I do not own Twilight or the characters

Except Jasper

Okay so I don't own Jasper either, so sew me.

Emmett Gone Bad

EmPOV

The Santa Clause incident had caused just about everyone to get angry with me. And those who had already been angry were now furious. So the plan didn't exactly go the way I'd planned. I guess I should ask Alice how things will turn out before I did them. Little pixie would probably lie though just to see me make a fool of myself.

Maybe making a fool of myself wouldn't be such a bad idea. It would make everyone laugh so they couldn't be mad at me. It's the perfect plan!

Oh! And I knew exactly what to do!

Alice came in and sat on the sofa beside me. She was giggling uncontrollably and I could tell she had seen what I was going to do.

"Good plan, Em! It's going to work." She laughed.

I couldn't help but smile along with her, and then quickly warned her to hide her thoughts. I wanted the mind-reading vampire dude to see along with everyone else.

"Emmett, you gotta go now or you'll miss her. She'll be in dressing room 5."

"Thanks Alice. See ya later!" I yelled while running at vamp speed. It would be much faster to run than to take my jeep. Trust Alice to tell me what I was going to do.

I got to LA in record time even for a vampire. The long run didn't even make me out of breath, mostly because I don't technically need to breathe. It took me no time at all for me to find the studio where the show was filmed.

It was huge and there were lots of palm trees around. It didn't matter that it was really sunny here because it was an overcast winter day and it had gotten dark early. The wall were made of hard grey cement and I could feel the ventilation from where I was standing, a few metres away.

I ran past the security guard standing by the door labelled 'Authorized Personnel Only' at vampire speed. I then hid around the corner of the hallway so I wouldn't be caught when he turned around to look for the source of the strange wind which had just passed him.

I crept down the hallways only having to stop and hide occasionally when someone was walking past.

I punched the air in triumph when I found a corridor filled with doors with little numbers on it. It was pretty obvious that these rooms were the dressing rooms. I did a happy dance while singing 'We are the Champions' in my head.

I could hear voices behind most of the doors. I recognised her voice and would've known which room she was in even if Alice hadn't told me. After years of being addicted to the show, which nobody could really explain, I would recognise her voice anywhere.

I peeked through the keyhole and with my amazing vamp sight; I could see that there were about three people in there with her. From what I could establish, they were her make-up crew.

'Lucky, stupid teenage kid gets her own make-up stylists. It's so not fair!' A venomous voice said in my head. I froze at that thought, wondering where it had come from. Eventually I decided to ignore it, thinking Rosalie and Alice were just rubbing off on me.

When I came back to reality, I was surprised to see the three stylists right behind the door, about to leave.

Whoops. Better hide. By the time they had turned the door knob, I was hiding in a store cupboard just down the hall. Hey, this will be the perfect place to hide the kid.

Once the voices were far enough away, I sneaked back to the door with a little blue, glittery no 5 on it.

I opened the door and stepped in soundlessly. She was alone now and didn't see me come in. I crept up behind her chair and put my hand to her mouth rather lightly. It would be tight to her anyway and I didn't want to squeeze her brains out with my super strength. She looked terrified.

"I'm not gonna hurt you cause you're my hero. I just wanna have some fun today." She took one look at my huge muscles and decided it would be pointless to fight. Smart choice. I pulled a pen and an autograph book out of my pockets. I sent a silent prayer to Alice thanking her for her visions and for being prepared.

"Also, would you mind signing this?" I asked sheepishly. She probably thought I was kidnapping her yet I was asking for her autograph. I handed her the book and pen and she shakily signed her autograph.

"Sorry, but I gotta do this." I told her. I hit her just hard enough to keep her unconscious for a few hours without hurting her. I cursed myself under my breath for doing that to my hero. I tied her hand together behind her back, and then her feet. I put a huge piece of tape across her mouth so she couldn't scream just encase she woke up. I did this all with my vampire speed so it was done in a couple of minutes.

I looked either way when I got to the door. The corridor was deserted. I carried the girl easily to the store cupboard and laid her there as comfortably as I could. Not that I would know about comfort. I'm a vampire. I could be standing on my head for hours and I wouldn't feel the slightest twinge of discomfort.

I hurried back to the dressing room where I put on a lot of make-up almost expertly thanks to my Rosie, put on the girl's clothes for today's show, and put on two wigs. The one I had brought in my bag first and the one laid out neatly on my hero's dressing table after.

I looked great. I would make a gorgeous girl.

Please Review. It would make my day. I'm nearly out of ideas though so I'll probably finish it soon. Unless any of you guys have any good ideas. Please Review.