V-chan - KONNICHIWA MINNA-SAN!
Emily - WHAT'S UP?!
V-chan - We're back!
Emily - This time with our possibly longest chapter for this story.
V-chan - And because majority of our questions come from whiteninjaalchemist, and she is always reviewing and asking questions, she has deserved the right to join us in this very humorous chapter!
Emily - You'll see her in the fic, but not now.
V-chan - DISCLAIMER TIME!
Emily - Earl-kun, do you mind doing our disclaimer?
Earl - Of course not! These two mad geniuses do NOT own -man, because if they did, well, you don't wanna know!
V-chan - Of course, so...
Both - ON WITH THE CHAPTER!
Ch 7: MWAHAHAHAHA!!
Well well well, we see our beloved charcters in a room, the exact same room they are asked questions by our favorite maniacs that are not Komui.
And at the moment, they (excluding Cross, Kanda and the Earl) were all wondering why they were shoved into the room right after they got dressed. They hadn't even eaten yet!
"Where the hell are those two!!" Jasdebi yelled, which everyone but Cross and Earl-kun were wondering as well.
"Quit griping losers. We're right here." Emily said, as she threw a grenade at the cast members.
"AHHHHHHHH! A BOMB!" they (exclude Cross and the Earl whenever I say 'they yell' or 'they sweatdrop' or 'everyone asked', cuz they don't do that) yelled.
"Oi! There's more than one kind of bomb you know!" V-chan said as the grenade exploded.
BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
When the smoke cleared, everyone except the grinning authors, the uncaring general, and the ever-grinning Earl were covered in whipped cream.
"WHAT THE HELL!" Kanda, Jasdero, and David yelled. Everyone else was just confused, well except for Skin. Skin was eating the whipped cream on his hand. He yelled, "SWEET!"
That made everyone else sweatdrop.
"Oooooooooookay, that was interesting." Emily said as she snapped her fingers.
When she snapped her fingers, the whipped cream was gone, and there was a large table of food from all around the world. Nobody moved.
"Well, what're you waiting for? Eat!" commanded V-chan.
At that, everyone sat down and began eating.
"Thank god we remembered the soba." Emily whispered. "You didn't mess with it, did you?" V-chan asked her partner in crime. "Of course not! No one has lived after touching Kanda's soba! Not even Komurin 1!!" Emily yelled, which made the cast sweatdrop again, well, besides Kanda, who was still eating soba.
"Hey, did you forget the wine and other REALLY expensive food?" V-chan asked. "HECK NO! Cross'd skin us alive!" Emily yelled, making everyone sweatdrop and fall anime-style. "No duh!" V-chan told her fellow mad person.
Finally, everyone finished eating and gawking at the amount of food Allen ate, and Emily made the table of food vanish.
"Alright people! I have LOTS of questions, all of them from our friend whiteninjaalchemist!" V-chan yelled. "Who?" everyone asked. "Oh yeah, well this girl is our friend who keeps asking Kanda all those gender questions!" Emily told the confused masses. "Oh." was their reply.
"KANDA!!" an unfamiliar voice yelled, and Kanda suddenly fell to the floor with someone on top of him. "You might wanna get off of him before he suffocates." V-chan said. The person got up and everyone finally got a good look at the person who glomped Kanda.
The person was obviously a girl. She seemed to be Asian and had black hair, black eyes and wore a black Chinese outfit. "Nice to have you here White." the almost-twins told the girl. "It's an honor to be here!" White answered.
There were confused, uncaring looks, and a venomous glare at the girl. "Oh yeah. Everyone!" V-chan called out. "Please meet whiteninjaalchemist, or as we call her, White!" Emily finished.
"Nice to meet you guys." White said as she tried to glomp Kanda again, only to be stopped by Mugen. "Why the hell are you hugging me baka!" Kanda yelled. "Oh yeah, she's like a fangirl when it comes to Kanda. And Kanda, if you hurt her, we can always keep you here longer." V-chan said.
Kanda slid Mugen back into its sheathe, but told the girls, "She better not try that again." "Okay!" Emily said, but everyone knew White would try again.
"Okay, so why is White here?" Lavi asked. "Oh! She's here because she wants to ask her questions herself, and we didn't mind." Emily answered. "As such, we will just sit here and input our opinion every so often." V-chan added.
