I'm sorry it has been so long since I last updated, but couple writers block with the loss of my writing partner and you get a lot of hell. So yes, I am now writing for Edward, I find this somewhat more difficult than writing for Alphonse, but I ask that you please bare with me whilst I get this character working for me. Everything after Alphonse states that he is not a little kid that is writing for Edward was by me, everything Edward before that was written by my friend. I hope you enjoy anyway.
The walk to the library had seemed to take longer than normal, and somehow it seemed more tiring too, it was him wasn't it? Everything was because of him, it was all in his head, the tiredness, the length of the journey, one big exhausting muddled mess.
Alphonse fidgeted somewhat at the sturdy oak study table in the library, his coat hanging loosely on the back of his chair. Grey eyes glanced up at the people around him before he looked back at the book he had open in front of him, he was distracted, he admitted that. Even reading Physics books was doing little to rid him of his thoughts, to draw him away from the events of that morning.
He really hadn't expected Edward to react like that over a few pieces of paper, especially where he was concerned, what could be so important that it warranted that smack he'd given him?
Alphonse rubbed his temple absentmindedly, feeling the tingling of his skin as a dull ache presented itself, it seemed much like this problem he was having with his brother, the pain wasn't going to go away anytime soon.
She just couldn't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard she tried, a vivid image of his face seemed arise in her mind, not that she really minded all that much in truth.
Jayne sighed lightly, her bright blue eyes somewhat dazed as she tried to scan the writing on the page of the book before her, her left hand gently resting under her chin to support her head.
She admired him, she admitted that much, and yet she hardly knew him, but...did that even matter? Her right hand moved slowly, brushing strands of her blonde hair from her eyes, a smile moving over her lips as she sighed once more.
Why couldn't she concentrate? She had a perfectly good physics volume in front of her and all she could do was stare at the pages in a mild daydream. It did not take long for her to become bored of her attempt at concentration and she closed the book, her eyes holding a glint as she lifted her head to scan the library...just hoping that maybe....she would catch a glimpse of that boy.
Sadly, it seemed she could not find that face from her memories, and she frowned somewhat, about to return to her reading when she saw him, the clothes he wore immediately recognisable as the ones he had worn just the day before.
A smile crept back onto her lips as she realised it was him...Alphonse, the young boy who had been so helpful to her but yesterday. Carefully and quietly, she rose from her seat, gathering her things before she moved away from her table, clutching the book to her chest calmly.
It was him wasn't it? She was beginning to doubt herself somewhat, afraid of making a rather embarrassing case of mistaken identity, and yet as she drew closer her mind told her...yes...yes that was definitely hum, and already a blush was moving across her cheeks.
Alphonse tapped his fingers on the table, his fist now pressed into his cheek as he leaned on his arm, still trying to concentrate but to no avail. It seemed that his thoughts were not going to stop anytime soon, no matter how hard he fought with his mind, how much he told himself to forget about it, but he couldn't forget, and that was the problem.
The younger Elric gained a somewhat bored expression as he leaned back in his chair somewhat, a red mark now on his cheek where his fist had been.
What was he going to do? Well the real question was what could he do? It wasn't as though he could force answers from his brother, even though he really wanted to, the whole situation was driving him crazy in a sense, and that tension that would build between them, well frankly, that in itself was unsettling.
His brother was difficult to read, something that had been so easy in the past, but now he never revealed anything, he was closed off from everything....sometimes, if felt as though Edward wasn't really there...like his mind was someplace else when he became enraged.
Suddenly there were hands on his eyes, and the young boy panicked a little, jumping with obvious fright but he calmed instantly on hearing that soothing voice, familiar and yet strange all at once.
"Guess who?"
Slowly his hands came up to cover hers momentarily before he gently traced the length of her fingers, and somehow he gained a smile.
He knew it was her, and already his cheeks were reddening somewhat, well, this was a pleasant surprise, a moment of happiness in an otherwise dismal day, and he was thankful for the distraction.
Taking her hands, he removed them from his eyes slowly, releasing them as he turned to look at her, that redness now in full swing as his smile grew somewhat wider.
