Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata when he lies on the
line of death and life with a broken heart.

Warnings: YAOI, Takasugi x Hijikata, Gintoki x Hijikata. Possible Death Note spoiler.

Disclaimer: All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki. I, sadly, don't own L from Death note either.

Beta: Lumi75, thanks for all your help.

TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI

The big reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

The Shinsengumi Vice-Commander impatiently pulled a drag on a much needed cigarette. He exhaled, and grey smoke gushed out to fill the small area he was in. Although he was supposed to wind down the car window to prevent this from happening, having been lectured on the dangers of passive smoking and whatnot. Too bad. Hijikata didn't give a shit about his or another's health.

He tapped the cigarette against the already full ashtray, causing the mountain of ash to fall over. He frowned.

Where was he?

He was just going to check the clock on his mobile again, when he received a chaste kiss against his cheek out of nowhere. The lips were soft and gentle. Before he could utter a single word or swat the person away, those godly, wonderful lips roamed to his ear, nuzzling it softly, "I am back, my Toshiro..."

A shudder automatically ran down his spine, making the cigarette tremble in his grasp. His breathing sped up without his notice and his heart beat was even clearer, drumming in his ears.

Dudum, dudum, dudum.

Even if his throat was dry he willed himself to speak, but it was too late; The man's aura disappeared and a second later could he see him wandering to the other side of the red car. It was a private car, borrowed temporary since Hijikata was too conscientious to use the Shinsengumi car, just to save gas expense for the government's cash box.

The man made himself as comfortable at the passenger seat like a prince on his throne and simply smirked at him, the chin pointed out.

Hijikata was not amused by the sight, even if his lower anatomy would disagree. "No kissing in public, idiot. How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?" he scowled, taking a last, shaky, suck on his cigarette before he stuffed it in the ashtray, killing it. His partner was never fond of his cigarette, even if the bastard smoked that damn pipe.

Takasugi chuckled shortly at the other man's come-back, his green eye glimmered when he looked at his lover. "I am sorry, Toshi, couldn't resist. You looked so cute just then."

"...Tch," Hijikata blushed, but ignored the other in favour of starting the car, shifting to reverse. "Don't call me Toshi," he mumbled, not high enough so that the samurai would hear him but more to encourage himself to stay mad. He backed up quickly and slammed on the breaks, put it into drive, and sped off.

Takasugi ignored the violent driving completely. "Keep telling yourself that."

Hijikata hid his amazement at the other's keen hearing, god knows it would only feed the other's already fat ego. "I'm not telling me, I'm telling you. My name is Toshirou, nothing else."

"With that volume? It would give anyone the idea that you are talking to yourself, you know?" half joked Takasugi, gazing curiously at the Vice-Commander's fingers that clawed tightly to the driving wheel.

"Not everyone in the world has something wrong in the head like someone else here so shut up before I make you."

This got Takasugi even more amused. "Oh, why does that statement sound more tempting then it should be..."Hijikata's eye twitched angrily, but Takasugi only saw it as an excellent sign of victory. Toshi never thinks when he is mad.

"Come now," continued Takasugi, trying to get the other man to lighten up and continue speaking back to him. "Isn't the word 'petname' familiar to you in some way?"

The car did a hard turn on the road, coming in to the right way in the last second. Hijikata was obviously very distracted. "We have no petnames for each other, you have permission to call me Toshiro, nothing else."

Takasugi's eyes narrowed a little at one word in Hijikata's sentence. Permission...huh? But he decided to let it pass, this time. He would not side-step this discussion, no matter what.

"That Konol-san calls you Toshi, so why can't I?"

"His name is Kondou-san," corrected Hijikata instinctively, irritation straining his voice. "You know that. Don't even try to badmouth him by purposely calling him the wrong name."

"You are so gullible, Toshirou," smirked Takasugi in complacent, taking great pleasure at the other man's frustration. "I laid out a bait to see if you would take it as an excuse not to answer the question, and you did..."

That was the end of it.

Takasugi continued smirking at him, savouring his little moment of self-proclaimed victory. Hijikata's irritation grew by the second until he couldn't stand it, and he hated himself because he couldn't stand it. But he hated Takasugi more for making him not stand himself.

Damn bastard.