"Wait. You mean you guys AREN'T gonna try and screw with our heads?" David asked.
"Hm...(expectant looks). HELL NO(looks vanish)!" the girls cackled evilly.
"If anything" V-chan began. "We'll try and fuck your minds up MORE!" Emily finished, which caused everyone to feel chill roll down their spines.
"Well, except for White (insert beaming White), the Earl (insert the Earl with his oh-so-sparkly teeth), and Cross (insert apathetic man drinking expensive wine)." V-chan added.
Everyone else looked like they had their hope of getting out in one piece crushed. Oh wait. They just did. Insert evil, cackling, insane author and her editor.
"MWAHAHAHA!" the mad girls cackled evilly.
"Alright! Let's get on with the questions! White said as she sweatdropped. "Okay, my first question is for Kanda. Have you ever gotten a hug?" she asked.
Now, most people would say yes and think, 'Why is she asking me that.', but Kanda is not most people. "WHAT THE HELL!!" he yelled.
"Ah. Ah. Ah Kanda, you HAVE to answer the questions, no matter how dumb they seem." V-chan said pleasantly.
"I'm never gonna get peace around here." Kanda mumbled so it was barely audible. "No, you won't." Emily responded, freaking people out. "What? I have good hearing." she shrugged.
"Creeepy." several people shuddered. "Just answer the freaking question!" V-chan yelled, getting rather impatient. "No." Kanda mumbled.
"What was that? Emily asked. V-chan continued, "We can't hear you!" "No, OK!" Kanda yelled.
All the Order members -besides Cross-, Jasdero, David, Skin, Tyki, and Rhode laughed so hard tears came out of their eyes.
"Seriously? Never?" the three hostesses asked. "Besides Lavi's glomps and Tiedoll's hugs, which will NEVER count as anything, no." Kanda said, glaring at the baka usagi. Lavi cowered under the glare.
"Hey! Don't glare at Lavi!" V-chan yelled. Lavi looked at her like she was his hero. "Death-glare at him so he'll shrivel in a puddle and hide!" she grinned. Lavi moped to himself mumbling about 'evil girls and scary Yuu-chan' while Kanda glared harder at Lavi. If glares could kill, Lavi would be a very dead, roasted, seasoned rabbit.
Emily looked at her best-friend oddly. "What?" V-chan asked, noticing the look. "I thought you like Lavi, so why are you telling Kanda to death-glare at him?" she asked.
"I do like Lavi. He's my favorite character in D. Gray-man! Followed closely by Allen, then Tyki of course. Anyway, I told Kanda to death-glare because death-glares are cool, and seeing people uncomfortable is fun!" V-chan explained. "Of course! Genius!" Emily yelled.
Odd looks were once again directed at the crazy girls.
"Okay. Anyway, my next question is to...Kanda again!" White said. "No surprise there." V-chan muttered. "Anyways, why do you have long hair?" White asked.
"You know, I've always wondered that." Emily mumbled to herself, although everyone else heard her. "I know what you mean. When I first saw Kanda in the manga, I thought he was a guy, until I saw the anime, and I read volume 2 in more detail." V-chan added, also to herself. Everyone else heard, and sweatdropped. Badly.
Finally, everyone turned to Kanda, who was mumbling darkly to himself. After a couple minutes of silence, he said, "None of your damn business." (Because NO ONE besides Hoshino knows why, I'm making up some bogus excuse) V-chan whapped him up the head. "Idiot! You MUST answer the questions if you wanna leave alive and moderately uninjured, but I guarantee nothing." V-chan said.
"Che. Because I want it long, okay!" He yelled, hoping that the "devils" would leave him alone. It worked, as V-chan, Emily,m and White nodded their heads.
"Hm. I was REALLY expecting that answer. Weren't you?" V-chan asked Emily. This started ANOTHER round of sweatdrops.
White calmed down and said, "Okay. Kanda, I DARE YOU TO CUT OFF A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR!" Kanda twitched, badly, as everyone else stared at the Kanda-obsessed girl.
Finally, Lavi ran up to Kanda, with a pair of scissors in his hand that were magically in his hand. Thanking Emily silently, Lavi snipped off about an inch of Kanda's hair. Immediately, White stole the lock of hair, and she ran into the room made for her by Emily and squealed.