"Hi....Jayne" he said quietly, his voice soft, warm.
For a moment there was silence as his fingers tentatively traced hers, and a shiver ran down her spine, a warm smile moving over her lips as her cheeks flushed scarlet, another light giggle sounding from the young girl.
As he released her hands, she moved back a little, watching him turn to face her, those grey eyes of his trailing up to catch her own of varying blue hue.
"I'm glad you remembered my name....." she said softly, still holding that warm and inviting smile. "I was afraid you would have forgotten".
It was true, after all, it was a chance meeting, and whilst the circumstances had indeed been unusual, she had highly doubted that he would remember her name, let alone what she looked like.
Forget her name? Alphonse frowned slightly to that, true, he had met her for only a few moments, but how could he forget her name after what had happened...and not just the incident that left her on the floor surrounded by a pile of paperwork, the moment when her hand had touched his.....he shook his head a little as that thought came to mind.
It had stirred some feelings within him, he knew that, but he had known her all of a day, that wasn't long enough to ifeel/i anything, or so he told himself, still, better to pretend it was merely a friendly attraction rather than something more.
"I never forget a name" he said brightly, trying to be somewhat reassuring, realising that perhaps she had been truly worried that he would have forgotten, and that only posed more questions in his mind. "...or a face".
Why? Why had he just said that? He should have just stopped right there, stopped at telling her the truth, yes, he was good at names, he had always been that way...but why had he added the last bit?
Alphonse cursed mentally and scrunched his eyes closed for a moment, it seemed his mouth was running away with him again, making him say things he would normally have reservations over...the whole situation was mildly uncomfortable, but for the moment he would have to bear it, and besides....there were worse things he could have said.
Jayne stared at him with a mixture of curiosity and confusion as he closed his eyes looking mildly annoyed at himself, was he angry that he had said that? Was he afraid that he had offended her perhaps? To those thoughts she moved a little closer, placing her hand on his shoulder gently with a small light laugh, shaking her head ever so slightly.
"You don't have to look so annoyed with yourself...I'm sorry if I said something I shouldn't have" she said quietly, her smile dropping as her gaze moved to the floor, removing her hand from his shoulder slowly.
Alphonse opened his eyes and stared at her with some shock, before his frown returned, she thought that she had done something wrong? No, she had done nothing wrong, there was no need for her to apologise, and yet still she had, she was apologising for nothing....just as he had with his brother.
For the briefest of moments he had forgotten Edward, her presence a distraction interesting enough to keep him from reliving that mornings events, but now, now he found himself drawn back into those thoughts, the papers, his brothers angry shouts...the smack to the side of his head....had he really made Edward that angry? Angry enough that he would strike him without due cause.
Alphonse sighed deeply, it seemed he couldn't escape his thoughts for long, even in the presence of someone else....why wouldn't they die and leave the memories in the back of his mind? Perhaps there was more to it than that though, perhaps it was merely that he did not understand it, understand how his brother could become so enraged over something as simple as him holding a pile of papers, and in those thoughts, came the realisation, that perhaps, he should find out exactly what was so important that it had caused his brother to lash out.
"Alphonse....are you okay?"
The younger Elric shook his head sharply, eyes focussing on Jayne once more as he read that concerned look upon her face, he hadn't realised it, but for a moment he had spaced out, his mind reeling, all the while with her staring back at him.
"....I-I'm sorry......guess I don't feel so good..." he said feeling his stomach churn somewhat, frankly he did feel somewhat flustered, perhaps more than he should be, and there was a slight sting to his throat, difficulty swallowing, or was that merely because of now? Because of his thoughts? Either way, he wasn't feeling much like being here right now....as awful as that sounded in his head.
"I.....I have to go, I'm sorry, I hope I see you again" he said quickly pushing the chair out from under the table with his legs before standing, bowing his head slightly to her before heading for the door, his hand raised to his mouth.
