in his own body, he was only going to get worse from here. Eventually he'd be unable to tell reality from the memories.
"Relatively being the key word," Cid grumbled. "How the fuck is any of this relatively normal? How does this even approach mother fucking normal? Don't you get it, Reeve? He's losing..."
His mind. Nida was getting quite tired of the assembled dancing around words, phrases, ideas. They didn't want to let him think that there was no real choice, even though this was the only real choice that had been put before him, this Mako stuff, this Lifestream.
When Cloud stands all eyes are on him, Nida's included, though at the same time he's seeing a blurry image of Squall standing, about to end an entire argument by walking from the room. That, Nida thought, would solve little, but it was really Cloud's choice to make. He seemed to be the one that everyone in this AVALANCHE group seemed to defer to, the same kind of leader Squall was, but with a larger spoken vocabulary.
"This is a lot for us to spring upon Nida all at once," the blond pronounced. "And I have a suspicion that he hasn't actually rested in a while. So, while you two bicker, I will show Nida to a room to rest. Vincent, please accompany me, so you can show him how much of the stuff to inject if it begins to bother him."
Reeve and Cid both looked about ready to leap to their feet and protest, but the look he cast at them both prevented such behavior. Nida had seen the same look in Squall's eyes, normally directed at either Zell and Seifer, or Quistis and Seifer. The two men remained in place even as Vincent rose, carefully using his gold claw on Nida's arm to encourage him to his feet. Another look passed through Cloud's eyes, a 'you're in charge here' kind of look to Nanaki, again like what Squall would use, often pointed at Quistis, but sometimes at Nida because he kept his cool in arguments like this. Interesting how things changed.
"Follow me."
There was no room for argument in that tone.
When the trio reached outside again they did not, as Nida had thought they would, headed towards the rest of the town, but rather towards a nearby cliff, up from which Nida could see the faintest green aura. As they moved closer Nida noticed it was less of an aura of green and a cliff, but rather a large lake of shifting, brilliantly lit, green mass. The smell was like ozone and spring rain, an odd combination in his opinion, and the lights danced in the great lake. There were no waves in this lake, not even the faintest ripple, but somehow it still seemed as if it was moving. Almost as if it was a million long, brilliantly green strings flowing around, through, and over each other, but never actually moving.
It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, Ragnarok be damned.
"Back when we were trying to stop Sephiroth and Shin-Ra there were Weapons..."
"There are Weapons where I am from," Nida cut in. Cloud looked as if he was about to protest with something like 'not a sword or axe kind of weapon', but something the blond saw as Nida looked at him dissuaded him.
"Well, they were released from the northern ices when they felt Gaia was threatened. We tried to flee, and everyone made it, except for me. I fell into the Lifestream as it rose up to fill the void left by the children of Minerva. I was found here, in Mideel. Later a Weapon attacked us here in Mideel. I couldn't fight, I couldn't help, and when it died, the ground broke open, calling once more the Lifestream to the surface. Other than in the Northern Cave, this is the largest and most easily accessed pool of Mako here on Gaia."
Nida only now noticed that Vincent had not followed them to the edge of the pool of Mako, rather standing several feet behind them, his back to them to imply privacy.
"There are worse things than death, Nomura, and deaths you can die that are far worse than the gradual madness you will know if we don't do anything. Mako, the Lifestream, it is one of the most beautiful things in our world, giving life to everything and being a unity of all of that life. It is also the most dangerous substance that man knows. And this... this poisonous form of life, this is what we're trying to figure out to use to help you."
"Then let it help me. If this is connected to the source of life for my own world, and I really am as jarred out of time and space as I think I'm growing, isn't this the best means to get back, to save myself? I know I could die, but..."
"You have no idea what Mako does to a person."
"You survived this Lifestream, twice."
"And that means, between that and the experiments of Hojo, no one on this planet knows just how dangerous the Lifestream is as I do! No one has better understanding of what the Lifestream and Mako can do to you, how you would beg for death and be denied it!"