The squeal killed most people's eardrums.
Finally, White returned, and said, "What? Oh yeah, MORE QUESTIONS!!"
White stared at Kanda and asked the question that NO ONE EVER tried to ask. It was, "Kanda, what would you do if there were no more soba in the world?"
Everyone stared at Kanda, who had frozen in shock.
Emily waved her hand in front of Kanda's face. No Mugen down her throat. "Oh. My. God! HE'S NOT TRYING TO KILL ME!!" Emily yelled.
Besides the author, Cross, and the Earl, everyone else started screaming of the top of their lungs.
V-chan sweatdropped heavily. "Freaking idiots." she muttered under her breath. Then, quietly, she snuck up on Kanda and whispered in his ear.
Immediately, Mugen was next to her neck and Kanda hissed, "I DARE you to say that again."
Everyone quitted down at the display, except for Emily, who was still screaming. After about five minutes, both Kanda and V-chan yelled, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
"What the!" Emily yelled, as she tripped, due to the VERY loud yell. V-chan walked over to her almost-twin and smacked her up the head. "Baka desu ne. Nagomu onegai nee-chan." she said, as she picked up Emily off the floor.
Emily sat back down in her chair and said, "Sumimasen nee-chan kedo... annon Kanda wa kowaii desu." V-chan, Kanda, and Allen sweatdropped.
Lavi, being ever so curious, asked, "What'd you guys just say?" Allen answered, "V-chan litterally said, 'You idiot! Be quiet please older sister.' and Emily litterally said, 'Sorry big sister but, quiet Kanda is scary."
"Well he was! A quiet Kanda after I wave my hand in his face is NOT GOOD!" Emily yelled. V-chan smacked her should-be sister up the head and said, "Quiet please. I wanna hear Kanda's answer."
Kanda thought hard, and said, "If there were no more soba, I'd die from starvation." V-chan and Emily covered each other's mouths, but it was no good. And so, they fell off their chairs laughing like the maniacs they are.
"Oh -laughing- My God! -cracking up-" Emily stuttered between laughs and gasps of breath. V-chan was on the floor, and hitting it saying, "I can SO believe that!" in between her guffaws.
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE sweatdropped at the display.
After a few more minutes, the two girls calmed down. "Hey, what did you say to make him react like that?" Allen asked V-chan. "Oh! Nothing." V-chan said, waving her hand as if it were no big deal. Kanda scowled, and said, "Yeah. It's nothing when you're saying I'm a girl who's a masochist."
Emily cracked up, along with Allen, Lavi, Skin, Jasdebi, and V-chan. After a few minutes, everyone clamed down and the girls looked slightly professional. "We're fine. Moving on!" they said.
White just then wondered how these two became so insane. Then, she prepared her next question. "Okay. Kanda, if Lavi tasted like soba, and there was no more soba in the world, would you eat him?" she asked her object of adoration.
Everyone looked at her oddly, except for V-chan, Emily, Cross, and the Earl. Lavi looked worse though. He looked like he was sick, and turned his head so he could see Kanda.
Kanda thought for a while and said, "Hm, if he was dead, and I was able to cook him, possibly. It depends if the baka pisses me off though."
More odd looks were exchanged. Lavi barfed into a bucket created by a ticked Emily. "Baka! Don't you dare barf on my floor!" she cried.
White just asked her next question, ignoring the barfing boy, for a while. "Lavi, why do you call Kanda Yuu-chan? Why not Yuu-kun?" she asked the now stable bunny boy. "Oh! Because Kanda's first name is Yuu, and cuz he looks like a girl, so therefor, I use -chan!" the hyper red-head explained. "Well, that, and it ticks him off." Lavi added.
V-chan looked at Lavi and said, "You are my hero!" before she ran into a random doorway and came out with yakiniku. She gave the yakiniku to Lavi and said, "Don't worry it's not poisoned."
Lavi smiled and ate the yakiniku before hugging V-chan and screaming, "THANK YOU!"
V-chan's face turned blue, and Emily just said, "Pretty color. Wait, doesn't a blue face mean something?" As everyone else sweatdropped, Emily exclaimed, "Oh yeah! GET OFFA MY NEE-CHAN LAVI!!" and smacked him in the head with Loki, which seemed to glow red.