Jayne was more than a little surprised at his reaction and she could only watch as he bowed his head in leaving, had she said something wrong? Had she done something to upset him? She frowned then her eyes glancing to the table, scanning over the book he had been reading before looking to the chair.
"Oh!" she cried seeing his coat still draped over the back of the chair. "Alphonse wait!".
It seemed her shout was too late as she turned to see that he was gone, with a sigh, she lifted the coat from the chair, holding it by the collar in her left as folded it over her right arm.
"I guess....I'll give it to you....next time" she said quietly, smiling a little to that thought before closing the book that he had left upon the table.
~*~
Somehow he had lost the day, the few moments he had spent with Jayne seemed to have happened but moments ago, but it had been several hours since their meeting, as brief as it had been. He had hardly noticed that it was getting dark before he found himself wandering the dimly lit streets with little idea as to the time, it was funny really, how had he not noticed it was getting dark?
Alphonse sighed deeply a frown planted firmly on his face as he coughed slightly raising his hand to tentatively grip his throat as pain coursed through it, frankly it hurt like hell, even swallowing was a biting sensation, one he did not much relish.
The whole day had been a mess, an endless flow of unanswered questions in his mind, persistent guilt over rushing out on Jayne so suddenly, it had been rude, he knew that, and yet he had done it anyway on his own impulse, and it had taken him a good few hours to realise he had left his coat behind, and by the time he had come to that particular realisation it was too later to return to retrieve it.
He wanted to turn back the hands on the clock, wanted to go back and start the day from the beginning, to undo the damage that had been done, the fight with his brother, his untimely exit from the library leaving Jayne in a somewhat shocked state, he wanted it all to be nothing but a dream, some horrible nightmare that he could eventually wake from, but there was no waking from this, this was reality, no matter how much he wished things were different.
With some effort the younger Elric dragged himself with tired steps to the his front door, right hand rummaging through his trouser pocket searching for his key, thankfully he hadn't left ithat/I in his coat.
As he gripped the key, something else stirred in his mind and it was in that moment that he gained a panicked expression and patted his trousers frantically realising now that he HAD left something behind in his coat...his wallet. With a mild curse Alphonse let out a growl of frustration raising his hand to his head, of all the dumb things to do, now not only had he lost his coat, he'd lost his money too.
"Ugh.....great..." he sighed before practically forcing the key into the lock, turning it sharply in mild anger.
He barely registered anything as he stepped inside, his head throbbing about as much as his throat, he didn't notice that it wasn't as dark as it should have been, didn't even take note of the soft glow of a lamp within the living room, he merely kicked off his shoes, and headed into the living room his mind beginning to contemplate the idea of just flopping down on top of his bed rather than actually get into it, he was tired, he admitted, and more than a little hungry.
It hadn't occurred to him before, but he hadn't eaten anything all day, but right now the tiredness was winning out over his stomach's incessant growling, he would just have to make sure to eat in the morning.
Problem after problem, issue after issue, for once Edward would dearly have loved something to go right in his life, anything at all. It had been so long since he'd felt satisfaction in anything, he was sure emotions had left him completely, leaving him as nothing more than a hollowed out husk.
Had he been anything more than that then he would never have struck his brother, yes he'd not been too hard with the aggressive gesture, but the fact was that he had still done it. He'd struck Al, he would have never done that before and he wished he hadn't done it now if he was honest.
Through all the dizzy clouds that left him in a pained waking dream he still felt regret, it was like a piercing light. Really he'd been the instigator in that, he'd left his papers out the ones that harboured his deepest nightmares and fears, had he not been so careless then it would have all been avoided and things would have continued in their usual confused state of being.
He was going to have to be more careful, if Al got those papers again then Edward wasn't sure how he'd act...he scared himself, he was his biggest fear and his biggest threat. It wasn't a fight that he felt he could ever win.
Hearing the clocks knell he sighed and gave a disgruntled growl from his place on the couch, where the hell was he?! Goddam it that boy had no concept of time, did he not think that perhaps Edward would worry?
Evidently not, he probably thought he simply didn't care, well regardless of that Edward most certainly did care, and through the seething anger he couldn't help but feel a prick of worry, a worry that soon dissipated as Al opened the door and strode in. With a deep frown he stood and turned to the boy.
