I am a horrible horrible person and should be killed slowly. I am sooooo sorry that I haven't posted sooner, but with Honors Geometry and AP Biology and tennis, I have had absolutely NO time to do ANYTHING anymore. So I'm really sorry that this has taken so long. I promise that the next chapter will be up sooner. And it's reallllllly long. I think I got kind of carried away. Oh well, hope you guys enjoy! :D

Phase One of my plan, codenamed "Make Fang As Awkward As Possible While Embarrassing Lissa At The Same Time," MFAAAPWELATSA for short, was to make Lissa jealous.

Phase Two: screw with her head, and Phase Three: a little surprise that I won't tell you about yet ;).

For Phase One of MFAAAPWELATSA, Fang and I would walk in McDonald's holding hands (I would be handcuffed to him to be sure he didn't run away) and I would flirt shamelessly right in front of Lissa who was sure to recognize Fang. When I was sure Lissa was looking, I would quickly kiss Fang on the cheek (he adamantly REFUSED to let me kiss him on the lips, by which I was highly disappointed) thus making her jealous.

Of course, since all my plans are completely fool proof, Phase One, and subsequently Phase Two, went perfectly. Fang and I walked in, hand-in-hand, me talking non-stop (I swear I think I was channeling Nudge) while he just stood there and kind of grimaced, looking like he was constipated.

I knew exactly when Lissa noticed us because I heard a sharp gasp come from where she was sitting. Taking that as my cue, I leaned over quickly and kissed Fang gently on the cheek.

I leaned back and looked at him to see how he reacted and, I swear, it looked like I had just kneed him in the balls!

Honestly, it couldn't have been THAT bad.

Whatever. As long as Lissa didn't look at his face too closely, she wouldn't be able to tell that he didn't like it.

I glared at Fang, silently trying to remind him what kind of psychological torture Meredith and I could put him through if he didn't get himself together. It seemed that he understood because he immediately composed his face, making it seem like I had only stabbed him in the arm rather than damage his family jewels.

Oh well, maybe Lissa wouldn't notice.

Just then, I heard the sharp sound of heels hitting tile and knew that the bitch herself was about to join us.

I felt a sharp tug on my jacket and I spun around, coming face to face with Lissa, the evil hoe-bag.

"WHAT THE HELL DOING BACK IN HERE?!?!" she screeched at me.

Shit. I hadn't thought of an answer to that. But I was always good at improvising so here goes nothing.

"Well, Fang and I needed to come in and use the facilities to relieve ourselves. The car IS a bit too small for the kind of thing I had in mind, if you know what I mean." I winked at her and had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing at the expression on her face. She looked horrified, slightly disgusted, and jealous all at the same time.

In fact, that was probably exactly how Fang looked; aside from the jealous part that is.

Phase One: Complete.

Lissa was continued staring at us until I decided that her staring was starting to freak me out, so I tugged at Fang's hand and headed towards the girls bathroom, preparing for some hot monkey sex with Fang!

Just kidding (unfortunately)

I closed the door behind us and finally let myself collapse into laughter, falling on the ground and bringing Fang down with me. Every time I started calming down, I would think of the look on Lissa's face and it would bring on another round of uncontrollable laughter. Finally, I was able to calm down enough to realize that Lissa might be listening at the door, and she had probably heard me laughing my ass off.

Well, if she was listening, I was going to make sure she got an earful.

God I love my random plans.

"Ohhhh, Fang, right there!" I said, making my voice breathless, which wasn't very hard because I still hadn't gotten my breath back from all that laughing.

I glanced over at Fang who was eyeing the sink with a contemplative look on his face; almost as if he was thinking about drowning himself. But hey, I could be wrong.

I rolled my eyes and mouthed the words; 'play along' at him. He shook his head vigorously, eyes wide and looking at me fearfully.

Hmm, I didn't think Fang got scared this easily. In all the books he's The Tough Guy and Mr. I'm Not Scared Because I'm A Manly Man. But here he was, practically shaking in fright, just because I was going to make it sound like we were having sex. Jeez, he needs to get a grip.

I opened my eyes wide, giving him Bambi eyes (Meredith taught me when I was little) and pushed out my bottom lip a little. He just shook his head harder. I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest. Oh well, even if he didn't do anything, I could still make this work.

