Ruki44: Well some of you may or may not know, there's a new Zelda game coming out.

Tetra: Really? When?

Ruki44: This year apparently.

Ruki: Hm...you don't sound to excited.

Ruki44: I'm trying to be! But the name is just putting me off! Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. It's a DS game that's reminding me too much of Phantom Hourglass...

Hinata: What's wrong with that?

Tetra: Temple of the Ocean King. It's like the water temple of the century. You had to keep returning to it too. And the other temples were easy by comparision.

Rukia: It was worth it when you got the Phantom Sword though.

Tetra: True.

Ruki44: Anyways, if you want more information, go to .com If the link doesn't show up, just type in The Hylia in a search box or something. Anyways, moving on, I was able to cover this whole temple in a single chapter and I'm feeling damn proud of myself since the Forest Temple took two. Anyways, I really don't have anything to say at this moment so I don't own anything.

The Fire Temple

"You know, mines are usually associated with cold dark places that tend to cave in a lot. This place is pretty much the exact opposite. I'm trying to determine these clothes are a blessing or a curse. On one hand I'm more apt to get burnt, on the other hand I have a less chance of suffering from heat stroke…then…you…do tell me why you are taking off your clothes." Zelda trailed off as I began to take off my green tunic and hat. I blinked, wasn't it obvious?

"Um so I won't die of a heat stroke like you just said…I'm wearing like three freaking layers here." I told her. Zelda growled, her face all red. We haven't been in this place mine thing for more than a minute tops and the heat was affecting her! Not that I can blame her, it's pretty much and active volcano. I mean come on there is freaking lava everywhere!

"Warn me at least before you start stripping. I am a young woman trying to have clean thoughts here!" I looked at her confused. Trying? Was she having unclean thoughts? Maybe being outside of the castle walls was a bad idea, I have exposed our pure princess to the real world!

"Fine, I'm taking off my clothes. Happy? Anyways you can get some of those clothes too. Like the random sleeve…to this day I don't see its purpose. Also that blue thing with the tie, it's just there because it's part of the style. Totally unnecessary. Same thing with that skirt thing between the pants and the tang top." I tell her helpfully. Zelda just stares.

"I am not stripping." I shrug as I take off my white long sleeve shirt and throw it in a pile with my hat and arm guards. I put my chain metal back on deciding it was worth the heat as well as my tunic. I picked up my excess clothes and looked down at my shadow.

"Yo Midna, can you put this with the rest of our crap please?" Midna appeared and she snapped her fingers, sending my clothes to only the goddesses know where. She then turned her attention to Zelda.

"How about you, you want to shed some excess clothing?" Zelda growled and made a swipe for the imp.

"I. Am. Not. Stripping." Midna exchanged looks with me and mouthed 'P.M.S' before quickly going back to my shadow. She then turned to me. "Since you seem to be done stripping, let's go." I shrugged and followed her to the edge of the rock formation to see that we had to jump a gap over a river flow of hot lava that could easily tear our flesh from our bones if we so happen to fall in.

"I see why Gorons don't let other races in this mine. They'll get burned to a crisp!" I said grimly as a lava geezer shot out in front of my face, easily giving my face a nice tan.

"That's not it, it's that these mines are sacred to their tribe. I don't know why, I mean there is nothing in here of any worth besides magnetic rock. And really, there is nothing that you can do with magnetic rock at all…unless you're a Goron. Then you can eat it." Zelda informed me as she jumped the gap and I followed her before the lava geezer decided to come up and burn me to a crisp.

"Then why is it called Goron Mines? Surely they must mine something, in the past maybe?" I ask totally confused. Zelda sighed.

"Just rocks. Nothing of any interest to anybody else. Gorons are rock eaters you know." She informed me. I sweatdropped. They looked like rocks too, oh well it's as the old saying goes, you are what you eat. "Ok I knew the Gorons aren't exactly the smartest group in the bunch but really, this is extremely stupid." I looked over to Zelda, then to what she was staring at. It was a metal thing (for lack of better terms) leading us to the next door…oh.