Lavi immediately let go, not wanting to be cut by Loki, and Emily scrambled to her best friend. "Nee-chan! BREATHE GODAMMIT! IF YOU DIE, I'LL BE LEFT ALONE WITH THESE IDIOTS, CROSS, AND THE EARL!" Emily screamed. V-chan did not react.
Finally, Emily whispered something into V-chan's ear. Suddenly, V-chan was up, with a murderous aura around her. "OH HELL NO!" she yelled.
Just as suddenly, she remembered what happened, and said, "Gomen nasai."
White, who calmed down a bit, asked Lavi, "If you didn't have a hammer as your innocence, would you rather it be a bow and arrow, or a pen?"
Lavi, thought and said, "I dunno. Both choices aren't very good." White accepted the answer, and turned to her next victim, Allen.
"Allen-chan, how would you feel if you had to search for a different General, and not Cross?" she asked our favorite moyashi.
"Um, I dunno. Happy, cuz I wouldn't have to try and find shishou, but kinda sad cuz Tim always stays with me at the moment, and he's the only thing that can find shiishou." he answered.
V-chan sat up in her chair and asked Cross, "Would you want Allen to be on the team that tracks you down?" The answer she got was, "Hell no. Tim stays with Allen, so if Allen were to try and find me, they probably would, and I HATE THAT PLACE!"
White nodded, and stared at Lulubelle. "Do you like catnip?" was the simple question. Lulubelle sighed, and said, "Yes." Oddly enough, no one cared much.
ALL RIGHT!" White yelled. "Now that the questions are done, TIME FOR THE DARES!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled. Lightnimg flashed in the back ground, and EVERYONE had a sense of foreboding run down their spines.
"Nice evil laugh." Emily said. "We approve." V-chan added.
"Now! My first dare is to Rhode. You girls know what it is, and I need help." White said, directing the last part to the geniuses (mad geniuses more like it).
"Of course!" the chimed. Emily created a door as V-chan grabbed Allen and White grabbed Rhode. Suddenly, V-chan and White shoved their victims into the closet.
"RHODE! YOU AND ALLEN HAVE TO STAY IN THAT ROOM FOR AN HOUR!" White yelled.
You could hear a squeal, and sobbing. No guesses as to who did what.
And so, they heard lots of squealing, shuddering, and screams from Allen for an hour. Finally, the two were let out. Allen ran straight into his room, and wouldn't come out.
"Rhode, what did you do?" V-chan asked the petite Noah.
"Nothing, just a bit of mental scarring to add to what ever mental trauma he got from Cross." Rhode replied. "...Okay!" Emily and V-chan said.
Once Allen was dragged out, and kept 50 feet away from Rhode, White said, "My next dare is to Allen." With that said, White whispered the dare into Allen's ear. Once White stepped away from Allen, Black Allen came out!
"Ooh! Black Allen! Can I have your autograph?" V-chan asked. Everyone but the two girls and Black Allen sweatdropped. "Me too!" Emily added. More sweatdrops. After the girls got their autograph, Black Allen suddenly had Lavi's hammer in his hand. "Hey!" an indignant Lavi cried. Black Allen ignored Lavi, and muttered, "I always wanted to try this." and seemingly disappeared.
Before anyone could react, Black Allen suddenly reappeared behind Kanda. Then, with a look mirroring Cross' when he did this to his stupid apprentice, smashed the hammer down on Kanda's head, giving the Japanese teen a concussion.
Allen went back to normal, and laughed. "AWESOME!!" the three girls cried. Skin laughed, yes he was bitter as well.
After V-chan healed Kanda's concussion, and chaining the boy to a seat so he could not kill Allen, White looked at another one of her victims. Cross. "Okay, I'm soooo gonna get shot for this, but IdareyoutohaveNOalchoholforfivehours." White rushed out.
NO ONE wanted to be White at the moment (except Emily for she is an idiot), because if looks could kill, White would be a very charbroiled, pile of dirt. And before anyone could react, he was standing and about 10 of Judgement's bullets were fired at her. It was a damn good thing White could dodge.
"Cross, if you do it, I'll give you enough alcohol to give you the greatest hangover man has ever known!" V-chan cried, hoping to calm down the very scary and enraged general.
It worked.
The man said, nothing, but sat down. Taking that as an okay signal, White looked at Allen, with something akin to remorse.