Cloud had grabbed Nida's arm and spun the SeeD to face him at this point, and the look in his glowing blue eyes terrified Nida in a way he couldn't understand. He wretched his arm free and pulled back, and were it not for Cloud's quick reflexes, he would have stumbled over the edge and into the lake of the Lifestream. As it was Cloud's hand flashed out again, wrapping once more around Nida's bicep, and pulling them both away from the edge.
"Idiot. You can't even begin to understand. So sit down and listen."
Both Nida and Cloud did this, and the blond gestured for Vincent to join them. The man had apparently been watching them to some degree and sat himself on the other side of Nida, carefully giving him another injection before Cloud decided he would begin talking.
"The Lifestream is the source of materia and thus our magic, and the source of Mako, once used for power in our world. There have been sciences studying the properties of Mako for more years than any living sentient being, even Vincent and Nanaki, can remember. They discovered one thing about Mako was more alarming than any other thing: Mako poisoning. Apparently when the limitless potential of Mako, the purest form of life itself, can change that which it comes into contact with, and through a two part process. Those two parts, the physical and the mental, are intertwined in ways we humans cannot even imagine.
"All living things return to the Lifestream after their life ceases, giving to the Lifestream the whole of their experiences. From the Lifestream comes the ability for new life to exist, based to a degree upon those other lives. Mako is the medium of this life, of the experiences and memories of everyone and everything that has ever lived. Materia derived from Mako is, thus, a crystallization of the memories and knowledge of those who have gone before. But, raw Mako hasn't been filtered to knowledge of what a fire spell is, or how to control it. Rather, raw Mako is memories and knowledge, pure and simple. A single drop of Mako can hold in it the entire life experience of a worm from the Calm plains, all the knowledge of how to properly grow corn from at least a hundred different farmers, and the entire awareness of an oak tree during a sunset.
"You would think this would be something interesting to experience, but it is not. In fact, it can be horrible. The more Mako you are exposed to, the more memories there are. You experience all of them at once, you know, and with every second of experience of all of those minds runs through you, you begin to lose yourself to it. Your awareness melts into the Mako if you're exposed long enough. You seek to live out not just a moment of an oak tree, but the total cumulative product of an entire grove, and you reach out for those memories, that knowledge, and drift further away from your self, making it easier for that self to melt away."
At this point Cloud stopped gazing at the Mako and looked directly at Nida.
"I've had Mako poisoning three times. I'm a highly sensitive individual. The first time I was submerged in a tube of Mako for an unknown amount of time. Years, I know that, but I can not be positive how many, even if I have dates in my head. I gave in easily to the memories, trying to experience things, but I was luckily limited to the amount of Mako I was exposed to. Shinra's Soldier program had all of it's men exposed to Mako showers, but in low doses. It made them the pinnacle of human life: stronger, faster, smarter, and far more powerful. Those that could handle more took it and became beings that were almost like gods. Those that could barely handle any were grunts that took care of everything. I was a grunt, until Hojo got a hold of me and forcefully exposed me to more Mako than any currently living human had ever experienced. And as my mind slipped away, my body, even as it grew stronger, was giving out, changing.
"I've seen what happens to people exposed to too much Mako. Monsters, far more powerful and hideous than anything you've ever seen. They take of every experience, and their bodies use it to make themselves 'better'. Once out of the Mako they rarely live more than a few days, and they die pitiful deaths. They are proof that there are worse things than just plain death. Luckily Hojo's experiments also used Mako inhibiting chemicals, which prevented the horrible changes in me, in most cases. I still became like a Soldier. But, when I was broken out of there, I had no mind to speak of. My memories were all gone, melted away into the Lifestream. I was doomed and in the full grips of Mako poisoning, though my body didn't fully reflect it.
"Can you imagine, Nida, what it is to be a completely and utterly blank slate? Removed from the Mako, with everything I was lost to the Mako, that was what I was. A friend of mine carried me from that place, dressed me in his clothes, spoke to me. All the while I was a blank slate, and absorbing everything about him. He told me about my childhood as I had told him, he told me about his, he told me about the mission we were on, Sephiroth, and everything he felt he could part with. I was blank as I watched him practice in the early mornings, as I listened to how he spoke, as he carried me. And slowly, he filled me up with an odd mixture of him and me..."