"This is going to be a long dungeon." I sighed as Zelda began to use the new words she learned at the Forest Temple when the monkey mooned her.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"Oh my god a hot spring!" Zelda yelled happily as we entered the next room. We we're only on like the fifth room in this damn place but we already burned our feet and other body parts, almost got eaten by a fire breathing lizard thing, almost crushed by a wall among numerous other mishaps. So it was safe to say I was relatively surprised by the lack of things that could potentially harm us…unless…

"HOLY CRAP THIS ISN'T A HOT SPRING AT ALL, THIS IS MORE LIKE A FREEZER! DAMN WE'RE IN AN ACTIVE VOLCANO AND THE WATER IS FREEZING! THIS MAKES NO SENSE!" I turned to see Zelda quickly climbing out of the after apparently jumping in, her clothes dripping wet and stick to her body…damn it! I blushed and watched her stomp outside to the previous room before returning back not a second later. "On second thought that was refreshing."

I shook my head and began to survey the room while ignoring Zelda who was nervously putting a foot in the water with Midna who had came out of my shadow to see what the fuss was all about encouraging her. There was a door on the other side of the room but it was too high up to reach…maybe there was a door underwater or something? Or maybe a way to get to the door!

I walked up to Zelda who was still half way in the water and was holding on the edge and sighed. She was already soaking wet, why was she torturing herself? I braced myself and jumped in the water, causing a loud splash and making Zelda cry out in surprise. Damn the water was cold! But I was a guy, I had to survive!

With that thought in mind I held my breath and dove under the water to see a box blocking the way to a smaller room that contains a switch. I learned by now that switch equals good. So I swam over and tried to move the box only to find it was hard to do so while underwater. Annoyed I swam to surface to where Midna and Zelda still were doing who knows what.

"Midna, I need my iron boots. There is this box that blocks my way to this switch. Zelda and Midna stopped their random argument about who knows what and turned their attention to me. "Come on, well, let's go!" I growled before diving back under the water, not wanting to be in this water longer then I had to be. Zelda followed me and I swam to the box and Midna granted my request for the iron boots and I was able to stomp inside the room on top of the switch, Zelda lightly gripping the back of my tunic as she floated. Then all of a sudden I and Zelda were jerked upwards so that I was somehow standing on the ceiling.

"I decided I really hate this place now." Zelda grunted into my back, desperately holding on like a monkey as Midna was laughing her ass off at our expense. I gulped as I felt Zelda tighten her grip as I took an uncertain step forward.

"It looks…like you can walk…to the door…on the ceiling…" Midna suggested between fits of laughter. I grunted and decided that it was worth a shot as I began to walk as fast as I could to the door as I could feel Zelda shaking on my back. Was she scared of heights?

We soon reached the door and were able to get back to standing normally, and the minute Zelda was able to put her foot on solid ground she unsheathed her sword and began to swing it at Midna, almost hitting me in the process, swearing all the while. I was hoping that Zelda was the Queen because if my head wasn't taken off for kidnapping, it surely will be for dirtying Zelda's mouth for she was saying words that no lady should be saying, certainly not the princess.

"Um…Zelda…we should go…" I suggested, ducking as her sword nearly hit me again. Zelda stopped much to my surprise. However her real intentions of stopping we're quickly explained.

"Good point! I can just push her in the lava in the next room!" She said cheerfully as Midna hovered worriedly near my head.

"Oh yea, I'm defiantly going to keep my guard up around her. I totally think it's that time of the month…" I looked at Midna in confusion.

"What time?" Midna sweatdropped and stared at me.

"Isn't one of your friends a girl? Isn't there a time of the month where she seems extra bitchy or moody?" Midna asked me. She must be talking about Illia…or Beth. Probably Illia. I thought back to Illia's odd mood swings.

"Yea…but I think she's just bipolar." I told Midna honestly. Midna stared at me.

"You know nothing about women do you. Well ok, I'll guess I'll explain it to you. Ok once a month a woman…" Midna started to explain before Zelda, who had left without us came back.

