Title: The Last Surrender
Chapter 4
Author: CleverWitch
Rating: R (for language and sexual situations)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co belong to J.K. and all
that jazz.
Author's Note: Yeah, I just saw movie 6 and who couldn't want to write more H/G after seeing it? So I've revived this old fic and am continuing on for my own enjoyment. Hope you enjoy too
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Hermione was later to have a good laugh at the long moment in which Ron put it together. But not until later and kindly out of his ear shot.
For now she watched the rising colour in his face and knew she had to act quickly.
Ginny watched a searching look exchanged between Hermione and Harry. And something Harry's face must have answered her unspoken question for the in next she asked in her most take charge voice, "So this is where you've both been all week? Together?"
Ginny felt herself nodding in unison with Harry.
"Excellent!" Hermione exclaimed, "Isn't that wonderful news Ron?"
Ron sputtered incoherently then, "It bloody well is not!"
"Oh yes it is," Hermione informed him and took his arm as he advanced towards Harry.
Harry took a step back.
"Aren't you happy for your best mate? Your best mate Harry who seems to have found someone to be with?"
Ron's purple faded to red, "But it's Ginny!"
"Aren't you happy for your sister?" Hermione snapped.
Ron scowled, "Stop making me sound so rotten! 'Course I want them to be happy, just not with each other!"
Ginny forgot her plan to keep everything from them to help Harry have a clean break and her Weasley temper took the helm, "Oi! It is possible for him to be your mate and my boyfriend you know!"
This was the first Harry heard of Ginny referring to him as her boyfriend and his face betrayed the joyful thrill. This was not lost on Hermione, nor was Ginny's rather frightened look at confessing it. She filed the latter away for later and turned beaming to face a still infuriated Ron. Then she turned angry, "Ron!" she hissed, then under her breath, "If you ever want a repeat of Friday night with me again, you will give them your blessing."
Only Ginny heard that and muffled a laugh.
Ron let out an anguished breath, "Ah hell, that is just so unfair."
His nostrils flared dangerously but clearly Friday had been a very special night because he grudgingly said, "I'm happy for you both."
"Thanks Ron!" Harry chimed happily.
Ron glared at him. Harry took a step back.
Hermione grabbed Ron roughly by the arm, "Come along Ron, we'd best be going."
"Can't we even stay for pie?" Ron complained, but Hermione soon had him out the door thought pinned Ginny with her eyes and said, "Let's have coffee this week and talk."
Then they were gone.
Harry made his way over to her with a cheeky grin, "I guess that makes it official though I wish I'd had more than a towel on. Poor Ron."
They both laughed but inside Ginny burned an uncomfortable flame. Hermione knew. Hermione would have questions. What would she say to her?
Harry walked obliviously over to his bag, "Almost, one more thing."
She watched him pull out a small velvet bag and recognized it as the mark of a local jeweler. She watched in disbelief as he brought it over and reached in. He pulled out a fine gold chain and strung on it was a tiny golden snitch. He fastened it about her throat.
"If you cup your hands around it and peek in it flies," he told her.
She tried and sure enough, in the cage of her hands it fluttered and flew in tiny circles.
When she let it go Harry was smiling in earnest at her, "Will you be my girlfriend Gin?"
A thousand teenage Ginny's clamoured to answer him held at bay only by her determination to protect herself now.
"Are you sure you want a girlfriend Harry?"
"I'm sure I want you," he replied and she blushed.
A determined look came into his eyes and she watched him guard his face, "Do you want me for a boyfriend Ginny? I know it can never be the same as with…a regular bloke."
Ginny made a face, "I should tell you sometime about the 'regular' blokes I dated before."
"I bet I can win. You wouldn't believe the kind of people that date you when you're famous."
They spent the evening lying on the living room floor, legs up on the couch in their pajamas comparing disastrous dating stories and drinking a bottle of wine Harry and brought with him.
"I don't know Gin, Doctor Dan sounds pretty impressive to me. Why'd you dump him again?"
"He never laughed. At anything."
"Unforgivable."
"We should introduce him to your number one fan Helen, perhaps her constant and inappropriate laughter will help balance him out?"
Harry gave a snort of laughter, "If nothing else it would be excellent fun just watching them talk to each other!"
"What's your worst dating story?"
Harry drew in a long breath, "They all are really. Probably the worst is when they make no attempt to hide that it was just so they could tell their friends."