"Look," he tried to make up an excuse in hope that it would make Takasugi leave his back, "The reason I'm a little pissed is only because you broke your damn sword again this month, if you would be more careful with your things we wouldn't we need to spend our lunch break driving all the why to that damn sword maker woman."

"Her name is Murata Tetsuko," corrected Takasugi. He stared at his lover calmly, and his smirk grew wider when he noticed the other man's eye flash angrily. "Really, Toshiro, not only did you fall for my trick you even set up one for yourself. Why don't you mention her name, Toshi? If you keep going like this maybe I'd have to think..." his voice trailed off, getting lower as he leaned to Hijkata's ear again. "You're jealous..."

Hijikata instantly snarled, and made yet another sharp turn to the left, ensuring that Takasugi's body slammed hard against one side of the car. 'That's what you get for having a cranky boyfriend and no seatbelt', Takasugi fumed pungently. Hijikata carried on with his dreadful driving, and even broke the law storming the red traffic light for no reason, nearly flattening a doddering old man in the process. Takasugi glanced in the back mirror, seeing the man wave his cane at them and scream a couple of colorful words.

A demonic Vice-Commander, indeed.

"Really now, Toshirou, do I need to remind you to rely on proper methods of looking around you before tearing out into the road haphazardly?"

"Just shut the hell up. I'm the one driving, not you," snapped Hijikata harshly." I don't need to take a driving lesson from a person who doesn't drive cars, but usually bombs them."

Takasugi had to resist rolling his eyes at Hijikata's assertion, he spent his time instead making sure that his seatbelt was secure, against the high possibility of said Vice-Commander making more rash turns or worse, crash the car. He looked over at him and furrowed his brows.

"Toshiro."

"What?" Hijikata grumbled, slamming the breaks briefly before speeding back up. "What do you want now?"

"Put on your seatbelt now," he ordered the man.

Hijikata briefly glanced down and did notice that he, in fact did not have a seatbelt on.

I must have forgotten it.

He was just going to pull on the seatbelt, when a thought hit him and he stopped. He grinned a devious smile, knowing exact how much it pissed Shinsuke off when he disobeyed his orders. "Make me."

"Very well," answered Taksugi, catching on the game quite fast, and reached across the other man's chest and tried to pull the belt over him with force. Hijikata shifted around in his seat, knowing full well that it just made things harder for Takasugi.

Taksugi hissed angrily but persisted with his task. He tugged sharply at Hijikata's Shinsengumi jacket to pin him down, but it only resulted in the steering wheel making a violent move.

Hijikata screamed, "Shinsuke, remove your damn arm!"

"Never, not until you have a seatbelt on!"

"Forget the damn seatbelt!"

"Sit still, now!"

"I am still, you're the one who can't attract a seatbelt from hell!"

"Stop looking down and concentrate on the road before you kill us both!"

"I don't care if I kill you at this point!"

That was when they heard it: A siren.

Takasugi strained to look behind and blinked when he saw another police car. Surprise, surprise.

"Pull over, Toshiro," said Takasugi in his usual smooth voice, a crooked smile gracing his face. "Our 'comrade' seems to want something."

"Dammit, Shinsuke!" Hijikata barked as he pulled over, starting to wind down the window in haste. "All this is your fucking fault, and can you just move your arm already!"

A rather big man, dressed in the same leather uniform as Hijikata strutted up to the window of the car, took off his sunglasses in cool gesture and peered down at the two. He froze on the spot, gasping, "V-Vice-Commander H-Hijika-"

"If you tell somebody about this I will force you to commit Seppuku, got it?!" Hijikata interrupted the nameless Shinsengumi with a predatory glare, his hands busily trying to remove his boyfriend's arm that seemed to wiggle around him more and more.

"Y-Y-Yes, Vice-Commander, I will-I mean I will not!" spluttered the Shinsengumi as he backed away before breaking into a run towards his police car.

"Hmph, that'd learn him not to act so arrogantly," muttered Hijikata, eyes following the Shinsengumi through his rear-view mirror.

He was suddenly in the mood for another cigarette and was just about to reach for his pocket when he noticed that he was unable to. What the...His body was completely paralyzed, he struggled to get out of the grasp on him when he come face to face with the smirking Takasugi, who seemed to get closer and closer...

"This is not over, don't you ever even think that this is over." The narrowed green eye stared through his blue eyes, straight into his soul, "Understood?"