"FANG!" He jumped when I screamed his name. Hehe.

"YOU'RE SO NAUGHTY!"

Then I said in a deep-man voice, "Uhhhhh!"

My voice: "DO THAT AGAIN!!!"

Man voice: "Uhhh!"

My voice: "HARDER…FASTER…I'M SO CLOSE!!!!"

Right then I made the mistake of looking at Fang who was staring at me with his mouth hanging open, obviously in complete shock. He looked so funny that I had to muffle my laughter in my sleeve. He probably hadn't thought that I would actually do it. It being make it sound like me and him were having sex. Ha, he obviously didn't know me very well.

When I had finally gotten my laughter under control, I decided to reach my "climax" and screamed out "FUCK!! FANG!! AHHH!! SO GOOD!!! YES!!!!"

Fang looked at me again and said in a low voice, "You are one messed up little fuck, you know that right?"

I just laughed at him. Of course I know that. I've been a messed up fuck my entire life.

Well, now that we, excuse me, I had made it sound like we were fucking like bunnies (I don't know if you guys can tell, but I really like saying 'fuck.' Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Tehe) we now had to make it look the part.

"Fang, take off your shirt."

Once again, he looked at me with fearful eyes (Damn, I must be really good at scaring people. Huh, maybe that's why parents never let me babysit their kids. Oh well, the kids were little brats anyway)

I sighed at him exasperatedly.

"Fang, they're not going to think we did anything if we come back dressed exactly like we were when we went in. Besides, I've already seen you shirtless. And, I'll undo the handcuffs for a minute."

His eyes narrowed and he looked at me suspiciously. I just gave him my best 'I am the most innocent 14 year old in the whole world and am totally not eye-raping you right now' look, one that I have perfected to an art over the past few months because I like to eye-rape people. It's fun, and not half as messy as actual rape; believe me, I've tried that and it just doesn't measure up. (If anyone reading this is a rapist or has been raped, then I'm sorry if I'm offending you, and NO of COURSE I haven't raped anyone. Or have I???? ;)

I guess it worked because he nodded his head, so I undid the handcuffs and put them in my pocket while he quickly pulled his shirt over his head. I studied him for a second, then pursed my lips and said, "Pants too. Then put 'em back on inside out."

He, once again, looked horrified, but I just sighed and turned my back so he could have a little bit of privacy. I heard and rustling noise for a minute before he said, "I'm done."

I turned around and examined him carefully.

His shirt was on backwards and was all wrinkly, his pants were on inside out and he had untied his shoes without me even having to tell him.

I was so proud. But there was one thing that was missing. I pondered it for a moment until it finally came to me. Of COURSE!

I walked up to him and ran my hand through his black locks (I hate fics with the word 'locks in it, but I didn't think that 'tresses was much better :P), giving him sex hair. Heh, he looked funny :D

Now I had to do me (ok, laugh all you want, but you know what I mean)

I undid my hair from the ponytail and shook my head hard, then motioned for Fang to turn around while I took my shirt off and put it back on inside out.

When I looked in the mirror, it looked like I had just been through a hurricane; Hurricane Fang ;)

"All righty then Fang, ma dear, lets make like a hippie and blow this joint, shall we?!"

Once again, he just looked at me with a blank expression on his face.

Eh, whatever.

I grabbed his hand, very sneakily putting the cuffs back on him, and threw the door open, almost making it bang into Lissa's face.

Damn, just a few more inches and she would have a bloody nose.

I gasped in fake surprise. "Lissa! I had no idea you were right there! You didn't hear anything did you?"

"Well as a matter of fact, I would like to know who the hell FANG is."

Shit. I forgot that she knew Fang as Nick.

Wait a second.

Brain blast! (btw Jimmy Neutron is frickin' AWESOME!)

"Well, I call him Fang because he likes to bite and his teeth are sharp."

Sometimes, I am amazed at my own brilliance.

You know that old saying, 'if looks could kill.' Yeah, well, if looks could kill, not only would I be dead, but I would be ripped apart, eaten by a shark, set on fire, stabbed a bajillion times, have my bowels pulled out through my ears, drink Clorox, trip on a knife and be impaled upon a metal rod. That's how hostile her glare was.