He turned back to her, "Yours?"
She sighed, "You mean besides Edwin the "enchanter" who nearly destroyed my house by inspiring my vines to crush it?"
Harry laughed, "That was a good one, I grant you."
"Probably Adrian. He was actually really nice. Hermione introduced us. I could tell he really liked me and that I didn't like him as much as I ought to in return."
Ginny later recollected sharing this with some horror and vowed never again to drink wine with Harry.
"Was there some reason you didn't like him enough?" Harry asked.
She turned to him and said quietly, "The same reason for all of them…"
She ran a gentle hand around the contours of his face and he caught it, "Not me? I was the reason?"
"No one is like you Harry. You're special, not for the famous reasons, for different ones. I might be the first person who isn't stupid enough to miss that about you, but I won't be the last."
Harry grew serious, "I like the way you see me."
He pulled down his legs and pulled her over so she lay on top of him. The tiny snitch hung down between them.
"You're special too," he confessed, "I wish I had the proper words to say it to you. I…I see my happiness in your face but I could never have imagined it. I can easily imagine what can go wrong you know? And I can only see the things I've missed as they happen to other people, like Ron and Hermione and your parents. But with you there is something like that but just for me. This time it's just for me."
She looked back at him for a long moment, "What else do you see?" she asked very quietly.
He wished he were poetic even just a little for a moment like this but he wasn't. So he touched her face and said very honestly, "I see you, and nothing else matters."
He hoped she understood what that meant and it seemed that she did for she settled in comfortably against his body and smiled, "Harry, I'll be your girlfriend."
He drew her into such a tender kiss she knew she was in over her head. What had she done that first night? A door had been thrown wide and she'd let him walk through it, so sure he would walk back out.
She felt a building frustration take over. How long would she enjoy his fixation on her before he looked elsewhere? Before he realized his worth and didn't need her anymore? Before he looked at her and saw just Ginny and it wasn't enough?
She lashed out her frustrations on him in their lovemaking and he spent the next few hours trying to keep up with her as she surprised him with a rough almost desperate conquest of him. He watched in wonder as she balanced herself over him and took the lead a look of determination and fierce wanting in her eyes. But by the end she lay beneath him looking so fragile and so vulnerable he slowed and felt fear slice through him that he had somehow hurt her.
She was a mystery in so many ways and he wondered what key would unlock her thoughts.
She pulled his mouth to hers and made him forget his questions. Her legs wrapped around his hips and layered over so many memories of it now that he felt the urge to tell her he loved her like a fiery pain all through his body.
"Ginny," he muttered into her hair, "You're everything to me now…"
He saw her eyes shine with sudden tears but she blinked them away and that last shadow of hesitation fell away again. He had pulled her to him in the way he wanted most. The rhythm of their bodies, the pleasure making his thoughts vanish into silence, they stood aside for this. Her hands cradled his face and in that touch was more pleasure than all their lovemaking because she meant it. He was held by her and had never been held by anyone.
In her face were the words he wanted most to hear but she did not say them. Instead her vulnerability melted away and she arched into their lovemaking with renewed fever, calling him back to himself. Her face buried into his throat and her gradually catching breaths urged him on until he felt his knees buckle from the pleasure. Her hands tightened on his back begging him not to stop and he willed his body to stay together a little longer until he felt her shudder against him. Then he let go and pleasure burst hot and beautiful from his chest, down his legs, between the joining of their bodies and he felt himself swear there could be no other. He wondered if she swore it too.
He pulled away to look at her but she stayed wrapped tightly against him even as he eased over to his side. He felt her warm breath at his neck and heard her murmur, "Don't let go. Not yet."
He held her tight and felt a fierce protective urge rise up in his chest. Who looked after Ginny? Had anyone ever been this close to her? Gratitude overwhelmed him that perhaps they hadn't. That he was her choice now. That maybe, like she had hinted, he had always been her choice.
He kissed her hair gently until she turned up to meet his mouth then he kissed her all over her face.
"Harry," she said quietly, "I'm afraid."
"Of feeling this way?" he asked quietly, "We feel like this together. You don't need to be afraid."
He felt her trembling a little and lay her over, arms still warm and protective, "Ginny…I want to tell you something…"
But her hand came up to his mouth, her face desperate, "Don't! Please don't!"