"I'm SO dead by the end of today. At least I can die happy." she mused. "ANYWAY, Allen, I dare you to kiss Lenalee on the lips!" she said triumphantly. V-chan and Emily laughed as everyone else sent pitying looks at Allen, except for Lenalee, who wouldn't look in his diretion, Rhode, who was death glaring at White, Bak, who was grumbling about 'lucky Walker', and Komui. Komui, once again, was the figure to be feared. His eyes were glowing black, in his hands were his drills, and other tools, and the komurin from before was right behind him.
All of a sudden, Komui was locked in a cage, and his tools and Komurin were gone. "Now Komui, you're not coming out until Allen does his dare. And remember, you kill him, and you are worse than dead." the two snickering girls said. Komui nodded, not trusting his voice and remembering what those two said about their favorite characters. (See Ch 5 for details)
Finally, Allen kissed Lenalee lightly on the lips for a split second, before pulling back as fast as lightning and running into his room, again.
Lenalee's face was so red, it resembled a setting sun. Or the moon on a lunar eclipse.
After a half hour, Komuin was convinced to leave White and Allen alone, and Allen was dragged back outside.
White, wanting to get ther rest of her dares over with, said, "Okay, my next dare is to Rhode. Rhode, Don't talk to Allen until V-chan or Emily say you can!"
Rhode looked horrified. Allen cheered, both inside and out. V-chan and Emily shared very scary grins that looked like Tyki's after he killed Daisya. "Alright!" the would-be-twins cheered.
White then turned away from the shocked Rhode, and looked at the Earl and said, "Earl, I dare you to...sing the little teapot song!"
Everyone else froze. That was the weirdest dare yet. The Earl. Singing. It made no sense!
Well, V-chan, Emily, and White watched the Earl carefully. Then, finally, the Earl sang, "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout! Tip, me over and pour me out!"
Immediately, the Noah's, V-chan, and Emily clapped. "Yay Earl-kun!" the insane girls cried.
Finally, Skin was given a dare. "Skin, I DARE YOU TO NOT EAT CANDY UNTIL YOU LEAVE!" White cried.
V-chan and Emily immediately made all the sweets disappear. Kanda smirked, as did Tyki, the twin Noah's, and Lulubelle.
"But what about my candy?" Rhode asked, with puppy dog eyes.
"Don't worry Rhode-chan!" Emily said. "Yeah! We'll just materialize the candy for you" V-chan added.
At that, the sweet-loving petite Noah smiled and sat down on the Earl's lap.
"Is that it White?" V-chan asked. "Sadly yes." White answered. "Don't worry! You can still ask questions later!" Emily added.
"Oh yeah! Hey, can I use a computer?" White asked. V-chan complied, and White was online in a matter of minutes.
After a while, they heard White yell, "I'M RICH!" "What'd you do White?" Emily asked. "Oh, I sold Kanda's hair on e-bay. I got a thousand dollars for it!" White exclaimed, The DGM cast members besides out favorite General and Earl sweatdropped.
"Who bought it?" V-chan asked. "A fangirl of course!" White answered. "Must be one happy fangirl." the other two girls said in synch.
"Bye White!" the two girls cried as a portal opened to allow White to leave. "BYE! I'LL MISS YOU GUYS!" White cried as she hugged her two friends.
Right before White stepped in, she stole Kanda's jacket and said, "I'll be a millionare with this!" before she ran in.
Kanda was pissed, but the portal closed before he could steal it back.
"HEY! WEREN'T YOU GONNA LET US OUT!" Jasdebi cried, everyone (once again, excluding the Earl and Cross) else voicing their agreement.
"Sadly, HELL NO!" the kidnappers cried. Everyone started moping around.
"You'll be here for a couple more days so relax!" V-chan cried.
How could they, when they were still trapped in the place with those two evil children?
V-chan - That's that! Sorry for the late update.
Emily - School's horrible.
V-chan - That it is. Anyway, THANK YOU WHITENINJAALCHEMIST!
Emily - REVIEW BITCHES! (takes out flamethrower and burns our homework)
V-chan - YA!! Oh, and I have a poll on my profile. Check it out
Also, to azeroth5, who has given us as many questions as whiteninjaalchemist, your questions will appear next chapter. Please be patient until then!