Well she can just get over it, because Fang is neither of ours, he's MAX'S!!!

"Bitch please, don't look at me like that. I'll get my man to take you down, right Nick?"

I looked over at Fang and begged him with my eyes to play along. He nodded his head, which is about as good as it gets with him.

I smirked at Lissa as we pushed past her towards the parking lot.

Phase Two: Complete.

Now for Phase Three.

When we reached Meredith's car, she looked like she was about to jump out of her seat, and when she saw us, she DID jump out of her seat…and promptly hit her head on the roof of her car.

Hehe.

"Smooth move, X-Lax." I laughed at her.

"Yeah, yeah. Is it my turn to do something horrible and possibly life-threatening to Lissa?????"

"Well, you can do something horrible, but no to the life-threatening thing. If they find your fingerprints on her murdered body, you might get arrested again."

She looked thoughtful for a second, then shrugged and said, "Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, when do you think she's coming out?"

I looked towards the entrance and saw Lissa coming out with the same blonde dude as before.

"Now."

"Really?!!?!!?? ALL RIGHT!!!"

To say the least, Meredith was excited about her part in the plan.

She jumped out of the car and ran around the trunk, getting out the water balloon launcher, ready to launch water balloons, and two dozen eggs.

Hell to the YES!

Meredith sprinted back to the front of the car and gave Fang and I each a handle to hold onto while she situated a water balloon in the pouch thing. She grabbed the strap on the back of the pouch and pulled back as hard as she could, aiming carefully before letting it fly.

Her aim was true and the balloon landed right in front of Lissa, spraying her with water.

Let me tell you, it was fucking HILARIOUS!!!! Even Fang found it funny. He didn't laugh, but he smiled a teensy weensy bit, so it means the same thing. Unfortunately I couldn't laugh for long; I had to help reload before Lissa became a moving target.

I put another balloon in, but this time, it landed ON Lissa, exploding all over the front of her shirt.

By this time, she was looking around, trying to find the culprits. It wasn't very hard. We were all standing by Meredith's car, with a water balloon launcher in our hands and a bucket of full of water balloons right beside us. Honestly, who else could it be?

I grinned a very unholy grin, and waved jauntily at her, at the same time loading an egg into the launcher. God I love my cousins and their crazy ideas. (this actually happened. Not the whole 'Lissa' thing, but at our beach house, we got a water balloon launcher and launched balloons and eggs at people on the beach. It was freakin' hilarious because they had NO idea where they had come from

Lissa must have seen my eee-vil grin because she practically sprinted towards a bright pink car with a license plate that said, 'Li-Li3.' Um, GAG.

"Come on Meredith, we have to get that car with the eggs before she gets away!"

She just nodded her head and focused very hard on her aiming. She pulled back as hard as she could before releasing it. It went in a straight, lethal line, splattering on the back of the windshield.

Fang looked like he was actually having a good time. Yay me! I made Fang happy!

Anyway, we kept pelting the car with eggs before it finally got away with us, but right before the car was out of ear-shot Meredith yelled, "THAT'S RIGHT YOU SKANKY BITCH, YOU BETTER RUN, BECAUSE I'M COMING AFTER YOU WITH MY CROWBAR!!!"

I love my sister. :D

Hello there my loves!! I know it's been a while, and I am reallllly sorry about that, but I've been bogged down with school. Exams are coming up and I'm having to cram for ALL of them, which sucks ASS!

Any-who, sorry this chappies so long, I guess I just got carried away

-giggle giggle

And about that Max or Fang POV, I think I'll do Fang next (oh how I wish I meant what I think that you think I mean. Tehe)

I forgot how much I love this story. Oh, and sorry about the cursing, I was just feeling in a very cursing mood today. In fact, today in school, I randomly called out "FUCK" when the teachers weren't too near. Heh, I love that word.

Oh, one last thing. I don't know if any of you read my other fic, Flock Life, but I asked for people to PM or give me review about beta's, but no one listened so if you guys could do that, it would mean that you're better :D jk, but really, please help me out 'cause I'm totally in the dark here.

Thanks for reading. And don't forget to click on that review button, because every time you review, you get a…um…a free…toaster? Yeah, free toaster! So REVIEW!!! :D