He looked as though she had struck him, "I won't say it if you don't want to hear it," he replied, his voice raw.
Ginny knew her eyes were filled with tears. Knew she had hurt him but not nearly as much as she had hurt herself by this, "You can't mean it, not this soon."
"You don't believe me," he realized, "But Ginny, it's you…it's so different. How can I prove it to you?"
Their eyes held for a long moment and then he leaned down very close to her ear and said gently, "I love you."
Ginny wanted to run from the room and shut out the sound of those words forever. Vanished were all the teenage selves crowded for his favour. All that was left was her, really her, left to quail at what force those words had to alter her life. He felt her quietly crying beneath him and caressed her face as he pulled back, "If I say it enough, will you believe me?"
She crushed her mouth to his in reply and Harry told himself the love he so desperately wanted from her was pressed into the gesture, still too fragile to be heard aloud. He kissed and touched her with soothing hands until she relaxed into sleep and watched the heat of their bodies stir the tiny snitch for many hours before he too finally drifted off.
Later in the week Ginny sat across from Hermione and the latter noticed the hallmarks of despair across her friends face.
"Ginny, how did this happen? You must tell me everything."
"Harry wouldn't spill eh?" Ginny joked weakly.
Hermione laughed, "He was about as useful for information as Ron is. They're off having a beer and no doubt avoiding the topic as much as possible." (She wasn't far off.)
Ginny sighed, "I did collect him that friday and he was in a very poor state. I had no intentions of anything happening but it did all the same. I think…I think it's very good for him."
She met Hermione's eyes earnestly and Hermione read the buried love in them with real sympathy.
"Hermione, he needs to learn his worth in a different way. The real him is so starved for real recognition and care."
"And love?" Hermione added.
Ginny looked away.
"Gin, I see what you're doing but the cost is too high for you. You've loved him too long."
"I would do anything for him," Ginny said miserably.
"Are you so sure he doesn't love you? He seems over the moon. He actually asked my advice on jewelry!"
"First love perhaps," Ginny replied, "I'm glad to give him a positive experience so that he's healthy and confident next time."
"And if first love is the only love Harry is willing to part with? What will you do if he doesn't walk away? Will you accept him?"
Ginny looked struck but Hermione wanted to know.
"It can…it can never be equal Hermione."
"Because you've loved him too long?"
Ginny nodded quietly. Hermione murmured in her most teacher-ish voice, "Well, I hope Harry's up to the task."
Ginny shot her a sarcastic look.
"He's very happy," Hermione smiled, "He told me about his visit to the hospital. It was good for him. I'd like to see him leave Auror headquarters and do something that's easier on him."
Ginny nodded in agreement and sipped her coffee.
"He talks of nothing but you," Hermione continued, "But…"
"But?"
Hermione leaned over, "He seems to think you might leave him."
Ginny spit out her coffee, "Did he say that?"
Hermioned looked away uncomfortably, "No he did not. Not directly. But I sensed from what he wasn't saying that it's his secret fear."
Ginny leveled her with a look not unlike Ron's, "Oh honestly! You're the worst you know!"
"Oh am I?" Hermione countered, "Let me guess your reply. Something stupid like 'I don't want to leave him, and that's why I must.' I'm right aren't I?"
Ginny tried to mask her surprise, "No, you're not."
Hermione shook her head, "Oh Ginny. You're as bad at being happy as he is!"
Ginny crossed her arms, "I am not!"
Hermione checked her watch, "Time to collect them. Let's get you back to the happiness you're determined to ruin."
Ginny looked crestfallen, "You can't know how hard this has been," she said quietly.
Hermione put a hand on her shoulder, "I truly can but you are bringing most of it on yourself. You underestimate Harry. Don't mistake his loyalty for fancy and his fancy for gratitude. He hates pity."
Ginny tried to make herself believe it but her heart wasn't up to the task. It was too terrifying to face the consequences of letting herself really love him.
And so when they met Ron and Harry even Ron noticed the anxious, crestfallen look that overtook Harry's smile as he put his arm around Ginny but she did not look happy about it.
Hermione watched them leave and flashed Ron a long-suffering glare, "She's as stubborn as you and worse, as thick as Harry!"
Ron looked taken aback. He'd never heard Hermione speak ill of Ginny, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I've never met two people more abominable at appreciating their own happiness in my life!"
"Besides us?" he teased, "We took a while to come round."