"Ok guys we have to find parts of this key so we can get to the big Goron man…hey what are you two talking about?" Zelda asked us suspiciously, spinning a part of what I'm assuming is a key around.

"I'm teaching Link about sexual education!" Midna said cheerfully. Zelda seemed to perk up on this.

"All right! I'll help, so what are we teaching him!" For some odd reason I have a bad feeling in my stomach…

XxXXxXxXxXx

After learning that Illia was in fact not bipolar and that her extreme mood swings that occur once a month are a result of this so called "period" we continued on our journey, which I'm going to spare you because besides having to give Zelda piggy back rides at the magnetic rock parts and almost being sniped off a few times by archers nothing of any interest really happened.

Which leads us to where we are now. Me standing on this circular piece of magnetic rock which was somehow floating in lava staring down this huge ass Goron while Zelda and Midna watched me from the ledge above. Damn their lucky.

"I won't let you get the treasure!" He cried out, not sounding too intelligent. Brawn and no brains, perfect person to guard some sacred object. But also bad when you were allowed to use the damn thing.

"Listen pal, one of your decrypted old leaders said we could use…" I wasn't able to finish my sentence because stupid rolled up in a ball and then proceeded to run me over. Such a pleasant fellow. I was able to dodge out of the way and as he approached the edge I hoped that he would fall off. However I wasn't lucky. He was able to uncurl himself right before he went over the edge. Why can't things ever work out the way I want them too?

That's when the platform we were on started to tip downwards like a teeter totter, me being on the top and slowly sliding down where the Goron guard waited. This can't be good.

"Midna, the boots! Give me my damn boots!" I yelped as I began to run upwards trying to keep a good distance from the Goron who could easily seriously maim me with a single punch.

"Oh, right! Here you go wolf boy!" Midna yelled down to me cheerfully as black sparks enveloped my feet and my iron boots appeared. I breathed a sigh of relief as I stopped sliding toward my death. However that relief was short lived when stupid began to roll at me again. You have to be shitting me…

I tried to move out of the way but the iron boots are so damn heavy and the magnetized rock wasn't making things any easier. I gulped as the Goron got closer and braced myself the same way I did when one of the goats escaped the ranch because of Fado's incompetence.

The Goron rolled right into me and I caught it and acting on instinct, I threw it to the side. The guard kept on rolling past me…and…fell into the lava. I waited for the Goron to appear…2 seconds…5 seconds…10 seconds…15 seconds…

"Link, I think the guard is dead…" Zelda yelled from the top of the ledge. My face whitened. The charges were piling up, that's for sure. Kidnapping the princess of Hyrule, teaching the Princess of Hyrule vulgar words and exposing her to danger, and now murder. I was now officially screwed. Just then there was a loud yell and the Goron emerged from the lava and back on to the platform.

At first I was relieved that the Goron wasn't dead. Then I remembered that the Goron was trying to kill me before I threw it into the lava and almost killed it, so I was now officially screwed over.

"What the hell was that for! Lava is hot!" The Goron yelled at me. Before I could say anything however, Zelda got it covered.

"Dude, you tried to kill him. It was self-defense. If you just listened to us before this would never have happened. Gor Ebizo said we could use this weapon you're guarding. We're trying to help your patriarch!" Zelda yelled up from the ledge. The guard looked at me.

"This true?" I nodded my head and the guard looked sheepish. "My bad, I should have listened to you before. The weapon which you seek is in that room." The guard explained, pointing to the ledge opposite of where Zelda and Midna stood. I looked up at it. How the hell were we supposed to get there?! The platform was too low…

That's when suddenly the lava boiled and shot up the platform we were on so it was level with the ledge.

"What the hell!" I yelped as I fell to the floor. The guard just shrugged as Zelda and Midna (who decided to hide in Zelda's shadow for a change) jumped on the platform and ran up to where I was.

"Happens all the time. I tend not to question it anymore." I nodded, it was the best way to keep your sanity. I turned to Zelda who was waiting patiently near me.

