1The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer
2.
It had been a week since I left Forks. One week. One agonizing, painfully long, week. I had not left my room, not once. I had not spoken with anyone. Even though I loved my family I kept them out. The thought of them seeing me like this was not acceptable. The idea of pretending that I was not, now, truly dead inside was even more appalling. It was best for to me to continue to lay here, not moving.
My mind proved to be my greatest tormentor. In seven days, there had not been one moment that I did not think of her. Her eyes. Her voice. Her scent. I knew that I had done what was best for her. I knew it, but I could not accept it. I fought myself every second. I tried to make myself believe that she needed me as much as I needed her.
No, she will move on. She will accept that you don't love her and move on.
Then someday, someone else ... a man, a human man ... will win her heart. I endeavored to redirect my mind, but my thoughts continued to work against me. I envisioned her smiling and laughing, an unknown man making her happy. I saw her on her fathers arm, the very definition of beauty, in a white gown. Then the thought of her in that someone's embrace ...
Damn it! Putting my fist through the wall was not the best way to keep my family away. I could already hear Jasper and Alice running up the stairs.
Alice called out to me. "Edward, are you ok? What happened?" Her voice was layered with worry.
They were probably shocked to hear that I had moved at all.
Alice opened the door, Jasper close behind her. The wave of my despair, my anguish, my utter hopelessness crashed into Jasper. He stumbled back with a look of true pain on his face. His eyes met mine, only briefly, and I could hear in his mental voice that he could not bear to be near me. He turned to head back down the stairs, his mind echoing the same words over and over again.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I knew that Jasper blamed himself for us leaving Forks. He believed that his behavior at the birthday party had been the reason for my decision. The truth was that what happened that night was merely the catalyst. I had always known that my absence was best for her.
I turned my attention to Alice.
Why did it have to be her that came to check on me?
The look on her face said it all, even if I couldn't read her thoughts, I would have known.
"Leave Alice. I'm not discussing this," I said. I had meant for it to sound menacing or fierce. To make sure she understood my full intention, but it hardly came out at all. My voice was hardly audible, even to myself.
"Edward, you know you can't keep this up forever. You will go back. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to Bella?"
The sound of her name was the most acute pain. It tore through me, ripping me to shreds. I didn't answer, I couldn't answer.
"I'm worried about her Edward," she continued. The tone of her voice was almost desperate. "I'm worried that she might get hurt, that she might ..."
Alice didn't finish her sentence aloud, as if she could not make herself say the words.
I'm worried that she might hurt herself.
"No. She promised," I said flatly. I was trying very hard not to think about my last conversation with her. "She promised to keep herself safe ... for Charlie's sake."
Then it happened. Alice's eyes glazed over and her thoughts were lost in the not so distant future. It was her. Bella. My Bella. She was laying on her bed. Lifeless. Her skin was worse than pale, it was grey. Dark circles shadowed her vacant eyes. She did not move.
Was she dead?
The thought almost buried me, but suddenly the vision changed.
Her parents, Charlie and Renee, had entered the room. Renee carried in a large suitcase, laid it on the bed and started filling it with clothes. Bella suddenly came to life. She threw the clothes and the suitcase off the bed, she tossed her books off her desk, threw her CD's at the wall. She was screaming and crying. I covered my eyes with my hands, trying in vain to block the disturbing images from entering my mind.
"Stop it! Alice, stop it," I demanded.
I was in her face now, backing her against the wall, shouting with everything I had.
"Make it stop Alice, I can't take it! I can't take anymore! Please, I'm begging you!"
Suddenly Jasper and Emmett were there. Emmett pulled me back from Alice, and I did not fight him. I did not have the will. Jasper tried with every ounce of his being to affect my mood. Nothing worked, he couldn't even make a dent.
Alice's eyes came back to the present and the vision was gone. But nothing could erase what I had already witnessed. Bella's complete devastation, her eyes as crazy as my own. Her tears, her cries, they were already haunting me.
"Edward. I didn't mean to ... I wasn't trying to see her," Alice's voice was shaking. She bowed her head as if she were ashamed of herself.
Who am I to make Alice feel that way?
I was able to calm myself and Emmett and Jasper moved back. I continued to stare at Alice. She was truly my sister and I loved her dearly. I could not continue to cause her pain.
"Just because I'm not looking for her, doesn't mean I don't see her," she continued in a low sad whisper.
There was no need for explanations. I already understood, and I knew that there was only one answer. I could not stay in this house with my family. Especially Alice. I would not be able to hide from her thoughts and if she continued to see visions of Bella I would not be able to control my outbursts.
There was no other choice. It was time for me to leave.