Cloud shook his head, looking out at the Lifestream. There were no tears, but Nida could sense that it was sheer will. Cloud was mourning something, always mourning something.
"Zack died, and with that death I took the last of him. I took his weapon after we'd been abandoned by those meant to kill us, and went into Midgar, thinking I was myself, but that I was also him. I was a Soldier First Class in my mind, and my body had the skills to go along with it, Zack's skills. Things I thought I had done, I had not, people I thought I knew, I didn't. And this lasted a long time, until the Northern Crater. The only two who knew better said nothing, one for confusion, the other because she knew it would break me, or at least I think that was why. But with the Lifestream came something that even the tube of Mako could not do.
"Limitless experiences, Nida, that is what the Lifestream is. I believe I was in there for no more than a day before I washed up ashore here, spewed out by an underwater Mako vent. Again I was blank, or mostly so. I was buried in my own mind, in the false memories, and while seeking out, to some degree, my lost memories, and those of my friend. When the others found me, I was a wreck. There honestly was no hope for me. Then I was exposed to the Lifestream again, this time with Tifa. Her sheer force of will brought her into my fragmented mind, and with her help, I picked up the pieces of my life, separated them from those of my best friend, and began to live again. I was no longer blank, but I still remembered all I had done, all I had thought I was. And it sickened me. It was amazing that I didn't come out of the whole thing mad, amazing that Tifa, in her desire to help me, didn't lose her own mind.
"What I'm basically telling you is that, if anything goes wrong, if we expose you even the slightest bit, you won't just be living your own memories at the same time as your life. You'll be living everyone's memories at the same time, and you won't have a life. It's likely you won't remember us, and your memories lost forever due to their foreignness to our Lifestream. The process will break you, and we don't know any way to repair it. You won't die so easily, but you can't very well call what happens from Mako poisoning life either. It honestly might be better to go mad from what you have now, and know that in the very least you are still yourself, than to be no one, and everything."
And that was it. Cloud grew really silent, and something about the silence between him and Vincent told Nida that Cloud had never discussed this before. And yet...
"Yeah, I'm sure it was hard on you and all, but let's look at this logically. I'm not from here, so it'd be easy to separate my memories from the rest. Plus I have Siren, she would know, right? She could guide me to where I need to be..."
"Or," Vincent said, speaking up for the first time, "The Lifestream could recognize the both of you as a threat and kill you. Or you could be even more susceptible to the poisoning. Or a lot of things. That unknown factor is what worries us."
"And just sitting around and worrying isn't going to get anything done," Nida growled, rising to his feet.
"And throwing yourself blindly to destruction is only going to hit Cid."
Nida froze for a moment at Cloud' comment, his eyes glued to the great green lake of light. It flowed so beautifully, the most alluring and glorious thing he'd ever before had the pleasure of beholding.
"I don't want Cid hurt. And I fear it will be worse for him if I force myself to his side as I become less and less mentally here. Who would want to take care of someone in the state I'm bound to end up in? Better to get this done earlier, get it out of the way and let him move on..."
"That isn't what he'd want."
There was no response from Nida. He merely continued to stare out at the glowing green, and the feeling of familiarity and unease he'd felt since first laying his eyes upon it only began to grow. This whole thing felt wrong, and right, but he couldn't quite understand what he was feeling. And so, for the first time in this chaotic twenty-four hours, Nida reached out for Siren.
He found silence. It took everything to keep himself from panicking, for fear that it would drop him into another episode that he'd have trouble escaping, as the ones that came with panic always were. Those ones were always the worst, he would end up back with Boyce, the hand held out, and the dead body of his lover behind him.
"Nida?" Cloud's voice came, worried, as the man stepped up behind him. "Are you okay?"
"I can't feel her. I can't reach Siren. I can't hear her voice, or even sense her. I junctioned her, I know it. Where is she?"
"Calm down," Vincent said, already at Nida's other side. "You said she resides in your memories, correct? Then it is likely that the drug we've given you to inhibit the memories is temporarily blocking her."