"Come on lets go." And then I turned back to the guard. "Thank you." I told him, the manors that I have been taught ever since I was a child kicking in. The Goron waved its giant hand.

"Ah no problem. Least I could do for almost killing you even though you were trying to save our patriarch." I nodded my head and walked up to the ledge and opened the door to see a treasure chest in the middle of the room.

"You know I've been wondering. It seems that all the treasure chests have been put here conveniently. You know if I made a dungeon and had locked doors, I wouldn't put stuff that would help the person raid the thing in it all. Even if they had to go through random puzzles and shit. I mean it's stupid. Also, if I did put keys in here, I would have only one key and have all the doors be able to open to the same lock." Zelda commented as she waltzed up the treasure chest and then proceeded to pick the lock, grinning when the chest popped open.

"Which makes me wonder, why can't you pick the locks on the doors." I asked her as she pulled out this bow and a quiver of arrows. Zelda seemed surprised at this notion before thinking about it. After pondering it over for a few minutes she smiled innocently at me.

"It a game. That would be cheating." I sweatdropped at this answer. Zelda then slung the quiver over her shoulder. "I'll be carrying this, you don't mind do you?" I shrugged.

"You would be better off with it. I'm not exactly the shot of the year. Anyways I have a sling shot, so I have a long range weapon." I told her honestly. Zelda grinned as she strung an arrow to the bow and aimed it at this rope that was holding up what seemed to be a door.

"Well that settles that." She said cheerfully and she let the arrow fly and it effectively cut the string, making the door fall. See I would waste half my ammo before I was able to do that. "Let's go on, shall we?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

After continuing on, Zelda got to make use of her new bow. She was the best marksmen I had ever seen. She had admitted to me cheerfully that she was actually a projectile expert, seeing as that was the best and most indirect way of keeping suitors at bay. She told me a story as she picked off a goblin that was shooting at us earlier that one time she was forced to have a picnic with one of the suitors at the garden and she used the watermelon seeds that she was eating to stealthily flick (and spit) at the suitor. When the suitor seemed confused what was hitting him, she then fed him some bullshit story about how there was some bugs going around in Hyrule that spread some sort of deadly disease and then she gasped and pointed to the little red marks that the watermelon seeds left (she apparently spat/flicked them with a great force) and said that was the work of the bug.

It was suffice to say that was the last time she saw that suitor. But enough of that.

"Link…it woke up." Oh yes, I forgot to say we were in the room where what we assume to be the patriarch being chained up. I mean there is this thing chained up…but…it doesn't look like a Goron. It was big and black…and big…and holy crap now it was on fire.

"Holy crap, it suddenly combusted!" I yelped as flames surrounded the thing. Zelda took a step back.

"I think it meant to do that." She said slowly before the thing gave a roar that nearly blew my ear drums out and proceeded to rip away at its bindings. "Oh yea, totally meant to do that."

"Holy shit, the thing must have been drunk or something when the Gorons tied it up! Quick, does anybody have any Vodka or sake or something!" Midna said worriedly as the thing seemed to notice and stomped toward us, its chains dragging behind it.

"Oh yea, because I totally carry a bottle of booze around with me wherever I go." I replied sarcastically as I grabbed Zelda's hand and proceeded to run around the circular room so I could get out of its way. It seemed slow and stupid. It turned to face us and started its advance towards us again. Zelda drew her bow and pointed it at the monster.

"Stay back! I have a sharp pointy object and I'm not afraid to use it! So stop flaming and turn back to normal or else!" The monster seemed to pause at her words, obviously confused. I sweatdropped, was she really the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom? The monster then seemed to figure it didn't care and continued its advance towards us.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" Zelda cried out and let her arrow fly and it hit the third eye in the middle of its forehead. Screaming in agony, the monster yelled and started to stomp around the room at a much faster pace than it was going before, holding its head. I noticed its dragging chains against the metallic rock…that's it!