** ** **

"...Oi, Kondou-san, can I wake him up? He is definitely awake," pestered Shougo, eager to initiate some action since he was very bored. "Look, Hijikata-san's finger just twitched. So can I Kondou-san? I will be careful. I promise."

Not. Added Shougo smugly in his head.

The Commander of Shinsengumi, Kondou Isao, was currently seated on a comfy pillow at the floor. In front of him was a table with short wooden legs, which allowed him to reach over to his tea cup with ease. He had collected a rather high number of used cups over the two days…

Hijikata lay unconscious on a futon. His bare shoulders, chest and arms were wrapped in thick bandages through which splotches of dark red could be seen. Kondou shook his head in answer to his first captain's question. "Let him be, Shougo. He needs to rest."

"Eh?" Shougo looked over, one hand already perched on Hijikata's shoulder on the verge of shaking him awake. "Why? The sooner we get to know who did this to Hijikata-san, the sooner can we kill them in revenge."

Or simply pay the culprit more to finish up their job...

Resisting his inner urges, Shougo backed away from the man's motionless body and returned to his place on the pillow opposite his Commander.

"It will be time for that, be patient, Shougo," said Kondou, his arms crossed over his large chest and eyes narrowed. "Either way, we'll make sure that the person responsible for this will pay his debt, but more importantly at the moment, we ought to find out the real reason why someone wants to do something like this to Toshi."

Shougo settled down on his pillow, crossing his legs comfortably. "Maybe that person is against cigarettes. I always knew that cigarettes would be the death of Hijkata-san," he gave Kondou an innocent sideways look. "I even remind him about it every morning."

Kondou raised an eyebrow, seemingly not keen at all on the notion of a having a crazy psychopath on the loose around Edo killing every person he sees with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"...I don't think that's probably the case," he muttered after a while, feeling a need to fill the silence. "Toshi didn't even have any cigarettes on him that night, so this makes it logically impossible. No, I believe it's more likely that someone is after the Shinsengumi."

"Oh."

"I mean, why else would this person leave Toshi in this state? All the damage points to
torture, and not death, the culprit maybe just wanted to force Toshi to reveal something..."

"Mm."

"Hmm," Kondou started to think, picturing the events of the past week looking for something suspicious, but could only think of it as any other week. At least he hadn't noticed anything off.

Maybe Shougo knows.

"Shougo, have you heard or seen anything strange around here lately?"

"Not really, no more than seeing Hijikata writing a letter to his mom." Shougo suddenly grinned a little, a thought developing in his head. "Maybe he wrote something bad, like telling her to lay off the cookies before she got too fat and now is she after his blood."

Kondou stretched over the table and hit Shougo squarely over the head. "This isn't the time to be joking around, Shougo. You have no right to say those things about Toshi's mother since you have never met the woman, so knock it off right now!" Kondou scolded his young captain. No matter how old he got or more mature he behaved, it seemed like he would never outgrow his sadistic urge to insult people without a care.

Shougo rubbed his head where the Commander had hit him, ruffling his golden hair. His eyes were dancing with a lively glint. The hit wasn't that hard but the fast move jolted him out of his sleepy state into a more dangerous one…

Maybe I ought to test the same thing on Hijikata sometime...

He looked up at Kondou, seeing the older man practically bearing down at him with the 'stare' he often used when Shougo was little. The meaningful gravitas behind the 'stare' was supposed to signify to Shougo that he had done something bad and he better feel awful for it.

To bad that the only reason the 'stare' ever had some effect on him was because if he didn't apologize Kondou would tell his sister.

Unfortunately, the Commander couldn't do that anymore and therefore the 'stare' had lost its power. Hah!

"Just kidding, just kidding," Shougo reassured his Commander, even raising both arms in an attempt show that he meant no harm. "I think you do need some rest, too, Kondou-san. You usually aren't this serious."

"Are you implying that the only reason for my seriousness is because that I haven't slept in over forty-eight hours and not because I am a responsible Commander?!"

"Don't get me wrong Kondou-san," drawled Shougo in a blank, straightforward tone as he lazily, almost rudely pointed his finger at the older man. "I do believe that this situation is very serious and deserves all of our attention. But don't you think that those black rings around your eyes have nothing to do with your grave attitude right now?"

"Absolutely not," denied Kondou on the beat, you could clearly see that he was very defensive about the subject. "This is simply a tribute for L from Death Note, he died last week you know."