This time Nida did start to panic. "Block her? How is she to advise me, help me, guide me, if I can't even have access to her?"
It occurred to him, then, that this had happened before, people betraying him, removing Siren from him. He remembered it, remembered people treating him poorly and trying to keep him from what he was supposed to do. Now these two... 'heroes' were trying to keep him from the only thing that truly tied Nida to his world. They probably wanted him to go into the Mako without her, to see what would happen. What horrible people. But he wouldn't let them do that. He would fight.
"Nida, calm down," Cloud said, slowly advancing on Nida and putting a hand out to rest on Nida's shoulder. "I'm sure Siren is fine."
"Don't touch me!" Nida screamed, not knowing his own voice was near hysterics. Nor did he notice, not at first, the other three rushing from the building with the monitor he'd never really paid attention to.
"Nida!" Cid shouted, running forward. "Keep him away from the Mako!"
"Nida!" he shouted, running forward, blade raised, "If I must I will keep you away from those SeeDs!"
"No," Nida mumbled, backing even further away from the people around him. He was running out of land, and he knew it, and he was close to panic.
The Mako, that was the green river, came suddenly to Nida's mind, in that clarity before the panic. I've dreamt of this. A green river and then blackness.
And then, one more step, and the edge was crumbling under Nida's weight-bearing foot. True panic set in then, during the short fall to the Mako. A hand reached up to the edge and the sky, green looking from the light of the Lifestream. He hadn't meant for this.
He hadn't meant for any of this.
I'm sorry, Cid, everyone. I'm sorry.
He screamed briefly when his body came in to contact with the glowing green, which felt like it was penetrating him, filling his every pore with life, potential, and knowledge.
And then there was darkness. Just like in the dream. Except this time there was no beautifully radiant woman in armor to come and lift him from this, to tell him it would be alright, and that she would guide him. There was nothing.
But there was everything. He could see it all, feel it all, be it all. His mind sought out the first logical thing to him, the feeling of wind, something to take his mind from this dreary blackness. What he found was that he had great wings, and the wind filled them perfectly as he glided over the trees, his eyes constantly searching for the tiniest of movements. Some movements were too big, those two legged things that walked the ground because they were not mighty enough to fly. Other movements were the trees, which would be cool and shaded at this time of day, but after the meal.
Then, there it was, the slightest movement upon the ground, amid the trees and the green stuff on the ground. Small, brown and gray, and none the wiser to the hungry king of the sky. Circling would only alert it to his presence, so wings were tucked in and the dive made, ready to pull up just in time for talons to sink into sweet red water.
No, this is not where you belong. Come back.
Sky-master ignored the voice, settling on a branch with his kill and setting his sharp hooked beak into the flesh. If he ate upon the ground those two-legged would try and take his kill. They were worse than the sky-scroungers, who would appear in numbers to try and scare him from his kill. No, today he would have his ground food, and none would stop him.
While I call you 'hawk', that does not mean you are one. Come back to me.
He was floating in the black again, the voice still echoing about him. He had to get away from it, he didn't like the sound. It was keeping him from being one with it all.
So he chose something that couldn't hear.
Deep his roots went, into the secret places of water and food. High his branches stretched, embracing the warm light. Wide and thick grew his leaves, dancing in the sweet breeze. And he was happy.
No, I will not allow you to hide in such a ridiculous, and might I point out land-bound, form. Get a hold of yourself Nida.
Nida. Nida. The name echoed in the not-mind of the tree, and then there was the darkness again, but it wasn't consuming. Rather it seemed to be a form of something else, and he too hard form here. Two legs, two arms, two eyes, and lots of other things as a human should have. He was human, and his name was Nida.
At least, he thought so.
"Better, but we're not there just quite yet. But I'm not very helpful like that, you know. I can only take you to the guides. But, and this is important Nida, you have to focus on staying yourself, and staying with me."
She was beautiful. The woman stood before him on a path of every changing green light seemingly made of strings. Her long hair was a very pale gold and gathered into a large braid that she had pulled to the front of her beautifully pale body, with skin so white it almost shone green in the changing light. All she wore, as far as he could tell, was a long white shift, and it failed to fall below her knees, leaving beautifully proportioned legs and feet bare where he could appreciate them. Her eyes, though, were the most striking thing, an odd mixture of gold and emerald, and even while they seemed worried they looked to be laughing, just like her voice. The voice was purely music.