"Midna, give me my iron boots! I have an idea!" I yelled into my shadow as I ran behind it and grabbed one of the chains. Midna granted my wish and I braced myself and pulled on the chain, efficiently tripping it and making it fall as its flames go out. Zelda and I both looked at each other before nodding.

"COMBO ATTACK!" We both yelled, her speed and my power was able to get in at least three combo attacks in on the giant third eye. As soon as we stopped, the eye cracked and broke into a million pieces and floated up into the air and formed a piece of the Fused Shadow leaving the patriarch behind.

"You know I imagined this to be much more climatic then this. You know, like an epic boss battle or something." Zelda said as she poked the patriarch with her toe. Midna left my shadow and got the Fused Shadow before turning back to us.

"It's two against one. And you are the best fighters I've seen yet, though considering your backgrounds it shouldn't really happen. I mean come on Zelda, you're the freaking princess. It's pretty much stereotyped that you can't fight for shit. And Link, you're a goat rancher. You're supposed to be slow and sturdy and only be able to fight with farm tools when pushed. You guys should not be able to fight as well you do." Midna complained as she created a portal.

"There's monsters in the woods where I live in. Of course I'm going to know how to fight." I complained, folded my arms across my chest. "By the way can I have my clothes back? It's been chilly outside of the volcano lately." My clothes appeared on top of my head. I grunted as I began to take my tunic off as Zelda turned around and muttering something about no dignity or other.

"I learned to fight because my father is paranoid that an assassination would be made on my life seeing as I'm the princess as you said. What he failed to grasp most assassinations these days are done by poison or some other stealthy method. The assassin is not going to come out an attack me." Zelda complained.

"Zant did." I offered as I finished dressing and turned toward her. Zelda stared at me.

"That wasn't an assassination, that was a takeover attempt, except you can scratch out attempt because it was pretty much successful." Zelda told me. I shrugged.

"Assassination, takeover, same thing. In the end people are trying to kill you." I argued back. Zelda seemed thoughtful on this.

"Yea, which makes me wonder who he's serving." She said thoughtfully. I raised my eyebrow and exchanged glances with Midna.

"Serving?" Midna asked slowly. "I thought he was acting alone." Zelda shook his head.

"No, if he was, he would no doubt have killed me. Plus he pretty much said 'I will keep you alive since you have something my master wants' in that exact context, except way more sadistically." Midna groaned.

"Well shit. This complicates things a whole lot." She grumbled. That's when the patriarch groaned. Midna eyed the Goron leader carefully.

"Quick, let's go before you're tried for gang assault." She suggested floating over to the portal.

"Excellent idea. Let's go Link." Zelda agreed quickly, grabbing my hand and bounded over to the portal and pulled me inside as all three of us were whisked away.

Ruki44: Alright for the record, Link was NOT getting totally naked. Only his upper body was exposed and only for a short time.

Ruki: Well you just probably disappointed tons of fan girls...and maybe boys.

Hinata: Too much information there...

Rukia: Tetra you disappointed?

Tetra: looks up from Phantom Hourglass About what?

Ruki: Link not stripping down.

Tetra: Do I LOOK like Hinata to you?

Hinata: ! What the hell is that supposed to mean.

Tetra: Aw come on admit it. Your a closet pervet...for Naruto. I mean you stalk the guy.

Hinata: Doesn't mean I have sexual fantasies about him!

Ruki: Oh don't kid yourself. All stalkers are pervs I mean I bet you...

Ruki44: Woah don't make me change this to R based on humaliting Hinata.

Rukia: Yea, plus remember the last time you did that.

Ruki and Tetra: Uh...

Flashback

CARNAGE

End Flashback

Ruki: No...

Tetra: We defiently don't remember her destroying the entire city of Atlantis...

Ruki: Defiently not...

Hinata: What now?

Ruki: SHE FOUND OUT! QUICK TO THE BUNKER OF THE APOCALYPSE!

Ruki44: REVIEW! goes with Ruki, Tetra, Rukia to the Apocalypse bunker which is totally different from the Anti-Hinata carnage bunker.