"..."

They were obviously coming off the topic, and even if Shougo had nothing against it, Death Note wasn't really the subject that occupied his interest right now. "Kondou-san, if I may, don't you think that the culprit perhaps isn't after the Shinsengumi but is after Hijikata-san for some personal reason?"

"Don't be stupid Shougo, if it was a personal reason Toshi would end up dead."

Shougo's mouth opened in astonishment, he found that his Commander was completely right, no doubt about it. Maybe he ought to encourage Kondou to become an insomniac, he might be crafty more often then. And who knows, maybe Shimura Otae would think him more attractive with a brain. Hopefully she wouldn't mind the hideous black rings underneath his eyes.

"Okay, I get your point," said Shougo finally, watching Kondou curiously. "Perhaps the culprit was after-what should I say? -secret information. That sounds logical. The bad guy going after the weakest link of this organization, don't you think so, Kondou-san?"

Kondou clearly wasn't as sure as Shougo about that theory, "I don't know, you can't really call Toshi our weakest link since he is our Vice-Commander. No, if the person was after the weakest one would he gone after Yamazaki, not Toshi."

"Ahh. I guess you are right, Kondou-san. I've completely forgotten about Yamazaki," said Shougo in a slightly understanding voice. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Suddenly a gruesome groan tore out, interrupting their calm conversation. The two of them looked over to the source of the noise. Hijikata was waking up. A hoarse and scared voice pleaded desperately"...No!!! Let me go!" the mop of hair trashed from side to side, "Why can't I move?!"

Kondou jumped to his feet immediately, rushing over to his second in command with Shougo in tow.

His broad hand fell naturally on Hijikata's bare shoulder, drawing his attention and wide, blurry eyes to him for just a second before the man started to struggle in fear, his body trembling as if to summon the power to move, to run.

Kondou hadn't expected this, he was caught between the urge to let him go and hope he would calm down by himself or to stubbornly and physically restrain him from any rash moves.

To leave Toshi alone would just end up with him hurting himself, it is probably better if I talk to him.

"Toshi? Toshi, calm down. It is just me, shh..." whispered Kondou in a composed voice to the panic stricken man as Shougo peered curiously over his shoulder.

"Toshi, just calm down, it is okay, it is okay. Shh."

At last Kondou's words seemed to reach Hijikata, he stopped twisting in the bed and his blue eyes glimmered with surprise and recognition when they gazed up at the Shinsengumi Commander. The view of those warm brown eyes melted away all his fear's. He blinked a few times.

"Kondou-san...," he whispered, his kneeling posture instantly relaxed and lowered down.

"For a second I thought you were..." uttered Hijikata breathlessly, leaving the sentence hanging when he swallowed. A little shudder run down his spine as the name made his nightmare wash over him again, he remembered the kiss, the reckless speeding, the Shinsengumi officer that caught them and...the rest of the details dissolved into darkness. Except for the very end, he clearly remembered how at the every end, Takasugi's face seemed to get closer and closer…

He couldn't help but check at his arms and chest to see if the binds of flesh still where there, they weren't. Instead were they wrapped in bandage...

This man had black, thin hair, a bandage over his left eye and a colorful kimono that reached to the heels. A shadow seemed to naturally hide his face...

"Toshi," Kondou smiled a tired smile that showed more warmth than weakness, as he gazed down at the man with lowered lids. He gave Hijikata's left shoulder a reassuring squeeze before his tanned hand left it. "How are you feeling, Toshi?"

"Just a little rigid..." Hijikata reply was curt.

But Kondou didn't seem to hear him, "You must be thirsty, right? Shougo, get him some water," he waved to the door as he arranged Hijikata's pillows to make him more comfortable. Shougo nodded shortly, still observing the two until finally he crossed the doorway. "Yamazaki, get some water," he simply drawled to the spy who was guarding the door. Yamazaki blinked, an open manga lying in his knee. "But, I-"

Shougo instantly slid the door close, and sneaked back to his place beside Kondou-san, just in time to hear Hijikata-san speak.

"Where am I?" he asked, squinting at the unfamiliar room. "Are we at the hospital?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, Hijikata-san. You are at the still at the Shinsengumi I'm afraid." He beamed a lovely smile. "But don't worry, some day will I accompany you to the hospital if you want."