She relaxed just a little and smiled at him, "Besides us."
Harry meanwhile was working up the courage to confront Ginny. He waited til they got back to the flat and she wearily put on tea. Then he came to her in the kitchen, turned her about in his arms and kissed her long and lingering. She returned it with feeling and her hands crept into his hair. When he pulled away he touched his face to hers and said softly, "I want you to tell me you love me."
She shook her head and he felt her trembling just a little as she said, "Please don't…"
"I don't understand," he confronted, pulling away so that they stood opposite each other, "I feel like you do. Why won't you say it?" Fear crept into his voice, "Have you…are you changing your mind about us?"
"I haven't changed my mind," she said numbly, "Why haven't you?"
He searched her face for a long moment. She watched him working something out in his thoughts, "You weren't going to tell me if I didn't remember. That first night together. Why?"
She stared back in horror.
"You…you regretted it?" he asked painfully.
"I wish I regretted it!" she blurted out, "I wanted to regret it! I wanted to believe I did it because you needed it! Because you deserved to know what it felt like to be loved, really loved!"
His mouth hung open at this admission.
"What do you want from me Harry? Love? Really? You already know you have it! How dare you ask me to give it when you know….when you must see that you can never love me the same in return!"
"Wha-t?" he gaped.
"You can never…" she struggled with the words, "Do you know how long I've loved you? It's just a freak chance that we ended up together! It's not because you realized. It's not because you noticed me. It's not about me at all. I'm just the first person to show you the real kindness you deserve!"
He stared back her, "So, you took pity on me and thought you'd lend me the proper experience? Is that the best you hoped for from me? Is that all you thought me capable of?"
"It's all I thought us capable of!" she retorted, feeling raw and exposed. He could never know how terrible it had been loving him. How unrequited and painful.
He regarded her intensely, "I thought you regretted it because I wasn't good enough at it. Or because the fame must drag you in at some point as well. Not because you think I can never love you as much as you do me – because you started sooner."
He stepped towards her and she flinched, "Gin, you…you are the one. I wish I had noticed! I wish I had found you early. You must forgive me for my past robbing me of that chance with its distractions. You have to know how precious it is now after missing it for so long."
Those words cut her to the quick but still she stayed where she was.
"You don't believe me," he breathed in despair, "You're going to leave me anyway. I can feel it…"
"Now that you know you can have it, you'll find someone better for you. You only think I'm the one because this is a first…" she said desperately.
"You think that's true?" he cried angrily, "You think that if I had lived with Sirius, if he were still alive, that I'd have found a better godfather? You think my experiences starved me so much of love that they blinded me to seeing it truly? You're wrong! I know what I have…I swear…"
Tears ran down her cheeks and still she did not move. It hurt too much to believe him. He could read it in her face. She'd held it back for too long. She didn't know how to let it go.
"Ginny, please believe me."
She stared hollowly at him for a long moment, "What if you change your mind about me?"
He gave a disbelieving bark of laughter.
She kept on, "I can—I can never change my mind about you. Even when I've wanted to."
He looked incredibly sad at hearing that, "You've come to regret me. I suppose that doesn't really surprise me. It's hard to be near me."
"It's not hard," she replied but he smiled bitterly, "Even your happiness with me brings you pain, after waiting for it for so long."
They stared for a long moment at each other. Then Harry's shoulders sank and he turned away looking more miserable than she'd ever seen him.
"I'll go," he said quietly.
She watched him pick up his bag and slip quietly out the door. Then she sank to the floor, her strength gone, her face buried in her hands. How could she take the chance to ride that happiness to the heights it promised knowing her chances of crashing were so great?
But another, more terrible question waited underneath that one. How could she let him go after he'd already been so close? Closer than she had planned for. Closer than she had ever thought possible.
She crept to the front door and opened it.
Harry was still there, sitting on the stone step as though he had nowhere else in the world to go. He turned back to look at her and she saw despair behind his eyes – the same she had seen that first night.
"I thought you were going to go?" she said hoarsely.
"I changed my mind," he answered. He stood up slowly and approached her. When she let him he took her in his arms and wiped the tears from her cheeks with determined fingers. Then he kissed her roughly, pulling her against him as though he possessed her, or wanted more than anything to. She made a sound as he did it and he pulled back just enough to say, "I'm staying…" before pressing her back inside.