"Nida, do not focus upon me like that. Just focus upon following me. The paths can be dangerous for the living, and hard to navigate for even the immortal like myself. But they are the only way to get to the guides, and only they can grant us audience with the one that this world is of."
"Why," he started, only to be startled by his own voice. After a moment and a look from the woman, he continued. "Why do you call me Nida?"
There was a sigh, and it was as beautiful as the woman. "That is your name. Hold on to it, and think 'what does it mean to be Nida Nomura, Level A SeeD?' Can you do that for me?"
He nodded. The woman started down the ever shifting path, but paused after a bit. She turned back to look at Nida, who wasn't moving.
"What?"
"Who are you?"
This made the woman's eyes go wide.
"We've been partnered together for this many years and you forget me? Even with your mind in the state it is, how could you forget me, my dove? I am Siren."
Something in his mind reacted to that word, but all it gave him was the image of a woman clad in few feathers, with gold and green hair, large green wings from her head, and a green glass harp. That image looked nothing like this woman. He told her so. And the woman looked down at herself, and her eyes went wider still.
"Well, I have not seen this in many a year. I had forgotten what it was like... But there is no time for that. I am still Siren, even if I do not look it. Now please, Nida, come with me."
For longer than Nida could imagine he followed the beautiful woman, marveling at the fact that her every word sounded as a song, and even the sound of her feet on the shifting path sounded like music. He also tried, very hard, to do what Siren told him, like thinking about what it meant to be Nida Nomura. Mostly that name carried with it the idea of sadness, the joy of flight, and confusion about who he was. If Nida Nomura hadn't known who he was, even with all of those titles and all those friends, how was Nida supposed to know what it meant to be Nida Nomura? This was all very hard.
"Nida, stop," Siren's voice came, and the edge in it, almost discordant, caused him to stumble and fall to his hands and knees on the path. "And don't leave the path."
"Siren," he said, nervously, only to be cut off when a hand descended upon his shoulder.
"He's in a bad shape. Almost as bad as Cloud was. He's barely holding on to his name," a female voice, not musical like Siren's, but still somewhat familiar, said.
"Spike wasn't already lost in the world, not really. This one..." This voice was male, and not so familiar.
"Who are you?" Siren demanded, turning to face the two people that Nida noticed on either side of himself. Neither of them stood on the path, but there seemed to be a green light around them. One was a woman with brown hair, clad in pink, and with the gentlest smile on her face. The other was in black, and looked like a warrior with the scar on his cheek. While he was smiling too, it was more friendly and almost challenging than comforting.
"My name is Aeris, and this is Zack. We are the ones you were calling 'guides'," the woman in pink said, and she held a hand out to the golden Siren, which the far more mature looking woman did not shake. "We are supposed to take you to the Lady."
"She sent a warrior and a priest to me? I almost feel insulted. No heroes?"
"I am the one who summoned Holy to this place, and whose weapon Nida has been carrying. Zack has saved the world as well, in his own way. It was him that trained Cloud. And we are both the chosen of Minerva. What better qualifications are there?"
"She could have sent Shiva," Siren mumbled, before stooping beside Nida and pulling him to his feet.
"She doesn't like company," Zack said, rolling his eyes in a way that Nida was sure was meant to mean something. He couldn't figure it out though. When he was standing he felt the hand of the woman in pink as she placed it upon his cheek.
"It is very sad," she said at length, "that this had to happen to you, Nida. I can see you're mostly gone. And you probably don't remember how I used to come to you to take the dreams, and comfort you. But soon... soon they will be gone."
"That is no promise you can make," Siren warned her, but still the woman let Aeris take Nida's hand and guide him into the blackness, away from the relative safety of the green path.
"That is true, but I think Minerva can help him. She can do anything. She is that which we are of."
"I fought her once," Zack said, oozing pride. Well, not actually, but Nida could think of no better way to put it.