"Where have you been?" he growled in a low, hushed tone.
It was almost threatening in its being, something you'd expect from one whom you loathed and feared, not your own brother. It was simply the only way Edward was able to express his worry, anger was his answer to everything, he hated himself for it, he hated what he did. Yet it was who he was now and there was nothing he could do about it.
The younger Elric jumped slightly as he heard his brothers voice and he turned sharply, staring at him with tired and somewhat frightened eyes. It hadn't occurred to him that Edward would be awake, let alone be in the living room on his return home.
Frowning somewhat Alphonse let his eyes move to the lamp in the corner........he hadn't even realised that the lamp was on, though now that his mind had been allowed a few moments to adjust, he was realising a lot of things.
Edward's tone had been somewhat angry, perhaps angrier than he would have expected and it was that very anger that kept the young teen from seeing the worry that his brother held over his lateness.
"I told you I was going to the library..." he said half-heartedly, grey eyes moving to stare at Edward once more before he sighed.
It was true, he had told him that morning that he was heading to the library, but it would be just like Edward to conveniently forget that fact, especially with the way he was acting recently.
He admitted to himself however that the library had closed several hours previous and there was no doubt that his brother knew that, but he could hope that he wouldn't push for any further explanations, but he knew that if their positions were reversed, he probably would have continued with a barrage of questions.
"...It's not like I'm that late..." he whispered quietly, a statement more for himself than Edward, but he was beginning to wish that he had said nothing at all, and he lowered his eyes.
"I told you I was going to the library..."
"That's no excuse!" Edward snapped, he knew that full well, he knew exactly what Al had said, and if asked could no doubt quote it back near word for word. However, he also knew exactly what time the library closed, and it had indeed been a very long time since it had in fact closed, or at least it seemed that way to Edward who seemed to have developed a terribly acute sense of time.
In a way it was strange for Edward to have waited for his younger brother, it was certainly out of form from his usual un-empathetical self, but to be honest it could actually be considered normal for him at the present time.
His moods seemed to shift as easily as the sun set, true most of the time it was in a dark state of being, but it did have it's moments where it could hold a sense of clarity....they were just that though, moments, they came and went in but a fleeting second, often to be replaced by that defensive aggression he tended to show the world at all times...
".....It's not like I'm that late......."
Growling in anger he narrowed his eyes, that was far from the damn point!
"And that makes it all right!?" He barked. The question was in fact rhetorical, it didn't make it all right and Edward knew that damn well, Al on the other hand could not seem to grasp that idea.
Dammit he was still a kid, what did he think he was doing wandering around until this time?! Obviously the boy had no sense, well Edward would change that very quickly if Al didn't buck up his game in matters.
Ed was in fact Al's legal guardian, and if he had to damn well order him to stay in the house, or give the boy a curfew, then he really had no issues in doing so. Alphonse had to learn, and Edward was more than happy to be the one to teach him.
The younger Elric cringed somewhat as his brother snapped at him, it wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting a somewhat volatile reaction from Edward…his reactions were rarely anything else of late, but somehow he was beginning to wish that his brother had said nothing at all.
In the back of his mind, perhaps there was a small part of him that was pleased that Edward had even endeavoured to speak with him, regardless of whether it was merely to scold, but it was a distant thought, and one that was easily brushed aside.
Tiredness was beginning to consume him, and Alphonse sighed deeply, the exhaled breath becoming somewhat frustrated as he brought his gaze back to Edward. Why did he care now? What had changed so suddenly? Was this merely his anger and nothing more?
Truthfully he didn't know, and frankly, he was too exhausted to care. With another exasperated sigh, Alphonse responded to his brother, though somewhat wished he hadn't.
"Brother I'm not a little kid…" he said, more quietly than he had originally intended, and he cursed mildly under his breath at his own boldness.
Another growl released itself from Edward's throat and he clenched his fists tightly, noting vaguely that his brothers words had been quiet but frankly caring little about that, or the curse he uttered. So he wasn't a little kid huh?