The older man scowled, realizing that he, in fact, wasn't alone in the room with his Commander as he first thought. "Shougo."

"Nice to have your old self back so fast, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata simply snorted at the younger's statement, his healed lip now allowed him to do so.

"We didn't want to send you to the hospital Toshi," Kondou said, filling in the blanks that Shougo had left. "Even if they do offer better nursing, the hospital doesn't allow the same security we can provide here at the Shinsengumi Headquarters. The reason why we didn't leave you to recover in your own room was just because you would need silence, and this little, isolated room is perfect for that task. We just acted for your own good, it's true."

Hijikata nodded at Kondou's word, understanding completely, and didn't even for a second blame the man for his action. "I see. Well, how long was I gone?"

"That Yorozuya fellow showed up with your unconscious form around two days ago, and you have been out since then. Your wounds are healing pretty well, it is just that broken left hand of yours, that is the gravest injury."

Hijikata blinked, turning his gaze away to look up to the ceiling. He frowned in thought. The Shinsengumi have no knowledge of blood testing so it is obvious that Kondou-san isn't aware of the paralyzing substance; good. Since it is from the black market, if I go with Takasugi's words, a simple investigation will throw up such a small scale of people that probably Takasugi's name would appear at the top of the list.

"Then, now that you are awake and feeling rather good maybe you can answer some questions, Hijikata-san, if you don't mind of course," said Shougo with his arm's crossed over his chest and leaning lazily against the wall. He never gave Hijikata the chance of speaking before he continued. "Who did this?" blurted he in one go, creating a deep silence in the small room.

"Did…what?" said Hijikata after a while, playing forgetful just to make his role as a 'confused person' more believable.

He succeeded, he had never sounded so stupid in his entire life.

Shougo paused a moment, his face still blank as a sheet so you could see no trace of what he was thinking behind the mask. He simply flicked his eyes pointedly at Hijikata's bodily injuries, waiting for him to get on with it.

Kondou was really worried now, was his brilliant Vice-Commander now showing signs of mental slowness? His hand twitched in sudden need. He wanted to call the hospital to get a computed axial tomography brain scan and full body section over his Vice-Commander, right now!

The black haired man got a sudden feeling of guilt, but he was more worried if Kondou would call the hospital. He decided that it was time to 'get it'.

"Oh, you mean…that," he sounded sad and uncomfortable, as if he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't know how much of it that was acting or pure feeling. "I don't know, I was drunk and it was very dark...and he hit me," he continued to lie, comforting himself that it was partly true. His eyes were still directed to the ceiling. "I think I got a memory gap or something..."

"So it was a male, you say?" said Kondou, just to clarify the facts and remove all misunderstanding. Even if there were none.

"Most definitive," he muttered bored, knowing by own experience that telling that the sex was male didn't really matter in this sort of crimes. The reason being obvious.

Knock, knock.

The sudden rapping on the door brought the three Shinsengumi members to attention and the door opened softy, letting a streak of bright light. It was Yamazaki.

"Ano, Commander...sorry to disturb, but..."

Kondou ignored his apologize and only waved him in to the room. "Never mind that, you can come in, Yamazaki. Did you bring the water?"

Yamazaki didn't come in to the room as the Commander gestured him to do, he stayed at the door. He seemed very hesitant about how he would reply to the question. "...Kinda, but it is something else--eh, there is someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" snapped Kondou irritated, both at the slowness of his response and at the mention of the unknown guest. "Tell him I am busy."

"Oi, is this how the Shinsengumi treat their guest? Telling them 'you are busy' when they went through the effort of coming all the way here. Nasty style, Commander, and here I thought that I had bad hospitality."

Gintoki didn't wait for any further invitation before he entered the room on his own, easily pushing the door aside. Yamazaki's hissed at him to stop as he shut the door, but the free-lancer pretended that he didn't hear him. He went up to Hijikata's futon, gazing seriously at the wide blue eyes.

"Hello, danna," Shougo greeted the silver haired man with a small wave. Gintoki nodded back to him shortly, while he looking at Hijikata with empty eyes. He seated himself at the floor, and didn't say anything to the Vice-Commander.

Suddenly reached he out his hand, it was a glass of water. "How are you, Toshy-Boy?"

And oftentimes excusing of a fault
Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.

~William Shakespeare