Siren rolled her eyes this time, though only when looking at Nida so she could be sure that he saw. Not that he understood why. These people were odd.
For a while they walked through the darkness, with only the thin auras of green around Aeris and Zack to light anything. Then, suddenly, the darkness seemed less, even though there was no change in the light levels. Well, that wasn't totally true, for there was now a woman far more radiant than Siren standing before them. Zack and Aeris bowed, smiled at Nida, and walked off.
Beside this woman, Siren was nothing. Her hair was the yellow of the sun, her skin practically the color of snow, and her face so young and beautifully elegant, even though she did not smile at the pair before her. She was clad in the purest white, such that her skin almost seemed dark in comparison, and the dress fell all around her, until it sank seamlessly into the ever shifting green at her feet, Mako Nida thought now. It was the same color as her eyes, and the gem set in gold and what looked like blued steel that was her tiara. Around her pale shoulders was settled a cape of blue-green, the same color as the Mako at her feet, save that there was no inherent glow to it, as there was to the whole of the rest of her.
"Minerva," Siren said, sweeping into a deep bow, and gesturing for Zack to follow suit. "It has been months since you last came to speak to me. I have worked hard without the guidance you offered me..."
Be not bitter Siren, there was nothing I could do to assist you at the time. I could send those I had to comfort your chosen, but little more. As I have said, he is not of me. I have no sway over him.
Siren seemed to scoff, but she said nothing else. Minerva moved past her to Nida, placing a hand upon the crown of his head.
There is little left here. It is to be expected though. You plunged into my Lifestream without thought and in a panic. Foolish. But I cannot leave your memories here to taint the stream, as I cannot leave you here for long for fear you would do this place harm.
"Then you will help him?" Siren asked.
To a degree, young one. He must be willing to take it back, all of it. Even that which he did not first remember, or desire. Every last drop. Is he strong enough for this?
"There is none stronger than my chosen!" Siren protested, only to be shushed by the goddess.
Minerva reached down and lifted Nida's head to look upon her. Up close she was even more magnificent.
Will you take them, even if you want them not? Everything you were and everything you will be? The good, the bad? If you do not, I must purge the whole of this place of you and yours forever. It is a fate worse than death.
All he could do was nod. Whatever this goddess wanted, he would do.
Then prepare yourself.
-------
Nida was flat out fucking tired of passing out. Seriously, no joking, and thank you very much. Black outs were no fun, and he'd like to have no more now, especially the ones with head aches afterwards, okay?
"He's wakening," a voice said at his side, Siren's. It was odd though, for it did not sound as if it was from his mind.
As is to be expected. He was as strong as you told me. He will be an ideal tool. Now, leave us for a time. I must speak to this one of things I cannot tell you.
"Of course," Siren's voice came, but further from Nida's side now. And when he opened his eyes, all there was to see was a radiant woman who was most definitely not Siren. There was an ageless beauty in her face that even a Guardian could not possess, and infinite wisdom.
"Who are you?" Nida croaked out, and for a moment the woman's face actually softened into a smile.
My name is Minerva, and I am the goddess of Gaia. Think of me in relation to this world as the one you call Hyne is to your own.
Nida flinched away that name, but he did not respond, or even question why her voice was coming to him in a way that was normally that of Siren. One did not question the gods.
Yes, I understand your reaction. He is not the most gentle of our kind. Still, you are his, and you belong in his world. Sadly, I cannot force you to go back. I can remove you from existence, but I cannot force you over the bridge between the worlds. I would much prefer, of course, that you went to your own world. I have need of you there. There is a darkness rising in your world that threatens many places, the world of Hyne first and foremost.
"I want to go back," Nida agreed, frowning. "But I do not believe that my presence there will affect anything. I am just a minor pilot."
Do you think I would put my faith into someone utterly worthless? I could have destroyed you the second you touched Mako, but I let you live, because you are important. Do not question the knowledge of a goddess.