Truthfully he knew that well enough, knew that Alphonse was fifteen, but he also knew that right now, he was acting more like a 'little kid' than perhaps the younger boy dared to imagine. Fine, if he wanted to act like a child, Edward was going to treat him like one.
"Oh you're not? Well I don't give a damn Al!" he snapped golden eyes intense and focussed on his younger brother. "If you want to come home at this time of fucking night you're going to have to deal with the consequences!".
Alphonse stared back at Edward, trying to maintain eye contact with him but finding it somewhat difficult due to the intensity he could see behind his brothers eyes. Was it always to be like this? Anger? Revulsion? Was Edward forever to treat him this way?
So many questions resounded in his mind, but he found that there was no answer to any of them, they were left to continue floating around, his head throbbing with increasing intensity to the point where he was beginning to squint against the light of the lamp within the room.
"Consequences?" he asked looking somewhat worried at that word. What consequences? Did he really deserve punishment for something as simple as coming home late? Edward had never cared before, what made now any different?
Edward's anger did not recede, somehow it seemed to build, surging through him with intensity, an intensity he had little control over, he knew what he was becoming, that horrific beast that hurled abuse at Alphonse.
It was like a possession and he was merely watching everything that happened before his eyes from behind some form of glass, helpless, as his counterpart ruined everything around him....all he could ever do was watch, and see the damage that he wrought.
"Consequences" Edward repeated sharply, a drawn out sigh leaving his lips before he ground his teeth a little. "Like being grounded".
It was a necessary task, hell, if Alphonse thought he could simply waltz in at any god forsaken hour he was bloody well mistake! Edward was determined to show his brother that he couldn't simple do as he wished.
The younger Elric's jaw dropped and for a moment he looked utterly devastated at what his brother had said. Grounded? There was a moment of silence as Alphonse tried to take the situation in, Edward....was grounding him?
The questions he held faded in that moment, and he stared back at his brother with a somewhat icy glare, he didn't have the right to ground him!
Admittedly Edward was his guardian, the only family he had left, and therefore, as such, he was the one who had to take care of him, but why the hell was he doing this now? Why now?
It didn't make any sense, for months all he had ever received was anger and bitterness, and now, here amongst the darkness lay that sliver of hope that his brother cared, and yet he was angered by it, this wasn't fair!
"That's not fair brother!" Alphonse cried, not even bothering to keep the slight wail out of his voice.
Edward released a very frustrated sigh and ran his auto-mail hand down his face, feeling the coolness of it against his heated skin. He didn't give a damn if it was fair, hell, it wasn't meant to be fair, and if Alphonse didn't like it then so be it.
As far as he was concerned it was a justified action, a way of enforcing some semblance of discipline upon the young boy, something Edward was beginning to think Alphonse was seriously lacking.
"Bed" Edward said plainly, closing his eyes if only for a moment.
"But brother!" Alphonse cried, trying in vain to get him to change his mind.
"BED!" Edward snapped, his arm thrown down to his side sharply as he clenched his fists, golden eyes wide, nostrils flared as he dared his brother to have a further reply to defy him.
Alphonse shrank away from him somewhat, tired eyes gaining a glisten as tears welled within them....he hadn't wanted this, he hadn't wanted the anger, he hadn't expected Edward to be awake, but he had been all the same, hadn't seen that there would be consequences for his actions, and frankly he hadn't expected them either.
It was a simple mistake, a moment where he had lost himself, wandering around without thinking, without feeling....and he had lost the time, lost his coat...heck, he'd even lost his wallet, and now, he had lost his freedom.
"I hate you brother!" Alphonse shouted, wishing he could take those words back almost instantly, but he was too angry, too upset, and he merely fled the room, slamming the door to his bedroom before collapsing on his bed, hot tears slipping down his cheeks.
He hadn't meant it...oh god he hadn't....but he'd said it all the same, anger having engulfed him in a shroud, he wanted things to be the way they were...he wanted his brother back....but that was never going to happen....never.