For a moment his awareness of Minerva shifted. No longer was she a gentle looking woman, but rather she was in full armor, with large crescent moons adorning her collar and looking razor sharp. In her right hand was a long spear, and her left held the largest shield Nida had ever seen. All of this, and the chest plate, were made of gold and steel, or something very much like steel. He knew, in the smallest fraction of an instant, that there was nothing he could do to rightly oppose this woman, especially not in her own domain.
"Forgive me, great one. I did not mean to question, I just did not feel I was important. But you are far more knowledgeable than I. I will return with Siren to my world at once."
But you must leave something with me. The only proper way to bridge the gap is with sacrifice. I cannot take Siren, for she is of Hyne, as are you and your life, which are needed there anyway. But you must give to me something as payment, which you are willing to part with.
His first reaction was to say he would give her his memories of the war, of the man he had loved before it and killed, and his memories of Boyce. Instantly he knew this would not work, if there was trouble back home it would only be made worse if he was not sure what was going on. He put his hands in his pockets as he thought, and his hand came into contact with metal. Slowly Nida drew out the pilot wings he had taken from Cid's house, replacing them with his own.
This, he realized sadly, was what he had to give up. His memories of this year here, of the life he had lived, of Cid, of everything. And it pained him to no end.
"Can you take emotions?"
Yes. They are usually enough of a price. What would you have me take?
Nida continued to stare down at the pilot wings as he spoke.
"Take my love then. I loved Cid Highwind in these days in your world. I am sorrowful that I ever hurt him as I did, falling into the Mako without saying goodbye, disappearing. And with the love, take the memories of the times we spent together that would hint at love."
That does not seem... conventional, even to me.
"Do you believe I can do what I am meant to if my heart lingers here? Can I save this place if all I do is long to return to it? Can I be a warrior with loyalties and heart divided?"
Minerva frowned at Nida, but at length she nodded and placed a hand upon her head.
I will take this not only from you, but I will take all hints of it from Cid Highwind and those you met as well. That is the only way to make a clean break in this world, to fully remove you from it. Is this acceptable?
"No," he admitted, "but there is no other way, is there?"
Still Minerva frowned. There is, but it is more painful. I can leave with them all of their feelings for you, and all of their memories, and even leave with them the sense that you must have made it home. I will help the ache to cease for Cid, for he is one of my beloved, as they all are. But in return, I will leave in you no memory of this place. You will know not, once the bridge closes with your awakening in your world, anything of what has passed here, or even the love you found. I will take too, those wings from you, and leave them back for Cid, beside yours. Would this be price enough?
It didn't seem fair, Nida thought, that he would lose all of his pain and Cid would keep his. But, what it really would be was that Cid would have pain, but still love, and Nida would experience neither. He would lose memory of the only person he had truly felt for, or why he was supposed to act in his own world. In the end he would return home as if nothing happened.
"I feel as if it is too much an easing for me, and too much a burden for him."
Except he will know what love was, and you will long for it forever, never understanding why you cannot truly find it. Cid was not the one meant for you, or you for him, but even if I remove memory, part of you will always know you had it and lost it, and this is the greatest pain of existence. Can you bear this burden?
Nida thought hard and long about the choice presented to him, looking off into the blackness around him, and back at Minerva.
"I do not know, but I will try."
Minerva's hand on his brow grew warm with light, and behind her a door seemed to be carved out of the darkness.
Your path has opened, Child of Hyne. Go, walk it. I cannot accompany you, nor can Hyne help you through it. You must walk it with the Guardian. When you awaken you will remember none of this, and the Guardian will never be able to speak of it with you or any others. And Child of Hyne...
"Yes, Lady Minerva?" Nida asked, already at the door, Siren mysteriously at his side.
I wish that somehow you will overcome what price I have set on you, and you will again find love.
Nida said nothing, merely pushed the door open and stepped through, Siren at his side. Together they trekked down a long corridor until they reached another door, this one glowing blue under the edge as Minerva's door, when Nida would look back, had glowed green. After a deep breath Nida pushed. A large man stood in the darkness, clothed in black and crimson, with a cloak of the blue that had shone under the door. As Nida and Siren strode forward, the God began to speak.
Welcome, my sweet child Siren, and Nida, blood of the tribe and of the wise man. Welcome home.